I am responding because I saw my stepdaughter's mom go through something very similiar, the best advice I can give you is to pray everyday and don't give up. Get involved in a church for moral support and a sense of community. I dont know your financial situation or your status on a career, but I highly recommend accounting. It is very stable, there is always work, it pays very well, and it's not hard. I started as an entry level accounting clerk with a staffing agency called Accounttemps as a teenager and I am now a very capable mom of 24. Keep faith that you will recoup your son and never give up. Your kids notice everything you do, and they notice that you try! So please dont give up. :)