Kids and School

My younger brother had similar problems when he was in school. An adult sibling sat in his classroom several days, which helped resolve the problem. The class clown was so funny anymore.

Hello B.,

You have a task on your hands, but it is easier than most think, without having to resort to medication for the children.

My next to the youngest was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in second grade. We did the medication route, which was successrful until his liver started to show traces of the drug. Thereafter, I implemented behavior management. I had three other children at home at the time as well.

There are many books written on the subject, but the gist of it is that children with ADHD have minds much sharper and faster than most, that is why they appear to "misbehave" - they are bored. They typically are more motor oriented, than book oriented. I.E, for learning math skills it is easier for them to use block, sticks, etc. "Hands On".

As far as punishment, it is virtually useless due to the synapis missing in their brains (which is the ADHD). They only hear the "if" or the "then" of a sentence.

You have to speak very basically simple sentences to them, not combining too many directives in one sentence. If they are not looking you directly in the eyes when you speak, they have not heard a word that you said!

As far as taking responsibility for their actions - that is the KEY. Each time they do something, you have to take them by the shoulders, have them look you directly in the eye and take the time to ask them what they did (wait for an answer), why they did it (wait for their "I don't know"). Then you have to gently tell them that "they did it", they are responsible for their own actions, and go through the process again.

A person with ADHD is easily distracted and finds it difficult to focus with distractions. Those distractions can be a bird flying by an open window, a television in the background. The rule in my household was always NO TELEVISION for the children whatsoever (even the other children without ADHD) after Sunday night bed time until after I got home from work on Friday night of the next week. The sound was too distracting.

The only "punishment" that I ever found the really worked was "isolation". They can't stand it.

I am not saying it is easy, it does take work, but it is worth it.

I am glad to say that my son (the one with ADHD) is now 27 years old and has two beautiful sons, and still has ADHD. I still ocassionally have him look me in the face and remind him that he is responsible for his own actions.

I was a career professional and worked out of the home for the majority of my children's lives. It can be done.

Good luck!

Dear Mom,

Kids react to what the parents do, or what they perceive they are going to do. Did you have a family meeting about your going back to work ? Perhaps the children are wondering how this new dynamic is going to affect the attention they get from you and how things are going to be around the house. Make sure the children feel your love and know what to expect in this new scenario about to happen. Perhaps your boy is acting out his anger at your going back to work and needs reassurance. Kids need more love and attention than we give them anyway, speaking from my own family's experience. Make sure that at least one thing that you usually do with the kids stays the same. Throughout my children's childhood, I made sure that they were read to at night and now the youngest, age 15, just wants to talk before going to bed in that tradition. Family traditions help kids feel secure. I'm sure you have your own or will make good ones with your husband and precious ones. It took me a while, but I learned to act and not react to what is happening around me. It works a lot better to re enforce the love than the punishment. Blessings to you !
Mama K.

Try camping together. That seems to work for our family.
-Angela

Have you had your daughter tested for dyslexia? that would explain the trouble she is having in school.

Dear B.
I speak from experience here. For some or other reason my eldest was almost a "born rebel" and is to this day....
Your son is still at a lovely young age and if I were you, I would definitely take him for counselling NOW.
Sometimes the things we have to deal with as parents are actually beyond our control and best handled by experts and professionals.
I am sure you won't be disappointed. Do something positive for him while there is still time!

You are right in not resorting to spanking or harsh treatment. Have you visited BEST lately or observed your son's environment? Perhaps there is a child there that is influencing your son. Also, given all the concerns you mention, is it possible to delay going back to work until you get these issues addressed? Get a second opinion of your daughter ADHD. Some children are simply bored and the doctor is ready to label normal behavior. Before making any long-term decisions, make certain you are comfortable with your children's schools and after school care. Good Luck!

I'm glad things are working out for you! :) :) It looks like you have a plan in place. Just something to think about...sometimes a whole week is too long for a child that young. if they mess up on tuesday then they figure there is no point in being that great for the rest of the week....maybe so many days of the week have to be "stars" or something. Also, a little chart helps them see all of their success! They can show off how proud they are and see how hard they have been working!

Hi B.,
i know you said you tried everything.My sister n law took on the job of raising her fiances nieces and nephew and boy do they come from a background anyone would NEVER want for a child.So shes having to train these children age 15 12 and her nephew 7.So you can imagen all the diffrent attitudes she having to work with and work it is.The 7 year old has been the most challenging he himself blames everybody else and didn't want to take responsibility for his own actions.She did the disceplining and taking things away but he decided to change when they trie the reward system instead.She kept close communication w/his school teachers and made him a chart just for school behavior and would give him a gold star for everyday he behaved in school at the end of the week if he had all his stars she treats himm to something small of his choice and when going to purchase whatever it may be or just going to the park, it was his alone time w/her and being praised constantly on why hes able to go here or get this or that.Cause of good behavior and taking responsibility on making changes for the good for himself.It has to be something he doesn't get to do often even if its picking up one of his closes friends and just going for a icreamcone.
Children need consistency when it comes to disipline but since all her nephew got was punishment for his behavior and never got rewarded for the good behavior he kept actng up.
This reward system has to have everyday communication on both parts of you and his teachers.When he does act up in school,and he will have times he'll be upset cause he didn't his star ask him what he can do next time to not get into the situation or what he can do to fix it.Ask because that will eventually will make him think before he acts in situations when hes on his own. I hope you have some luck.
T.

B. - not having children of the same age I can only offer what I have been incorporating with my son. Children relate best to monetary things....toys, games, computers, clothes, etc. Starting removing his toys, one at a time, from his room and don't give them back until he earns the right to have his toys. Don't give them all back....he can earn one at a time and if along the way he slips take the toys back. He will learn that good behavior will result in maintaining his toys and "freedom". Good luck with it and I hope things improve!