I will admit up front that I do have another account on here that I use quite frequently. The reason that I have made this account is because the question I want to ask is very personal and there are a few others on here with whom I have a face to face relationship with and would like this question to be truly annonomous/private. Please allow me that without being "yelled" at.
I have been very happily married to my husband for just over 3 years, we have been together for about 4 1/2 years. I am in love with my husband. Madly in love with him, he is the most honest, loving, caring man I have ever known. why then, do I still think about 2 of my exes??? one of which, I was with for just over 6 years, most of which were when I was fairly young. He was a good guy, just not always towards me, he was never physical mind you, just controlling etc. and the other was really more of just a very best friend, we only slept together once, we were just the best of friends and I still love him today, just more of a friendly love than romantic tho I once did have those feelings for him. I feel very guilty about these feelings and for thinking about them. I dont ever have any thoughts or feelings like I would want to leave my husband or anything. I do not want to cheat on my husband or anything like that. I just think often of the other two. Please, tell me honestly if I am the terrible person I think I am or if I am just "normal" or what. I feel like a terrible person.
oh wow, thank you ladies!!!!! i feel better and now that I see that I am not the only one it makes me feel a teensy bit better. I would'nt want to go back and be with either of them. and I agree with the momma who said something about being in love with the person i was then, sort of like a longing for a carefree past. Thanks ladies, I knew I could count on you!
Hmmm, more likely, you are in love with the person YOU were while in love with these other men. Pretty normal stuff. If you ACT on it, well, that's something different entirely.
Least that's MY take.
:)
Everyone has a past.
Everyone has had past relationships.
Everyone has memories of their life.
Everyone, thinks about their past and their life.
Unless you are hung-up on your past and can't move forward and differentiate your past life and present life, then it is not a problem.
I actually sometimes have longing thoughts about one of my husband's best friends. And I'm the same - I love my husband and would never cheat or leave him. While I worry about it with me, my reaction to your question was that it's normal (it's always easier to be rational about someone else). Marriage doesn't automatically make us have eyes (or thoughts) for only one man. We just choose each time to stay true to the comittment we made.
I do also try to think of all the things that would drive me nuts about his friend if I was with him instead. There's a reason we married who we did, you know?
I agree with Theresa.......I even sometimes have dreams about an ex that I dated for 2.5 years throughout high school. I think it's because I'm longing for that freedom, that youth or something, I am NOT longing for him.
Your normal. I think you have unfinished emotional business with the two exes and thats why you continue to think of them. Get some closure on that and you won't think of them anymore. But...I think its harmless.
M
I don't think you are a terrible person, it is normal to wonder about the past
I've been married to an amazing man for nearly 30 years. We are both dedicated to making our marriage the best it can be, and we're both faithful in body and mind.
And I still think of a couple of earlier relationships with love. Not longing or lust, just love. One of those men died young, and that doesn't make any difference to my heart; I still love him. I sometimes wish I could see the other old flame, just to catch up and see how he's doing these days.
My husband, likewise, sometimes wonders about his earlier loves. Neither of us has any jealous feelings about those others, or any guilt about our wishes. In the early days of this marriage, I did occasionally find my mind wandering to memories of my ealier flame when we were making love. Just wandering thougths, and when I noticed them, I'd guide my head back to the present moment.
It's just human, and probably only destructive if we deliberately seek out and feed those thoughts.
In total agreement with S.H. There is nothing wrong with thinking about an ex from time to time. The fact that you are even concerned about dwelling on them shows me that you are the kind of person who wouldn't let it go beyond thoughts, and you have had no problem building your life with your hubby. I wouldn't worry about it at all. Sounds normal to me.
I sometimes think about my exe's. For me, it has nothing to do with my marriage, it's just a symptom of wishing I could be young again! I know logically that even if I lost my husband tomorrow and I got together with one of them, it is unlikely to feel the same way it did before, or even work out!
I think of my exes on occasion as well but would never leave my husband for them. ONLY all 2 of them LOL! I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you love your husband and know you wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize your relationship with him with an ex, I think it's okay. Maybe they were a big part of your life at one time so you still just think of them. I say no biggie. Hope I don't offend anyone. Good luck and don't stress!
I am in love with my husband. We have been married, hmmm...going on seventeen years. He is so handsome and wonderful, etc. etc. and nice and a great stepfather. But I think about how I met and fell in love with my first husband father of my children. He clearly will never be emotionally available, is mentally ill (really, I'm not saying that-he is living on disability) and yet he was my passion, my hearthrob, etc. I just reflect and remember on autumn days when I met him on the train and it was beautiful outside. And I forgive myself for leaving him, for still thinking about him and then wake up to a very kind wonderful man. And then there were the ones before..yikes, another story, another time. We will never forget, because that is all part of who made the woman that made the choice to marry the wonderful men we are with today.
Hi-
Although I am no love expert, I have been married for 10 yrs and have or did think about my exes as well....I think maybe we are just people who maybe reminisce? or enjoy thinking of past days, friendships, relationships etc. Be kind to yourself! They are just simple thoughts of important people in your life, maybe they taught you some valuable lesson or have shaped you into the woman you are today - happily married to a great guy! Now that I have been married for 10 yrs, my thoughts of my exes are not as frequent, maybe because my husband and I have made our own memories?? or just time has passed and memories/feelings fade? Im not sure -but I hope this helps!
ps
just don't begin to contact them...via Facebook, email etc. that will probably induce your thoughts! good luck
I had two long term relationships before marrying my husband. I still think about them. I "think" it's because I slept with them. Sigh. But, one was for a year and one was for 4 years. I desperately loved the 4 year relationship, but it just wasn't going to work. I would say that I think about him a lot. Even have had dreams with him in them.
I don't think about the previous relationships as much, but anyone that I had a physical relationship with is thought of more. I so so so wish that I hadn't given myself up so freely. Something to talk with my daughter about as she grows.
L.
Yes... Glad I'm not the only one.. I've been married for 9 years to an AMAZING husband, father and best friend!!!!!!
I was always very hung up on my ex that I dated on and off for 3-4 years.. I still dream about him and feel guilty about it..
i think it's normal, although I do think when thinking back we tend to only recall the good things and yearn for them. Also every person treats us diferent, so you may long for the flowers ad love notes your ex once gave you even though what your husband does and means to you is so much more than that. I would suggest if it is certain aspects you miss (romance, spontaneousness, fun) than you try and place them in your current marraige. If its J. looking back with fondness and wondering on occasion thats normal
