Long Nights...

I feel you pain. My daughter was never a good sleeper either. For her it was because of food allergies. (By the way, no doctor ever told us our daughter had allergies...we had to figure that out on our own.) I also heard from many (but I never asked them) that I HAD to let her cry it out. But I knew, no matter how exhausted I was, that my daughter was crying out in pain and that she needed me. Once we figured out her allergies better, she started to sleep through the night whenever we got it right. Now at 3.5 she's had some allergy treatments and we're trying to figure out what food are ok for her now, and whether she sleeps through the night is the best indicator of that. I'm not saying your son has allergies, and I'm not saying you should not cry it out, but you DO need to trust your gut as a mom. If you think cry it out might work, please use a plan from a book so you're not making it up as you go, and don't let him cry for hours on end. It just won't work for some kids because of their personality, and it won't work if it's something physical waking him up. There are books with kinder methods too (the no cry sleep solution). Please beware of people who tell you what you MUST or MUST NOT do. I know that can mess with your head when your are sleep deprived, it did with mine. You must only do what your heart says. I heard that I was spoiling my daughter...that she'd be clingy etc. I did whatever she needed for sleep etc, and she's the most amazing and confident kid I know. Good luck

The problem is your routine. You can't let him fall asleep in your arms! If you do, when he cycles into light sleep and just barely wakes up (as we all do many times during the night), he will realize he's not where he was when he fell asleep (in your arms) and think something is not right. He therefore wakes up all the way, finds himself alone in bed, and freaks out. Read "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. He uses the example of an adult who goes to sleep with a pillow and wakes up in the middle of the night because someone has taken the pillow away. That would wake you up! You would probably get out of bed and look everywhere for the pillow, wondering what the heck happened. The surrounding environment has changed so much that it disturbs your sleep.

You must put him in his own bed BEFORE he falls asleep and make THAT your routine. You must train him to go to bed the way adults do -- by climbing into bed fully conscious and *then* going to sleep. Create a happy bedtime routine in his room, with stories, on a regular schedule, etc... and stick to it religiously.

He's not a baby any more and he has to learn to sleep. The longer you put off this necessary transition, the more you will all suffer. If you are inconsistent or give him the impression that it's a terrible thing that you are so, so sorry for doing to him...you will only make it worse. You have to be firm, confident, happy (not angry or sad), and totally committed to the change. There will be some resistance, so brace yourself.

By the way, you should be taking away the milk and brushing his teeth with flouride toothpaste before bed. You're setting him up for a lot of tooth decay if you let him fall asleep with milk. (Believe me, my 3 yr old had to get two crowns because I used that non-flouride baby toothpaste for too long!)

Do yourself a favor and take control of the situation. You sound just miserable and I'm sure everyone reading this can feel your pain. Best of luck!

First congrats on your #2 pregnancy. I can hear your frustration completely. Hopefully this can help you. By letting him fall asleep with you in the evenings he hasn't learned how to put himself to sleep. So when he wakes in the nightime he doesn't know what to do and is used to you being his crutch to get back to sleep. My recommendation is to put him to bed while he is still awake. This can be tough! He will probably cry and most likely you will have to shut the door if the crying is too hard on you. I would put him back in bed as many times as he gets out or maybe even put the crib back together with the orginial sides to keep him in. Every night will get better and better. I promise! I started this with both my boys at approx 6 months and they were great sleepers! Upon occassion I would have to go in to find a lost pacifier in the night. But they would always lie back down and go to sleep. It takes being tough for a good week but you will completely enjoy the results!! Good Luck!!

I know it sounds harsh but believe me I went through that with my oldest daughter and you are going to have to practice some tough love. I got pregnant with my second daughter when my first daughter was only 6 months old. I was absolutely exhausted. I would put my daughter in her crib at 8:00 and she would cry herself to sleep. I would definitely be firm with him and tell him that he has to sleep in his bed like a big boy. Hopefully he will eventually get the message. I think he is doing all that stuff because he can and you let him get by with it. I know because I let her get away with it way too much. But after my second daughter came, I was able to be firm and stay firm in making her sleep in her bed. Also will your husband help you? Mine did and it was so much better and easier with us taking turns. Good luck.

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I know it sounds harsh but believe me I went through that with my oldest daughter and you are going to have to practice some tough love. I got pregnant with my second daughter when my first daughter was only 6 months old. I was absolutely exhausted. I would put my daughter in her crib at 8:00 and she would cry herself to sleep. I would definitely be firm with him and tell him that he has to sleep in his bed like a big boy. Hopefully he will eventually get the message. I think he is doing all that stuff because he can and you let him get by with it. I know because I let her get away with it way too much. But after my second daughter came, I was able to be firm and stay firm in making her sleep in her bed. Also will your husband help you? Mine did and it was so much better and easier with us taking turns. Good luck.

It's time to get tough.

The point of the baby gate was to keep him in his room if he climbs out. Since it's not working, there's no point keeping it. If he's climbing over it, it could cause a fall and an injury. Close his door instead. If he can open the doorknob, put one of those babyproof covers over it. You don't want him wandering around the house unsupervised. It's not safe.

Just FYI, it's always better for the family to sleep with their bedroom doors closed for fire safety reasons. It acts as a fire barrier.

Also, make it clear he is not allowed to get out of his bed at night. If he does, he gets a swat on the butt and put back in. It'll take a bit for the lesson to sink in, but he'll learn.

He's in the habit of waking throughout the night. As long as there's nothing actually wrong (hungry, sick, teething) he shouldn't be doing this. Don't jump up and get him as soon as he starts crying. Wait five or ten minutes. He may fall asleep on his own. Mine does. If it lasts longer, establish a waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night routine and stick to it. Something like going in and changing his diaper, giving him a drink of water, singing him a song, and putting him back to bed. He'll hate going back to bed at first, but he'll get used to it. Don't let him trick you into holding him forever and rocking him to sleep. At that age he can fall asleep on his own, though likely he'll cry a lot first.

You need to get him sleeping through the night, at least most nights, before the baby comes.

At this age... and older, developmentally, they start to get night-time fears and are just missing you. And its hard for them at night.

What you can try is, have a mattress on the floor of your room, and let him sleep/be there. Not in the bed with you. That is what we do... and it works for us. And there were no bedtime battles that way, and when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and went through that too.
Pick your battles.

He is on the cusp of being 2 years old... at this age juncture, they typically get sleep tweaks. So, you ride it out... or not, and keep putting him back in his room. Repeatedly. But that will not "extinguish" their developmental night-time fears or separation-anxiety. Which is also growing-pains. Growing-pains not only being physical growth... but cognitive and emotional too. Emotions are not fully developed yet, in a child this age, NOR impulse-control or maturity.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child... and tired... I would incorporate my eldest child into my routines... I would tell her Mommy is tired because I"m pregnant... and I need to "nap." Then I would tell her to "help" Mommy and "rest with me... " and she would. Or, even if I was "sleeping" with 1 eye open... I would tell her that "we" would only stay in this room (the bedroom), and put toys for her there... and tell her to stay by me.... but I would be lying down, off my feet etc. And she would.

Try to Incorporate your son, INTO your routines.. being pregnant. Also, when I was pregger's, I would spend a lot of time "prepping" my eldest for the baby, my being pregnant, and making her a part of it..... which helped a great deal in helping her to "adapt" to the whole process of my being pregnant... and then the baby actually coming home and what not.

Just some ideas,
All the best,
Susan

He's just going through a phase. It is normal, be patient it will pass. If any advice I can give and I didn't take was get enough sleep. Take a nap when the kids do, it's really important otherwise everything is such a blur. Enjoy it while they are young. It goes by quickly. Best wishes!

I know exactly what you are going through. My son started at about age two giving us a hard time going to bed. To make a long story short....we moved up his bedtime an hour, put him in our room with a movie on, and set the sleep on the tv for an hour. I explained to him that when the tv went off, he had to go into his own bed, which he did. He would still venture into our bed at night. When I knee he was sleeping, I would take him back to his room again. Some nights I had to do this once and some nights I had to do this a couple of times. There were nights when I was too tired to take him back to his room at all. Here I am, about a year and a half later and he is in his own bed and only periodically does he come into my room. I was always deadset against kids in my bed but I learned quickly to pick my battles. Also, it's not forever that they will sleep with you! Hang in there!

Have you ever watched 'Super Nanny'? She has a great routine that works for kids that have problems at bedtime. First, make sure you have a bedtime routine (not him falling asleep in your arms) - i.e. reading a book, bath, etc... put him to sleep in his bed and tell him 'goodnight' - then let him know that if he gets up you will be putting him into his bed immediately. She recommends that after the first time that he gets up - you will not talk to him - no engagement as this will only make him want to stay up more. Continue putting him back in bed as many times as he gets up - it will be tiring but I promise you it works. You can start out by sitting by his door or the living room whatever works better and slowly move farther away from his room. You might have to do it a few nights in a row but it will work. Then, if he wakes up in the middle of the night you will need to repeat it - if you let him climb into bed w/ you etc.. he will not change as he sees him getting his way then. You might look it up on the internet to see if you can get better instructions. Good luck.

Well, the first thing I'm gonna say is don't start a habit to fix a habit.
Here are the thing I would make sure are going on- 3 meals a day and a snack in the afternoon befor dinner. For naps - it should be 1 nap 2-3 hours long and not past 4 pm, a consistent schedule everyday. With wake up time and bed time always the same along with nap. So if these are all in place and going as planned here is what I would change before bed.
While drinking his milk you could read a book. Once you finished the book, and regardless if whether he's finished his milk, I would put him in bed, on his own for him to fall asleep on his own.
If he comes out put him back to bed and tell him bed time, the next time he comes out put him back to bed without saying anything. Do this until he is asleep and in his own bed.

When and if he wakes up in the middle of the night, put him back in bed and repeat the process above until he is alseep in his own bed. Do this every time he wakes up and comes to your room.
And if needed buy a talled gate that he can't clinb over.

The key to all of this is consistency, consistency, consistency.

Each child is different but when I went through this with my daughter here's how I handled it. I got rid of the night light. Looking back, I realize it was more for me than for her in the first place. The light disturbed and confused her. After all, if the lights are on (even a dim nightlight), she thought it must be time to get up. Also without light, there are no scary shadows. I had purchsed a crib tent to keep our cat out of her bed but it's come in handy for keeping her in her bed. I gave her back her binky. She needed a way to calm herself down and the binky works well. She only gets it at night for bedtime and as soon as she wakes up it gets cleaned and put away until her next bedtime. When she does wake up in the night, I (or her father) always go into her room and check on her to make sure that everything is all right. That reassures us (God forbid that something is really wrong and we ignored her) and let's her know that she's not alone and if she calls, we're there for her. Once we've confirmed that all is well, we tell her that everything is okay, we're here, we love her, but it's time to sleep, then we go back to our own bed. She loves her Elmo doll so I asked her if she'd like Elmo to sleep with her so she's not alone. That seems to have worked out well for her. The hardest part was that she'd still cry and carry on and I was walking away. The good news is, the crying and carrying on part didn't last long. Once she realized that we weren't going to cave in to her demands, she began to sleep through the night and thankfully, so do we! We also stopped forcing an afternoon nap. If she gets tired and wants to nap, we certainly don't stop her (unless it's after 4:30 or 5) but we do limit it to no more than one hour. I've taken her outside and chased her around the house more than once. She loves being outside and loves running, so it's a win-win for her (and I'm getting a little exercise, too!) If we don't limit her naptime, she'll be up until 11 or midnight and wakes up (it seems) every hour on the hour. I hope that you find at least one of these ideas helpful. Good luck and hang in there!

Oh dear. I feel your pain! This is exactly what happened to my daughter. We moved her to a bed at 22 months and I was pregnant too. It was a nightmare. I want to tell you it will get better, well, it will get better, but be prepared for a long haul! I think with my daughter I just moved her to a bed too early, but there was really no other choice, b/c I wasn't about to buy another crib, so we just toughed it out. Also, he has a new found freedom in a bed and he's going to take advantage of it! My daughter also got up multiple times. The only advice I can really give you is to use the "Super Nanny" method of continuing to put her down over and over and over again. It does work if you're consistent but it's so hard to be consistent, especially when you're pregnant and there are so many tears involved---yours and his!!!

Also, if you're not signed up for the Parents as Teachers program, sign up for it ASAP! It's a fabulous free service!!! If you are signed up, ask your PAT person for some advice, they usually give really good tips!

My daughter is just 2 and half and we're finally seeing more consistency in her sleep habits, but it has been a long road. The only saving grace is that you won't be getting much sleep when the baby comes anyway, so what's one more kid right??! Actually, my daughter did kind of chill on it after my son was born (but it started back up again in full force a month or so later!). I think it was a combination of so much excitement, visiting, etc. made her tired, and maybe she sensed a change and hunkered down for some sleep to save my sanity!

Good luck and do what you can to make yourself feel okay. It is a very difficult situation! I had a lot of tears and ice cream! ;)

I had a sort of similar situation with my daughter and after I had my second baby, I decided that my daughter needed to learn how to fall asleep on her own because once the baby came along, I would be even more tired waking up with her and the baby.

With my daughter, I would rock her and then put her into her bed and sit there until she was asleep. If I tried to leave, then she would cry and we'd have to start all over again.

After my son was a few months old, I decided to help teach her to fall asleep on her own because I knew that she COULD sleep on her own (she too woke up 3-5 times a night). She also co-slept with us occasionally.

What I did the first night was tell her that I was going to sit in her room with her for five minutes (10, 20 - whatever you are comfortable with). When it was time for me to leave, I got up (and she screamed and cried) and I left and shut the door (she had always slept in the dark with the door shut). I let her cry for about two minutes. I went in and told her it was bedtime but that I would leave her door open but she had to stay in her bed. I left the room again and she followed me out. We did this about 10 times, each time I took her back into her room, not talking. Finally she fell asleep in the doorway of her room. I went and checked on her and gave her a blanket and pillow (I figured as long as she was staying in her room, then that is okay). When we went to bed, we put her into her bed and left the door open.

The second night, we did the same thing but my daughter cried for maybe a minute or two but stayed in her room and her bed. The third night I got merely a whimper and that was it.

I'm not saying it will be that easy with every child, but once my daughter learned that I was closeby (had the door opened) if she needed me, then I think she was more comfortable. I think the door open was huge for her. But I also think that when her brother started sleeping in her room that helped too. She has actually pretty much stopped waking up at night.

The first thing I suggest is to have a better sleeping schedule. Pick a time and start the winddown. If you want to start it in the living room, that is okay. But at some point, you need to take him to his room so he can relax, maybe read him a book or sing to him. That way he can learn to associate certain activities with bedtime and he'll know it's time for bed.

As far as him being upstairs, I suggest putting a gate on your stairs. If need be, put one on both his door and the stairs. If you don't mind having your son in your bed, think about maybe waiting until the second or third time he wakes up to take him to your bed. I think once my son was born 7 months ago, my daughter went from ending up in our bed 5-6 nights a week to maybe 1x a week if that.

Good luck!

Just wanted to say congrats, and I feel your pain! We're facing the transition to a "big girl" bed soon with our 21 month old and I'm dreading it. I just wanted to mention that you should ask your doctor about getting some nausea medication. I know when I had morning sickness, I could not have functioned without my Zofran. It used to be seriously expensive, but it's gone generic now and is much more affordable. Just one or two a day allowed me to eat and not lose any more weight. Good luck to you all!

I agree with Rachel's response. I HIGHLY reccommend Dr. Ferber's book. I got my copy for about $6. online. I learned SO much about sleep habits that have helped us tremendously!
If he is used to falling asleep in your arms, if he wakes slightly at night, he is unable to go back to sleep on his own. You will have to get him used to falling asleep without you there.
Good luck to you and congrats on your baby!!

The cry of moms with toddlers ... Obviously he has gotten accustomed to mommy warmth for sleep and it has become a habit. Mine is the same way, he has to be nursed to sleep, but thankfully, I have someone else watch him at times and he has gotten used to their routine of not having mommy to nurse to bed, so he comes up with his own way to fall asleep. Maybe if you break up his routine a bit, even though he will have a hard time at first, and then slowly wean him away. I know it can get tiring especially now pregnant, but you are probably so anxious to get him "independent" that he senses that and clings on more. Maybe sleep in his room with him until he gets used to the idea of you being there, then leave when he falls asleep.

Sounds like he is freaking out when he wakes up in a different place and/or without the people he fell asleep with. It's not what he is expecting. It would freak me out too to wake up in a different place than where I fell asleep. I would try teaching him to fall asleep on his own in his room so that he doesn't freak out anymore and probably when he wakes up during the night, he'll then be able to put himself back to sleep. You could start out by staying in his room with him until he falls asleep and gradually over time sitting further and further away until you are outside the room where he can't see you.

Good Luck.

Hello,

I am sorry that you are so sleep deprived! If it were me, I would try changing his bedtime routine a little bit. I would put him in his bed still awake. I would read a bedtime story, etc... to him in his bedroom, and then leave when he is still awake. That way, he doesn't associate sleep with you having to be there. That way, if he were to wake up in the middle of the night, you don't always have to be there to calm him. In the beginning, I am sure that it will be difficult, but it will slowly get better. Eventually, maybe by the time that baby #2 gets here, he will be sleeping better for you. Good luck.