I've brought two books for advice on disciplining my 6 and 4 year old and I'm sort of frustrated because both books only stated stuff that I already know and stuff that I'm doing now which is doing no good. Can anyone give me some titles of books that you have read as a parent and have actually learned something new and useful?
Thanks so much for your responses. What I have learned and do understand is that I must try to change myself and the way I respond to my son's defiance in order to get a positive response from him ( losing my temper and yelling when I get frustrated). This has been very difficult. I guess it's hard to change. I do realize that I need to teach and replace a positive behavior with a negative one so my son will know what to do. I've told him what I wanted him to do and what not to do it does not work. So, maybe I need discipline to dummies or something because I don't know the steps to to take to change he behavior.
Hi B.,
"Have a New Kid by Friday." is has been an eye-opener for me. I've learned the benefits of staying calm and being the mama.
Goo luck!
t
Speaking from an earlier generation:
A book from many years ago changed my life,
and many of my attitudes.
YOUR CHILD'S SELF-ESTEEM, by Dorothy Corkille Briggs.
I had an opportunity to meet Ms. Briggs in person
and told her what a difference her book made in my life.
Anything by Berry Brazelton.
Anything by Haim Ginott.
Also, please remember that discipline means TEACHING, not punishment.
It's always better to TEACH what you want the child to know and do.
Punishing a young child after an event does not TEACH him anything.
S.
"1-2-3 Magic Effective Discipline for Children Ages 2-12" is a perrenial favorite with many mothers that I know. I use it with my kids and it works.
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Counting to 3 does NOT reduce a parent to "begging for obedience". Not if it's done unemotionally (i.e. no arguing, nothing but "that's 1" "that's 2" and "that's 3, take five" and is followed by the prescribed discipline measure. What it DOES do is it allows the child the chance to correct their behavior themselves before you step in and do it for them and it places the parent firmly in the role of authority figure. This contributes to better self-regulation by the child in the end.
I haven't read the other answers, but Childwise books have worked for us. We are also working with a therapist who is known as the "Supernanny of West Michigan". Like your response said, it's all about changing how we react, we have to stay calm and not get emotional....which is SO hard after a long day with the kiddos! Best of luck! We are all in your shoes.
I have a few recommendations:
Love and Logic by Cline and Fay is very good; they have a website www.loveandlogic.com with actual instruction sheets posted.
Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel - excellent!!!
How to Really Love your Child by Ross Campbell - an oldie but a goodie
I encourage you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. So often, us moms get discouraged when whatever "new thing" we are trying doesn't work the first time; but much in life requires a second chance.
Discipline does mean teaching. I often found it helpful to let my child know what the expectation was and stick to it. For example, "We have to stop at the grocery store. We need to buy milk and bread. You may pick out something from the fruit section to eat in the car on the way home. We will not be buying anything from the checkout line (candy, gum etc)." That way, they knew what was expected and even if they asked/begged for the gum and candy (which didn't typically happen), I had already addressed this and did not feel the need to "give in" - and they had a luscious fresh fruit treat to eat when they got home.
Children like boundaries. Grace based parenting is a great book to teach children from right and wrong while extending grace and allowing the child to feel good about themself.
I LOVE °Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach° by Glasser. It is intense, though, so be prepared if you read it.
I have read two books by Tedd Tripp. They are the best books on discipline I have ever read, they are not gimmicks and trick to get your child to behave, it gets to the heart of the child and the real issues. They are called "Shepherding a child heart" and I don't remember the name of the other one, look it up on amazon and you can find it there. Highly recommend both of them !!!
Here is a site you could check out for some suggestions and I believe that they have a book recommendations as well. Hope it helps:
http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/discipline?utm_campa...
updated: based on your 'what happened' comment, I would say to check "when anger hurts your kids" (don't let the title intimidate you - there is a lot of good info in it. I got a good, but long, audio book from the library "Non-Violent Communication". The author, Rosenberg, has a website and there are tons of support groups out there based on his concepts. One parenting website that focuses on keeping parents in their "happy place" is www.enjoyparenting.com. The owner, Scott Noelle, has a free email called The Daily Groove which is very good. Finally, some people really like 'The Work' by Byron Katie (http://www.thework.com/index.asp ).
Keep looking and keep at it. Every little improvement will add up!!
YES!! I have this book that is...in a word...awesome!!! It addresses parenting like no other book I've read. It's written by a conservative mother. I just think it's tops: The Parenting Breakthrough by Marilee Browne Boyack. It's a few bucks on Amazon. It addresses not only discipline and character building, but also life skills development as well. Let me know if you read it cause I would love to know what you think of it.
I would recommend anything by Dr. James Dobson and Focus on the Family. I have been helped tremendously by his writings. I have a very active and strong willed little boy. I have no interest in squelching his potential and leadership, nor do I want him thinking he is running the show around here. Dr. Dobson helped me so much with differentiating between defiance and simple childish behavior and how to address each. I found sometimes I was trying to discipline when the behavior was just childishness and maybe sometimes giving in when the behavior was out and out defiance. That was so helpful to me, so maybe he can give you guys some insight as well. Take care and good luck!
Definitely look into "Love and Logic" as Mary Jo recommended. I was in the same boat as you and Love and Logic has worked great for our family!
I used 123 Magic and there are several therapists I know who recommend it also.
