Looking for Help with Toddler Sleep Habits

Have you tried sitting with her on her bed for 10 minutes and then slowly transitioning further away? Set a timer for 10 minutes and then move to a chair by the bed and then after a few minutes, move the chair to the door. If this works, maybe you could eliminate the time on the bed and just start off in the chair. As for the middle of the night wakings, do you think having a monitor set up would help her? This way, she can know that if she needs you to protect her from a monster, etc you are a call away. She may test it a few times, but if you go in check to make sure she's alright and don't give a lot of attention, she may get the hint. I too was afraid of the shadows and noises in the night and I think knowing my parents were a call away would have helped. Does she have another "lovey" since she gave up her pacifier? That may help too - to have a blanket or stuffed animal to hug during the night.

I also recommend having a place for her to curl up in your room and sleep if she needs to that isn't in your bed. Either a crib mattress on the floor or a sleeping bag or something. Make sure that you explain to her that it's not that you don't like her in your bed - it's that the new baby isn't big enough to sleep alone like she is, and there isn't enough room in the bed. When the baby comes, she's likely to regress a bit, and it's very important right now to make sure that she doesn't feel like she's losing any of your love. She's probably going to be extra clingy for a while.

We have three boys and two have had different sleep issues and still do. Here are some of the more successful things we do: a timer a night. When we started the timer, we would set it for a minute and then go back and check on our son. Then we would begin to set it longer. We are still using this for our 7yr old and have been for a couple of years on and off. The bedroom lights are on dimmers and we never shut the lights completely off - always dimmed at night. For our youngest, who just turned 4, we bought him a GIANT stuffed dog (he loves dogs) for Christmas. He sleeps with that and we haven't heard him say he's scared since Christmas (keeping our fingers crossed!). We also found that if my husband gets up with my oldest at night, he'll go right back to sleep - he get no sympathy or comfort from my husband. If I get up to put him back to bed, it's a long drawnout process. We have also tried music to fall asleep to - that worked for a bit. Pictures of the family on the wall next to the bed helped a while back. Just keep trying new ideas and something will click with your daughter - good luck!!

We had a very similar experience when our daughter was 2 and 1/2. I picked up the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" - it's written by a pediatrician and starts out with newborn but has a toddler section and specifically a "jack in the box" section about how to handle toddlers who won't stay in the bed. Has ideas about setting a timer when you first put them down, doing a reward chart, etc. but the main point is to be firm and bring the child back to bed without any social interaction when they get up. We must have returned our daughter to bed over 200 times that first night (I attempted to keep a log of it) but even by the second night things were better and she is now 3 and a great sleeper and stays up in her room when we put her to bed (for the most part). There was definitely some crying in the middle of the night those first few nights, so if you do it, your others might wake up, but it was only a few nights - I couldn't believe how quickly it made a difference. As for her fears (she said she was afraid of bugs/spiders), my husband told her that her stuffed penguin would protect her and it seemed to work. Good luck!

N. - Your situation with this child is identical to our own just 1 year ago. We co-slept for about that long, transitioned our daughter into her room, then her crib, then us not having to pat her on the back and being able to just leave, then off a bed time bottle, actually. When I was about 5 months pregnant we put her into a "big girl bed", knowing we would need the crib and wanted her not to remember her times in there. With the big girl bed came fears of monsters and shadows mostly.
SO, we let her sleep with the light on. She sleeps with her stuffed animal "friends", 2-3 books (which we tell her she can look at when we leave, although she always just cuddles with them and crashes), but we leave the lights on. For nearly a year now she is great about going to bed and we got her a big flower night light/lamp that goes on her wall and leave the hall light on with her door wide open until we go to bed.
It's not really that big of a deal. For a little bit my husband would be adamant about lights out at bed time, but then he realized I was just leaving them on and she was going to bed with out issue. I always ask her if she wants a light on and which one(bedroom/hall?) to empower her and give her the same phony reminder that she only has a few minutes and that I'll check on her and if she is playing around and not trying to sleep - then lights out. I've "checked on her" a few times, so she assumes I always do - and she is usually asleep soon after we leave the room.

It sounds like you are doing just fine. Remember to pick your battles carefully and in general (with only 2 on my hands, anyway)it seems to make mothering much easier.
Good luck!

WE bought our daughter a light from walmart and you can set it for 15 min and it will shut off. Whe my daughter wakes up scared she puts this light on and she goes back to sleep. If you have seen the movie flubber it looks like that it has a head no eyes and arms. It has been a great help with keeping the moose away at night. I will look up the name when i get home. I hoe it works for you. Happy New Year to you and your family

Big mistake lying down with her until she falls asleep! But from what it sounds like you already know that.
I hate to say this but you may have to let her cry it out. Kids need to learn to fall asleep on their own without any help. Laying down with her and rubbing her back is okay but you really should make sure you leave once she is drowsy but still awake. So I would continue to lay down with her but be firm and let her know she has to fall asleep on her own after. Good luck! It may take some time but it should work. Been there done that (although my son was younger).

Since you took her soother (the pacifier), have you tried to replace it with something else? I know both my girls have a toy they take to bed with them, as well as a special blanket each. I'll do the same with my third when she's older. I don't use a night light in their room, but maybe that would help your daughter. I hope this helps!

I agree that not letting her in your bed is imperative, but I'm not sure that saying there's no room because of the new baby will work. It could backfire and make her more jealous and more clingy. My 3 grandchildren had little foam fold-out "chairs" - kind of like a convertible sofa but just their size. It was a TV chair or a chair for their rooms, but it opens up with a quick unfold - a child can do it. You could consider putting one in your room and she has to sleep there.

Another option is putting it in your sons' room - if she's really afraid, she can sleep on their floor without disturbing them. I understand that you are worried about her waking everyone up with her crying and her stubborn streak - but that stubborn streak will be there in some other way if it's not controlled and re-directed. If she won't sleep in your sons' room, then you know it's about YOU and not about pure fear.

You can try letter her sleep with something special of yours - a soft scarf or special blanket - there are ways to print photographs onto fabric and then stitch them on to a blankie or soft piece of fleece. If you don't sew, then use something like Stitch Witchery or other iron-on adhesive available in any fabric store. The fabric store people should be able to give you good advice.

You can consider putting a gate on her door - 2 if she's a climber, one on top of the other - so she can open the door but not get out.

You could try something "drastic" during the February vacation when your boys don't need the sleep as much for school. I know it will be hard on everyone, but it's already hard on you and your husband, and it's not going to get any better when the baby comes. I would definitely not make this about the new baby though - your daughter will probably regress then anyway. She doesn't WANT to be a big girl right now which is why she's doing the clingy and fearful phase.

There are numerous books on sleep habits which others moms will recommend. I think it's important that you and your husband settle on a technique and follow through - whatever you choose won't work in 2 nights or 3, but you have to stick with it rather than abandon it and go to another technique which will just confuse her.

She really needs her sleep so whatever method you choose, be firm and resolute, and don't let her stubbornness deter you. You are tired now and it may seem easier to give in (it IS easier!) but you're going to get more tired as time goes on.

Good luck! It's not easy!

We let our three year old sleep on the floor of our bedroom if she woke up in the middle of the night. (she's on and off with a similar "scared of everything" phase). She does go to bed pretty easily on her own, so I don't have advice for that part. But letting her sleep on the floor was a good middle of the road compromise for us because we were a) addressing her fears b) keeping her out of our bed. We didn't do anything special - just let her bring in her blanket and a pillow. There's also the added incentive of the floor not being the most comfortable location, so hopefully after a little while she decides her bed is a better place to be. Good luck!