"Looking Pregnant"

In todays day and age a lot of people ARE overweight, and so it IS hard to tell who's packing on the pounds and who is pregnant. I know I do not assume that a person is pregnant just because they are getting a pooch! Don't let it upset you too much. It could be worse! If people ask when you're due and you aren't....THAT is embarassing LOL. Been there. So, just remember that you are being healthy, and I don't think people mean to say things the way they come out. Well, ok, some people are like that, but not most. Have a great day.

I am a size zero and people said the Axact thing to me! Even when I was 7-8 mos pregnant! It bothered me too! I think they are trying to be nice.

I would worry more about being and keeping healthy than how I looked or what other people think.
D.

I was also a size 14 prior to getting pregnant with my second child. I am due in a month. Everyone would say "oh, I didn't even know you were pregnant" or "wow, you aren't even showin yet".

I actually thought that was a really nice compliment because I always felt like I was getting bigger! I gues it is just how each person chooses to interpret the comment that makes the difference.

I choose to take it as a compliment because I was trying to be healthful and not gain too much weight in the beginning, and it obviously paid off (as other people pointed out).

I think hormones tend to make us more sensitive during pregnancy and it sounds as though you were a bit sensitive about your weight before you got pregnant?

I also think some people might be giving you the "I had no idea you were pregnant" as a way to let you know how good they think you look. If you were a size 6 and only gained 10 to 15 pounds in the first six months, you'd probably hear the same kinds of things. (And it's a heckuva lot safer to claim you didn't think someone was pregnant than to mistakenly think someone IS pregnant!) And then there are others who just speak without thinking and without realizing/remembering how hypersensitive a pregnant lady can be!

I've had friends who've been asked about the due date for their baby . . . when they weren't pregnant. And this always devastated them. So, when I got pregnant and started to show (but before it was completely obvious that I was either pregnant OR had swallowed a balloon) and I had strangers ask me about the baby I went on a bit of a one woman sensitivity training campaign. I would get a surprised and sad look on my face and would say, "You think I'm PREGNANT?" The person would be left spluttering and I'd walk away.

As a woman who began to "look" perpetually pregnant in my late 40's, and who didn't begin to show when I was actually pregnant until well into my 6th month because I was really fit (ah, those were the days!), I dearly wish I had a problem like yours.

If we feel upset when other people tell us the truth (as they see it), it's almost always because of how we interpret it and how we feel about ourselves, not because any slight or emotional attack was intended. And even if other people intend to insult you, you still ultimately have the choice to be insulted, or not. Really! I have found that this works! (Well, I have had a few instances since this discovery where I simply could not stop hurting following a clear criticism, but I let the little stuff slide off with a shrug and a smile.)

These people are not criticizing you, they are just surprised, and their surprise blurts out before they think. We all do that sometimes, right? So why suffer over it? What if you chose to interpret it as a complement? Sounds like you are working hard to stay strong and healthy, and your efforts are paying off. Congratulations!

I had the same thing happen to me when I was pregnant with my son. When I talked about having a baby some people actually thought I was adopting! and I was like 6 or 7 months pregnant! I hated that people commented on my body. Never in any other time of your life is it appropriate for people to talk about your body. If you were too big they would have something to say too. I learned from this to never comment on another pregnant women. I always just say "you look great!" and thats it. Dont take it to heart. People just dont know any better

Weight and body image can be devastating things. Toss in hormones or (gasp) some idiot actually telling you its hormones & it can get deadly.

I completely feel for you. I'm 6'1", have been a competitive athlete and have modeled. I had gained about 60lbs just prior to getting pregnant (ummmm....120-180, which on ME 165-185 is bikini weight...before that can we say dangerously underweight??). Well, my metabolism was shot, when I started eating healthily for the baby (1800-2200 kc per day, as recommended by my doc/nutritionist) I gained an average of 20 lbs per month. Yup. I weighed over 325lbs when my son was born. Super fun. :P

On the upside; at birth my son weighed 10, the placenta 23 (yikes), and I lost about 20 lbs in H20 weight in 48hrs...which totals out to nearly 50pounds. Wheeee! On the bright side, I came to a point in my mind when I was pregnant where I was willing to do/defend my son from anything. I was doing this for HIM, not me, SCREW what strangers thought. The BEST side? My son was healthy.

To brighten your day...here's a list of my favorite comments...and no, there are no unsolved murders hanging around out there:

"Well, at least you don't have man-hands."

"& I thought Jackie* turned into fat cow when SHE got pregnant."

"Are you sure you want to eat that?"

"Honey, have you thought about alcohol treatment? I mean, you've gained all this weight and your liver is getting huge."

::sigh:: PE-OPLE!! :) :) :)

Most people mean well, but even when they mean well it can be hard not to wring necks. I found it was easier once I was secure in what I was doing and why. If you're uncomfortable about peoples comments about your weight/pregnancy it could be very helpful to examine your own motives & expectations. Once you know them I've found them to be the best thing to "say back" either to the speaker or myself. For me one was "I'd really PREFER to be bikini skinny right now, but I have to eat healthy for my baby...and he's the one who are important right now." For a good friend of mine theirs was "I'm so excited about being pregnant I want everyone to know, but I forget they don't and I don't show much until I'm about to deliver!!" By telling people what YOU want/wish, you become more secure in yourself and THEY know better what to talk with you about...and can get out of the generic.

Last word outta me, for those you may want to kick in the head:

"Forgiveness is the art of giving up All Hope for a better past."

~Z.
*names have been changed to protect them from finding out their idiot husbands ever said that ;)

I've not had this experience but I knew a couple of woman who did and they reveled in not looking pregnant and were glad to not have to wear maternity clothes. That's back when they were ugly.

I wear between a 12 and a 16. My weight fluctuates by 10-15 lbs and even tho I carry the extra weight in my waist and abdomen no one has thought I was pregnant even during my child bearing years. Fifteen extra pounds are not noticeable on me.

I don't understand why you think commenting on you not looking pregnant is a negative remark. Or why you feel fat. Yes, you weigh 15 lbs more but that doesn't mean you're fat. I don't think of myself as fat even when I'm wearing my size 16 jeans. How we feel is within our control.

Have you tried making positive statements to yourself. They help me alot. An example would be I am beautiful! I love this body! I am going to have a beautiful baby which makes gaining weight a beautiful thing.

I have a friend whose ob/gyn sent her to stay with her mother to get fattened up while she was pregnant because she wasn't gaining enough weight. The standard is to gain between 25 and 35 lbs by the time one gives birth. If you don't gain enough weight you are taking nutrition away from the baby which can result in birth defects and mental retardation. Is your boy so small because he was quite small at birth? Premature birth does sometimes result in small babies. But then again premature birth can be caused by the mother's poor health.

If you want people to know that you're pregnant wear maternity clothes. smocks and such. I think that you're saying you feel awful when they don't realize you're pregnant or are you feeling awful because you think they think you're fat?

I don't understand why someone would say they didn't think you could be pregnant because your little one is small. Women have a second baby 9 months later.

I feel compelled to ask you a couple of questions tho. I feel concerned for the health of both you and your babies. I've been trained to recognize the possibility of health difficulties in children and pregnant women. I hope that you're seeing an obstetrician and a pediatrician regularly. By the charts, 17 lbs at 12 months could indicate a failure to thrive baby. There can be several causes for failure to thrive, some of which must be treated. A common cause is that the baby's system cannot utilize his food perhaps because of a lack of enzyme in their system.

If you've seen a pediatrician for a one year check up or within the last couple of months and (s)he said that your little one is healthy then forget what I've said about that.

Please, tho, work on improving your body image both of your own sake and the sake of your children. Children who have mothers with poor body image usually grow up with poor body image too. You know how uncomfortable that is.

I wish you the best. Please take my comments as coming from one who cares about you and your babies even tho I don't know you.

S.,

I was a pre-preg 14...and a post-partum 16! I felt terrible the first three months of my daughter's life because I felt like I was so huge, even though it was only one size up. Then, I started taking control of my situation. I enjoyed being pregnant so much, I needed to enjoy being a first-time mommy to a baby who could care less if I was fat or not. You need to enjoy being pregnant and if that means going out and buying a cute maternity top that "enhances" your belly (something apron or smock style)--go for it! Also, people say stupid things sometimes out of ignorance, but also out of envy or jealousy. I'm sure lots of women out there would like to stay home (like you), or have children close in age (like you)--but can't for various reasons. They say things at the wrong time to compensate, but that doesn't make it right.

Also, it's smart to eat right and be active during your pregnancy, but it's not smart to do anything possible to not gain much weight. I was SO lucky my OB/GYN actually wanted me to gain weight, even though my pre-preg weight wasn't "optimal" to begin with. I know there are some docs out there who strike fear into women who are already overweight and encourage them to gain only 10-15 pounds max.

When my daughter was only 4 months old, I had a woman come up to us and say, "ooh, it looks like someone is going to be a big sister soon!". I was stunned, but at the same time, realized, "well, I do have a belly and it shows"...so I replied to this dope of a woman, "actually, I'm just fat." That shut her up, and actually gave me a dose of reality to say out loud what I already knew!

Now, I have gotten back down to pre-preg weight and hope to be pregnant again soon! It is taking longer than it did with my daughter and that's a bummer. I keep getting the, "So are you pregnant yet?" question from all my friends/family who know we're trying for baby #2. That can be just as frustrating!

Don't worry so much about what other people think! Seriously, as long as you and your husband are happy and your children are healthy that's all that matters.

Hi S. ~
I also am pre-prego size 14/16 and tall - I had the same problem. I remember that awkward in-between state, thinking that other people must just be assuming I'm getting fat! It was very frustrating when I told people such as my older son's preschool teacher that I was pregnant...and later on she said, "Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant!" This happened with more than one person, so I was very frustrated with their lack of listening.

Fortunately, pregnancy lasts only a short time and I popped out around 8 1/2 to 9 months along, really showing. I was delighted to not be as big as a house until the very end, very comfortable actually. My guys were all big babies and I lost weight rapidly afterwards, which was a plus to not being huge early in my pregnancies!

Best of luck to you with your family.
~ K.

Don't even think that you should take those as negative comments. If I were to hear those, I would think it was a complement. If they didn't know that you were pregnant, then it means you hide it well. You don't have to be one of those who suffers through a heavy load for as long as most. They are just showing envy when they say, I was so much bigger than you at that stage, not that you aren't as "pregnant" as they were. Enjoy your comfort in your health.

Be proud God is blessing you with another child and don't worry about comments. Just share your happiness for a little brother or sister for (give name and age age if you want, since she is small for her age).

Scrapbook many pictures of the children. They grow up so fast. My baby is 43... one of 3 and 5 grand children who are very special.

I don't know where you live, but I am a Creative Memories Consultant and if you want to scrapbook together and you live anywhere near Vancouver, WA, email me... ____@____.com or call me ###-###-####, we can scrapbook together. I have lots of supplies.

I am overweight and did not "look pregnant" either. Due to complications I had my son at 33 weeks after only gaining 15 pounds. When I returned to work there were several people who said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!" Just try to take it in stride. The most important thing is that you're growing a healthy baby. Good luck!

You have my sympathy. I was about 6 months along with my first when I finally started "looking pregnant," that is, my belly noticeably out front, but was carrying low so had expanded low early. I was living in Korea at the time, where tact about other people's bodies was not part of the culture, and one of my Korean friends said to me, "Oh good, you pregnant... I thought you just get fat!" A real morale builder, that one.

Look, if you've only gained about 15 pounds and you and your baby-under-construction are healthy, you're doing great. Try to ignore the bozos. I don't know why people think a pregnant woman's body or reproductive status have anything to do with them. If you feel you must respond, rather than sinking to their level, perhaps something along the lines of, "Yes, I'm pregnant, and I feel fabulous!" would work. If the bozo persists, maybe something like, "Wow. When did talking about someone else's body like that become appropriate?" would force them to get the hint.

You are growing a miracle inside of you. Don't let the turkeys get you down.

I'm sorry people are so rude! I have the oppposite problem, but both ways people need to keep it to themselves. Coming from the other side, I look pregnant when I'm not and look like I'm having triplets when I am.

I have cried and been upset over this type of thing too many times, now it's helped me to come up with a sarcastic retort that usually makes them feel worse than I do. Like when someone said I was big, I said as big as your mouth! My kids are big for their ages, I have a 20 lb 7 month old. When people say "wow she's big!" I say "yeah, I've tried starving her it didn't work" they just look at me, finally with nothing to say!

Or come up with something completely off the wall, that should shut them up. Tell them "thanks for noticing" and ask them if they have any ideas as to what you could do, stump 'em! Congrats on #2, it's fun!!

S.- I am reading your request and don't understand what comment made you feel fat? That you don't look pregnant? That should make you feel nice and healthy. That you couldn't possibly be pregnant with such a little one? Again, that should make you feel nice and helathy. That people had no idea you were pregnant? AGAIN, that should make you feel nice and healthy!! MAMA!! It sounds like people are complimenting you!!
BUT....I too did not look pregnant until I was about 8-8 1/2 months along. I hated hearing those comments because I didn't look pregnant! I remember even complaing to my midwife, when would I look pregnant!!?? She said, "one day you will wake up and there will be this HUGE baby bump, it'll happen faster than you can snap your fingers" and it did.
Remember that your hormones are dancing all over the place with this pregnancy, but also know that most woman are COMPLIMENTING you and not trying to attack you or make you feel fat.
Congratulations on your upcoming #2!!
L.

S.,

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. At 6 months pregnant with both my kids I looked ready to pop any day. What irritated me was the fake looks of commiseration when I told them I still had 3 months to go. I would have been extremely happy to have been tiny. But that was not in my cards and I tried to grin and bear it.

As an aside, my son will be 5 in Oct and is the size of the average 6 year old. My daughter is 17 months and everyone thinks she's 2. Be glad that your little one is not a pound and inch, it's killer when you feel like a beached whale and he wants to be picked up after hurting himself.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

It's amazing how differently pregnant mommies look, isn't it? :-) I am plus-sized and only gained 9 pounds during pregnancy (not from trying, just did). At my 8th month/32nd week check-up I was only up 3 pounds. I did reach 11 pounds for a week but lost it my last couple of weeks. Basically, I ate better than normal (I LOVED fruit but still had my nightly ice cream), wasn't going out to eat much, and had a small baby (5 lbs. 14 oz. - 3 days "overdue"). I didn't start looking pregnant (besides to friends and family) until I was in my 3rd trimester. I knew this was the one and only baby for us, so I really wanted EVERYONE to know I was pregnant. So I had a hard time seeing moms 2-3 months less along looking more pregnant. I totally know how you feel.

Our friends that had a baby a couple weeks ago were similar. The mommy barely showed until she was in her 6th month and didn't start looking pregnant until month 7 (she's probably a size 8-10 and tall). But by the end, we both were ready to pop. Oh, and their baby was 7 1/2 pounds - so you never know.

I do think it's a nicer way to be pregnant than looking like you're having twins (or more) and dealing with the weight of a big baby and/or lots of amnionic fluid (I've had friends like that too and they were miserable). I know the two of us who took long to show loved being pregnant and not everyone can say that.

I really don't think people are making comments that you're fat (which you're not). Now if they were - RUDE! You don't need people like that in your life. But honestly, they probably just didn't know and are surprised to see you are without hearing about it first (either from you or others). You sound on par for the healthy, recommended weight-gain of 25 pounds for a woman that is not over- or underweight.

The other problem is people always want to point out how small your baby is and might think that of the one you're having now is too. I have a tiny kid too (I looked up her info - 16 pounds at 1 year). She FINALLY hit 24 pounds at her 2 3/4 weight check (we've always had lots of extra appointments for weight checks). She's been checked for everything, had blood work, pee tests, etc. and guess what - she's just petite. People will always have something to comment about you or your kids, so you have to know what things are truly uncalled for, and what is just speaking without thinking. I hope you don't let those comments eat away at you. Revel in your wonderful pregnant self and love what your amazing body is able to do. You're growing a person - enjoy! :-D

15 pounds is surely enough for you to notice a difference, and someone who knows your body well (hubby) would also notice a change. But, when you are fully clothed, 15 pounds extra is not enough for the most others to notice a change. The average person also does not pay attention to how big your tummy is or is not, so take it as a compliment that these people have not noticed the changes.

Oh my goodness, is this sounding familiar! My 23-year-old daughter is due in mid-October and only just STARTED looking pregnant within the last week or two, and is experiencing exactly what you are although she is a size 6. Also, her brother is just 15 months younger than her and my husband was exactly 12 months younger than his brother. So, oh well. Consider the source, they do not know what they're talking about.

I always kept busy and made myself think of and do other things when these rediculous comments came up. My daughter is more sensitive and that's harder for her, but she calls me or one of her cousins or sis-in-law for support. And looking forward to when Baby is born, I loved it that we had all the good parts of having "twins" without the hardest parts, since my daughter could walk and begin to talk when her brother was born, but they otherwise went through many phases together, including getting married just a year apart. One of my sisters who actually HAS twins has told me many times that I cheated.

Now, about feeling fat, welcome to pregnancy. You HAVE to get bigger around to carry a baby, it's just fine! And once you're my age, you'll also see how beautiful expecting moms really look. If it helps, I was also in very good shape for the second one and lost all my 30 pounds the week he was born.

The hard parts of having and raising the kids were not nearly as hard as the good parts were wonderfully good! As the Bible tells us, what we suffer is as nothing compared to the rewards. We have children we absolutely adore and who have grown to be loving, happy adults. Find supportive relatives or friends and let them help you be positive and really enjoy the beautiful family you are being blessed with. Best wishes!

S.:

As long as you know that baby is healthy by your doctor appointments and you are eating right and exercising, then just let those comments roll off your back like water off a duck. If it were me, I would be so glad that I didn't look that big.

Also, keep in mind that typically you'll do your most growth with your second child in the last 2 months of pregnancy, so don't worry, your time is coming.

Just try to enjoy not being that big, and think positively. As long as your doctor is not concerned and you've had no complications, I'm sure your baby will be fine and beautiful.

Keep being a great mom to your other little one and just enjoy these moments that you have with him because when the baby gets here, you won't have a lot of time, unfortunately to spend with your oldest-as much.

Best wishes and congrats!!!!!

Kim B.

I think it is amazing that you are 6 months pregnant and people are just starting to notice. With my second child, people noticed in the first trimester (and I LOST weight in the first trimester!). hhmpf! Isn't it amazing that people think it is their right to spew their opinion all over everything and everyone?

I, like you, pre-pregnant size 14. I had only gained about 15 pounds by the time I was 6 months along too. But, your body is just different the second time around, especially so soon after the other one. My babies were 20 months apart, about the same as your's will be.

My advice? Hang in there, keep healthy, and try to keep your chin up. It is extremely discouraging at times. But, those kids are amazingly worth it.

People that did not know me well could not tell I was pregnant
until at 6-7 months it was going to become awkward at work if I did not make an announcement and make it more obvious. I bought pregnancy clothes and found that this alleviated much of the awkwardness. Even at nine months if I was not wearing the pregnancy clothes many people acted surprised to learn that I was pregnant. I found this to be amazing since I felt like a blimp. I am normally a size 10-12 and to the end of my pregnancy I could still fit into my pre pregnant sweats. But There was a sizable bulge in my belly.

I empathize with your reaction to people not being able to tell. The right pregnancy tops made all the difference. They made me look huge, which was strange in a different way, but it alleviated that awkwardness.

S.!

Enjoy the journey and keep your good habits in order, exercising and watching what you eat. Sometimes people say the craziest thing! I own my own business and coach people to a healthier lifestyle, thru nutrition. I am currently in my 6th batch of BIGGEST LOSERS for a Weight Loss Challenge. And what you are saying is true to what clients are saying in class. Unfortunately, we cannot put a damper on other peoples words but we can adjust our response.

With that, congrats on baby #2! & I am always needing bilingual speakers for my business. If you ever want to "do"
something, along side of being a SAHM, give me a call.

Good Luck:)!

L. L. Massie ~ Owner
###-###-####
www.AllAboutNutritionClub.com

1) when I was 19, 5'8" and 120 lbs a woman asked me if I was pregnant (I was just not standing up straght as I leaned against a counter)!

2) My mother is about a size 18 but looks like she's about 8 months pregnant because she has hernias in her abdominal wall that make her look that way. Someone asked when the triplets were due (she's 54 this year and starting menopause).

3) I work in the health profession and therefore wear scrubs. They look like a potato sack so I didn't show till 7 months. I was exhausted the whole time so I guess people thought I was fat AND lazy.

4) Great benefit of being really careful about diet (while making sure you get enough!) is that I came home from the hospital weighing two pounds more than I did when I got pregnant. A month later I weighed 15 lbs less than that.

People are dorks and they usually don't mean to be offensive, really.

S.

Hi S.,

I decided to just make sure I looked pregnant. I wore form fitting clothes that showed my belly being round and not just flabby. I also wore maternity blouses that really emphasized the belly and t-shirts that had cute sayings to express that there was a little one inside of me. It answers their questions without them having to ask and it helped me revel and enjoy my pregnant body rather than feeling fat in my changing body. I haven't used them and I am hoping to start carrying them in my store soon, but there are Belly Huggers by Huggalugs that are super cute! I am dying to start carrying them as I think women will love them. Here's their website: http://huggalugs.com.au/Maternity.htm

A.
www.punkinbutt.com

I am going through the same thing. I am now 25 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child and started out a size or two bigger then the last (size 9-11). All my maternity clothes just look like I am trying to cover up extra weight. I know for me in the beginning the baby was growing but I was actually losing weight. Now that I have to keep up with the other two and my daily duties (which are more this time)my body is burning the mass amounts of food I feel like I eat:) You know that you are growing a great healthy baby so don't worry about what other people think. Once that beautiful little one is here you will be healthier from the get go.

Hi S.,
I know it can seem discouraging, but remember people just say things without thinking. We all do it. I think some of the comments sound like they didn't notice your pregnancy because you haven't put on much weight. 15 pounds is not a lot and you are working hard to take care of yourself. My son is also very small, he turned 2 in June and only weighs 21 pounds. People make comments about his size all the time. It gets old.....fast....but he's healthy and strong. I'm sure your pregnancy is going perfectly well and you are doing a fabulous job with your body. The way we carry babies is different for each of us. I loved being pregnant because I felt so proud of my body and for those 20 months I felt more comfortable in my skin than ever. So, my advice is to take pride in your body and celebrate what it's capable of. Best of luck to you and keep up the good work!! L.

Hi S.,
I am sorry you are feeling badly about your weight. To let people know you are pregnant, get a shirt and a button that say, "Baby on board" or something like that. When you don't wear the shirt, obviously you can't wear it every day, wear the pin. They probably have a onesie or shirt for the little one that says, "I am going to be a big brother." Of course there will be people who don't see them either. At least it is temporary and you only have a couple months left of dealing with this. By the time you are almost due, people will know. Congratulations on your second child. I hope all goes well with them both.

S., good job on keeping up your exercise and eating right! I wouldn't worry too much about these people's comments. I'm a size 6, and during my first pregnancy I gained 20 lbs in the first 4 months. I just looked bigger, I didn't look pregnant, until I was about 6 months. My sister said, when I was 5 months, "oh when I was at your stage of pregnancy, I made sure to wear clingy clothes so that people knew I was pregnant." I laughed, because I didn't really feel that self conscious about it, but her comments were advising me to. I see lots of women who do the same thing, just kind of spread out in the middle before the baby pops out to make you look pregnant. If you feel like you can't laugh off people's comments, or toss them back somehow ("I didn't gain this weight for nothing!"), you could try my sister's trick! My husband used to laugh at us too, because he's fifty pounds overweight and carries it all in his belly, and he'd make jokes about how I didn't look pregnant, I just looked like I was catching up to him. I'll bet you look great, and healthy. Best wishes and take care.

Well first off congratulations! That's great that you are going to have another baby. Secondly remember your hormones, most prego mommies are a little more sensitive, and third if you can give people the benefit of the doubt. If your first child is small most people will probably think that you are still carrying baby weight from the first and wouldn't want to offend by telling you that you look pregnant. Also people not in the baby having stage I think find it hard to believe that moms would want babies that close together so also might not even think that you might be possibly pregnant. I know that doesn't help much, but if you want to put the idea out there for people to talk about your belly bump you could by one of those tshirts that say due in November, or one of those other cute prego mama shirts. That way no one will have to wonder and everyone loves talking to a pregnant mom. Well I hope that helped a little and once again congratulations.

Hi S.,

You are full of hormones and maybe are being a little sensitive to people. It's funny how people take offense at different things. A friend of mine was frequently assumed to be pregnant as she gained weight. You're not gaining too much weight with the pregnancy (which is great!!!) and people don't realize you're pregnant. Big deal, I say (I who am not pregnant and flooded with those sensitive hormones). It is funny how rude, ignorant people seem to crawl out of the woodwork and have lots of comments when someone is pregnant. But again, it might not seem so insensitive if it was any other topic. Try not to worry about what people say. What can really make a difference is how you project yourself. If you are beaming and excited when you say that you are pregnant, then people will more likely be excited with you. If you act hurt and down in the dumps, they might then assume that it wasn't planned/wanted. I took it as a compliment when people made comments that I wasn't very big, etc. It really is all about attitude. Just enjoy this time in your life and try not to let people get under your skin. They usually don't mean any harm. I've actually mentioned to people how they were hardly showing well into the pregnancy, and truly meant it as a compliment (you know how some people gain 60+ pounds for a pregnancy, then wonder why it doesn't come off so easily). I might have to rethink saying anything.

B.

You are carrying a child. That is something to be proud of. During pregnancy we have to change our mind set. We are normally trying to loose weight, loose weight, loose weight. But during pregnancy we are supposed to gain. Try to put a positive spin on it when people say "oh your pregnant". You can say "yep and I have been for 6 months, isn't it great!" It will make you feel better. Let you husband know how you are feeling. He can usually help you to feel better. I am pregnant with twins and so I have really had to change my mind set. I have to try to gain 24 pounds by the 24th week. My husband and I celebrate when I gain weight because it means that the babies are growing. Congratulations on your pregnancy! It is wonderful that you are having another child!

Hey S., I was really small with my little girl until the 3rd trimester... I was stuck in that people are not sure if you are pregnant, so they don't say anything... rut for a while. It is not cool, but I think that I just found ways to mention that I was pregnant before people had an opportunity to say something that would be offensive. Maybe you could find dome maternity shirts that announce the baby. ones that say "baby" or "coming soon...." I don't know, just an idea.

Or you could always go on the offensive, when someone makes a rude comment, Oh, you just thought I was fat?! ha! nope, that is all baby, Baby!" LOL it might work! :-)
Also, My mom always says that your 2nd is different then your 1st because your body goes "oh, I know what this is, I've done it before, so you might get bigger with #2 then you did with #1.

I must say that I admire your ambition to have 2 little ones so close together. You didn't mention if that was intentional or not, but either way, you must be an amazing woman with a great husband! Good Luck, and stay cool in this hot weather!

S.,
I was in the same boat as you, size 12-14, prior to being pregnant, and not really starting to show until 6 months. This is my first baby and could not wait to start showing and wear maternity clothes. I am now 8 1/2 months and have gained about 20 pounds. I still hear, "you're so little", "are you eating enough" It made me wonder if my baby is OK. I went in for my 32 week check-up and measured 35 cm, so I do have a belly. My doctor says everything looks great and my baby is growing, and not listen to what anyone else says. I just tell people thanks for their concern, and that I am right on track with my weight and size.

Buy a really fitted maternity shirt and rub that belly alot, that should show those insensitive people what is going on!
I think it is so rude, it shouldn't matter what size you were before...and if it was just you gaining weight who cares, its your body, and nobody should judge you on that!

I know it can be hard when people dont seen to think before they speak. But always remember that you are beautiful and loved by soo many and that is all that truley matters. I take time everyday( I am the same size as you it sounds like) to look at myself naked in the mirror and find something I love about myself. We live in a silly society these days. Just remember all the goddess are our size and beautiful from the inside out. So I hope you have a blessed and sunshine filled day. Just remember to look at yourself and smile and not give anyone to much of your wonderful energy. K.

I had the same issue and was especially appalled to be told by people I knew at work that they thought I "had gotten chubby". Those comments hurt! I took solace in the fact that my body was doing an amazing, beautiful thing and when I could, I let people know that it hurt my feelings to not be viewed as pregnant. For other times, I had to just let the comments go, you can't do anything about another's perception, it's your own that really counts!

I haven't experienced this myself, but from experience on learning about the negative comments of others...I've learned to pass it off. It's never easy. I'm sorry that these things have been said...whether they were on purpose or innocently said. Although, the sad part is, people never take the time, anymore, to stop and think about what they say to others. Never realizing that those things are taken in a different light when you are the person hearing it all. *hug* I was at the food bank a few weeks back. There was a woman, who by appearance and behavior, looked like she was a drug addict. Who knows, but I did my best to ignore her behavior and pass it off. She made some rude comments and had some rude questions for some of the people standing in line. One woman, who clearly didn't look like she was pregnant, was asked if she was pregnant. I couldn't believe that someone had no consideration for how this woman felt. The strange druggy looking woman would say something like this without thinking was quite rude. She also approached me and had asked if my son was well...my son. I stated he was and her comment? What a little brat! I couldn't believe she said this! Of course, she didn't even know that my son has Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Disorder. Sad on her part. I was hurt, but had to try letting it slide. I let it go with a simple God Bless You to her. Well, sorry about this being so long. As I said before, I maybe not know exactly what you are going through, but I know what it's like to have people make unnecessary comments to you without a thought of your feelings. *hug* Ever need to talk, feel free to write. :D ~B.

Hi S.. I can FULLY sympathize with you. I am also a size 14/16 and still have a little bit of a "Mama" tummy. When my son was about 1 1/2, I was shopping at the mall one day when a woman in line ahead of me asked me when I was due ... and I wasn't even pregnant! Needless to say it hurt my feelings, but I wasn't going to let that person know that. Some people just simply don't think about the things they say or how their questions or comments will affect someone. Some people simply have NO tact. I have always followed the old saying by Dave Barry, "You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment."

I applaud you for being so healthy and active during your pregnancy! I agree with the other comments below that being pregnant is something you should be extremely proud of, show off to the world, and let everyone know how happy you are to be expecting! I wore tight shirts to show off my very LARGE tummy ... I carried all of my baby weight out in front. But I do understand how you feel when you get to that third trimester and how little comments can hurt.

Believe me, enjoy that you are carrying small and try not to let these things bother you. I know that is easier said than done, but remember, the happier and healthier you are, the healthier and happier your baby will be!

Best of luck to you and your family! =)

Hi S.,
Take it all with a grain of salt:) I am a size 8 pre pregnancy and have 9 lb+ babies and people tell me the same thing. I don't think it matters what size you are, people, especially women need to give you their take on how you look. I get told that I am not even showing and I am in my 3rd trimester to being told twice in one day that it looks like I am expecting twins!! Take heart in the fact that you are blessed beyond measure to be carrying life within your womb. Pregnant women are beautiful whatever size and shape they are and I am sure you are no exception. May you have a blessed birth!!

J.

people do say the most ridiculous things sometimes, don't they??? Most of it is just ''mouth in gear before brain' and should be deleted with a reasonably patient half-smile ( just like e-mail!) -- I'll tell you a funny story- and then hopefully add a mildly helpful suggestion.

When my 3rd child was on the way I was a 37 year old Mom of a 10 year old and a 5 year old -- I suffered from undiagnosed gestational diabetes and this 3rd baby ( due the first part of July ) would be 10lb, 15 and a half ounces. I was BIG. So I went to sign up the 5 year old for swim classes in mid-June - and the teacher stared at me as though I were in active labor and said '''but-----but----- well---------who will bring him in for the lessons??""".

I deleted all the things I wanted to say and replied -- '''I will''. and walked away. During that last month I had strangers ask '''how many is it'?????''' ---

my suggestion??? look at them with pity and say''' what a nice compliment--- I didn't look pregnant as I've been working really hard - thanks''' -- or even just smile faintly and change the subject.

And I hope someday you will look back and laugh-

Many blessings,
J.

I am 7 months pregnant, and have only gained 9 lbs. so far, and I have had many rude comments from people that I know. I was barely showing until a couple of weeks ago (when I hit 26 weeks) and my belly grew almost over night! I have had comments that I "look huge" to "are you sure it's not twins?" from some people. And then I get totally opposite comments from other people saying that I barely look pregnant and look great. People don't think when they are talking to a pregnant person. Sometimes stuff just comes flying out of their mouths! I would say that a lot of pregnant woman would love to hear that they look so great that no one even knew that they were pregnant. I guess that the comments that you are getting are supposed to be compliments. In another month, people will surely know that you are pregnant and then you will be having to fight people off your belly with a stick! Good luck!

Wow. People are really dumb sometimes. Honestly I don't think anyone is telling you you look fat. I know how you feel though. With my daughter I didn't get asked if I was pregnant until I was 8 months along. I had people telling me I wasn't eating enough, and was too skinny etc. It sounds to me like you are very healthy and taking good care of you and your baby. Way to go, on getting in so much exercise with a little one! Are you wearing clothes with a cut that shows off your "motherly" figure? Or are you just upping you size in "normal" clothes as you grow? If you aren't making the switch to Maternity tops, that could be diguising your baby bump for post baby fat?

My best advice is...if you feel good and are healthy then just smile and nod at those rude people who don't think before they open their mouths!

Be who you are and choose who you listen to. It is your body and you are not in control of what it looks like. You can control what you think about it. And being pregnant is being beautiful--whether it shows or not. And you are in control of how you respond.

It is like a exotic name. How beautiful your name is. The person whose name it is, is not responsible for it. She just has it. Her parents named her. So what is her response?

Be pregnant in mind and body--beautiful.

As lomg as your doctor says you are fine I wouldn't worry what other people say.
I might say something like, "Oh I guess because I am patite it doesnt show as much, but I and my baby are healthy and right on schdeual."

Good luck and congrats!

Have you considered that these comments may have nothing to do with your weight and may just be because you're carrying small with this pregnancy? It may be that you don't 'look' as pregnant with this child as you did with your last because you've put on less weight this time around. I'm willing to bet that your good eating habits have kept you looking trimmer with this pregnancy, and therefore those who knew you during your first pregnancy (and even those who didn't) are surprised that you're not showing more. At least that's how an outsider looking in (me) sees it.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they're paying you a compliment rather than a criticism. The majority of women hear the opposite, something along the lines of "are you sure you're not carrying twins?!" So try to look at it that way - you could be hearing THAT all the time!

I had the opposite experience, which was that I have a small frame and my belly was huge. When I was 6-7 months, people would say, "oh my! you must be due any day now" or "are you sure its not twins?!?" I don't understand why people think that commenting on a woman's size and shape is all of a sudden fair game because she's pregnant. It makes me pretty mad. I think the people making comments to you are probably trying to be nice, so all I can say is don't let it get to you. Maybe try to talk about your pregnancy openly so people aren't wondering and forming their own opinions or gossiping... throw a little "well, since I'm due in March (or whatever month)"... into the conversation. Wear maternity clothes that float over your belly -- or even non maternity clothes since that empire waist/tunic style is still in. And try to treat yourself to a pregnancy massage or least make time for a relaxing bath at home and think about what a wonderful job your body is doing, making and nurturing a tiny life. The fact that you are eating healthy and exercising is so good for you, the new baby and your family. Good luck!

Hello S.!

I hear you! I have experienced the other side of the coin for the last 12 years, people always asked me if I was pregnant (even when I was not) because I have a belly no matter how much exercise I do. (I had twins and several other abdominal surgeries and then waited 7 years to have our third so my stomach isn't what is used to be). Plus, when I was last pregnant, I was huge from the start and people would say " Are you sure you don't have two in there?" People can be so hurtful without being aware. It has been really frustrating and I haven't figured out exactly what to say to people except act confused..."Are you expecting?" and I reply "Expecting what?" They are apologetic when they find out and perhaps they will learn something for next time. I really don't know what to tell you anything specific but please revel in your beautiful pregnant self and be sure to take care of you and your growing baby.

I've felt I've looked pregnant for a few months at least (also due in Nov). But some people act like they didn't know or couldn't tell I was pregnant.
I think if you carry your son alot like I carry my daughter people see the child not the tummy. Also some days I just wear more fitted shirts that show I have a belly and I'm not just fat. Basically do what makes you feel good and try to ignore other people. they always will have something to comment about your size (sure its not twins, you must be due any day or many months, or youre carrying the baby like a boy or a girl)

It's amazing how rude peoople can be. In fact some of those people prabably actually thought that saying they couldn't tell would be a complement. That's what I found when people said that to me. You are clearly doing a great job eating right and staying in shape so when they say something like that I found it best to just thank them warmly. If they were being mean it will make them feel rteally small and if they weren't then you are taking it as they meant it -- complimentary.

What a wonderful time in your life. I just know you want to shout it, or better yet, have other people come up to you to talk about your good news. No worries, though! I felt the same way. There I was 8 months pregnant in a swimming suit and people told me I looked "maybe 6 months." Even in the shower at the pool! I was a size 12 (I'm very, very tall) before the baby and a 10 after the baby. And I'm happy to say that the annoyance I felt while pregnant if someone didn't realize I was in the family way was completely worth it when they saw me with my one month old and told me that I "couldn't have" just had a baby. Because they weren't experiencing it, they had no idea. To people not going throug it, women are just pregnant forever. Not only that, we're supposed to look like a beached whale to prove we really are pregnant. I'm sure you are lovely, and the belly is as beautiful as it is fruitful. But with so many very large people in the suburbs, sometimes it is easier for an outsider to just suppose you stopped going to the gym for a little while.

Take heart. They won't be able to believe you were ever pregnant when you get your pre-pregnancy body back. And they will never remember that they didn't realize it when you were expecting.

Hi S.,
I was a size 12 before my daughter and am now between 14 and 16. It is so hard when you work so much at keeping your weight down as much as we can. People are totally clueless at times and are just plain thoughtless when they say things. I think they are trying to pay a complement when they say they didn't even know you were pregnant. Just know you are beautiful. I do not like be pregnant. I feel really fat, but I think most women do. Wish I had more help, but hang in there. I am still trying to lose my pregnancy weight from my son who is now two!. I hate this weight thing. I don't want to be skinny, just a size 10!!!! I don't think that I too much to ask, but is so hard to get there!

HI-
I am a size 12/14 and some people didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 8 months. I didn't even look pregnant until about 6/7 months. And pre pregnancy, I had a flat stomach and looked like an average woman. I think everyone just thought I was getting fat! But I knew I was growning my beautiful child inside! I know it is hard not to let it bother you, but don't. Everyone cares children differently. Just be proud that you are a beautiful mother of soon to be 2 and enjoy your children. And phewy on all those people rude people out there!! LOL

I had the same problem with my second pregnancy. I was around seven months when people finally started to think I looked pregnant, but then I got comments about how huge I was and strangers telling me I was going to have a ten pound baby. Try your best to ignore those comments. I know it's hard, but I think their comments about you not looking pregnant is their way of telling you that you look great for being pregnant. So many people assume women are pregnant who aren't that their scared to say anything now. Hang in there.

S., don't feel bad. I just had my daughter two months ago and have a 19 month old. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was 6 months old! I had the same thing happen to me when I told people I was pregnant. Look, for starters who cares what people think. If they dont think you're pregnant, thats a good thing- they must think you look good. Plus, think about it this way- you have a one year old and you're six months pregnant, there's no way you even had a chance to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight anyway-I know I surely didn't! When I realized I was pregnant again, I was still carrying extra pounds from my son so people assumed that I was just in the process of losing it again. Take what they say as a compliments, and remember who cares what people say. As moms we have to get use to people offending us all time- whether its how we raise our child, our decisions to get pregnant so quickly or simply the way we look people always have their two cents, so let them say what they want and know that you look great and be happy that you have a beautiful bundle of joy growing inside of you.

I also am due in Nov. with our second child. I picked up some tank tops that make my belly look pregnant not fat. It is hard when they say you don't even look pregnant. I don't think they know that it means we must look fat. Which we probably don't, but when you are pregnant that is how we usually feel. I try to just block out those kind of comments, but easier said then done. Good luck.

hey S....i don't know what to tell you about you're not looking pregnant dilema. but i would love to scrapbook with you sometime. what area do you live in?
A. t.

Hi S.,

Im really sorry that there are people out there that are so insensitive and rude that they just haven't learned what not to say to women. I do understand and can commiserate with you but for different reasons. I always look pregnant. My stomach muscles completely seperated and hurniated after my first daughter and even though I got the hurnia repaired my lower stomach muscles went completely slack. So, I often get asked if I am pregnant when im not and when I was pregnant with my last child (two months ago) I got looks of astonishment and asked how many I was having and am I STILL pregnant. Afterwardss the totally rude comments started again (because now my stomach muscles are even worse than before!) Like, "Are you sure there isn't anothr baby in there?" "Wow, you should be back to normal by now shouldn't you?" And one idiot that actually said "I guess you still have baby weigh to lose." UGH!!! I actually weigh less now than I did when i was pregnant! I guess we just serve as reminders that all women's bodies are different and pregnancies show differently and repair differently on different people. And, damn it, other women really need to stop being SO RUDE and INSENSITIVE!

Now that I got done ranting please try not to let those other people effect how you feel about youurself. You know if you are a size and shape that is right for you.. Keep being helathy including having a healthy sense of you. Best Wishes.

In one sense it is a compliment that they do not even realize you are expecting, you are carrying that baby extremely well. Meaning, that you are not looking pregnant, and maintaining your weight pretty much.
Please do not be offended to be a size 14, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14. Society has deemed that we must all be a size 3 or 5 or 8, not our hereditary genes. Please be proud of your body, and be proud that you are having your second child so close to your first, they will be best of friends since they are so close in age.
When you look in the mirror be proud, enjoy the fact that you are creating another life and embrace the way you feel, well unless of course you are still having morning sickness :).

Being a size 14 myself and at 57 I am not pregnant, I embrace my womans body everyday and just thank the Lord that I am healthy. Good Luck with that new baby and brother Aaron.

Debie

It is amazing to me how "comfortable" people are making personal comments to pregnant women. It doesn't matter whether you've gained a lot of weight, or no weight at all, everyone has an opinion and they feel compelled to share it. I didn't start showing until my seventh month, which kind of bugged me because I really wanted to "look pregnant." Crazy, I know.

Anyway, people will say stuff. Just smile and remember that 95% of what people say is more a reflection of who they are, rather than an accurate description of who you are.

S.,
I have a similar yet opposite problem. I am also due in Nov, but I'm HUGE. I haven't gained much weight, but what weight I have is all baby. My first was 10lbs, so this doesn't really surprise me, but strangers sure can be rude. The next time someone says ANYTHING about your size, you can simply say something, like "Healthy mama, healthy baby!" Or, if the comment is about how "small" (and remember that's relative, depends on how you're carrying, my mom hardly looked pregnantwith either me or my brother) you are, just say something about how you're looking forward to not having to kill yourself losing the baby weight. Also, if it's a bad day, a hot day, a long day, and you feel snappy, that's ok, too. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. People look at me and say, wow just about to pop, huh? And I say, nope, not until November and that's when it starts "you shouldn't drink so much milk!" "do you have diabetes" "eating a lot of sweets, huh?" None of which are the case. Some days I'm ok with it and I lgugh, something I get snappy, don't worry about it

Hi S., My kids are 15 months apart and now five and six years and I can tell you that you will get a lot of comments on how close they are together after the pregnancy too. My advice to you is enjoy the pregnancy - at six mos, you body/baby will soon be making it obvious what the weight gain is from. Sounds like you are doing the right things with eating right and exercising, so worry about weight after the baby. Congratulations to you on your second blessing! Do you know what you are having yet? I have a boy then a girl and they are best friends:-) Take care and good luck!

~M. Evans
____@____.com

It never ceases to amaze me the things that people will say to a pregnant momma! I have 3 kids and with each pregnancy I heard all the comments. I always tried to remind them that what is going on with my body is truly a miracle and I am so excited to have another little one. People don't realize what a healthy, full belly looks like on everyone. Please try to stay in the light and love that surrounds you during this precious time because you are beautiful beyond words and comments.
I have to admit that other times I was just grumpy and I would school them on talking nicely to others.
Good Luck to you momma!

I did. My little one didn't really show herself until my fifth month. All of my commenters knew I was pregnant, and they kept saying how small I was and how big they had been. I know that they were envying the "elegance" of a longer figure (I'm about 6'.), but it made me feel like my pregnancy wasn't as legitimate as theirs had been. I started resenting it, but I just laughed, bowed, and if I was feeling spiteful, completed their comments for them. A lot of these comments are rote comments; they have to say something, and commenting on your small waist is more clever than simply saying congratulations.