Leaving My Baby :(

Updated on April 24, 2007
R.B. asks from Menifee, CA
7 answers

almost a year ago my husband and i plannned a trip to visit friends that moved to NC. i have been so excited, as i miss my best friend terribly. we are supposed to leave on wed, and now every time i think about it i get sick. we have three kids 12, 8, and 2. i have never been away from the baby for more than an over night stay w/grandma. my mom is staying at our home while we are gone, so i hope that will make it easier on the baby, but she is very attached and i don't want her to feel like i just left. my first thought is just not to go, but i know that would upset my husband so much. i feel like we need to get away for a while but at the same time i don't want to leave. any advice about how to deal???

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

It sounds to me R., that you are a very caring mother. As mothers, we want to do the best for our children, and we want them to feel loved, but remember that you and your husband need time for each other and to have a good, loving relationship, which is a foundation in a healthy home. The time you spend with your husband will give in the long run, strengthens your marriage and in return, gives confidence to your children. You will also return, refreshed and ready to start again. I'm sure your children will miss you but I'm sure they know you love them.

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N.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Oh, how I understand your feelings. I will be leaving my baby for the first time soon, too (he's almost 2 1/2). And this will be after Daddy comes back from being deployed, so he'll get Daddy back but Mama will be gone. Talk about hard to deal with!!! But having said that, we kept talking to him and telling him Daddy was leaving. They understand more than you think and whether they do or don't, telling them and then leaving versus not telling them and just disappearing is MUCH better. She'll be okay!!! Grandma staying in your home DOES make a difference, trust me! I do believe the time with your husband is VERY important not only for you and your husband, but for your kids, too, because mommy and daddy need to take care of themselves and their relationship so they can take care of the kids!!! She'll be okay! Just talk to her. Try to keep YOUR emotions separate because they can and do pick up on it. She'll get into a routine with Grandma and be okay.

Good luck and please enjoy your trip!

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R.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am in a similar situation and approaching my first night ever away from my 2 and 3 year old in a few months. Your little girl is old enough to listen to her when you say that you will be back and that she is going to stay with grandma. Build the visit up to her by talking about the fun things her and grandma will do (have little activities for each day like baking brownies, doing a craft, a special movie etc.) and call her often to tell her you love her and that mommy will be back in a few days. The last mom is totally right about the build up being way worse and once you get there I am sure you will enjoy your "adult" trip! You know your babies are in good hands so go and have a great time!! :)

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S.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Oh I know its hard but you should just do it! It will be good for both of you.
It's nice they can stay at your home while you are gone.
You can call everyday. I went through a similar situation but trust me you'll have fun with your husband which is very important! take care

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M.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

I don't know if this would be a possibility, but could you leave the bigger kids with Grandma and take the little one with you? 2 year olds still fly free (I think) if they lapsit. When my oldest was about 25 months, my husband planned a weekend to San Franciso for us and I just told him I wasn't ready to leave the baby for that long.
You'll only have one little person with you if you take her which is much easier than taking all 3.

If you can't take her, what the others have said was good. Make plans for special treats she likes, like going to the park or going to a favorite place to eat while you are gone.

The other thing to keep in mind is, it's harder on YOU than on them. When we went to Hawaii for a week about 4 years ago, my boys were 2 and 5 and although I really wanted to go on the trip (I'd never been to Hawaii) I was worried about how they'd do for a week with Grandma and Grandpa in a different house and city than they were used too. Let me tell you, every time I called to see how they were doing it was like pulling teeth to get them to the phone...they were having WAY too much fun and didn't want to talk to me. LOL Of course they were thrilled to see us when we got back (they came to pick us up at the airport with G&G) and they told us about all the fun things they had done while we were gone.

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B.A.

answers from San Francisco on

GO! like others said, its harder on you then on them! She will have her siblings to help her out if its a hard day.. and usually its only right when they wake up and when they go to bed when they miss you... my daughter frequently goes to grandparents hosue on weekends... its hard, but shes fine really... The main thing i was going to say was that, if you don't go you'll never know if was hard on her or not. You can always come back early if it too hard!

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M.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

The build up to the leaving is always much worse than the being gone.

Grandma is staying in your home....nice. Tell me...how do you swing that? I can't even get my MIL or mom to watch my daughter for a couple of hours at their own house.

Seize this time. Trust that it will come and go so fast that when you are home, your baby will begin to immediately forget all about it.

It's hard but good for your making your family foundation (your marriage) a priority. Good for you!

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