You moms have been so helpful that I am giving it another go...I am leaving for almost a week for a work conference. My daughter will be about 10 days shy of her 5 month birthday. Inside I am FREAKING out! I know everything will be fine but I am so nervous about leaving her. I am nursing so we spend quite alot of time together. I don't know if I will have enough milk saved up but I figure we can do half milk half formula bottles if we need to. Anyway, my husband and I are trying to decide if he should take the whole week off for vacation and stay home to take care of the kids. (We also have an eight year old but I am not as worried about leaving him because he is older). We think it could be good because he'll get some quality time with them (and get to see what my life is like every night...lol). However, we also think that it is SO important to keep kids in their routines. So, it may be better to keep taking her to daycare and then the only thing that has changed is that I am gone. Than again, I am gone (and I am usually the one who picks her up from daycare) so it may be more comforting to just be home with her dad. Another concern I have is that her dad has adult ADHD and this is his first baby so he really doesn't know what he's doing. Seriously, I have to remind him alot about different things (some of which are...don't do that it's not safe). I trust that he will do the best he knows how but it worries me that he is just unprepared to go it alone with a baby. He does fine with my older one. As you can see, I am really wrestling with this. I have never had to leave a child before when they are so young that you can't explain what is going on to them. I am going to pump when I am at the conference so I hope to keep my milk supply up (if i don't dry up from worry..lol). So ladies, any opinions? Advice to make the transition easier for both of us? How can I make sure my husband is prepared to care for her the whole time I am gone? Sorry this is kind of frazzled. I have alot going on in my head...obviously! THANK YOU! God bless!
Can you do a few dry runs for your husband? He could pick her up for daycare, prepare and feed dinner, do bathtime and bedtime, etc. That way he'll know what you do and how you do it. You can just sit back and watch or even spend an evening away from the house. Sometimes you don't think of things until you are in that situation. KWIM? That way you would be around to address any concerns you or he may have.
Hi S.,
Do you have any close family near your home? Maybe his or your mom/dad/sister/aunt/grandma(-pa)/friend that you trust enough to do some "check-ups" on your husband? I also think it's best that you let him do this on his own, but as moms, we all know how stressful it can get when you're alone. You could have someone stop by the house once a night just to give him a hand with dinner or bath time or whatever you know is most difficult. I'm sure he can do this successfully on his own. If it were me though, this would be my plan just to give me that extra peace of mind so I don't LOSE my mind. Good Luck!
Write everything down! Your daily routine down to what to fix for breakfast and where your daughter is while you are doing this. Let him know that he doesn't have to follow it if he doesn't want to but you just wanted to let him know how you do it.
Definitely keep her in daycare. The routine will help and your husband will need a break! Get as much prepared ahead of time so everything is ready for him. Call to see how things are going but don't call to much, his parental instincts will kick in and he should be fine. Remember, although he may not do it the way you do everything, he will still do what needs to be done in his own way.
If you are really concerned and fear for her safety, make it into a family vacation.
Good luck and relax! Enjoy the time off from your regular routine.
This does not have to be all or nothing. DH can take a few days off and do day care for the rest of the time. A few days of bonding time would be great for both him and your daughter. And you would learn that you can trust your husband to take care of things, even if it's not just like you would do it. Remember, DH has just as much interest in your precious new daughter's well being. You are cheating him (and your daughter!) if you don't let him be a full parent. If it would help you feel more relaxed about it, your 8yo son could also take the same days off. (vacation for everyone, yay!)
Hi S..
I travel frequently for business too. I have a 3 year old and a 5 mos old. Take a deep breath. I'm only giving you my opinion - and what works for us. If you can do daycare, that is my recommendation. The schedule is key. Plus, you will be able to use vacation time together later as a family. Write things out that concern you. Make a list of DO NOT DO THIS for your husband. Give him an idea of how the schedule will flow. He can do it - and this is a perfect chance for him to prove that to you and himself. My kids have a hard time readjusting to schedules when I change things up too much - so make the impact on them as small as possible. I hope this is helpful to you - bottom line is, go with your gutt. You don't want to be traveling and unable to focus on your business at hand.
I travel a lot also. I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old daughter. I feel the schedule is extremely important. It is just my opinion, but I would keep her in daycare and then your husband only needs to deal with the night. He can do this. Make sure you leave him lots of notes and call a couple times a night. At 5 months, it is not going to really be an issue for your daughter. This is all about you and your feelings. She is going to be OK. I totally understand how you are feeling and I still have pangs of worry when I am not with my kids, but I truly believe that it is better for them and it is a great excuse for your husband to spend more alone time with your daughter. Make sure you keep a list of what to do and NOT do and even while you are gone, just keep adding to it via email. It is going to be a great learning experience for your husband. If you have a PC at home, you may want to invest in a webcam. I have one at home and on my office PC so my son can see me and talk to me while I am away.
