Lookin for Advice

You are not alone. My 2 year is going through the same thing. When I try to get on to him he will look at me and say "I love you Mommy", and I melt. If you get some good advice please pass it on to me.

Hi. I wanted to respond to you to let you know you are not alone. I put a similar request out here a couple weeks ago and got no response and it is frustrating. It is hard to deal with children who do not cooperate. I have a 5 yr old son who sounds alot like your 2 year old. The one piece of advice I can offer is to be consistant in your choice of discipline. If you slack off at all they will run with it. My son practically runs my house because I have not been consistant and trying to now is very hard. I also have a 6 yr old daughter and she is very easy. But my son is a constant battle. He back talks, tells us he won't do what we tell him unless we do something for him and things of this nature. So please hang in there and just stay on top of it now, or else you could end up like me and I hate for anyone to have that struggle day in and out. Hope things get better and keep me posted. A.

They are both testing their boundaries with you which is perfectly normal. The best thing to do is be consistant and follow through.

If I'm really mad I will send my 13 year old daughter to her room and calm down before I decide on a punishment. I have seen many moms react in the moment and go back on the punishment because they know they were to harsh.

I get down to my almost 2 year olds level, look him in the eye and say I said not to touch, stop or whatever is appropriate in a very stern voice. If he doesn't listen then he goes to time out for 2 mins. After 2 mins. I again look him in the eye tell him why he was in time out and ask for a kiss and to say he's sorry. He usually will not do it again (in that moment), but if he does he goes straight back to time out without warning and that usually cures it. The key is not to sit back and tell them from a distance to stop but to actually get down in front of them and get their attention. It may not work at first but if you are consistant it will work wonders.

The worst thing you can do is give up. If you don't stop it now it will get worse and worse. I hope this helps. You are not alone!!

V.,
I know this is not funny but I had to laugh because I have a 2 year old son and a 7 year old daughter (who at times has a very cocky and know it all attitude). First of all keep praying! I will commend you for wanting to get a grip on the 2 year old because they are very smart. I have found with my 2 year old (just turned 2 a couple of weeks ago) that my tone and facial expression mean everything. There have been times he has done something wrong (but it was cute) and instead of getting on to him, I laughed -- WRONG! My husband told me I better stop doing that so I did and I can tell a big difference. We have to be firm with them because they are headstrong. So if try a louder (not yelling) but firmer voice and look him right in his face and mean what you say. And I'm from the old school where a pop on the hand and/or a switch to the legs still gets his attention. As for the 7 year old -- whew -- keep talking to her about her attitude and how ugly it is and how people don't like to deal with people with nasty attitudes. Reward her when she does well, but discipline her when she needs it and every time (again, I'm from the old school). If she's anything like my daughter, it's not good to let her slide because she'll see just how much she can get away with. It is just a phase but if not handled it will become a lifestyle.
Let me know.

V.,
A friend told me yesterday at church to come to this site - I'm looking for advice for the same type issue. My 6 yr old boy is a hard-headed, tender-hearted, very smart child. He likes to be the class clown and doesn't think twice about saying NO or talking back. It was enough to send me into a melt-down-come-apart Sunday afternoon, ending it with me crying for hours. If you hear something that will help me, pass on the info. I'll do the same.
Thanks.

Don't feel alone. My two year old boy has been a total handful for the last two months. He never listens, tells us no and will do the complete opposite of what we tell him to do. He was spending so much time in "time out" that we had to devise a new plan. When he is doing something wrong, instead of putting him in time out we put the toy or toys he is playing with in time out. Losing the toys for 30 minutes makes him realize what he has done wrong much quicker than putting him in time out did. Everyone tells me it is a phase and all two year olds go through it, I know I will be glad when it is over with! Good luck and remember lots of patience.

Don't worry you aren't really going crazy! It is called being a MOM! Maybe you are trying too many different things... As a mom of 4 ... 3 out of the house! I would like to recomend the Repeat Rule ... lay down the rules - simple rules - then repeat them, don't change the way you say the rules..repeat them over until they do what you say to do ... keep your voice the same too! This works when they are teens too!
Time out chair ... one chair - one place - sometimes it works to have it face a clock or a wall.
AND make sure they are not watching the wrong TV shows kids learn from the adults they are with even the ones on TV... It is hard to be a stay at home Mom but it is worth it!! Remember you are the boss with lots of love!! They need us to be a good role model... Make it a Good Day! B.

Not much advice for the 2 year old, but just curious, does your 7 year old watch much TV? Especially the shows geared towards kids, not cartoons, on Disney and Nickelodeon? If so, have you ever watched these shows with her? I noticed a huge change in my sons attitude after we put a TV in his room and he could watching these shows. Once I sat down and watched what he was watching I was shocked. The "tweens" in most of these shows are very smart mouthed and obnoxious! I now limit, and I mean limit, like one show a week from Disney or Nickelodeon. Sorry for getting on a soap box, but these shows are geared towards kids but I think they are absolutely ruining the next generation. If your daughter does not watch these show then good for you, and I'm sorry I wasted your time with advice you cannot use. But if she spends any time at all watching, I recommend you watch right along with her and point out the behavior that is unacceptable in your home, and trust me, you will see a lot. Good luck and hang in there!

Have you tried enlisting your daughter's help? She may be feeling left out.
Gene

I also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who is driving me insane!!!! She does not listen to anything I say and is just driving me crazy. I have tried time out and everything but nothing works! She throws huge fits and everything.

Well there is good news and bad news. The good news is that the 2yr old is probably a phase. The bad news is that the 7yr old is preparing for teenage years. My older girls started with the attitude around the age of 9, but my youngest actually started around 7. I have actually started taking things away from her. But, with girls I think they are born with it and it just gets worse. She is going to test the waters. Stand firm, if you let her get away with now, she will think she can get away with as a teenag

My 12 year old is the same way. We have discovered a couple of weeks of NO tv does a world of good (until she turns it back on - so much of what kids say & do they copy off of tv).
I also have a day care and most of the kids are that way. And I blame a lot of that on young, too busy, smart aleck parents who don't realize that childrn copy EVERYTHING they see and hear!!!

I am going through the same thing with my son who is almost two! I dont really have any advice for you because I don't know what to do either..but you are not alone for sure!! Maybe its part of the "terrible twos" deal. Hopefully both your son and mine will grow out of it soon! :)

V. (that is my middle name :-))

What are you allowing your kids to watch on TV? Before we moved to Birmingham, my children only watched PBS. After moving here, we signed up for cable and within a couple days of the Disney channel and other similar stations, there was a noticeble difference in how they talked back to me and the word choices they used when speaking to me. We quickly put an end to that and my children watch very little, to no TV. They watch movies that we buy or they entertain themselves with other toys in the house.

I hope that someone recommends a good parenting book for you. It sounds like you might need help in being a firmer, but not over-bearing disciplinarian.

I hope this helps, K.

My advice is to watch Supernanny for a few weeks. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and have worked in childcare for 6 years. Suppernanny's ideas are awesome. She weekly deals with children who won't listen and don't treat their parents with respect. If you are a Christian, I am going to a Bible study called "Creative Correction" right now and it has an awesome way to teach your children how to obey using the Bible. It is written by Lisa Welchel who was Blair in the Facts of Life.

Please try this, it worked wonders in our family (3 daughters):

Give choices (2 choices with each question, either of which you are fine with), this way your children feel in control and don't feel that they are always being told what to do and what not to do. Some children function better when they feel like they are in control of their own choices. Remember that at first, they may either refuse to choose or try to choose something different than the choices you have given them, you must choose for them and stick with it if they do this. It will be hard, but they will quickly learn that you will choose for them if they refuse...and they really do like having a choice in the matter. Here's an example:

When your daughter asks for a drink...start asking questions:
Would you like the blue cup or the pink one?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like milk or juice?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or in the dinning room?

This works with discipline too. If your child misbehaves...start giving choices:
We've talked about this before and that behavior is unacceptable, would you rather sit your 5 minutes time out in the dinning room chair or on your bed? If the child refuses to choose just add more time and ask again, continue to do this until they choose (eventually they will choose because they learn that they will be sitting there longer if they don't).

Hope this works as well for you as it did for us. Our daughters are now 14, 16 and 21 and are wonderful young ladies.