My son is having an issue with just one kid in his class and I can't figure out how to fix it. He's been in school with this other little boy since preschool, always says how much he likes him and when they are outside of school at functions or run into one another they usually play fine. But in school, they completely antagonize one another to a point where the teacher doesn't allow them to play together. Of course my son says the other boys does stuff to him but I also know my son's partly to blame as well. I find alot of it seems to be competition when I overhear their arguments or conversations, but for some reason it's just this ONE child. His teacher says that my son is well liked by everyone else and doesn't have these issues with anyone except this one little boy. And by saying that I'm not indicating I think it's the other little boy, I'm trying to figure out why my son is creating issues with just one person when apparently they both like each other, or so they say??? It just baffles me, one minute they're playing nicely, the next someone's crying and telling on the other about what they did. Any advice or experience with something like this. My son wants to be his friend and it seems like in certain settings, the other kid likes playing with my son as well....I'm just wondering why they battle so much??? I know sometimes my son is trying to be funny and the other child doesn't take it that way, so I'm trying to teach him about other people's feelings and something he finds funny someone else may not. I know alot of it is maturity, but I just want him to start a good foundation of friendships. He goes to a small school, with small classes and I hate seeing this issue already start to emerge in Kindergarten. Any advice on what I can do would be appreciated!!
I would just make sure the teacher made sure these two are in different classes next year. No matter what the teachers might say, they can let their preferences be known.
If they spend alot of time together, in school and outside of school, this might just be a case of "sibling rivalry" but among friends.
My son did this a year or so ago, with his little buddies he's known since they were 2. When I complained about this to other moms, they told me the same thing, that is sounds like sibling rivalry. B/c my kid is an only child and gets alot of attention from his parents, I do watch for how empathetic (sp?) he is and encourage him to have empathy no matter who he is with.
To teach my son empathy, this is what I started doing when someone comes over or is carpooling with us...I ask my son not think about himself but rather to think about what the other kid wants or needs for the first 5-10 mins. If the kid wants to talk about the rain, let him. If the kid wants to sit and stare at the wall, let him. If the kid wants to tell the same joke over and over again, let him. If the kid wants to play cars but my kid wants to ride bikes, guess what? They play cars first.
Then, after 5-10 mins, I let my kid off the hook and let him play however he wants, which is usually the time when my kid jumps on the other kid and starts wrestling. It has really taught him how to think of others but at the same time, know he can still be his own playful self.
gl and hth
They sound exactly like my twin boys (in separate kindergarten classrooms right now)!
Is it possible that they're too close, like how siblings argue cuz they're so close and together so much?
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
Funny you should ask this. My daughter is 5 (as of yesterday), her best friend turned 5 in May. They are very similiar in a lot of ways but my daughter is like a mix of her friend and the friend's little sister. They get along great when it is the two of them or them w/ the little sister. The problem is when there is a group of kids. During the school year, they were inseparable but if the best friend decided she was playing with someone else, she couldn't be bothered to say hi, bye, or even just be nice to anyone else (not even my daughter) to the point of actually telling the others "I'm not your friend anymore". My daughter was upset when this happened but did play well with anyone/everyone (according to teachers not just me). The next day, they were back to being best friends, hugging each other bye, begging to come to each other's houses. In summer camp, the best friend and another girl (who is quite bossy), were super mean to my daughter anytime they both arrived prior to my daughter in the am. If my daughter was already there before they paired up, there was no problem at all. They attend different schools but the best friend and the bossy girl are in class together. They both are seeming to have trouble being friends with more than one person at a time. They don't seem to get that they can still be your friend while playing with multiple people (with or without each other).
That may be what is happening here. It could be that while alone, they play fine because they are not competiting for each other's attention or showing off for others. They need to find their way socially and some of it will come w/ maturity. Could you and the other mom (or maybe the teacher) talk to both boys together and explain being friends with each other when alone and when playing w/ others and see what they say?
My younger son is like this with his best friend at school. They love hanging out with one another, but when they clash - they clash like siblings.
I think what you may have is, like mine, they really know an unconditional friendship. Meaning, I know tommy and I can fight and still be friends.
It doesn't make things easier for the teacher or you, son or friend. I would continue to reinforce the positive and support the teacher's decision (which sound like you are) and when your son asks - why can't tommy and I play together at school? Tell him it is because of how theyact. THey are still learning how things work and you are doing great at mitigating it and helping him learn through this process.
I would also work to get them in different classes next year if possible. Could be the space they need:)
