Mixed emotions here.
I found out yesterday that my job is moving across the state. I can move with it, or accept a severance. I'm not moving, so that basically renders me a SAHM, at least for a period. I am naturally upset because this IS a good and relatively stable job (despite this development) with good pay and benefits, AND they let me work PART TIME. SO important to me. So it scares me that I won't find anything comparable.
However, this will take effect shortly after the first of the year, which is actually good timing, if there is such a thing as good timing to lose your job! My baby is due to be born the first week of February, and I wouldn't have been entitled to any paid maternity leave (company doesn't offer it), so at least with this new development, I'll be able to collect unemployment (paid into it for 20 years now, never collected before) during what would have been my maternity leave, and I don't have to think about leaving my new baby to come back to work (YEAH!). Plus, I'll be available to take my son to school (he won't have to ride the bus), and to take him to whatever activities he wants to participate in. Additionally, we are moving this fall, and there will be lots of painting, getting things organized, etc. that will keep me very busy in my long winter days... yeah, like the baby won't keep me busy enough! LOL But as you can see, there are lots of ways that this is good timing.
I will eventually be looking for another job/career. But in the meantime, I am kind of excited about the opportunity to be a SAHM for a bit (which I never thought I'd get the chance to do. EVER.) And I'm also a little psyched about the chance to kind of recreate myself when I do look into what I'd like to do next. I hope I don't find myself in a situation where I have to settle for a job for the income. I hope to be able be creative, and find a job that I actually LOVE for a change. But time will tell... I am already brainstorming, though...
So I guess this is more of a statement than a question, but in keeping with the rules, do you have any advice for a soon to be SAHM?
******ETA - Let me clear something up. I do not intend to draw from unemployment indefinitely. If at some point, I decide that financially, we can survive with me not working, I will discontinue drawing benefits. My unemployment will be to cover just that. My unemployment until I get another job, if I choose to do so. BTW, my severance will amount to about 7 weeks pay. Hardly enough to live off of for any substantial amount of time.
LOL @ yoga pants... I'm already there on that one! But I did think about that... that comfy wear will become my staple... :)
Also, I do enjoy being at home. My mom was a SAHM, and I wanted that too. So I am optimistic that I'll enjoy the opportunity, bearing in mind that there will be 'those days.' Also, my neighbor is also pregnant, so I envision that we'll be able to share the experience, and spend time with the babies, too.
Rachel, GOOD ADVICE about talking openly about what hubby's expectations are with me being at home. Personally, I kinda feel like the home will BE my job. So I do feel like I should do MOST things, like wash clothes, clean, vacuum, cook (need some lessons there - lol), etc. My husband works 2 jobs, so I won't expect much from him, although he does help when he is home. But with me home all the time, I really WANT to keep the home as MY job...
Breathe and smile!
Don't set up expectations--that would be a bad idea!
Funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it?
You'll like it.
And wine after bedtime helps. :)
It's OK to feel lost the first week or so. It's OK to cry and grieve for the life you had but now don't.
I thought I would love being a SAHM. I do now. THe first week after my son went to school and I didn't (I was a teacher), I stared at the baby and cried.
What was I supposed to do with her?
What was I supposed to do, period?
It took a while to get into a routine with the baby, then along came two more and now I homeschool the youngest two and am always running around here or there. I have no time for a job. Until next year when the youngest two go back into the schools and my #2 is in college. THe thought of going back into the workforce scares the H*** out of me.
Enjoy it while it lasts =) It's a full time job. You'll find yourself wanting to go back to work, most likely, for the break!
My suggestion--invest in a wardrobe based around yoga pants ;-) Welcome to the club!
Well, it helps if your UPS guy is a hottie!
(Well, c'mon, everybody else stole my answers!)
:)
Drink a lot..just kidding.
Really it was always what you made of it. I was miserable when I made myself miserable and happy most of the time. At least to me the biggest trap is feeling sorry for yourself because you don't get raises, you don't get bonuses, your kids won't sit down with you and give you a good evaluation.
I think the only time it is really bad is when you have a my money kinda husband. That was how my ex was. He even told the judge she never worked for 18 years everything is mine. The judge just looked at him and asked how many kids do you have? Asshat! Yeah I can honestly say as long as your husband isn't a child you will have the time of your life! :)
Embrace it! It sounds like you already are though. People/circumstances move our cheese all the time, the best way to deal with it is to find the blessings/opportunities in these little detours. You just might find an even better job out there or like you said reinvent yourself entirely. Just go with the flow, enjoy this time with your children and let God do the rest. He has a way of making lives so magnificent if we just trust that He is in control of EVERYTHING!! I think these upcoming changes sound fantastic for you, but I am a SAHM, so I am pretty biased! LOL Good luck A.
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Sounds like you have a new adventure! Actually 2 new adventures because of the baby on the way. Congratulations!!
I am now and have always been a SAHM. I taught school before babies came but knew once they did come that I would be home to raise them, keep the home running smoothly and the spirit in our home as calm and organized as possible.
#1 I think attitude is everything regarding having a positive or negative SAHM experience. Seriously!! I enjoy the tedious tasks around our home because I see the "big picture" of how important all those little things are in keeping our home a fun,happy,clean and organized place to be. Find joy in laundry, sweeping, cooking healthy meals etc. Turn on the music and get movin and groovin while workin around the house. As they get older get them involved in the household chores. Seriously...start when they are young!! My kids all pitch in and I don't have to do as much anymore..they are 11,8 and newly turned 5. The youngest even cleans bathrooms!!
#2 Keep up with some hobbies and activities you enjoy doing. I exercise in the early morn...running is my thing or a FIRM video. Or on my mornings where I feel like I am running on empty then I pop in my ear buds to my ipod and go for a brisk walk and simply enjoy some quiet time as the sun rises . Daily quiet time is a must for me!!
#3 Seek out positive moms who are home also. You need friends who are in the trenches with you. Swap babysitting...swap carpooling...swap stories. Women need women!! Friends are so important as you are with little ones day in and day out. Go out for monthly girls nights to a movie..host a movie night in your home after kids go to bed...do a book club..etc. Date nights with my hubby is a must also...we go at least 2x a month out together...out of the home.
#4 Don't compete with your hubby on who's job is more important. You both bring equal value to the table when it comes to your family. A paycheck is NOT the most valuable commodity. But it sounds like you have a supportive husband on this one.
Good luck sweetie! You are in for the ride of a lifetime. Strap yourself in...hold on and have fun!!! It is the best ride of your life...bumps will come...tears will come(and I mean yours...not your kids!!!) but through it all you will look back and realize you were there side by side with your kids on that joyous ride!!!! They will thank you for the sacrifices you made as time goes on. My kids do often and they are 11 and under.
Good luck and best wishes! Welcome to the world of SAHM-hood..we welcome you!!
I have 3 little ones and have always worked part time (2 days a week at first then moved up to 3 days a week). When my son was born in April, I went on leave and have been home since.
Since I feel I have a perspective on both sides (SAHM and working mom) I will say working is easier! However, it iis fun being a SAHM as long as you make friends with other moms who have kids yours can play with, and you have some routines.
For example, I like to do different things different days with the kids. Like Monday we may go out to the zoo then Tuesday we stay home and the kids will play in the backyard and stuff. Then Wednesday maybe we'll have a playdate with friends. Then Thursday play at home.
If you go out doing things every day you will never get anything done at home. If you stay home every day, you will lose your mind (just my opinion).
Most important, make other SAHM friends to socialize with, with the kids. Makes it alot of fun.
I love being home with my kids. Better for me, better for them.
Join a MOP's (mother's of preschoolers) group. They'll fill you in on things to do, play dates etc. Enjoy your time!
I wish you the best! And good luck with your pregnancy!
It doesn't seem quite ethical to draw unemployment if you have no intention of returning to work. Sure you pay into it, but so do a lot of people- myself included. There are very desperate people who really need unemployment right now. People are losing their homes and facing financial ruin. So my advice- I say take your severance and leave it at that. Maybe when you are ready to return, the market will have improved.
Yeah for you!!! The only trick is will you ever want to go back to work?? I have a friend that sort of fell into being a SAHM like 5 yrs ago and has yet to return to work! You may go through a rough adjustment, maybe not. You know you watched a mom at home as you said, so you may have more aptitude for it than you realize. Plus, you don't know how long it will last, so you may appreciate it more than some of us who left work looking down the road of being home FOREVER!!! But whatever comes, I bet in the end you will love it :D I do, I don't even remember what it was like to work hardly and I didn't become a SAHM until I was 31! I do work my butt off at home but I LOVE being the one to take care of my kids....the house...well that's another story, but being with my kids is fab. Wish you the best and yes cute comfy clothes (ie yoga pants) are a must!!! Congrats on this new adventure :D
I didn't know my job was not going to be there 2 years ago... we were on a week shutdown mid summer like normal & when we returned to work we were handed our last paycheck and a letter saying good-buy. So, you know I don't hold it against the employer... the times hit them very hard & they just couldn't find funding anywhere to keep the doors open - they did everything they could to try to keep us working!!!
But anyways - you do have to be available, able and willing to work plus complete the job search requirements to collect unemployment. Which means that if you are on unemployment and just had a baby you still have to do your search requirments even the week you have it and put in your applications, you also have to be willing to take the job if you get it unless you can proove to the state a good reason for not taking it (which just having a baby isn't a good reason to them)... even if it starts at 2 weeks post-partum or they can take back everything they have paid you! I'm not saying that you can't collect unemployment, I'm just saying you still have to follow the rules that go along with it.
I did get laid-off 2 years ago and I have had a baby and went back to school since I lost my job... but I was willing and able to work and followed all the guidlines to collect and if I would have had a start date of July 7th after a July 2nd delievery - I would have done it, maybe not 100% happily, but to take care of my family I would have.
So, please follow the rules so that it doesn't bite you in the end.
Also, remember, it takes a little time to come up with a new routen - not just for you but your son as well. It is an adjusment for everyone in the house... and to be honest you don't get as much done as you think you will. The kids do take up a lot more time then what you think they will. So, don't be suprised if your to do list get longer or doesn't seem to be getting done as fast as you would like... something just never seem to get done.
Take care & good luck!
Read Radical Homemakers.
My recommendation is have a daily plan...routine is the staple to keep any SAHM from getting stir crazy or just plain grouchy and irritable! If you have a toy room -- ours is connected to our living room -- have a bookshelf or an armoire and bins for each type of toy to go in. It is A LOT easier to clean when each type of item has an exact spot. Plan your meals ahead of time -- and get into the routine of getting something out to thaw when you make breakfast! Schedule outtings around naptime -- trust me! ;) If we do the zoo -- we either do it before nap from 9-11:30 or so and lunch and then nap; or we do it from 3-5 after a decent nap! These things may sound silly...but before I did this...I was so OVERWHELMED. Once I got into a routine and did things the same way...it was so much less stressful! :) I am not sure how old your one child is now, but my youngest with whom I stay at home with, requires LOTS of creative play -- so we do play-doh, cutting (just old magazines, paper, etc), painting, reading, and LOTS of board games. My hubby is always amazed by how much we do during the day! So much more fun than having the TV do the babysitting!
I am sure you will LOVE it! Good luck with the painting and your soon-to-be little bundle of joy!
