Losing My Patience with 2Yo

Early bedtime! Tomorrow is a new day, and things will be easier to deal with after a good night's sleep. They say the years fly by, but the days crawl by interminably slowly. Keep the long view on days like today :)

sounds like you're having a rough day. take a breath and remember to tell him that you love him, but not when he misbehaves. are you spending time playing with him? remember housework will be there. he will only be 2 once. try using your imagination and doing something that he likes, not what you like. doesn't have to be expensive toys. an empty box before it hits the recycle bin can be pushed around the floor like a car. see who can make the the loudest brrrrooommmm! take him outside to a safe place and let him run around. Good luck!

get him out of the house.. go to the park.. get him in the back yard.. ride a bike pull a wagon use up some of that energy he has.

sign up for a class.. swimming is good... gymboree,, gymnastics.. physical activity.

go on a playdate with other boys..

Yes: routine, positive discipline, positive reinforcement, and lots of praise for things he does that make you happy. I found the book "Positive Discipline" (by Jane Nelson) helped a lot. I had many of those days with my strong-willed and energetic daughter when she was that age (and a few recently, too). It does get better! Hang in there!

I know! Par for the course at this age.
They are trying out their wings & testing their limits.
I take my child places on the days that I don't have my mom to care for.
I go stir crazy too so I can only imagine a 2 year old's boredom w/in the
walls of his home. :)
I take my child to the park, the zoo, the mall. WHEREVER I CAN THINK OF. :)
It helps.
I will even take him to the supermarket that is huge and has other stuff to buy just so he can look at things.
I play with my son, run, jump, payon the swings etc .
It helps. :) Hang in there & try some of those things.

By two, he needs lots of discipline. It will save you SO MUCH future stress. Words are not discipline, and without consequences, you're basically training him to disregard "no" by saying it all the time without firm enough consequence to accompany his wrong action if he ignores your warning. Hate to say that, but my 3rd is now two. She doesn't do those things. She was a born terror, WAY harder than her older two sibs, but PLENTY old enough to know that if she disregards a warning there is a firm consequence. Therefore, I take her everywhere, and she's better than most twos-which is amazing to remember how hard she was until about age 18 months. You can model right behavior much more effectively once you have eradicated the wrong behavior.

Between the ages of one and two is THE most critical time to stave of LOTS of difficult behavior with discipline, or you could be suffering up to age 5 if you have a spirited one. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

You've got a wonderful, beautiful, smart child, he just needs your firm leadership, and you'll be best buds in no time. Literally, it does not take long at all when you are effective. My kids (3, 5 and under) need almost no discipline. Anything you need to do hundreds of times is not working well. My 3 yo son and I are super close, and he's AWESOMELY sweet and well behaved. But between ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 WOAH! He did all this stuff and learned not to, one thing a a time. You can do it! Take charge!

With mine, I keep the bathroom door closed, a baby gate on our bedroom door, and the kitchen. He can run around wherever else he likes, but it keeps me sane.

Just remember at this age their job is to test our patience. Thus called "Terrible Two's" Just take some deep breaths.

Also, distractions are great. If he is getting into something then give him something else to play with while you put up whatever he was getting into.

Good luck and your not alone! Millions of others are pulling their hair out due to this too! Myself included ;)

Hang in there. I am RIGHT there with ya! The only thing that works well for us is to re-direct and use POSITIVE techniques. Tell him great job sitting at the table or thanks for listening so well when I asked you to come over. Praise, praise, praise and try to stop saying NO. Instead, say :" YES, you can do this _______. Or you can do ______or _________. Give two choices and really focus on what he is doing right and minimize the negative. This stage will pass....

M

Om Mani Padme Hum 100x so your patience can return. It's Tibetan.
Most 2 year olds do best when taken somewhere around 10am in the morning.
Preferably the park. I always found nature to be very soothing.

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field and has tons of advice on ways to say 'no' positively and effectively, disciplining and maintaining patience:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior

I had VERY active toddlers as well, with super human strength. Just try and keep calm and give him activities to burn that energy, redirect them, give him consistent consequences.

Also, keep child proof locks on doors, that will help with the toilet thing. Learn to choose your battles.

A 2yo probably hears "NO!" more than any other direction from parents. It really doesn't work very well, because they need to hear what they can do, not just what they can't do. And they'll just throw all those no's back at you when you want them to do something.

Scan this list of my favorite toddler pointers. You'll probably find at least a few that can help shift your interactions with your child. Start there, and keep building. These really can make a difference:

1. I hope you will hold in mind that your son is not "trying" to be naughty; he's trying to meet some need, and he has a very poor repertoire of strategies with which to try. Children truly don't want to cause problems or get in trouble if they have any other way at all to meet their own growing need for autonomy, independence, and control of their circumstances. Adults have so much more practice in meeting our own needs in more civilized ways. Your toddler doesn't know any of that yet, and for a couple more years, he just won't see very much from your point of view. He can't help it. Dawdling, digging in heels, bolting, ignoring, and even tantrums are often a natural outcome of being more scheduled, pressured or frustrated than he can endure. And some children have a MUCH harder time of it than others.

2. There are methods for eliminating much of the mutual frustration he will experience during the next couple of years. While some steps require a bit of advance planning or extra patience from you, overall, you'll spend LESS time and energy than you would if dealing with behavior that isn't evolving in a positive direction.

3. When he wants something, empathize, big time, and in his language. I love the advice of Dr. Harvey Karp on how to get on a tantruming toddler's wavelength in this and several related videos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&featur.... . Once your little guy realizes you do care about what he wants, he's more likely to be able to calm down and cooperate with what you need from him.

4. There are lots of positive ways to approach discipline (which actually means teaching, and not punishment), rather than just saying no. Kids hear NO! often, and they can be so frustrated. So look for ways of finding a mutual "yes," and save "no" for those occasions when children are trying something dangerous. Instead of "Put that remote down!" for example, try "Here, play with this (dead) cell phone!" There will also be times when you must have cooperation, like diapering or trips to the store, so keep a special toy or distraction that he gets to play with only at those times.

5. Keep it playful, and keep it respectful. Children learn primarily through play and imitation. You may need help with this if your parents didn't model a lighthearted and kind approach when you were little. The book Playful Parenting is a great resource. Your son's sense of humor is developing, crude though it may be. (Also be aware that some "behaviors" like throwing are a natural experimental activity for kids, a form of play that is programmed into them for the purpose of developing brain/body connections. Find plenty of "acceptable" outlets for those repeating behaviors.)

6. Here's a big one: give advance notice when you'll want him to be doing anything differently, especially when he's grooving on some activity/play. Children absolutely hate unexpected transitions. With my grandson, we let him know at least a couple of times that a change is coming ("We're going to go to the store / have lunch / take a nap pretty soon." … and then a second alert a minute before making the change.)

7. Whatever the next activity is, make it sound as desirable as possible. Give some detail about the ride in the car, or a favorite food at lunch, or sweet snuggles before nap. Be positive and enthusiastic. And be calm. Desperation will show, and even though he's too young to deliberately engage in a planned power struggle, he will quite naturally sense any cracks in your resolve. And this is where future power struggles truly can begin.

8. Learn his limits. Try to keep demands low when he's tired, over-managed, overstimulated, hungry, or sick. He won't have any emotional reserves left with which to cooperate.

9. Get to know his most likely trouble-spots, and plan ahead. For many kids, it's when they want some temptation they've seen. So keep those things out of sight when possible. Be prepared with a distraction – for example, another toy he likes when you have to take some fascinating object away, or a healthy treat when he wants a sweet snack. Laughter, introducing a new game, a few twirls and bounces, hugs or tickles, a goofy song, can help break into his determination to get something he wants (that short attention span is both a curse and a blessing). And those interactions will give him some of the positive strokes he might be missing now that a new baby is distracting you more.

10. Avoid bribes, but let him work toward occasional rewards. Don't try to buy cooperation with "IF you'll do X, we'll let you have Y." Instead, phrase it as if he gets to assist in advancing something good for himself: "Hey, as soon as you help me get X done, then we get to do Y." It sounds like a small distinction, but it's important. It gives the child a chance to cooperate in what feels like choice, even when there's no "if" about it.

11. Encourage lots and lots of physical activity during the day. Time outdoors in nature is calming for most children. If he has pent-up energy, it will have to come out some way, and unless channeled in a positive direction, it will likely to add to both your stress and his.

12. Limit TV time – the passive receptivity to all that fast editing seriously interferes with children's normal brainwave patterns, making focus, cooperative behavior, and engagement in the "real" world more difficult.

13. Whatever you are trying to teach will need to be repeated hundreds of times over the next few years. That's completely normal. Attention spans and impulse control are extremely limited in toddlers, and the areas of the brain where those connections are being made develop only gradually during the toddler years.

14. Spanking and time-outs don't work for every kid, and will sometimes actually backfire over time. Children may be annoyed, scared, shocked, or shamed into compliance, but behaving for the sake of avoiding discomfort is NOT the same thing as developing an internalized sense of "good." Consistent, calm guidance and modeling what you DO want from him will work better in the long run than punishing for what you DON'T want him to do. See more on this by googling The Science of Parenting or Emotion Coaching.

15. Pay attention to what you love and appreciate about your son, and make sure he knows. Treat him with calm and respectful authority. Children crave attention and approval, and if he knows you're noticing his good moments, he'll try to create more of them.

16. Be open to learning new things about your little boy daily, even hourly. Avoid labeling and pigeonholing him or his behaviors. Often, what we think or assume gets in the way of noticing what is actually happening.

I wish you well. Enjoy your little boy – this is a challenging AND rewarding age!

I was going to say the same thing Denise B. said... "Early Bedtime!" =)

I read your post and laughed a little cause it felt like you were explaing my entire day. My daughter started all this at 18 months, she will be two this week. She gets really bad when she is stir crazy and tired. I also learned that she needs her brain engaged in activities that we do together like shopping or she will take it upon herself to entertain herself by driving me crazy. I teach her the names of new fruits and ask her to point out certain ones. Now I'm teaching her the colors of the fruits she knows. Keeping her involved takes her mind off of mischief and you'd be surprised how much they pick it up. I started taking her on walks before lunchtime and then after lunch she gets a nap. This combo had been amazing, she wakes up in a better mood and I got some time to distress. For my own sanity I try to find the humor in her tantrums by imagining what it would be like if a grown adult acted like that, don't we all wish we could throw ourselves on the floor kicking and screaming?? Hang in there I hear it's a phase so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

When my son was like that, the best thing for him AND for me, was to take him somewhere outside. Even if it was just the backyard or a short walk around the block. Don't know why, maybe the change in scenery? But boy, that was the magic solution for us... Wear him out... make him walk or use energy outside...

I just put my 2 years old hair back in a ponytail for the 30th time today. I am determined to keep it in today. I say no but it doesnt do anything. I finally have to give in and take them some where to wear them out, well till daddy comes home.