Looking for Advice on Dealing with 3 Year Old Tantrums!!!!!

when I met my wife 8 yrs ago she had a 3 yr old who acted exactly like you are describing. This little girl would hit, kick, pull her mom's hair and even swear at her and call her names. She asked me to help. I tried all the things you have and nothing worked. Finally, one night when she was having a tantrum because she did not want to go to bed and had gone on for about 45 min., I tried what my parents did...I swatted her on the butt 3 times...She was SO shocked that the tantrum immediately stopped, she went to bed and was asleep in virtually seconds. She still had a few tantrums after that, but knowing what the consequence would be if it did not stop immediately when she was told to STOP NOW, the subsided considerably very quickly. I know leading child experts say NO to this, but it worked for me and my siblings, and it worked for her...Maybe more people should try it...This is my belief...Dakota is 11 now and in the 5th grade. Every teacher that she has had, tells us that she is the most awesome, well behaved child in her class. She also is an honor student...Try it the old fashioned way. It worked for your grandparents and parents, and probably you. Why would it not work for your son.

Often times there will be clues to when the child is about to loose it, like whining, persistent asking, or signs of wild out of control behavior prior to whatever starts the tantrum. Stay consistent with the rules you have for appropriate behavior. We used the pack n play for time out unless he can climb out, or you can even hold the door closed until he has self-control. That is the time to talk with him, not during his fit. Make sure he is totally calm (it may take 45 min., but it will be less over time if he knows this will happen EVERY time he has a fit) require him to say "I'm sorry" before he gets to rejoin the family. It is when he in not in a tizzy that you need to tell him clearly what is not acceptable and that he may not say mean things. He WILL figure it out. Some kids take a very long time, but keep at it, it is worth dealing with at 3 rather than in various forms for the next 15 years.

I just responded to Michelle J's request about this same problem that I am having too with my 3 year old. Read it and let me know what you think. I will tell you, you are doing the right thing by not giving in, no matter how hard that is at the time. Boys are just naturally more physical so that's the only way they know how to express emotions at this age. Get the book that I told Michelle about...it has already helped me see the "forest through the trees" in that this is all normal, developemental stages. The book will give you some tools to deal with them. Good luck! And God willing, they aren't 3 forever!

It sounds like he may be acting out.. has something in your routine changed? My best advice is when he starts hitting or kicking, sit down holding him, wrap your legs around his legs, your arms around his and tell him you are holding him until he calms down. Let him know that mommy is holding him so he dosent hurt himself or anyone else. If he is calling you names, tell him how it hurts your feelings. How it makes you sad to hear those things. You are definatly doing the right thing by not giving in!!!

Check out "The Wonder of Boys" by Michael Gurian. It has helped me to understand why my son acts the way he does at times. I also recommend "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas Phelan. It's a great discipline system that works with boys and girls.

Give him every opportunity to have a choice. Offer him two or three viable choices as often as you can. (Ham and Cheese or PB and J? Should we play blocks or go for a walk) This usually lets him feel like he has control over something in his life.

Find a time out chair. Not his room. Put him in time out, look him straight in the eyes and say "no hitting-- you will stay on this chair until you can act right and apologize. " make him sit there even if it takes time and time again to reseat him And Ignore!
He'll figure it out. He'll learn quickly that you can't be manipulated and that you are the boss.

Wow A., I could have written that myself. My son also turned 3 last month and is also extremely loving, caring, and sweet. Usually very well behaved and listens very well. He also has had normal tantrums in the past but usually those are resolved with time out or ignoring them, until about a month ago.....He has tantrums just as you described. Hitting, kicking, screaming, following me and impossible to communicate with. Nothing makes them better. My husband and I watched in horror and wondered if someone/thing had taken over his body because it was so completely opposite of his normal personality. We were a little worried about it as well and so we went online and did some research. Apparently this is totally normal and happens often around this age. Everything we found said that it is often not a conscious choice on their part. They are trying to become independent little human beings and anything that gets in the way could possibly set this off. This may happen a lot or only once in awhile. Sometimes it happens when they have a growth spurt. The only thing you can really do is let the tantrum run its course and make sure they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. There is no point in trying to talk to them as they can't hear you, as you mentioned. This only seems to aggravate them anyway. Wish I had a magic cure for you (and me!!) but that's the best I could find when searching for answers. Hope that helps a little!