I have a certified daycare out of my home so I have been with my son for almost everyday of his life and I am having trouble letting go. He started kindergarten this year and I just hate dropping him off everyday. He is very outgoing and social and of course has no problem leaving me. I have so much trouble with not knowing what is going on with him every second of every day and not being right there for him when he needs something. He did go to pre-school for 2 years and that was not as hard for me but I was also able to be really involved in his everyday there and there were also only 8 kids in the class so I felt a lot more comfortable. Do any of you really smart moms have any suggestions for me on how to ease the tension and make this transition any easier.
The people I have spoken to in my life do not have any positive suggestions only that this is life and I need to get over it so I was hoping that someone out there has also experienced this and might have a positive way to get throug this.
Thank in advance for all of your help and supprot
I was in the same situation with my son. And I am still a sahm with 3 other children. But what I had to know was that I did a great job with him and now he had to learn and grow somewhere else. It will get easier as the days go on. Good Luck you will be fine but if you need to have a cry do not let your son see. And my son is now 19 and we still have a great relationship. Good Luck!!!
Dear JN,
I have found in my life that perspective is EVERYTHING. The advice from the people in your life that may not have been delivered in a very kind way was in fact positive advice if you would but choose to see it that way. It is indeed his life and we mothers do need to learn how to let go enough so that they can explore and enjoy their lives yet we can at the same time feel good about not being the center of their Universe. Trust me; as his mother you will never be anything else but his favorite girl...
While your intentions are nothing but the most noble and wonderful because you love him so much if you take a bit of time to think about it maybe you'll see how 'letting go' of him without feeling badly about it is truly in his best interest. Even when we have the very best intentions we don't always make the very best decisions when it comes to our children. I'm a grandmother now but have always tried to treat and relate to my children exactly how I would want to be treated and related. Even when it's been a bit uncomfortable for me to 'butt out' I do it because I think of how I would feel as a child if my mother butted into my business. I know he's only five and has no business to be butted into but I think you might understand what I'm getting at. Just think about how great it felt/feels to you when you accomplish something or do something on your own without anyone looking over your shoulder or how it felt when you were a child.
There is a delicate balance between being a parent who is there for a child and being a parent who is over-protective of and over-involved with their child. I'm sure you'll figure it out as you go along but for the time being perhaps it might help if you tried to see things from your son's perspective and tried to let him venture out a bit from you. Letting go can be difficult but the benefits of letting go and watching your child excel as a person far outweigh the pangs of pain or guilt we parents might feel when we aren't with our kids every moment of every day.
Good Luck,
C.
I volunteer at my daughter's school in her classroom for reading time which is twice a day, so I have my pick. I only have one child also and it is harder on me then her. I have also used some of the time she is away to think of things and write lists of what I want to do for myself and my family. This year I am remodeling our house to make it more energy efficient and open. I am planning on being involved in the PTA. These same things might help you.
I completely understand! I went through this last year with my son...and I am so sentimental that of course I had a much tougher time adjusting that he did!
But I would say that after the first few weeks, I started delighting in watching my son grow. I think the kindergarden year is one of HUGE change...and while there is a bit of sadness that comes with that, it is also exciting! Look at how you have raised him and helped him to feel confident enough to go out and meet new friends and get along with his teacher!
We would play a game that we called "Hi, Low, Funny" at the dinner table each night where we would each have to say one good thing about the day, one not-so-good thing about the day, and one thing that made us laugh. Many times it would give us a glimpse into his day and it would spark more conversation (because you know when you ask a kid what they did in school that day, they're going to respond with "I don't know"!)
Also, many teachers have email. I found it helpful to keep in contact with the teacher through email. Our teacher had projects that we could help prepare from home...so that us working moms could still be a "mom-helper"...just not in the classroom. If your teacher has something similar, it might help you feel more involved with the whole process.
I also joined a soccer team with other moms from the school. These moms have kids of all ages in the school...so it helps me learn from their experiences. Also I feel like I can ask them questions about various teachers, processes, etc about the school. You might try and attend the Parent Teacher Association or whatever your school's equivelent is. Then you can also be in the know...as well as help to make decisions that will impact the years that your child attends this school.
A long winded answer to your question, I know. But maybe something from my experience might be of help. My son started first grade this year, and again there was a bit of sadness as I walked him to his classroom...but I also find it exciting to see him having so much fun.
Good luck!
K.
J N,
I was there 3yrs ago when our oldest went off to kindergarten. I was a wreck when he got on the school bus for the first time and I sat on the phone with my husband crying like a big baby. This crying went on for hours. His teacher had parents come in to the class on the first day for us to watch her interact with the kids as well as give us a small sample of how the morning would go. Then we went off to the library with the principal and he had a question and answer session. Watching our son that first day was amazing. He showed no interest in me, only his friend he met over the summer. When I saw him, I knew he was okay and that I would be okay. It was still difficult but I survived. I had many compliments on our sons' behavior and ability to get along with others. To this day, people still tell me how much our son is well liked and such a good boy. It is very difficult, but as your son grows and you look at his school work and how it gets better and better, you'll know that he is okay.
This year our youngest son went off to kindergarten. He has the same teacher and the same routine whent on. Now that our oldest is in 3rd grade, I am doing so well. I yelled "woo hoo" when he got onto the bus because I was so happy knowing that I have a few hours a day when I'm not being pestered about everything. I'm not hearing whining and "mom, I need (this) and I can't find it". I have "me" time.
Your first is always going to be hard, but it does get better. When you see how happy he is when you pick him up from school you will again feel "whole".
Take care.
