So I've never had a very active libido. I'm in my mid 40's so I'm not expecting it to jump up and sing. Sometimes sex is a bit uncomfortable (shifting hormones), but usually not a problem. Have a 6 year old who is finally sleeping through the night (YAY), so I have a bit more energy. Hubby's just starting med school so I'm running things and taking care of everyone big-time for the next few years (including myself :)
We average 2-3 times/week - weekends, then mid-week. It's pretty much been this way our entire relationship. Now that his schedule is kicking his butt, things are shifting a bit. I make a point of asking if he's feeling like "us time", letting him know that he's needed/appreciated, etc. I DO like intimace, but my actual sex drive doesn't "drive" me. Now, I did have some unpleasant experiences as a tween that screwed things up for QUITE a while during my teens/20s. I got therapy, and it helped, but my go-to feeling about sex are more around the "ok, if you want to". And I DO usually get into it - as hubby says "once you get into it, then you get into it, and you're into it" LOL - which is true. But he said "it's like you forgot you enjoyed it the last time and have to start over again", which is true. It is like starting at "am I going to enjoy this" each time.
I'm just glad I DO enjoy it once I get into it, and that I can remember that I will.
Any one else feel similarly? Any thoughts on maybe making things better? Or am I doing OK?
Good to know the frequency is healthy :) I kinda feel disconnected if we don't try to be intimate every 3 days at least.
So is my "frame of mind" relatively typical? Is it a girl/guy thing re. the wanting to/"into it" thing? Or do I need to do some more internal work to improve my comfort level/desire FOR desire...?
Thanks!
ADD: kiddo has autism, got a weighted blanket and the world changed sleep-wise for all :)
I'm in my mid-50's and feel exactly the same way. I love the intimacy, but have to "remind" myself that I enjoy it the physical act. You're doing okay. Ever heard the saying "fake it 'til you make it"?
You are normal. Your average is high. Here it's everyone (5 of them) under age 7 and they do sleep through the night except the baby. Exhaustion is real for sure.
Honestly I think you're doing great!
2-3 times per week?! Hubby and I are lucky if we get "it" 2-3 times per MONTH!!!
You are not alone. 32-33 here and I've explained my sex drive to my husband as ice cream in the freezer. I love ice cream, but I forget it's there. The day to day routine makes me forget. By the time all is said and done I just want to sleep, but once I'm there...well you know!
I find that if my husband hints at what he wants through out the day, I'm ready to go by evening when the kidlings are in bed. We also talk a lot about what turns us on, what we find sexy. Random fantasies, things we want to try. I say, all is good so long as you both agree. Some times you try things and it doesn't work out, so you don't do it again. Some times things really work so you add them to the mix. I'm limited in positions so we add other things into the bedroom to make sure the old missionary doesn't get stale.
2-3 times a week is pretty good! That's what we average. We have 2 kids and my husband works 52 hours a week and I stay home during the summer and work during the school year (at a school). 2-3 times a week is about all we can manage and I think that's more than a lot of people
I am the same as you but we are more like 4 times per month. Once per week.
I say you guys are doing great through the intensity of a young family with heavy workloads with school etc. I think the main thing that men and even women forget is that the old saying of men are microwave ovens and women are slow cookers is so true and I think it accounts for a lot of the idea of us having low libido. Us getting going takes TIME. The old song that says 'try a little tenderness' is too true. Sex is not just one compartment of our brain that can be flipped on like a switch like it seems to be for them. I can snug up to my man and just the closeness of my body to his can have him locked and loaded and sex might just be a thought off in the distance for me. I might want to do it, but I would need time, he is not trying to be all over me,his response time is just faster, so we both have to be understanding of hat big difference. Anyway, I think you sound totally normal, maybe a little work as a couple on foreplay can help you both, we all need to refresh things in the bedroom sometimes ;)
2-3 times per week is more than average, that's great! We are more like once per week. But I'm exactly like you, I'm fine once we're doing it, but I don't have the drive to want it. Hubby finally understands that and is no longer offended, because he knows that I do like it once we're into it. I've had to just 'plan' to have it at least once a week, and it works for us. Totally normal!
Sounds like a great frequency. We were averaging about once every week or so, with me never interested, although my husband always said he could get me interested, which was true, once we started getting into it, I was into it. One day I decided I was just going to stop saying no, and having sex whenever he wanted, within reason. Less than a year later, he's asking me for breaks. :)
If you're having trouble with it being uncomfortable, there's no shame in keeping lube in the nightstand. We had to use it for quite awhile after dd was born and still sometimes depending on my hormones.
I am still caught off guard by the "6 YEAR old who JUST NOW sleeps through the night"
I really don't mean to hijack your thread - I'm sure I'm taking it wrong.
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Thanks - I knew I took it wrong. :)
