Losing Me....

Have you thought about joining a moms group. I remember feeling the same way you do..wondering if this was what my life was supposed to be like. check out www.mops.org. it was just what i needed. it made me feel like i wasnt the only one out there that felt the way i did and that it was "okay". A Moms job is the hardest there is....MOPS focuses on taking care of you so you can take care of everyone else...check it out!!!

K., I understand completely! My husband is military and I was working full time as a nurse in a Nursing Home with 3 kids and never had time for friends or activities. I started working with my mom and cousin in a home-based business and not only had the chance to get out and meet other women, but earned extra money along with it! My husband was supportive since there was money involved LOL! If you are interested we can have coffee sometime and let you check it out. Just give me a buzz. ###-###-#### or email ____@____.com

I don't know that I have a lot of suggestions for you, but I can tell you I do feel your pain! I gave up my job to do in home childcare 4 years ago when my husband and I moved in together. Between us, there are 4 kids... one of mine and 3 of his. It didn't take me long to figure out that I needed out of the house once in a while... and what I needed most of all, was adult conversation!
There are the usual suggestions... find someone to go walking with (I know the mall opens early during the winter for walkers to have a place to walk out of the rain), join a class, etc. For me, a water arobics class was my first desire... all adults, it's on a regular schedule, and it's relaxing.
I have also thought about starting a monthly, "moms meeting"... maybe the first Sunday of every month or something, meeting at the same place at the same time, just to have an ice tea or a soda, and chat for a while. I had done this a few times with my sister, it was a given... without any planning, we would meet at the same place and time... but she had to move 30 miles away so it's a little harder to do that now.

I believe all SAH moms deal with this a bit. Especially when our children are small and we are just with kids all day. I imagine its worse with a home daycare because you cant just packup and go out when the "cabin fever" gets too bad. I have found it so very helpfull to go out on "girl dates". My 2 close friends dont have children yet and actually that is a good thing because they dont have to cordinate babysitting AND I can not talk about kids all night (you know us moms usually only talk kids when around other moms). Its hard to leave the hubby in the evening and head out but when I come home I am refreshed and renewed. I have also enjoyed scrapbooking with a group or just inviting someone over for a girly movie during naptime. Remebering that right now "me" is a very loose term for "me and the children I love with my life". This time is so short and being home for it will be such a blessing to you and your children forever. Soon they will be in school and you will have LOTS of free time (thats what I tell myself when I get desperate). Good Luck, Jen

I have this great web site called www.cafemom.com that has all different kinds of groups of moms. You can find moms in your area that are having the same issues and you can talk, you can also get together and meet and have fun, as a lot us have done. Even if you dont have anyone to go out with, a little bit of time by your self is great

what does your husband think about you returning to work? Make sure you are in agreement on this first.

If it is just a matter of getting out of the house and being around other adults, arrange for some activities with the kids, get involved in what the kids are doing.. soccer, girl scouts or whatever.. you will surely meet adults that way. And get out on dates with your husband! Find a reliable sitter for the kids when you want to go out so you can be comfortable as you go out.

or perhaps you can find something part time or something like selling Avon that can be done partly out of the house but also get you out of the house to see people.. you might be surprised at some of the friendships you can gain from this.

get back into or find a hobby you can get into .. jewelry making, scrapbooking or what have you....

join a health club....

work with your husband on what you could do that would work with your schedules, yet not neglect him or your responsibilities at home.... if he agrees that you need to get out.. then you can work something out.

best wishes.

JG

Around here there are lots of scrap booking parties. The one i go to is from 4-11pm on sat nights and it is so fun! More talking than working =)

You totally need YOU time. It helps you be a better mom and wife. Is your husband willing to watch the kids while you do something OUT? What about a walk with a friend? Write a letter? Read a book at the park? Get together with friends--paint nails, watch a chick flick, paint your nails, foot massages, makeovers! Since you can't find something already-made outside the house, make it yourself! Contact those friends and tell them how you are feeling. Between you all, you can make something happen! Happy YOU time!

Sounds as though you could use some help. You need time for yourself. Time without the kids. The best thing to do is hire an assistant for a few hours a week and do something good for yourself. You will feel refreshed. Try going out with your own kids on the weekend and leave the hubby with his 3 kids. Is he supportive of you?

Depending on where you live, I could give you many suggestions of where to go and enjoy yourself without spending a lot of money. I run a daycare and I have to get out.

My oldest is four and I went through this over the summer. I'm now serving on the Board of my son's Co-Op Preschool as well as the Board of my Home Owners Association. Now I get to interact with adults while volunteering to help my son's school and my neighborhood. I'm also having new friends (other co-op moms and neighbors) stopping by all the time - so my house is busier and livelier than it has been in a while!

TAKE A CLASS!!!

Seriously - that's the very best advice I can give you. Yes, long walks and bubble baths and curling up with a book are great, but they're temporary fixes. Get out there and enroll yourself in a local class or college course in something you've always wanted to try - writing? The arts, perhaps? Not only will this get you out of the house for a few hours a week, but you will be learning something new/getting back into something you enjoy, and it is a surefire way to meet new friends who share your interests.

Your kids are still little, but they aren't babies anymore - I PROMISE they won't miss you for a few hours a week...:)

Alright now, start looking! I'll wait....

Good luck.

I also joined MOPS, was such a blessing and really help me to connect with other moms!
Also I joined a playgroup and we did Moms night out a couple times a month.
Best of luck to you!!

First things first (and MOST important): take time out for yourself. Take a hot bath, curl up with a good book, go for a walk, etc. You need time to rejuvenate yourself, and your husband should do whatever it takes to support your need to do this (even remind YOU to take that time). With the basics covered, you might find you have more energy to put into discovering yourself again. If you have no idea where to start, then start slowly. Get some exercise to get your juices flowing again. Look to community classes/events for things to do (the library can be a great resource).

So many moms get stuck in a rut at some point (myself included) because no matter how much you love your husband and children, they can't cover all the bases that women need to survive. For that reason, many women prefer to go back to work. Both choices have tradeoffs.

Hope this helped.

Hi K.,

I am now a grandma but I have 4 children and I was where you are now. First off you are feeling normal all moms go thru this but it is important for you to take time for yourself even if it is just short breaks. I see so many young mothers today who get so wrapped up in their families and being a great mom they forget who they are and there is nothing wrong with wanting to give your family the best but you must take time to recharge you so you can feel good about who you are. Families are a big job very rewarding but lots of work. My suggestions for you are find a friend who is willing to walk with you get out and just let the worries of the day go they don't have to be serious exercise walks unless you want that but just a leisurely stroll just to get away. or if it is raining meet at a coffee shop for a cup and some down time if you don't drink coffee have a cocoa or tea just give yourself some down time. You could join Curves or look for a new hobby join a book club if you read or join a bowling league if you enjoy bowling just find something that makes you feel good about YOU. DON'T GIVE UP!!! you will find your way. If you need someone to bounce ideas off of I am here. Hopefully you have a great communication with your husband and he will understand your needs also. Good Luck.... L.