S.P.
I wanted to "second" what the other ladies have said. I think they are right. No guilt! You tried to work on it, he refused, you separated and you acted the way a normal separated person would.
It sounds to me like he did short time on good behavior to get you away from the other guy (you know the male ego). Now that he's got you, he sees no more reason to go out of his way for you. My advice is to try your hardest to shift gears and focus on getting ok with yourself. Stop trying so hard with him. He may or may not want the relationship to work, but if you have to beg him to meet your needs, then something is very wrong. So - focus on yourself. You don't have to move out yet if you're not ready, but stop having expectations from him because it takes too much of your energy to deal with your disappointment. Redirect your energy to YOURSELF. Plan your future away from him, see what it involves and what you have to do to get ready for it (lawyer, job, living space, whatever). Prepare yourself to move into that future, and do whatever else you need to to feel good about who you are - more time with girlfriends or family, take walks or whatever helps you relax emotionally, take good care of yourself physically, be really nice to yourself. Since he won't take care of you, SOMEBODY HAS TO and it should be YOU! When you have a plan and are ready to go, you probably should move on. A leopard rarely changes its spots. If he sees you pulling away and changes behavior again, don't forget it's just short time until you start sucking up to him again. Don't do it! If he screams, cries and begs, tell him to get signed up with a counselor and if you see him being serious about that, go to counseling together and maybe a miracle will happen. Otherwise, don't revert.
V., this is going to be one of the most painful things - breaking away permanently. But try to remember your choice is a lifetime of unhappiness with someone who doesn't give you what you need, or a short period of unhappiness on the way to something better - something you deserve.
S.
