First, some background: I have a civilian position in the finance office at a military base. At 34 years of age I'm one of the oldest people here & definitely viewed as the Mama of the office, which I'm fine with. Now, as with all military bases, people come & go on a regular basis. Nobody gets to stay in any one place very long and there are deployments as well as temporary duty locations throughout everyone's career. Being the Office Mama, I try to ensure that whenever someone is on their way out, whether permanent or not, that we either all go to lunch or at least have a potluck here in the office for them.
One of the females is about to deploy next week. She & I have been fairly good friends for about a year now even though she's only 22 years old. I was talking with one of the NCO's at her desk about what everyone is bringing to the potluck tomorrow. I'm making chocolate caramel covered apples rolled in a variety of toppings such as: chopped salted peanuts, coconut, mini chocolate chips, sprinkles, etc. that the kids & I are going to make tonight. I told her what I was making & she actually had the nerve to tell me not to do any with coconut on them because she doesn't like it. I said, "Well, ok, so you can have one without coconut, but some people DO like it so..." & she said, "Well, if it's MY luncheon then nobody should be making things that I don't like." I kind of snorted & walked back to my desk. THIS is the problem with the youths of America, this insane sense of entitlement, all Me-Me-Me!! I mean, if she only knew that one of the other NCO's & I had to literally go around to everyone's desk today & beg/bully them into bringing/making/buying something (come on, ANYthing, puh-leeeease!) to this thing tomorrow she might be a little less picky about the very few of us taking the time to actually make something.
Eh, no, probably not. I'm sure she'd still be a brat about it.
So, is it just me or would this have seriously annoyed you, too?
**ETA**I am still making what I had initially planned to make, not withholding a dish or changing it based on personal requests. I just feel kind of taken advantage of.
OK, me using the statement "THIS is the problem with the youths of America" was definitely unfair. I was just still seriously heated when I typed this up initially. The handful of you who called me out on it are totally correct that general sweeping statements are almost always incorrect. What I WILL say however, is that there does seem to be a far greater percentage of people under the age of, say, 30 (just for an example), with a very firm sense of entitlement that people from older generations don't seem to have as often.
Also, I saw someone say that I was doing this more for myself than for the Airmen, no, sorry. I don't generally spend a fourth of my entire food budget on ingredients for handmade goodies for others & consider that a selfish act. The fact that probably 2 or 3 out of the 15-20 apples will have coconut on them, at least in my opinion, doesn't change the fact that this is all being done for her.
Yeah, that selfish attitude would have irked me. I probably would have laughed and said (in my most condescending 'mama' voice):
"You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit."
I agree with Spidermonkey. I would make coconut, only coconut, and flavor the chocolate with coconut, and bring a BIG BAG of coconut to sprinkle in every.other.dish there. I have no patience whatsoever for entitlement mentalities.
Well, you my dear, were correct in saying today's youths have entitlement issues. It is a small minority of them that don't. So....in this case, a general sweeping statement is NOT INCORRECT!
My husband just finished bootcamp for the Army and he was *appalled* at the behavior of the young recruits! My husband is 40 yrs old and this is his second time at bootcamp, the first time was 22 years ago (new branch, new bootcamp) - he said that compared to the first time, this bootcamp was like summer camp because of all the whining, exceptions made for sore muscles, and lack of discipline and respect for higher ranked soldiers. The drill sgt actually said that the army used to change recruits to be what the military needed, but the new policy is for the army to change to meet what the recruits need.
WHAT?!?! We are both seriously worried about our armed forces, you wouldn't (or maybe you would) believe some of the stories he came home with.
So yes, this would annoy the heck out of me, and we are making sure we teach our children to be *thankful* for any time or effort other people put toward them for any reason!
Just make coconut :)
What a spoiled little snot. She's going to have a rude awakening coming to her. I've been in the Army for over 9 years now, and let me tell you...nobody caters to your needs on deployment.
Maybe you SHOULD tell her that the other people in the office are going out of their way to contribute...and that she should be thankful for that, instead of ungrateful.
Hope the door doesn't hit her on the way out.
You can always tell the young ones, can't you. You are better than me, because at that point I would have said, "Then we can always cancel it to insure that there isn't any food there you don't like."
BTW, has she gone on a deployment before? That's one thing guaranteed to make the young airmen grow on up, fast. A few months in the desert living on MRE's and waiting for anyone to send you anything from home and she'll happily eat coconut.
Sorry for the ingratitude.
I would make a few with nuts, a few with coconut, a few with sprinkles... I make them a lot and always have a lot of variety because people do have preferences, myself included. It's just nice courtesy to do that. In fact, I USUALLY ask my guests if they have any allergies or food aversions so i can know ahead of time while I am planning the meal/treat.
So, I see nothing wrong with a person making a request, but she then elevated in a rude and and final way and that isn't right at all. Is she always rude like this, or maybe it's something that can be chalked up to nerves of her deployment? I would weigh that in.
I'm 30, but I have seen the entitlement thing in many younger people. You would be amazed at how many people I have interviewed for employment whose only answers were, "like, uh...."
She is being selfish, and I would be upset as well. It is not like you are having a pizza party for a person who is lactose intolerant. I understand your statement about younger Americans. I think the sense of responsibility has been greatly changed and it is sad. We are responsible for things we do and say, and eat.. not Mcdonalds or other fast food restaurants But it seems lately that is no longer the case, everyone wants to blame others and that is not right. People want things now, not like our parents who had two milk crates and a piece of plywood for a table until they could get a "real" one..
I wouldn't say this is a problem with the "youth of America" this is just someone who wasn't raised right, period. There are plenty of young people out there working hard and contributing to the world in a thoughtful, respectful and meaningful way, I see it ALL the time. I guess it just depends on where you live. She sounds immature and ill mannered, I can't believe the military hasn't taught her better by now. Maybe she'll get deployed somewhere where she's actually forced to think about someone or something more important than caring about what's being served at an office lunch :(
HAHAHHAHHA!!! I am so not joking, it was such a relief to leave the garment industry after 15 years at age 35, because I kid you not, the 20 something eggshells entering the work force were SOOOOO SPOILED!!!!!! We're talking "crying at work if the boss didn't kiss your behind" spoiled and constantly quitting and making crazy demands for part time hours in their rookie years!!! Complaining about mandy pandy things with a straight face, like it was "Serious". Do they have ANY idea how tough you once had to be to hold a freaking job??! And how many hours and holidays you had to work??! All while the bosses treated you like dirt? And you had to be professional and tough about it or you wouldnt' move up. You had to EARN your way to better jobs and wages and vacations. We used to joke around at corporate dinners that we should order them crazy straws.
YES, it would have definitely annoyed me. You're right by saying she has a sense of entitlement. Unfortunately, I'm 34 years old also and see the entitlement issue with many people in their 30s too. It seems embedded into our culture. Mortgage crisis anyone? It brings about a lot of drama....
I guess I'd ignore it and do what you were planning to do anyway, just like you said in your ETA.
I think it's wonderful that you take the time to do this for everyone!
yes it would have annoyed me.
Up until this past week there have only been me and one other lady (mid 40's) over 25 where I work. Thankfully he hired two more "adults" last week!
The other 4 girls there are so involved in what they want, and one is married with a 18mo.
One girl this summer asked for every Saturday off because of weddings and things she wanted to do. She quit on the spot because he wouldn't give her 1 (!!) Saturday off after having the past 7 off because I was going out of state for a family reunion and we were short staffed. ( I even worked Friday, got up early Sat for the 5 hr drive there. Got up early on Sunday morning and drove 5hrs home to be to work by 5pm.)
This past weekend just because 2 of them were throwing a fit because they wanted off to go party with a friend for her 21st birthday i worked a double shift. My boss even told them how ungrateful they were being, while he understood where they were coming from that it would put me in a position to work a 16 hr day and be away from my family for that day. He said they can off, but I ask one of you to please raise up and do the right thing here. Well neither one worked and went and partied and even brought the group of kids ( about 50) to the bar for drinks. That was kinda like a slap in the face!
My boss ( and I am also personally) is tired of hiring anyone under the age of 25-so because they have no work ethic and its all about themselves!
** your swh is very true. We can't classify all of the youth the same... but from what I have dealt with over the last 4 years ( I even ran my own cafe for 2 years) under 25 or so, it was very hard to have them work and think of others in general! No not all youth are like that, but from my own personal experiences they are getting farther and in between to find! When we did find them we did everything in our power to please them! Usually thier fusterations were because of the other "immuture acting/ selfish way" co- workers.
I don't think I would be annoyed per se; I would probably just think more along the lines of meh...so don't eat the coconut ones, but maybe she is scared or upset about her upcoming deployment and therefore isn't in her right mind.
I would've said, well then I just won't make them for you.
Its the world of entitlement. That's like saying that just cuz I'm allergic to chocolate, that no party can have chocolate. I either don't eat, or I provide my own.
Annoying and bratty. Not all kids are like that. If you told my 19 yr old you were making those, she would've said, that's too much trouble, you don't have to do that. If you insisted you still were, she'd have volunteered to come over and help. It is the age of entitlement, but those kids are a product of instant gratification and over indulgance. We parents need to take some responsibility for it.
Wow. If I have a potluck, I would love for you to come. That sounds AWESOME! Where did you get the recipe?--If you don't mind me asking?
And yes, I would have been absolutely shocked that she said that. I agree about the sense of "entitlement" some people have but I don't attribute it to youth. Some people are just selfish and live on "Planet Me." Selfishness/self-centeredness is actually a disease in my view.
If she says anything, just say, well "You aren't the only one here and thought others might enjoy it." If she gets snarky, Tell her to get over it.
Oh, I wouldn't anticipate a "Thank you" letter from her though. Just a little premonition I have.
Would have seriously annoyed me, too. It's nice of you to do this for her...
Yeah, seriously annoying! I'd definitely be making some with coconut now :)
I have been an Air Force wife for 17 yrs now and I totally get what you are saying. We have seen the younger ranks mostly have this sense of entitlement. It floors me each and every time I come across it which is often. It tends to be the age group under 25. A lot of times it gets me when they are told they have to bring something to group potlucks and some throw fits that they are single airmen who shouldn't have to bring items for everyone. I have even seen them bring the smallest item and then load up their plates 3 or more times and even complain about some of the foods brought.
I have gotten to the point that I make what I plan on and if they don't like it I tell them they don't have to eat it and can move on to the next item.
It's a very kind thing to do, and I would also be annoyed. I am a little older than you are and feel the same way about kids in their 20's, all me, me,me. But good for you for putting forth the effort to do something for her, and everyone else.
I think her believing that if she doesn't like something then NOBODY should have it just shows her immaturity more than anything else.
I would definitely make some of the apples with coconut. It sounds delicious!
If she throws a fit, oh well. She's on her way out.
I think it's very thoughtful for you to go to the trouble to give everyone a nice send off.
Your intentions are good even if she can't appreciate them.
Best wishes.
Her genertation annoys me for this very reason.
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Yes, it would have annoyed me. Absolutely. However, sweeping judgments are never accurate. I'm younger then you, and I can guarantee I would never behave in such an ungrateful fashion. The same goes for every "youth" I know.
P.S.
I wasn't trying to call you out :) I live right next to a high school, enough said!! I TOTALLY agree with your what happened update.
My daughter attends an Arts high school. 300 kids in 2 grades (Jrs and Srs). Her art area is Visual Arts and the biggest dept with about 85 students. They have several art shows each year. The kids are totally in charge of it. 2 kids are the co-gallery coordinators and its a credit worthy post for them. Then the rest are chosen for various commitees. Food, graphics, entertainment, etc.
My daughter is a cupcake guru. Everyone knows this. For the second (and biggest ) show last year, she was begged to be the head of the food commitee. She thought, GREAT..better than the frustration of Graphics Committee that she had to do for the first show (NONE of them knowing a blasted thing about what they were doing for a gallery show...with almost zero teacher interferance or help).
WRONG! They had to go around to collect money..from teenagers...who apparently are not obligated to pay anything (I think this is very wrong on the schools part and they should just include a $5 per show/per kid fee into the fees we pay at the beginning of the year and have a fund to/budget for them to draw on...GRIPE)...so many donated nothing.
Then as to the menu...cupcakes, cookies, fruits...that sorta nibbly foods. Nope...we have vegan, gluten issues, dairy issues, diabetics, and you name it other funky "I don't like" and "I don't do" food issues and allergies to contend with. Mostly the "I don't like or do" ones. So everyone was mad their need could not be addressed...but could ahve been if more money was available and more of the committee was willing to do SOMETHING like shop, or bake, or chop, etc. In the end my daughter had about $65 to spend..and I spent another $50 of my own money...and we still didn't have enough to make everyone happy. She and I did most of the work as well.
I am not proud of the fact that I made a few not-so-under-my-breath comments to a few of these entitled brats at the event, who were loudly sharing their opinions. A teacher got involved a bit. She made a students family member leave the gallery (who got all lippy on behalf of her niece...they were mad there were not more diabetic accomodations).
My daughter will never do that post again, but puts $5-10 in the kitty for every event...and wishes them well.
She is the now the Head Graphics Chairperson for the year (she is a senior). A committee she hated the first Art show she was involved in. Ha!
I hate bad manners like that.
If she got my dander up, I'd bring everything with coconut.
Well, I might bring just one item with no coconut, maybe.
Good luck to you and yours.
It seems to me that you really aren't doing this for her but for yourself. We recently had a coworker retire. He's a vegan and has a very strict diet. When choosing a place to go out to luncheon we selected a place based on his dietary limitations because this event wasn't about us but about the guest of honor.
While it is true that she should have and could have been more gracious and appreciative, you may want to question your own motives for doing this type of event for anyone else in the future especially since the rest of the office isn't really onboard.
I would be very annoyed. She sounds like a spoiled ungrateful brat. Sorry but that's the first thing that came to mind. Now to give her the benefit of the doubt, she doesn't like coconut and just said what came to her head without thinking first. If this is a one time occurance, then maybe that's it. If she has acted like this before and continues to do so, then nope, she's a brat. I would fix them all with cocunut minus one. But that's just my thoughts. You are doing something to contribute to the going away luncheon, something that you don't have to do at all. In a way it's a way of wishing that person well and letting them know that they are important to ya'll. For her to react the way she did, was completely wrong on her part. If I was her, I would apologize. BTW, I too feel the same away about that generation. Too many of them (not all) have this sense of entitlement it's unnerving. Have to remember too their age. They don't have the maturity that you or I have. But yes, I still would have been annoyed.
I would most definitely have been annoyed! It was beyond rude!!
One time I had people from my husband's command over for St. Patrick's Day. I served corned beef and cabbage, and a variety of other things. This one man came up to me and asked me if there was anything vegan that he could eat. I kind of apologized and said there was very little that was vegan and told him I wasn't aware that he was vegan. After he walked away, this light bulb went off in my head -- He didn't even RSVP!!!! I was livid!!!
Would it make you feel better if I told you my 21 year old says, "alright princess" sometimes with other words behind it when she catches her friends acting privileged?
That's crazy. She should feel lucky that you are doing all of this for her. Im active duty navy working at a military hospital. I also work side by side with a lot of civilians and we have people coming and going all the time. We get icecream and cake and that's it.
I would be annoyed too!!!! It would be one thing if she was deathly allergic to coconut but just because she doesnt like it, doesnt mean someone else wouldnt. I would never ever tell someone not to bring something that they made ( ok with the exception of something offensive like Hagus or menudo) to a party. I have to tell you that the coconut sounds super yummy.....
if it were me, i'd cancel the whole thing. she is way to rude, and if she has that kind of attitude I wonder how she will fair with being deployed. she is ungrateful and a "w"itch!
