How Do I Tell Him Its Over?

S.,

Being unhappy and feeling trapped in your own life is a horrible feeling.
It's hard to get the whole picture as an outsider because there are so many other things I don't know about you. Something you wrote struck me though. You said you always felt he was your soul mate...only love...etc. I don't believe people 'fall out of love', but I do believe they either 'grow apart' or 'hurt' each other with their actions.
These feelings seemed to change very quickly for you. What in your life changed? Did you see another couple and start to compare him? Did your husband prevent you from doing something or changing something in your life? Is your husband supportive of your dreams, aspirations?
I think sometimes we become angry at our partner if they prevent us from doing something in our life. We may have a feeling of 'going nowhere'...or not going in the direction you had expected your life to go. When we feel this we can blame our partner or feel like they are responsible for the 'void' in our life. Especially when we are so close to them (as you said 'soul mate')
I'm not a psychologist, but I've been married for 15 years and been through lows and highs. Life's a journey....sometimes it's rocky...sometimes the weather gets bad...sometimes you want to just 'stop walking' (sort of speak) and head home. Just like when you take a walk with someone...say around the neighborhood...when you get to a possible turn (a street corner) you kind of both say.."left? right? straight?"...and then continue 'together'. If you didn't communicate you and your walking partner might end up on different sides of the neighborhood. I think marriage can be like that if we don't communicate where we want to go. Whats the point in taking a 'walk' with someone, if your both on different paths, right? Thats why people think of divorce. Whats the point in being on this 'walk' of marriage....if your both on different paths......(get my analogy?)
The big mistake I think people make though is to stop walking all together....and not even try to 'find' their partner so that they're both on the same path again.
Since your husband doesn't seem to even know theres a problem, I'd say you're just gaining distance between the two of you. The farther you get (emotionally and physically) the more easily you can fill your thoughts of the other person with negatives. The more you concentrate on the things you don't like about the other person...the more you see..and it becomes a horrible cycle.
I think you need to sit down and talk with your husband. Don't tell him you want to leave him. Tell him you don't feel close anymore.
As far as the 'romantic' feelings......of course you haven't had any...it seems you have both become strangers to each other. I suspect that he is not paying attention to the fact that you're drifting apart either if he has no clue that somethings wrong.
Not to 'scare' you away by bringing God into the mix.......but sometimes consulting someone from your church (or a church) can help. It's all about your 'perspective'..(the way you see and look at things) I'm not super 'religious'..but I am a very spiritual person...meaning...I believe God has a plan for us and that if we get to caught up in our own expectations we get lost. I also believe that thinking about the things you loved in your husband can help. Why did you fall in love with him in the first place? Look at old pictures...'remember'...think back...what was there thats not there now. And pray....it's amazing the answers you can get when you pray...to whoever you believe in...
I think though...the most important thing to do is open a line of communication with your husband........who knows..you may get the chance to fall in love with him all over again! You'll never know though...if you just walk away.

-Patti

hi S.,

it's always hard to tell someone your feelings have changed. I highly recomend counseling first, mabey that will changed both of you for the better. If the counseling doesn't work then he will know that you want out, and he may be more open to that. Don't throw your marrage away just yet. Keep trying I've been married to my husband for almost 11years and everyone said we would never last...its work hard work but it is worth it keep trying...best of luck!

S.

S., I know you probably didn't find the validation that you were looking for here, but everyone's right. It is our responsibilities as wives and mothers to protect our family. You need to find something that makes you happy and is just for you. A hobby or a book club, something like that. Once you regain your happiness you'll be more incline to have a positive perspective. Counseling is a good idea. You can fix this. Our husbands are as much a part of us as our children and we wouldn't leave our kids, so....I recieved one of those fwd fwd emails about six months ago that really opened my eyes (and heart). My husband and I have been together 11+ years, since I was 16. We've had ups and downs and blahs. I am a hopeless romantic, and he's not. This has always bother me a lot until I got the email which said:
"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love you the best that they can."

That's a tough spot. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? I am no psychologist, but I would guess that you are feeling trapped and a serious lack of freedom that you are projecting onto him as the cause. I did that once myself. Is he a good husband? Is he a good father? These things are hard to find. Tell him how you are feeling. See if you can get some personal time that is always yours, not just a weekend once a year. Try counseling. Do everything you can to fix it before you end it so, if you do have to end it, you can do so with a clean conscience. Best of luck!!

S.,

I think it's possible that you're going through something else in your life other than falling out of love with your husband. Maybe you're feeling dissatisfied with other aspects of your life, and it only seems to be your husband. Maybe you're feeling bored and unchallenged in your life in general? I'm just wondering if you could try enriching your life with some new interests or something just for you? You might see your husband with new eyes, and renew your passion for him, if you developed something you were really passionate about. I just think you have a wonderful history with your husband, and if you can get through this tough time, you could be really happy again. My sister-in-law went through something similar five years ago. She had dated my brother for seven years, then they got married, and a year later they had a child. Then when my nephew was around two, she decided she didn't love my brother anymore and left him. My brother was devastated because his family was his life. He tried to talk her into counseling and a trial separation, but she wouldn't have it. My brother went through a year of depression, but then he met a wonderful woman to whom he is now married (and they had a baby girl this month). The reason I'm telling you this story is because my sister-in-law changed her mind once my brother met his current wife. She decided life with my brother hadn't been all that bad after all, and she tried everything to get him back. But he had already fallen in love, and besides, he just didn't feel he could trust her anymore. My ex sister-in-law really regrets that she left my brother and misses her old family. I think she expected to find someone out there who was better, and she made it clear that she wanted someone who made more money. But she was a stay-at-home mom in an adorable 3/2 house in a nice neighborhood with a nice car, so I'm not sure what else (materially) she wanted. Now she's very lonely. It makes me so sad when I see her at my nephew's sporting events, because she's always alone. At the last game, I sat with my mom, dad, brother, his pregnant wife, and my baby, and she was standing on the perimeter all alone. Sorry for so much detail, but I just want you to think carefully before you do anything. When my sister-in-law left my brother, it devastated not only him and their son, but also our family. I loved her, and I feel really sad that now she's lonely. She went from being a stay-at-home mom to living alone with her son in a tiny apartment, and she's currently going to school so she can support herself. (Which I applaud- I just feel bad because she always wanted to stay home and raise a big family.) I have so many memories that involve her, and every time I think of them, I get so sad. In retrospect, I think she went through a kind of "mid-life crisis" brought on by becoming a mom. I think she missed her freedom and her single days when she was carefree, because becoming a mom requires every little bit of your time and energy. I think she basically missed her old self- she was very skinny and pretty, and she worked as a bartender, so she had tons of cash to spend any way she wanted. I think it was hard for her when her body changed with pregnancy and when she had to live on a budget. And it's hard for all moms to have so little time to yourself. But in her mind, everything that was wrong with her life became my brother's fault. I know that she now truly regrets leaving my brother, but once she told him she didn't love him anymore, nothing could ever be the same. Don't say anything you can never, ever take back unless you're completely sure it's what you want. Maybe you can breathe the life back into your marriage- and yourself- instead of leaving it?

B.

Hi S.! That's a tough one! It seems to me that you love him (because of your past), but that you're not IN LOVE with him anymore. It's totally understandable, reasonable, and not selfish at all to feel the way you do. You meet when you were teenagers...and maybe you did have a lot in common back then, but you're most likely different people now. Sounds like you both just grew up and grew apart without even realizing it. Deep down you're probably secretly wishing that you had gotten to live out what's supposed to be your "crazy" years as a single girl, but instead you were "tied down" at an early age and probably didn't get to experience as much as you would have had you not had a boyfriend. It's good that you guys can generally keep things civil, but the bottom line is that if you're not happy, it's never going to work. The more you PRETEND that everything is okay, the worse it'll be in the long run. If I were you, I'd let him know how you're feeling ASAP...the longer you wait, the harder it'll be. And staying together in a lifeless/loveless marriage isn't healthy for you, your husband, or your child(ren)...it's just not fair to any of you. Just be honest with him (and yourself). Tell him everything that you just wrote in your Request here. I don't think it was harsh in any way, so it's definitely a good place to start. And sometimes it's easier to write things down first, just to get your bearings straight and then go from there...and then that way, if you just can't muster up the nerves to tell him face-to-face, you can let him read what you wrote and then discuss it from there. Hope I helped and I hope it all works out for you.

I went through the exact same thing with my first husband. I wasn't as young as you when we met, but I outgrew him and after 7 years I found that we had nothing in common. We bickered, but didn't really fight. The relationship wasn't miserable, just dead. No passion, no sex, no conversation, no connection, no intimacy....you get the picture. I tried and tried. We went to couple's counseling, but it didn't work because there was nothing wrong with the relationship itself. The problem is that we were incompatible and needed different things from our relationships and from our lives.

I feel for you so much. Leaving him was awful and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I still cringe when I think about how hurt he was. I just reached the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I felt dead because my primary relationship was dead.

Nonetheless, I did leave and he went on to find a woman who is so much better for him than I am. I think he has the type of relationship with her that he wished he could have with me. I have gone on to marry a wonderful man who is my partner in every sense of the word. I love him and we have a wonderful, passionate, intimate, relationship. We are friends too, something that was missing in my first marriage.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that you were very young when you met your husband. People change a lot during their 20's and what you wanted as a teenager is certainly different than what you want now. You couldn't have possibly have known what you would want as an adult when you were 15 or 16. Sometimes people change together and sometimes they grow apart. Sometimes you can find a way to bridge your differences, sometimes you can't. You've become an adult since meeting your husband and I'm sure you've grown a lot. Perhaps he's grown in a different direction than you have. And you are not selfish for wanting happiness in your life. I'm sorry that others have told you that you are. Yes, you did make a promise to be with this man for the rest of your life, but people make mistakes. You shouldn't have to suffer for the rest of your life because you made the wrong choice. I don't think you really knew what you wanted for the rest of your life when you were so young.

Perhaps you can go to therapy with him and that would be a chance to give it one last try and if it doesn't work, you can tell him with a therapist present.

S.,

I understand how you feel because I went through it too! Marriage is a cycle, so before you decide to do the unthinkable, STOP!

I recommend Weekend To Remember, a marriage retreat of understanding your marriage, your life, and why you feel the way you do. You and your hubby will laugh so hard your face will begin to hurt. Then you will cry because it will fill the void or answer the questions that no person can answer. If you can't pay for it all, let me know and my husband and I will try our best to see if we can help monetarily.

Before you end it, try this as your last resort. It saved my husband and I's marriage and honestly, I feel as if I'm married to a different man. A better one! I understand myself better than ever before and we now have set goals and expectations of our relationship and each other. Our problems have nearly subsided and we work together instead of against one another in all aspects of our lives. Your spouse is NOT your enemy. If nothing else, remember that.

The site is: www.WeekendToRemember.com

Yes, S., you are being selfish. I know that is hard to swallow, but it's true. Today, everything is on-demand. Our tv's, our shopping, our love lives. It's not all about us yet we live in a world that tells us the opposite…to live for the moment, live for now, don't take anything from anyone, ..ect.

Marriage is commitment. Thru "sickeness and in health.. " There is no clause in this agreement : “Until I don't "feel" in love with him anymore.” I do not say this to criticize, again, I understand how you feel, I've been there too. You’ve been married a long time and at a very young age. You must understand that people grow. Sounds you’ve both grown apart instead of together and that leaves room for improvement.

When that “out of love” feeling started happening I started by working on figuring out what will make ME HAPPY. One can not mandate happiness resides with, or without, someone. One can not depend on anyone else to maintain your happiness. A person is responsible for their own happiness, at all times, regardless of circumstance.

You must work around your husband because it’s something in you that needs better understanding. Perhaps you like to cook, or want to learn a musical instrument.. ect. It took me figuring out what was missing in ME to start the process. And I missed feeling important to society. So, I started a business.

I worked around my husband’s prior bad attitude and disregard for me and our children. I made a choice to stay committed yet not give up on who I am or my needs. In the end, he missed out on so much of our lives and it was very sad.

All the changes in our marriage started when I gave up trying to fix him and handed it over to God.

My Hubby was out to prove I needed him and I was trying to prove I could do it without him. In the end, disaster. I say again, my marriage was falling apart at the seams and I too contemplated divorce and how I didn’t deserve the hand I was served. But I prayed a lot and let me tell you, God took care of things in a not so nice way …I will NEVER EVER doubt His authority or power to correct wrongs.

Onto "How did I ever marry this person?" The truth is we all grow differently. Things my husband still does and say irritates me because I think of it as being mean or disrespectful to others, however, after a discussion, he pointed out why he says things he does and now I understand him a little better.

When you start over with someone new, it will be the same old all over again with a different person and then you will wonder why you ended it with your first. Same hum drum, same fall out of love and in love and back out again. Think of it this way, you already know all your spouses weaknesses, strengths, and quirks. Why have to start the research all over again with someone new?

Everyone falls "out of love". I have an article on it I would like to share with you and will post after this one.

You may have tried everything, but perhaps you are too focused on not being able to understand the problem rather than working on solutions. Start with you. Not why you are upset or feel the way you do, but what would make you happier when he is around? And what would make you happier when he isn't. When you find something in common with him again, things will slowly change.

Recently, my husband took the kids and I fishing. Wow! Did I ever think I would enjoy that? NO! But it was the most fun I had in a while, now I can't wait to go and I know it's something he wants to share in his life with me. It's not like he'd prefer to go with his buddies rather than me and that makes me feel important again.

Please think about what you are doing before you do it. 60% of all second marriages end in divorce. If you need some examples: My mother-in-law is going thru one right now (she was married two years), I almost got divorced - I am my husband's second wife.

In a second marriage or relationship, the same things occur, except this time, you make your vows with even less commitment than the first. Your life becomes all about you and what you need, how you feel, and what you desire. Sure you give to the one you love for a while, but after a certain amount of time, you give up because you "won't want to put up with it" anymore. This is a harsh reality and I am not accusing you of anything, I am saying it in general.

Divorce is not the way God intended it to be nor how most of humanity thinks it should be. However, here in the US we all seem to think Divorce is a solution and an easy out. Your husband may not be the nice guy you think he will be when you hit him with this if you continue to chose to do so. I won't even get into what my divorce paperwork said because it would make you sick. But that's what happens when anger is involved and trust me, it will get ugly unless you give him everything.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say, "worry only about you and how you feel." It says to endure your challenges and live with integrity. To honor your commitments and to love one another.

Sorry so long. I just would hate for a huge mistake to happen when it is not just you, but all of us who go thru the pain you are suffering right now.

With best wishes and good intentions,
J.

Hi S.

Have you thought of maybe a reprise? A time of seperation, where neither of you see others and have time to reflect. This can provide some necessary time apart and help both of you to rethink your marriage.

If he was your soulmate, he didn't just suddenly become not your soul mate, there may be other factors at play. Most of us go through stages in our marriage. It's supposed to be forever, not until I get bored or bothered by you. You sound like you really need to investigate what's troubling you and maybe something is troubling your husband?

I really take this as a sign of a time for renewed committment to finding out about what's going on with each other. Sometimes we go through these stages and stir things up so much we lose what is really important to us. Or, we don't recognize how wonderful peace and stability is in our life. Always looking for something to fill the hole, we have, only to created a more huge one in everyones life.

Also, you didn't mention, do you have children? Why or why not?

These are just things to mull over. I have the opportunity to speak with a lot of women, who have been on both sides of divorce and it's usually never what it seems on the other side.

Hope this is helpful. You also didn't mention if you are a believer in God. This would also give perspective on your thinking. You may email me if you like.

Sincerely
D.

S.,

Before you make that decision, you may want to try seeing a counselor. I felt the same way about 6 - 8 months ago and one day something just changed.

I just think you should make sure it isn't somehting else before the big D.

that's really tuff. do not give up just yet though, once that decision is made it can never be taken back. have you tried to fall in love with him again? romantic alone time the way you want it. really trying to get alone with him and learning him all over. i believe falling out of love is possible but it may not be the end. don't give up and don't feed the thoughts of being alone will make you happy. try therapy to communicate with him.

He has to suspect something with the fact that you haven't been sexually intimate for a while. However, rather than throw away what may be a good thing, maybe you should just share your feelings with him and suggest that you spend some time apart first. Sometimes being away from someone you care about makes you realize just how much they do mean to you. I don't know you, but I have been through a divorce and it is more painful than anything else I have ever done (and I needed to get out because my ex was abusive). The other suggestion I have is that you attend some type of counseling together -- this may make him realize that some of the things he says and does are getting on your nerves while having someone there to help validate your feelings and his. My concern for you is that if you are tired of him in two years, would you be happy with someone else? or would you find things that annoy you with the next person that means something in your life. Try counseling first -- then if you still decide that you need to leave, at least you can't say you haven't tried and he can't blame you for walking away. I hope this helps.

Go with your heart. Trust me, I grew up in a household where my parents fought all the time. When my parents finally separated they were both much better people for it.
I have a great therapist, he is saving my marriage, (with a lot of effort from my husband and myself :O)) I can give you his number if you like- just respond.
If not good luck to you- I AM SURE THAT YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER AND PERSON. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
-Liz

Hi S.,

I've been married for almost 18 years. We met at college, so 5 years passed before the wedding. To make a long story short, we've had our ups and downs. When he drifted away from me some years ago, I didn't know what was going through his mind because he kept it to himself. I could not do anything about his feelings until we finally talked. Your situation is different, but the communication is the biggest issue right now. He cannot do anything about your feelings if he you keep them to yourself. As for a counselor, get a good one. If that person tells you to move out, change immediately! That happened to us and my husband didn't really want to move out anyway. We dropped the counselor for our marriage, but got one for his depression. Now, we are happier and do communicate with each other, and yes, the marriage is way better. Not everyone gets through these things and maybe you have grown up or become a different person these times in marriage, hence divorce. Divorce isn't an easy process even if both are friendly about it. The kids always think it's their fault that the parents split up. I had to explain what divorce meant to my 9 year old due to it being talked about on a tv program. When I told him it resulted in the end of a marriage, the look on his face was shall we say, interesting. I'm pretty sure he does not what that to happen to his mom and dad. Hopefully, you and he will be able to work this out. I think he just didn't pay enough attention to you in the first place and started taking you for granted. You must realize that no one person in the relationhip is completely at fault for what is happening how. He should find a babysitter an take you out instead of hanging out with his buddies. I'd be resentful of being stuck at home while he was out with his friends, too. There are things that can be worked out, so give it a chance. If you still like him as a person, there's hope. If you just cannot stand him even as a friend, I doubt that any amount of couseling will work. In conclusion, try to remember what it was that drew the two of you together in the beginning. If you knew about his character flaws before the wedding and assumed he would change, well, there you have your answer. You can't change him if he doesn't want to change. Good luck and start talking to him.

M.

I am going thru the same thing as you are. I am going to check out the retreat before I check out of the marriage. I want to say that I do not believe that you should stay in a marriage that you are unhappy with. People do change. I am also a believer that if you are not happy how can you make someone else happy and I feel my unhappiness is also affected my son. I have tried counseling with and without him and it helps with some things but our problems have been going on for 4 years and this is going to be my last chance in saving our marriage.
M.

S.,

Well.. I was anxious to see what others had to say, but it looks like I am the first to respond. It's that grass greener on the other side question. I just wonder will you really be happier divorced? You are obviously on this board because you have a child or children and I wonder (and I don't at all mean this in a mean or insensitive way) but how do you put your kids through that? I am all for happieness, and you only live once why live it miserably, but isn't there something you can do in the way of repairing you relationship? even if it means counceling, or a seperation. You made vows to one another - what did that mean to you then and what does that mean to you now? I am just curious because my husband and I have several friends that got married around the time that we did and they all seem to be in situations where they for different reasons are considering divorce. So I am seeking to better understand from your situaton, I am not judging you, just wondering what does marriage mean these days? I am currenlty happy in my marriage, and I realize that could someday change, but having had children with this man makes me feel like we have created a life together beyond our wedding vows to one another - we have created life togther and need to honor that as well as one another. What kind of example are we setting for our children about family and commitment when we give up on our marriage? Look, I am not suggesting you stay in a marriage you are unhappy in, but I think maybe you are bored and instead of finding a new husband you need to redefine who you are and how you spend your time. It's sad to go through a divorce and when you do you put your whole family through it too, that's not easy. It's not going to be instant gradification once you get through it and I hope you realize it can be hard to find someone else and someone to love you and child (or children). It's a lot to think about and perhaps you have already considered all of that,and if that is the case I wish you well- every person deserves to be happy!

I've read most of the responses, and most of them are valid, and very helpfull. with that said, let me tell you it's easy to read all this responses, but when is time to face it's a whole different ball game. at this point the only thing that holds me up are my kids. I know you don't stay in a relationship you're not happy with because of the kids. but how do you explain to your kids that mom and dad are not in love anymore if all they see day to day is sort of normal. if you think your husband would be open to it, by all means try that first before you give it up. I wish you luck, and just can say you're not alone in this battle.

I know that my situation is a little bit different, but I have felt how you feel. Last December I was done with my hubby. Over the years we just kind of drifted apart. He no longer seemed to take interest in me and he was beginning to be overbearing and downright rude to me. I was ready to end it right then and there. However, I talked to him about how I wasn't happy in the marriage anymore and that if things didn't change, I was ready to leave.

We decided to get a book on marriage and read a chapter a night to try to "fix" ourselves. Just that small thing was enough to change everything. I needed him to connect with me emotionally, and when he did, I really fell in love with him again.

It sounds to me like you have a great marriage, but the spark has gone out. I hope that you are able to rekindle that spark and not lose a great thing. I assume you have kids because of the website you posted this on, and breaking apart a family can be devastating for everyone involved. My advice is to allow yourself the opportunity to fall in love again. My guess is that there is probably an unresolved offense that has turned your heart away. Some very wise people taught me that emotions are fleeting and they can change very quickly. I sure found out how quickly they can change last year. The grass is never greener on the other side.

Hope this helps!
T.

Counselling is a joke. My husband and I argued years ago and thought we needed counselling. We would go to the doctor in a good mood holding hands and leave so pissed off we didn't want to ride in the car home together. Once we stopped going our relationship improved and we are still together five years later.

I have another thought that irritates me constantly. People don't care anymore about marriage. Marriage is an agreement not to be entered into lightly. Sure your spouse will one day annoy you and vice versa but you made an agreement. Doesn't your word have any value to you?

I'll bet there's an outside influence here. Somebody's cheating or thinking about it. My advice is to get off the internet and go figure out why you loved that man in the first place. Turn off the television and look at your husband. Figure it out before you make a life altering change which you aren't 100% confident you really want to make.

S., No your not being selfish.I have felt the same way as yourself. First of all how can you make someone else happy when you cant even be happy yourself. I believe the two of you have just grown apart but maybe your marriage can be saved with some counseling. Tell your husband how you feel and see what he says, but remember life is too short to live it unhappily

Please seek professional health. You thought something was physically wrong with your body, and the doctor said "no." (I would definitely seek out a 2nd opinion because you'd be surprise at what hormones can do to you.) But now you need to seek out professional mental health. It could be for just you before you worry your husband to death. Feelings don't just "end." Something occurred one year ago, and you have to figure this all out before you throw your husband away and damage your family life. There are rarely just two choices in life: be miserable and stay in this marriage or divorce and become happy. You have a lot more choices than that. First, seek out professional "mental" health, and figure out what is going on with you. Once you are sure, then bring your husband into it and maybe the marriage could be saved. My heart goes out to you, though. More than half of the marriages fail -- but these days, I don't think people really understand the vows they say on their wedding day "in sickness & in health, for richer for poorer, until death do we part"........no where does it say -- for one year, you haven't made me happy.

I hope you seek out help.........and you'd be surprise, if you haven't had sex in a while, your husband definitely is not as clueless as you think. Just, please, for the sake of your children, go about this the right way. Go talk to a professional.

I understand and have felt the same way at times. I could not however imagine my life without him and it isn't just for my son's sake. If I were you, I would simply talk to him, feel him out to see if he has these feelings too. Maybe he does and you don't know it...or maybe it will hit him like a ton of bricks. Even so, he does need to know how you feel and you never know, getting it out in the open might be the very thing that saves your marriage.

Hi S.,

It sounds like you may be holding a lot of resentments and that there may be a communication problem between the two of you. Does he know how you feel? It sounds like too much of going your own way and his is making you grow apart. Maybe there is hope yet. Think about what attracted you to him in the first place. Did you truly feel that he was your soul-mate? Or was you just very lonely and settling for anyone who was being nice to you or giving you attention. I was guilty of that in the past. I am not saying you were, I am just having you look back at what you did like about him. You two and it takes two would make a good start if you could recognize when the resentment and negative feelings started playing a role in the relationship. It is sounding like you feel unappreciated and that you are not getting the attention that you desire. I can relate to that. You may just need to separate for awhile and be apart to appreciate each other or to take time to reflect how you really feel. Anger can be getting in the way. If you feel it is truly over though the best thing to do is just come out and tell him. The best way to deal with it is truthfully and straight on.
Your family will be in my prayers.

L.

I do not know if you have children but in a way that doesn't really matter. Committments have been made to be a family and it seems that you knew him very well when you did. And now you are searching for that bigger and better thing. Don't make a huge mistake by leaving without thinking about yourself. There is no comfort in leaving and finding a new man with no history. There is happiness when one is able to say "do you remember" and then really know each other. Life is not always stimulating with a partner but there are so many other parts of life. Have you tried going back to take a class at community college, try something you want to do that doesn't have anything to do with him. You can be happy and your own person, you have a voice use it. Maybe you have always wanted more adventure well take it, take a scuba class or whatever you want. Get a different job, try everything before you break up a family. Family is a big word and family is priceless and worth everything. Take care of yourself, tell him you have a desire to do whatever it is that you want, work retail and meet new people, go on a vacation by yourself and think, go for a beach walk everyday for two weeks. Try something other than just think of the most negative thoughts that you can over and over, how miserable anyway to have such negative feelings in your mind and that effects everyone and everything around you. Stop that first and start thinking of yourself and what you need to do that will make you happy.