Lesbian Couple

Just say "oh Bobby has two mommies, that's his other mom, not his dad. Sometimes women have short hair and sometimes men have long hair" and leave it at that.

'Nope - that's his other mom'. My son has friends with two moms and he has never had a problem with this.

That's suzy, his other mom. She sure has a unique fashion sense, huh?

M.:

Use the KISS method - Keep It Simple Silly - tell him the truth.

No, Johnny, that's his other mommy.

If he asks how he has two mommies - just tell him - SIMPLY - that some people have two mommies and others even have two daddies. If you don't like that answer. Go to them and ASK THEM how you should respond...I know my lesbian friends would answer the question.

Heck one of my lesbian girl friends has a daughter from her marriage...LONG STORY...and she sounds like your son's friend mom...very TOM-BOYish...prefers pants over skirts, etc. shorter hair...

Why don't you ask your friends?

It's a legitimate question. But don't worry about it too much. I'm sure if your 5 year old did say "his dad" around them, they'd very gently correct him.

I agree with simple, like Dad on Purpose. My SS had a girlfriend with two moms and one was Mom and one was her stepmom. DD just wanted to know who they were. She didn't need more than "That's Megan's stepmom, Tammy." DD just said, "Oh, okay." and didn't even ask why Megan has two moms. I might say, "That's.... (however you address adults, like "Ms. Susan"), she just has short hair."

Your child's comment made me think of a blog I like: http://www.lesbiandad.net/

Ditto "Dad on Purpose," pretty much. Just say, "That's actually her other mom. Some people like to wear skirts, and some people like to wear pants. Some people like long haircuts, and some people like short haircuts."

This is actually a very kid-friendly way to bring up the subject of gender expression without getting into any of the nitty-gritty. To a preschooler, gender IS largely a question of hair length, favorite color, etc. And reinforcing the message that "pants and skirts are both okay!" "any favorite color is okay!" will really build a foundation of tolerance and respect for all kinds of human difference. You don't have to be good with words! Just keep it simple, and in few words. You don't need to bring grownup politics into what is really a classic little-kid question.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but I would let your 5yo know that the person is a female and is her friend's mom. If your child has questions about "where is the dad" or "why does she look like a man" I would answer very simply. "Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some families have a mom and a dad, some have two moms, some have only one parent, some have 1 kid, some have 5 kids. Our family is perfect with <insert your situation>." For the feminine/masculine look, I would just say "Every person is unique. Some people have long hair, some have short hair. Some people have blue eyes and some have brown eyes." You can even point out some differences in people you know and indicate that everyone is unique and special.

I would ask your friends what they think you should say. I bet they get this situation all the time, and probably have a fun response!

Oh, that's his other mom. He has two mommies! Pretty cool, right?

As the questions come, just answer them as simply and honestly as possible. More questions will come. Try not to think about them too much. It's very difficult, as an adult, to remember how innocent and basic teh questions really are to the child. But children are not usually looking for anything to profound. They just need basic, honest answers.

There's a story of a college student in the waiting room at a doctor's office who overhears a little girl ask her mom what sex is. The college student is eagerly awaiting the answer about the birds and the bees when the mom asks her daughter, "What do you mean by that?" The girls points to the health form the mom is filling out and the question that says "sex" and says, "What am I?" The mom explains that she and the daughter are both girls and her brother and daddy are boys. The little girls says, "Ok," and turns back to her coloring book. The college student picks his jaw up off the floor.

Ditto Dana K, exactly. Short, sweet and honest :)

Tell him the truth. By not telling him the truth you letting him be ignorant. A lot of the problems with the world today is ignorance.
I am not saying you are AT ALL, but its ok to tell him the truth.

Ask the couple! Tell them you are accepting of their lifestyle and you would like their help explaining it to your children.

Just use whatever names they use for themselves with the child. We have friends, a gay couple, who are "Daddy" and "Papa" to the child. "That's his Papa" or "That's his Daddy".

I totally agree with Dad's response. If he asks more questions, answer them honestly.

I would like to hear an answer from a real lesbian couple on this one.

Your son's question is sweet and innocent, but once you say, "Son, that's his other mommy." You're setting yourself up for the next question, of "Why" or 'How does that happen." Which is not entirely normal of course, but quite a social awakening for a young mind to comprehend.

Hello,
I think the biogger deal you make of it the bigger deal your son will. I would just say that his friend has two mommies and explain their difference as everyone expresses themselves in a different way. There are also a lot of books out about two mommy and two daddy households. You might want to check out your local library. Hope this helps :)

I would just say -actually that's his other mom. If you're close to them, ask them what they prefer to be called. In my experience, there are some fairly wide-ranging differences out there! I don't think you can go wrong with referring to both of them as his mother though.

As the moms what they prefer to be called, because technically, I guess one is the "bio mom" and the other is a "parent", but not dad. Maybe till you get a chance to ask, you could say, "yes, that's one of your friend's parents".