Kids Screaming and Hitting Each Other

You need to teach them to communicate effectively. This means that conversation is respectful and has a give-and-take. One person listens, repeats back what they've heard to ensure they understand, and speaks a response.

Most importantly, children should know that we should be MORE respectful and appreciative of family than anyone else. If they are not obeying that House Rule, they should be removed from the situation until they can obey.

It doesn't matter why they're arguing. Disagreements are going to happen. It's HOW they're arguing. Teach them differently.

You can't stop the behavior if you are just telling them "stop doing that" or "stop hitting/yelling," but you never actually affect a change. Stop the situation. No matter who seems to be at fault, stop the situation and put them physically away from one another in different rooms.

Don't ask what happened. It doesn't matter. The problem is the disrespect they have for one another, not what they're actually fighting about. So tell them each that they aren't even allowed to talk to one another unless they can do so respectfully, without physical violence.

Do this each time they're in a fight. It works, and you will see changes.

I can certainly understand that this is behavior that you want to change, you might want to include your husband in the decision of how to make it change, kids are not yours and mine, they are "ours" and by the two of you working together you are teaching your kids to resolve conflict. which is what you are wanting to teach them anyway.

First separate the kids, then talk to them about ways to resolve the problem without fighting, I always ask my kids, "what is a better way to handle this situation" "if you were your brother/sister how would you feel about... (the situation)" I also give them a time limit to work it out without fighting or "it" is going into time out, if they are fighting about something that can be taken away, for ex. it they are fighting about who gets to play on the xbox first or what game to play, I'll give them 3 minutes to come up with a solution or no one will get to play on it for the rest of the day, I have learned that when I make them figure out solutions then I am better equipping them for future disagreements. for many circumstances with kids, if I tell them "no" I try to give them "yes" options. the 6 year olds will need more guidance than the 10 year old. when I'm talking with my six year old then I will ask him, what is a better way to handle something I let him give an idea if he can but I will also give him options like "should we take turns" "what if we did..." with my older two 10 &11 they both approach things very differently so I often mediate but they are now pretty good at it when I have to step in.

Christy Lee has it right. I have two boys around the same age apart. It's not what they are fighting over, its how they disagree and how they respect each other. The daughters your husband has will never be like the boys and he should just get over that one (just wait, they have their own issues). Still, the boys will fight like cats and dogs unless you quit being ambivalent and stop it in its tracks. Yes, they can still be masculine boys and not be violent. This is the relationship that will outlast many others. Treasure it! No hitting and being just plain mean to each other, it is not allowed. The most severe of consequences quickly applied the moment voices are raised will show them you mean business now. Don't scream at them or be disrespectful to them or allow your husband to do it either. A calm house makes calm children eventually. Not going to happen overnight but a few months of consistency will save several relationships and that is a great investment for a family!

I wouldn't accept screaming and hitting either.

Why do you?

I think a big thing (especially at the age of your kids) is.... do they have their own LIVES? Like, are they in individual extra curricular activities, have their own friends etc? Really, when you think about it they are together for dinner and then on the weekends. The rest of their time should be spent studying, taking care of their personal environment (cleaning room, helping make dinner) etc.

I agree with Christy Lee - it sounds like they don't respect each other. If they don't learn how to communicate with others they will have relationship troubles forever.

What does your husband do with his 2 daughter's? How do they fight and resolve conflicts that is different? What ideas does your husband have to help your kids? How much time do they have with their real dad and their step dad?

Good Luck