Hey All -
So my daughter is going to be 5 months next week. Since she has been born she has always been with either myself or my husband. I work with family so she even comes to work with me. This weekend is our anniversary and we are planning to go out to dinner since we haven't been out alone since she was born. My mother in-law and sister in-law is coming to our house to watch her. I am already getting anxiety about leaving her. My daughter sometimes has a hard time with other people and she tends to cry a lot when my mother in-law holds her. I need advice as how to handle leaving her and how to transition her to be comfortable without us there??
any advice and other peoples experience would be helpful! THANKS
Thank you all for your responses. They are all very helpful. I know we really do deserve some alone time together. We do plan on staying very close. I do trust my MIL and SIL so I know she is in good hands. I think my main concern is I don't want her to feel like I have left her, but we have to try it at some point.
I will give an update after. Thanks again :)
There's not much you can do to make her transition more except let more people watch her for you. It's really hard on kids who have never had that to go to school and other places.
I think you have to understand MIL has raised kids and is not a novice. They'll do fine without you there....lol.
Go and enjoy. It's your MIL AND SIL. What could be better. Just remember, grandmas are great. You have a cell, leave your number and just go out and have a great time. You deserve it.
Say good night, give her a kiss and go have fun. Everyone will survive.
Actually is is healthy for you both to have some time. I think two adults can handle one little baby. Enjoy and make it a habit of getting out because if you do not, you will go crazy
The earlier you entrust her to loving caregivers, the better for all of you.
Happy Anniversary, and have a wonderful time with your husband! (Ours is this weekend too ;-)
You're having a worse time than she will. Do your marriage a favor. Put your fears aside and be a wife to your husband.
aw, that's always a hard one!
but good for you. she's plenty old enough to start learning that mommy will always come back, and grandma is wonderful and safe and loving. it's a confidence factor that will serve her well her whole life.
the most important thing is for YOU not to melt down. even if she's a puddle, she will be looking to you for clues, and she needs to see calm confidence. if you cry and empathize, it will just reinforce in her baby mind that something terrible and scary is happening.
your daughter probably has trouble with other people because she's had the good fortune to have you 24/7 thus far. she cries when grandma holds her because mommy is there and she wants mommy. she will be MUCH better when you are not in the room. and even if she cries a lot this first time, she'll cry far less the second time. and barely at all the third.
trust your MIL. she did a good job the first time. she won't break your baby.
you cannot be sure that baby will be comfortable without you there. she might howl for all of 10 minutes. it's possible (but unlikely) that she'll scream the whole time you're gone. go anyway. trust your MIL.
your marriage needs focus. new babies pull parents' attention away from each other because new babies are so all-absorbing. i'm glad you're going out with your dh for your anniversary. don't blow it by angsting about baby the whole time.
she'll be fine.
enjoy your husband.
:) khairete
S.
She is going to have a hard time no matter who it is with since she has never left both of you at the same time.
Go and have fun. If you do not let her adjust to this now she and you will have a harder time when it is time for preschool or kindergarten. She will be with you MIL and SIL so try your best to enjoy yourselves and she will be fine.
BTW....Happy Anniversary!
Do you fear that your MIL or SIL will hurt your baby? Otherwise, go out and have a good time. You daughter will get over it and not remember being left at 5 months old for a couple of hours. If you want to start slowly, maybe plan a late dinner and go out after you put your daughter to bed. This is what my husband and I did with our twin boys when they were younger. They go to bed around 7. We would put them to bed and then go out. At 5 months they were sleeping through the night, but even if you daughter wakes up, maybe you can time it to come home before she wakes up. You may feel better leaving if you know she will be asleep the whole time. It worked for me.
i dont think there is any good way to transition unless you start having your MIL and SIL over at your house everyday until you go out so that your daugther can really get familiarized with them. I mean, she is going to cry if she has been with you or dad everyday for the last five months. She at least knows a familiar face of your MIL if she has been around her before. she will be ok. if you totally trust your family then she is in good hands! if you can help it, i would try and stay somewhere close just in case you need to come home.... enjoy your anniversary night out! you and hubby NEED IT AND DESERVE IT!
When my firstborn was 9 months old, it was Valentines Day. As a gift to my husband and me, a friend and my sister got movie tickets, made dinner arrangements, and booked a hotel.
They both stayed in our home with the baby. So...we went to the movie then came home to check on them. Went to dinner, came home. Took the baby with us to the hotel because no way was I leaving him overnight yet. We only went to the hotel at all because it was paid for, but we'd have preferred to stay home.
So your anxiety? Totally normal. Go out, try to relax, but realize you might not. You can't force it, it will come later when you're REALLY ready.
Aaaw, this is sweet! Of course she will miss you.
But think of it this way. You are showing her this time that when you DO leave, she can trust that you'll be back.
Have a blast and congratulations!
:)
You are making way more out of this than is necessary. As others have said... hug, kiss and walk out the door. You MIL and SIL are going to love having time alone with her and you are going to enjoy the time alone together.
It's hard the first time (for you), but worth it! You need to adult time to reconnect.
HAVE FUN and don't rush through the night. She'll sleeping anyway, right!
I feel for you. I truly do. I have 2 and they are 3 1/2 and 15 months and I still have severe anxiety leaving them. Would you believe if I said that since my second has been born I haven't had anyone - not even my Mother put them to bed. I have managed to find the strength to get away with my husband a few times here and there but never for bedtime. Its horrible for my husband but I figure if commit to it and then spend the whole night out freaking out then whats the point? I know its something I need to work on and I am getting better as the younger one gets older but its crazy hard for me. Good Luck and try to enjoy yourself because you deserve it
Make sure they come early like a few hours early if they can. She will be used to them being at the house. That way with all of you home she might not notice you have left with your hubby. It will get easier with time.
I wouldn't want my first time leaving my baby to be for an extended period or at her bed time. I'm not saying don't do it, but it's reasonable to feel the way you feel about it.
I would practice leaving her for an hour or so at a time every day, to show her that you always come back. There's nothing wrong with not having done this before or with adjusting your plans to accommodate your new lifestyle. Just be on the same page with your husband about how you'll handle these opportunities.
