Leaving One Child Behind

Well, it's not really fair for me to answer, as my 4 year old has not spent even one night away from both of us. Each of us has been gone a couple of times, but never both at the same time.

Is there a reason the 4 year old cannot go with the family on the trip?

Treat it like the 4 yr old is going on vacation to Gram's house instead of being left behind. Get him new activities and things that he can take there for his vacation. Write out a usual day for your son so your mom can figure out how the days usually run. Have her plan little outings to the library to get a dvd to watch or to the park every couple days to run off some energy.

Make sure you give your mom any medication (even otc stuff for children) and write down the dosages and how often they can be given. Also a copy of his medical card and dr info.

Mostly just have fun and know that you are leaving him in good hands. I wouldn't skype or anything because if he hears your voice or sees you he may get upset for the time you are together and then he'll calm down after and you'll be upset until you get home. Instead have your mom check in with you when your son isn't right there.

i think it's not only okay but advisable to leave kids with their grandparents from time to time. it gives them an invaluable opportunity to develop a deep and lasting bond with them that can't ever happen when the parents are present.
that being said, it's less than ideal to just do it that abruptly. i'd have had this little one doing one night sleepovers long ago. can you have him do some short ones so that he's not suddenly thrown into a new situation with no recourse all at once?
khairete
S.

In that situation I'd go, but we started leaving our kids with their grandparents as young as 1yo for overnights and 2-3yo for 3+days-long stays. and so they wouldn't have minded being left behind if it meant an awesome vacation with the other gps.

With four kids, we've done plenty of activities with two of them and sent two to do something else, we don't always expect to travel to every single thing together. I don't think your in-laws are being unreasonable in their expectations, there will be plenty of time for the 4yo to take part in things like that as he gets older. It will also be nice for the older ones to be "free" from their little brother for a while. I never thought about it as being unfair, just that they were ready for different things at different ages. Our kids tend to roll with the punches this way, though, I know not all kids do that; and I don't have anxiety about leaving them, never really have.

BUT.
If this is going to cause an extraordinary amount of anxiety on your part or your son's, I'm not sure leaving him behind is the best choice in your case. I wouldn't take him, I'd probably let the others go and take him to do something else while they were gone.

It will be a great trip for you and your older children. The four year old will have a great time with grandma. She can take him to a movie, go to a waterpark, the zoo, whatever and make it a vacation for just him. I am not in agreement with people who say that all the kids have to go all the time. I think it is a good thing to do something special just for the older ones and can totally understand your in-laws not wanting the little ones around. Go and enjoy it! Everyone will be fine.

Who will he be staying with? If its grandparents or other family, you may be able to spin it as if its a special treat that he GETS to stay with them.

Just be very careful not to let him feel like he is being left behind... That would surely cause problems. Also make sure that the older children are careful about how they discuss the trip in front of him, so he doesn't feel like its something he is missing out on.

You haven't given enough information to answer this question - are you escorting the older kids to a relative and leaving the 4 year old with a beloved, trusted friend/relative? Or are you taking a pleasure vacation with the older ones and leaving the little one behind? Can't answer based on the little info you've given.

ETA: Based on your update, I would probably not go. Not because your youngest won't be fine, but because we are a family and we travel as a family. If my inlaws wanted me to leave someone behind, I would probably decline. I don't think their request is unreasonable, and maybe you should go because your older kids will be on their own before the youngest can do trips like that with them, but for me, I'd probably be looking for a different trip. That being said, though, I can see both sides of the argument. And I would probably take the four year old on a trip like that - we've always traveled with our kids, from the time they were babies, so I would have no qualms about taking the 4 year old along (if the inlaws hadn't requested not).

I think it will be a very special time for your youngest. He'll get to spend a week being the center of his grandma's world without any siblings to compete for attention.

Don't think about the distance. Really, it doesn't matter if you're 500 miles away or 5000 miles away because either way, you can't immediately be at his side. So don't worry about how far away you are.

Pretend you only had two children. Does the trip sound fun to you? Would you be excited to go? Do you want to spend a week on a boat in Alaska? Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity or do you have the means to take this trip anytime you want to? If the answers are yes, then go on the trip. There will be plenty of other opportunities to make amazing memories with your little one. Take advantage of the chance to do something incredible with the older two.

Finally, just to make sure... it sounds like you're staying on a small or private boat, right? Or are you going on a large cruise ship? Why don't they want the little one to go?

I wouldn't go if I couldn't take the 4 year old... but then, I don't like my in-laws! Haha!

Seriously though, given that he has never been away from you, I'd stay or take him. I'm sure your Mom is lovely, but a week away without the option of you coming home if he loses it wouldn't be something I'd be comfortable with. I would worry about him the whole time and it wouldn't be any fun for me. Maybe he'd do just fine... it depends on the personality of the kid. But he's never been away from you that long and you're to far away to do anything about it if things go bad.

But, I am also not a parent who doesn't think twice about leaving her kids with other people. It's always been hard for me to leave them, but mostly because we don't have any family close by that is involved enough to stay with them. You'd have to base what you know of your child, his personality, his relationship with your Mom, your level of anxiety, etc... to figure out the answer.

good luck~

it doesn't' sound like much of a family trip if one member gets left behind.

I don't understand why the four year old can't go with you. My 6 year old has only recently been spending one night away from me every once in awhile at Grandma's. And while I would have no problem with Grandma, or my Aunt, watching her for a week if there was a necessity, I can't imagine planning a family vacation with some kids but not all.

That sounds like a great trip even for a four year old. What are your sister in Laws thoughts on this. I would want child with us. If he was a year old that would be different. So either we all go, or no one goes!

That sounds like an awsome trip, but I wouldn't be able to leave my youngest.

If you do go on the trip, I would have the youngest spend a few weekends with your mom ahead of time so that they are comfortable with each other.

It's not much of an invitation or family trip if specific family members were requested to be left out. I would decline the trip since he's not "allowed" to go and not because of the care situation. I would have absolutely no problem leaving him with your mom assuming that she's physically and cognitively capable of caring for a four year old.

Why can't the four year old go on the trip and where would the four year old be staying?

Even w you updates not enough info.
Is grandma capable is she nice is she too nice. Why haven't they stayed there. Can you call can u skype? Are these all your bio kids. What temperment does 4 yo have? What plans could gram make to keephim busy. Do u want to go to alaska? Is this once in a life time would hubs and older kids have more fun w/o u, more fun w/o u and 4 yo?. Lots of factors

Updated

Even w you updates not enough info.
Is grandma capable is she nice is she too nice. Why haven't they stayed there. Can you call can u skype? Are these all your bio kids. What temperment does 4 yo have? What plans could gram make to keephim busy. Do u want to go to alaska? Is this once in a life time would hubs and older kids have more fun w/o u, more fun w/o u and 4 yo?. Lots of factors

We've been back to Alaska many times (with both kids...this is where we used to live) and even as 1 year old, 2 year old, 3 year, and 4 year, our kids have gone on amazing Alaska trips. When living on a boat they have to wear a pfd (life jacket) at all times and an adult is always by their side. We also make them wear a pdf constantly if we are even hanging out near water (on docks, camping on riverbank, etc). Our son went with us on a tiny float plane out to Prince of Wales island where we spent a week camping and doing bat research when he was 2. When he was 1, 2, 3 he went flying in small planes over Glacier Bay National Park. When sea kayaking (calm, sunny day only) they can come starting at age 2...they sit in dad's lap and he paddles around them. We stay near the shore. We've taken them both on Alaska canoe trips (no rapids or anything dangerous). We've spent a lot of time on boats all over southeast Alaska. All our friends and family members in Alaska who have young kids take them on all kinds of incredible trips/adventures. What I'm trying to say is it's hard for me to image a scenario where your 4 year old can't come with you. You will feel better and I bet he/she will have a great time! PS - You don't say what kind of boat you are taking, but if it's a small boat get your 4 year old a small fishing rod to play with. He/she might also enjoy having their very own camera.

Sorry, but I guess I still don't understand why he can't go. Maybe because I grew up in Alaska, but, even with that, why wouldn't a 4 year old be able to stay on a boat with you? I remember spending time on a houseboat when I was very little and it really wasn't an issue. I knew to stay away from the water and what rules had to be followed.

My mom actually worked at a fishing camp in the bush when I was really young and I went with her to that and helped out and hung out with the guests and visitors to the camp. :-)

I guess if there is just absolutely NO WAY that the 4 year old can join you on your "family" vacation, then go ahead and leave him with the grandparents. I am sure that they would be more than excited to have him and he will be fine. After all they raised you, right?

Good luck and enjoy your trip to Alaska, it is truly God's country.

this is an opportunity the your family might not get again. I would leave the younger one and home and go for it. he will be fine with your mom and will have all kinds of exciting things to tell you when you get back. leave notes for him. and take the older ones and go. I have been on trips where each of my kids have been left home as being the youngest. when to st. louis with the oldest girl left son at home, went to disney the next trip with daughter and son and left next son at home, went on a trip to ky with oldest 3 and left son #3 at home. all of them were fine. go and have fun