Lot of Anger in a 5 Year Old

I am sorry to hear about your divorce this must be a hard time for you too. I don't have a counselor to recommend...but I did think of an angry corner. A desk with paper and black & red crayons where she can go draw when she is upset. The family worker had suggested that for my classroom a few years ago when I was working with PreK students that had a hard time expressing what they felt. I hope that helps. I think that YOU are doing everything you can...YOU have nothing to feel badly about...YOU ARE doing your BEST. There are also some books about feeling that she might like. I actually sell educational toys, books, music & games and thought of this great book I have. If you are interested...send me a message and we can talk more. In any case. Take care of YOU. {{HUGS}} to you both.

Hi,
I think anger is to be expected - divorce is rough on everyone. I know this from personal experience; my parents divorced when I was very young. If you haven't already then try talking to her doctor to see if he/she can make any suggestions in terms of counseling. I know anger can be difficult to deal with, but it will gradually pass and if the divorce was very recent I wouldn't worry too much about it. In fact I think that making a big deal out of it could make your daughter feel guilty about her emotions - remember that this is a very big change and she has every right to be angry. I know this is probably very frustrating and exhausting for you right now, but things will get better.
L

Hi Natalie, I was just talking about this topic & had referred back to my book "Reinventing Your Life; How to Break Free From Lifetraps" by Dr. Jeffrey Young. (he practices "cognitive therapy" in NY but has counselors in NJ call ###-###-####)

Cognitive (how we think) combines different types of therapy (behavior,etc); helps us change the way we think (&behave) about things.

Coming from divorced parents myself, who argued allot prior & after years of various types of therapy; I can offer first hand advice. This book has helped me allot; I only wish I'd read it sooner.

What happens is no matter how much you THINK you're doing right-- none-the-less the child KNOWS Daddys gone, period. They may experience feelings of "abandonment" that, if not treated properly, creates "lifetraps" (or schemas) that can carry over into their adult life; affecting choices in a partner or friends, jobs etc. No matter how much we TRY or THINK we're hiding our feelings, children can sense our sadness. If she hears you talking about your problems,crying, etc. she may feel 'emotionally' abandonded by YOU too; fearing if Daddy can leave, why not Mommy too. If there was allot of fighting? some children experience feelings of their family being unstable (stability crucial to healthy child development). Some children either cling (follow the remaining parent around)others react differently--become autonomous (more isolated;take care of themself). This is a traumatic time in her life & how you handle this NOW will make all the difference. I am 47; recently my Dads wife, upon hearing the sudden & tragic death of my Mom (last May)basically said she felt "relieved" & let me & my 3-sisters know. When we became obvioulsy upset (+Dad never came to the funeral) w/her reaction - she got angry & now isn't speaking to some of my sisters; told us we just don't understand all my Mom put THEM(her/Dad) thru! Tho I said I sympathized, I said it's not what "they" went thru it's what "we" all went thru & that I felt it was harder for us bcause as children we had 0-choices while adults did. Again, she said I was wrong, that it was the ADULTS who had it harder & 0-choices. Meanwhile growing up my sister tried to commit suicide, 3-quit high school & ran away, etc. SO as you can see -- this is why I still, at 47, after many troubled relationships, still not married & no children, struggle with my parents divorce. When the adults so obvioulsy don't know how to REACT or HANDLE the situation; expect children to "get thru" or "over it" ..or the worst when I hear "children are resiliant" they'll "bounce back". The end result of THAT line of thinking? (which I can see you don't have thank God) is.. well .. ME! Best of luck to you. Hope this helped.

When my daughter was about your child's age her father and i got into a terrible argument and ultamately separated. I noticed that shortly after that she began to vomit everytime she ate anything. She literally could not keep anything down, but her behavior otherwise was the same. I was concerned and called her doctor to ask about the vomitting. He asked me was she running and playing as usually. I responded "yes". He then asked me did anything tramatic happen in our family prior to the vomitting. I told him that her father and I separated. He immediately said " Well, thats it". I was shocked because i would have never thought that my little baby was even aware of what was happening. So anyway, the doctor told me to constantly assure her that her dad and I love her very much and to also constantly tell her that she has done nothing wrong and it is not her fault. I asked him why would she think such a thing. He said children often think that their parents problems are somehow because of then. Well, I did exactly what he said and the next day the vomity stopped. I learned that children have stress and worries just like adults but they usually respond physically or in their behavior. They usually never verblize their feeling, perhaps they dont how to.