Hi,
I am looking for support in a decision we're trying to make. I am originally from Idaho and live on the east coast. I haven't seen my family (in ID) in almost 3 years. I have 2 children, my son will be 4 in June and my daughter is now 16 months. My husband and I were planning to bring the kids out to see my family in August, however we're dreading taking our daughter. As much as we love and adore her, she is so extremely active, and we're wondering how on earth we're going to be able to manage her for 4 flights. (you have to make a connection, you can't fly direct from NY to Washington State where the nearest airport is.) It would really just be a lot for her, and for us, to be selfishly honest.
So we're considering leaving her behind with my in-laws and just taking our son. I know she'd be in the best of hands and I would line up a few babysitters so that they could get a little break from her while we're gone. I really think it's the best choice since nothing back home is child-proofed in either of my parents homes, my daughter doesn't sleep well in her own bed let alone strange places, and for a few of those nights we'd be in a hotel which would really make for some interesting sleep situations. (she's NOT a good sleeper, period.) My parents also live 2 hours from one another so we'd be in the car a lot, and she despises her carseat.
I guess I'm just looking for feedback from those who have traveled with just one child while leaving the other(s)? I feel like a terrible mother for even considering it but I just know how uptight both my husband and I are when we travel, and I can already sense how stressful it will be to travel with her. I know I'd be depriving my family of seeing her, but they've also made ZERO efforts to come out this way to see us. Any thoughts?!
Thanks so much in advance for your input.
Thank you ladies! You all are the best. I know, I never thought I'd be one to travel with one child and not the other. (I used to be a nanny as well and the parents would often split the kids up for vacations and I thought that was so cruel.) BUT, this is kind of an odd trip as it is...my parents just aren't "equipped" for such a small child in the house and to be quite honest, it really would not be any fun for her, which is what made us officially decide that she will stay with my in-laws. She will have a blast with them, and my son will be able to have some fun with just us. But thank you so much for all of the responses, they were so helpful.
She is 16 months old and will never remember. She will have a great time with Grandma and I bet Grandma is soooo happy to have her.
THe family form Idaho can come meet her in CT or you can go again when she is of a more manageable age.
I think you have made a good choice.
I do not see a problem. She is only 16 months old. She will enjoy being an only child with her grandparents and you all will be more mobile without her.
Go and have fun. No regrets!
I would leave her at home with your in-laws. She'll be fine and it will make the trip much less stressful. Traveling with a toddler is a nightmare especially with that many flights. Consider if you are delayed, miss a connection etc...etc... She would be miserable, then you'd all be miserable.
I think you allready have the solution. You are in need of this trip and it sounds like everyone will benifit from leaving the child with a sitter. STOP being so hard on yourself. Enjoy your vacation!
Hope I'm not stepping on any toes...but having traveled alone with 2 young children on more than a few occasions (lived far from family, husband is military and rarely with us)...yes it's a challenge, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I have a son who also is not a good sleeper or traveler and yes, we've done hotels, flights, car rides, etc. it can be stressful, but again, worth it. Personally, I think you should try to bring them both. Your family is your family. Will it be a cake-walk? Probably not. Will it be exhausting? Probably. Would I still do it if it was me? Yep. Just my 2 cents.
Per her age, its fine.
She won't even realize looking back, that she missed a trip.
When my son was 2 years old, my Husband and daughter went on a trip to Europe to see his family.
It takes, from Hawaii, 24 hours to get there one-way and entails stop overs and connections. LONG flight. Even for me, I can't stand it. I get all claustrophobic and can't stand sitting for that long in a plane. And I am an adult.
So, because my son is SO active and would NOT be able to be on a plane for that long, only my Husband and Daughter went on the trip. Me and my son stayed home. It was fine.
They called us and we did Skype.
My son had no issues about it. Even at his age.
It was fine.
It would have been way to arduous and tiring for him, to travel all that way. He would have gone nuts-o on the plane for that long.
We simply explained to the In-Laws, that the flight is simply TOO long for our son. And WE know him best. It was not up to them anyway.
You are not terrible.
Just leave the baby home.
Its fine.
As you said, your In-Laws would be good caretakers or him. And you will line up some babysitters, if need be.
Just make sure they keep up, your baby's normal regular sleep routines and bed times and nap times. Otherwise when you get back home, you will have to get her back into her routine.
Write down, your child's routines for them and bed/nap times.
Go over it with them. And any other needs/rules for her and foods etc.
Its fine.
You can call your In-laws and do Skype too.
Make sure they have a computer camera to do Skype and set it up for them. Ahead of time. And teach them how.
seems like an odd arrangement to me, to be perfectly honest. is there anything "wrong" with it? not really, i guess, just not something i'd do. i have travelled alone with 1-3 kids, as well as with my husband with 1-3 kids, but we've never both gone away and split the kids up, taking some and leaving some behind. travelling with a 16 month old really isn't that bad, you've got 2 flights there and 2 on the way back, that's just one connection each way. if you really think it's too much for you and your husband to handle 2 kids on a plane, why not just plan the trip later? like you said, your family hasn't made any efforts to come see you... there's no right or wrong here, you asked for thoughts, and those are mine :) good luck with your decision!
I would not leave my daughter while the other members of my family flew across the country. Either all four of you should go, you and your son (leaving hubby behind w/ your daughter), you go alone, or all four of you should stay home.
I have friends who have done things like this. I think it depends on how comfortable your son is with your in-laws. Are they really involved and really close or is it going to be a bit of a shock to him? If it's the former, it seems fine. Friends who have done this often have the grandparents come to their home btw to lesson the "change" on the child.
I'm going with- you have already made the best decision for YOU! Go with what you have already decided is best and enjoy your mini-vacation. She will be in good hands and won't realize you went without her.
In a couple more years you can all go together!
I totally know where you are coming from. We've limited trips for the same reason. Do what is best for you. If the parents complain, invite them to come visit you and offer your home for them to stay in.
I agree with M.-2. I could never leave any of my kids at home nor would my parents or inlaws even stand for it. I nannied for a family who took one of their kids to an island and left the 20 month old with me, I thought it was ridiculous. To each their own, but I can't imagine doing it. I had to go on travel for a week for work in December and my kids were 3, 5, and 7 and my husband and family were doing the taking care of them - but for me to be away from them killed me. Just me though.
As long as your in-laws are responsible and trustworthy, I don't see a problem. We went on a trip to the beach when our son was 4 and our twins were 18 mths old. They had a blast with my parents and our son enjoyed having some time alone with mom and dad. We left them because we were flying and we were staying in a motel. We knew it would be miserable for everyone if they were there.
The next summer we took them and because they were older it was a fun trip.
Make sure you get a medical release form and have it notorized. You can find them online.
Don't feel bad. Everyone will have a better time, including your daughter.
I have 4 children and can totally understand where you are coming from!! Its just harder when they are little and "busters" (thats what my husband and I call them!).. You and your husband are the parents. You do whats best for the situation. What your family doesnt realize is, if it was that big of deal to see both of the kids then they should have gotten on a plane to see you. Its easier for a couple to get on 4 planes then a family with young children. Besides let them know now what your doing that way they know what to expect. Do what you gotta do dear, dont feel bad eventually she will grow out of it and things will get a little easier. I totally agree with you. Have a great time and a safe trip. And remember if they start complaining on not seeing your daughter..just say, "Well, I'm sorry but you could have come to see me."
What you are planning is self preservation. Obviously you know your child
best and it it would make everyone, including your daughter, miserable,
by all means leave her home. I can identify. Will your parents be upset if
you do not bring her.
Do what works for your family. It sounds like this time it will work best for you to travel without your daughter this time. If I were you, I would leave her with the in-laws.
We have travelled a ton with our kids at varying ages. I have travelled with our boys alone and with my husband. Recently my husband took our oldest son on a ski trip and left our youngest at home. We decided that a 9 hour drive each direction to ski only 2 days would just be too tiring for our 7 year old, so I stayed home with our 7 year old and my husband took our 13 year old skiing. We had a great time bonding at home. Each situation is different. Do what is best for your family.
Enjoy visiting your family! :)
Leave her! It will be better for everyone and fun for grandparents to get 1:1 time.
I would leave her with my in-laws. I have travelled a few times with only 1 or 2 of my 3 children for different reasons. You'll have a better trip and she'll be in good hands. Enjoy your trip.
