Let Severed Ties Stay Severed?

He's to little to have to worry about the 'stuff going on' in her life so yes saying she's home watching her girls is perfect. I wouldn't call or contact her to have him speak with her because she might tell him that she'll visit him some day and that could lead to him asking if today is the day she's going to visit.

Focus on all the exciting changes that school will bring and he'll be fine. Little ones have a fairly short memory for things.

Sometimes, a clean break is really for the best. I think your choice to leave things as they are and to give him support through this transition is very, very wise. She does not sound like she has much to offer emotionally right now, and as she isn't reaching out, I wouldn't 'go there' with her.

Kids do live very much in the present, so you can acknowledge his feelings when they come up. I do agree that re-opening that door, as you put it, only invites a lot of ambiguity into your son's life, and children generally aren't good with this-- they thrive when things clearly are or aren't; they love definitive answers (even when it means "no"... it's better than a hanging 'maybe', IMO.) Your son will have many important people in his life who will come and go, it sounds like this is the first of those many relationships that were here for a 'season'. You are handling this very well so I'd say continue doing as you have so far. "Taking care of her kids"... what a gracious way to let her go! :)

I think you're doing this the right way. I wouldn't change a thing.

How awful of her not to come back and say her farewells to your sweet boy. While I probably would leave things as-is, and not call on the phone (as she'd likely not answer), I'd be inclined to offer your son the opportunity to send her a Christmas card. A regular card with a crayon drawn Christmas wish inside might give her some much needed perspective as to how her withdrawing so quickly has affected your boy.

Were I you, I would be unwilling to provide N with any references or recommendations for future employment.

Kids at this age are VERY concrete in their thinking, abstractions can be anxiety provoking. Now that he has a clear answer, I would let it lie. Be sure he knows he can come to you at any time to ask any question and do what you just reported....support him and love him through it. I agree with the previous posts as well. Very well put. S.

If it makes you feel better, my children have pretty quickly gotten over the departure of 2 long term nannies even though they loved them and all was good. Kids just move on fast. I would tell him though that she loves him. If something pretty bad didn't happen to her, she's not such a great person to do this but he doesn't have to be aware of this. Speak of her well and how she cares about him and wanted you to tell him goodbye for now. I'd just want to leave the impression that he did nothing wrong of course. If he brings her up again, i think the idea of a card is good.

Your answers are good. In 6 months, he will most likely forget.

If he brings it up again in December, you can have him make her a Christmas card and send it out with other ones.

I would just let lying dogs lie. If she hasn't answered your calls and texts, it's unlikely she'll answer another one. While he may miss her from time to time, 3 year olds are blessed with a short attention span. He'll may ask about her, but just keep your answers short and sweet, and soon he'll be moved on to the next thing sparking his curiosity.
Hope this helps

I would leave the door closed. You've talked about it a few times, and your explanation is a good one - she is needed at home to take care of her own children. And that isn't it so exciting that he's a big boy who can go to school now, instead of staying home. And then move the conversation to all the fun things he is doing at school.

No, there is no point in having him talk to her. That will just prolong the inevitable.

Just listen to him and mirror his emotions, and he will adjust. You are his real mom, after all.

My opinion...People will come and go throughout his life. Whether it be friends, teachers, or even family members, he will have to learn to deal with it.

It is so hard to teach them and of course we want to protect them from all harm and hurt feelings, but we can't.

My advice is to teach him how to let go and move on. Teach him to cherish memories without pain and that it is not a loss.

First, this was a very thoughtful question. I feel for your son.

We are not in this same position so I will let those who have had caregivers vanish deal with that aspect of it, but I wanted to note: Is it possible that her "personal/family issues" were creating a real crisis? I am assuming here, maybe wrongly, that you have at least an idea and possibly detailed knowledge of what those issues are. Even if you don't, the fact that she did not answer calls or texts and it's "uncharacteristic" of her, all sounds as if anything could be going on -- an abusive/controlling situation at home, grave illness (hers or someone else's), legal issues that have made her try to drop off the radar, anything. You mention "taking care of her daughters" and it's not clear if that is just a way to help interpret this for your son or if there is actually something wrong with some or one of her children that you know of.

I would be concerned about her, frankly, as well as about your son, especially as she vanished so drastically and dramatically. Now, if you know the circumstances, know there are issues but not something serious, you weren't really surprised, etc., that's one thing, but if it is the case that you don't know what happened at all, or know maybe that there was illness in the family -- maybe see if she's OK?

Alternatively, maybe she took another job and this was her way of quitting and she didn't want to or didn't know how to do it properly....

Frankly, I would have a REALLY hard time excusing that type of behavior. She really left you in a bind and didn't even have the courtesy to let you know that she would not be coming back. Yes, you should keep telling your son that she is taking care of her family.

I would not be inclined to give her a good reference at all given how she left. I understand that extreme things can happen, but she should have at least had the decency to give you a phone call and explain....

I think you're over-thinking it. He has asked and gotten an answer that he can understand and is satisfactory. He probably won't ask again and if he does, it will probably be somewhat matter-of-fact. He will probably mention her, like you might mention an old friend, but that doesn't mean he has a broken heart. I think you think he misses her more than he really does.

Throughout all of this I think it would still be weighing on my mind-why did she actually abruptly leave like that?

She ended it. Unfortunately she ended it too abruptly, but I would let it go. You have handled it well and he will move on.