Last Name Changes

No advice, just a "story". My husband had a baby with his ex-gf at age 20. She gave the baby HER last name and now that she is married, the child has NEITHER of their last names. It has kinda sucked for him.

Hi S.,

I'm seeing that you are 20 years old and have a son without being married to his father.

Now you are saying that you want nothing to do with the baby's father and have a restraining order to keep him away from you and his son.

What I'd like to know is: What was the purpose for you and the baby's father's for having a relationship when you two got together?

The baby was made by two consenting adults. The father has equal rights to his son. What is your motivation down in your heart and soul to deny the man his rights?

Had you thought about a Family Group Decision Making conference to resolve these issues so that the baby can enjoy a relationship not only with his father but with all members of his biological family.

I feel sad to think that this baby is destined for a life of bitterness and strife and he won't even know where it came from.

If you are interested in the FGDM conference, I can contact someone who lives near you to help you out in your crisis situation.

Good luck for the New Year. D.

http://www.namechangelaw.com/PA/flc.htm

You can read the state laws at the above website. I do agree with the women who told you to think about why you're doing it, though. Anyway, hope this site helps some.

I am not sure I understand what makes people want to judge you for your decision or think you have some kind of underhanded motive, but I understand where you are coming from. Our situations are a bit different because you actually have a PFA against him (I don't, only because we are now in different states), but I am experiencing the same dilemma.

In any event, if you feel that this is what is right for your baby, then you do what is right! It is YOUR decision to make and I am sure you have very valid reasons for doing so. If the baby NEVER had his father's name to begin with and he was never involved, would it be any different? Do not let anyone make you feel as though you are doing something so horrible!

Good luck to you!

S. my love......My friend went through the same thing about 4 yrs ago. It is not a good idea to change the babies last name(yours is up to you). Your son came from him and although he may not be the man that you wanted/want to be with or want to call him your sons father, he is.....Give it time. Donna is right. That baby needs to know his family. Has the father ever met your son? In all in all this is still your choice, but do it the right way, and contact a lawyer.Traditionally, courts ruled that a father had an automatic right to have his child keep his last name if he continued to actively perform his parental role. But this is no longer true. Now a child's name may be changed by court petition when it is in the best interest of the child to do so. When deciding to grant a name change, courts consider many factors, such as the length of time the father's name has been used, the strength of the mother-child relationship and the need of the child to identify with a new family unit (if the change involves remarriage). The courts must balance these factors against the strength and importance of the father-child relationship. What this all boils down to is that it's up to a judge to decide which name is in the child's best interest.

Keep in mind that, even if you do change your children's last name, you won't be changing the legally recognized identity of their father. Nor will a name change affect the rights or duties of either parent regarding visitation, child support or rights of inheritance. Changes such as these occur only if the parental roles are altered by court order - for example, a new custody decree or a legal adoption. Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

The YWCA in Pittsburgh at one time used to have free legal advice.

FWIW, the bio of my 19 year old never had his name included into the picture and eventually renounced his rights. (for us it was a blessing.

When my husband adopted her almost 10 years ago the judge asked her what she wanted as her new name. She chose to keep my last name hypenate and add his last name on. So we hold the same last names as I kept my last name when married because I did not want her to feel excluded when we added into the family. It worked out well!

Good luck in your decisions.

I have to agree that maybe you would want to think about it. I am only assuming that you are very hurt and angry and need time. If i am wrong and he has done terrible (and i mean terrible) things, than go for it. Someday you may change your mind...

The name change process is expensive in PA and you cannot do it without filing a petition in court, publishing the hearing date in the paper and proving to the court that you gave notice to the father.

I would charge a client at least $1200. I have been at hearings and if the father appears and does not consent the judge will not grant the name.

As a PA family Law attorney, I will tell you that there is no legal way for this to happen without the father at least being given notice of the hearing.

I would talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. I'm sure you have good reasons for what you are doing that we don't know about so I would make sure it's done the correct and legal way so it can't come back to bite you later :)

I don't have any advice about the legalities of this, but I just wanted to let to know that if for whatever reason your son's father has nothing to do with him in his life, things can work out very well. I have a very close friend who got pregnant in college and got engaged to the baby's father, but before she gave birth realized she didn't care for him and told him she wanted him to have nothing to do with his child. He agreed, Adam was born, and for the past 25 years has had a wonderful life with his mom and has thought little of his dad. If your situation is such that the father needs to be out of his life, you can make life good for your son if you work hard at it.

I'm not completely sure about this but I think you can do a name change petition through the court. If he is involved with the child, and paying support, the judge may deny the request or the father could object, but if he's absentee--the judge might go for it. I don't think it would be more than a hundred dollars....good luck to you--you sound like a super-busy woman!

I am not quite sure of the leagalties for this. I would call your local court house or call them and ask to speak to someone in vital records. They should be able to help direct you in the proper avenue :)

If you have a PFA I'm sure that this *might* have some impact on getting it done. The court can change his name, but it will not change his paternity or his right to his child. If your PFA does not include your child, I would ask for one for him or that he be included in yours- if you feel that he is a threat to your child or to you when you have change of custody for visitation. I had a PFA afgainst someone a few years ago and both my children were included for the afore montioned reasons.

And PSA: PFA's are not toys. The court doesn't issue them without warrent. Do not assume anything based on the posters age and relationship status or what you feel her motivation might be. We are here for support, not to tear someone down.