Kids on Block Exclude My Son from Their Playtime

Hi Diana,
I've really noticed this kind of behavior with GIRLS! I have a 3.5 year old son, and we've seen the same thing. In fact, some of these girls are downright nasty and say things like "no boys" and "go away, we don't want to play with you..."
Is this normal? I don't know. But when I see kids being excluded from play, I tell my son that so-and-so needs someone to play with and ask him to go over and play, and he does! So what's with other parents? Do they think that this kind of behavior is okay? I think all children should learn manners and learn that it is not nice to exclude any kid like that, especially when they are at your house to play! that's nuts. Where were these girls' parents that they allowed this to happen and left your son playing alone like that?
Now, all of this said, I would probably just tell your son that those girls don't know how to behave nicely and find him some other playmates who parents are more diligent about teaching proper behavior.

I had two sons and noticed that about girls also. Not to worry, there will be boys around in other aspects of his life and he will have friends. Girls did that to me. I still remember and I'm about to be 51! But I have adjusted and there are a lot of things for him to do. There is probably some sort of chess club around somewhere. Perhaps the local park district can direct you to something. It is awful what kids can do to other kids, but he definitely sounds like a fantastic little boy and you are a fantastic mommy for caring so much about him. And when the same girls are chasing him around in a couple of more years tell them that he's taking a nap and not interested!
S.

I have also noticed this with girls, but to be fair when my older son (8) is playing with a (girl) neighbor at the park or pool and some boys from school come by, they will exclude the girl to play together. But girls really do like to exclude boys, and they are shameless and obvious about it.

You can try discussing it with the other parents, and have them play at your house more often and take a more active role in directing the play. You might have a talk with the girls - I'm not sure what approach will work, but I think it's fine to describe their behavior to them and ask if that's what they mean to act like.

I know we have some kids who come over where I end up feeling like a social director (my younger son is almost 5) because their interests seem to be all over the place and their ability to negotiate a compromise play plan varies by kid. One child who comes over always wants to play with one toy, and only that toy, for example. I think it's pretty normal. We go to the park, ride bikes a lot on those playdates. It's a pain, but at least that way I feel like I have some control over the dynamic.

Hi Diana,

I have a 4 year old girl, and from what I've seen, kids tend to play together with other kids who enjoy the same toys/play. My daughter had an equal amount of girl/boy friends last year, but this year she gravitates towards the girls. The boys play games she is uninterested in, and while she will participate for a bit, she will eventually lose interest and either play with another girl, or go off by herself.

Have you tried having the kids over to your house so you can see what actually happens and how long they play together? Maybe once you get a sense for how long they stay interested, you can schedule playdates for that amount of time (maybe dropping him off for an hour of interactive play is better than 2 hours where he only interacts for half the time?) Other than that, I'd say sign him up for some local park district classes. He will make friends with kids who are into the same things as he and be much happier playing with someone who shares his interests. I know our local park district has kid chess and computer classes, so check yours to see what is available.