Letter from Santa

If I were in your shoes (and I've had differences of opinion with my daycare providers in the past), I would definitely let her know she'd crossed the line. I'd ask to schedule time with her away from the children so you can talk with her one-on-one with undivided attention. Let her know that she upset your daughter greatly with her note, and that she crossed the line as far as you're concerned. While you appreciate the love & care she has given your children, it is absolutely not her place to insert herself into the more intimate aspects of your lives - holiday celebration included.

Honestly, it goes beyond just sending the letter saying they've been bad. Not to put any ideas in your head, but if she decided that telling your daughter in writing that she hasn't been so good this year, albeit disguised as Santa, what does she say while your daughter is in her care?

I'd probably leave the "look what all we've done for you" out of the conversation unless you felt it was entirely necessary given the direction the discussion is going. I wouldn't let it go though - I'd definitely talk with her sooner rather than later.

Of course, I'd probably also find a different provider. We ended up finding another provider when I felt we'd butted heads one too many times with our first daycare director. The daycare was great with infants & toddlers, but not-so-hot with a bright preschooler.

Good luck. This is definitely a sticky situation.
J.
Mom to Chase (4) and "Sunny" (due 6.2.8)

I would tell her flat out that you did not appreciate the letter from Santa she sent and that the kids were devestated (sorry about the spelling). It is not up to her to play Santa, that is your job and if she has any idea how it made your kids feel.

That's a pretty harsh thing to do to a 7 year old- and since you have been through so much with her- I would start out by asking her what her intention was in such a letter. Maybe she didn't realize completely how hurtful the letter was, and it may make you feel a little better after you speak to her. You also have every right to tell her how you feel, and how the letter affected your family. After this, if you still want to find another daycare provider, she should not be surprised.

Good luck!

I am sorry this happened. She was out of line. But, we (on Mamasource) are only hearing one side of the story. I am a daycare provider myself and did "call" Santa a few times last week when the kids were acting up (very natural for kids to be excited the week before Christmas). But, I also "called" Santa when the kids were being great. I never singled out any one child or any one behavior and never said Santa thought they were being bad.

If you have not already, I would take to your provider one on one when the kids are not around - or call her in the evening after the kids have left. I would let her know how you felt about this and how it hurt your child. I doubt her intentions were to upset anyone, but to remind the kids to behave. This needs to be discussed ASAP.

Good luck.
S.
(I am curious how your husband's views difference on this matter)

I feel bad for your child's feelings, this would be very hurtful to any child. They try all year to be good & then to get a letter saying they were "bad". That for one was not her place to do, santa has nothing to do with daycare & in my opinion was way over stepping her boundaries as a daycare provider.
I would be careful what you say to her. So to not make the relationship awkward or uncomfortable for you or your children. I would just write her a note or if you can speak to her in private. Tell her that it is your responsibility to handle your child's behavior in respects to santa. If it is an issue at daycare she should tell you directly, not use santa to do it. I hope you still had an enjoyable Christmas!

Wow....I would be shocked to have this happen. What a sad way for a relationship to end. Which, is what I would do. I think I might consider looking for someone new to care for my children. I think her letter shows very poor judgement. I would be concerned about what other questionable things she might do or say while caring for my children. Luckily, your 7 year old is able to communicate with you...Hope your holiday was salvaged. Good luck.

Here's an addition to my answer: In response to what Sharon D. wrote about calling Santa herself as a healthcare provider, I feel conflicted about this also. I think it's only the parents' place to decide what to tell their children about Santa since he's a fairy tale. Each family has their own spin on Santa....I think it's questionable for a non-parent to use "Santa" as leverage for promoting good behavior.