Kids and Boredom

I second Antonia N's comment. When mine were very young and were bored and wanted me to entertain them, I'd rattle off a list of housework that needed done. At first, they were thrilled to help me mop, dust, vacuum, sort laundry, etc. Then after a while they were like "no, we want you to PLAY with us". THEN I rattled off the GROSS jobs they could help me with: scrub the toilets, clean the drains, pick up the dog poo, etc. Then I gave them a choice: Help me with those chores so I COULD get them done and then play, or go occupy themselves.

You can guess which they chose. ;)

None of them are serial killers (six of them, 14 down to 20 mos). I can't speak to them sitting in a dark basement with no friends playing D&D in costume, because mine were never allowed to play on the computer and we don't have any electronic games here. ;) BUT they do like to play dress up with each other. ;)

Hi, S.:

You are not doing anything wrong.
We are in an age of boredom because we do not
live on a farm in the 50's when everyone, young and old
were either out in the fields working manual labor or at
home doing manual labor of cooking and canning.
Children had older youths looking out for the little ones while
parents did manual labor.

We are now in an industrialized society were all the responsibility
of raising little ones falls completely on the mother. If the mother
doesn't have a mother's helper, she has all the responsibility of
entertaining the little ones.

That being said, I would have the children participate with you in the cooking, cleaning and whatever it is you are doing. Teach them to
be mother's little helpers. I know it will put you behind your schedule but
start early in the day to get your chores done on time.

Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

It sounds like you are doing a great job. What helps me when my kids are bored is to invite them to help me out with the housework. They often start off helping, but wind up discovering something else they'd rather do- lol.

Good luck! (And don't be so hard on yourself!) =o)

You're fine!

I used to have my kids watch a movie while I did my late afternoon chores. When my eldest was two, he watched "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" every day after school while I got dinner going. When he was three, it was "Singin' in the Rain." By four, he was in to Disney's "Sword and the Stone." I think we wore those VHS tapes out!

I don't think you should feel guilty about telling them to play on their own. I did it my sons' whole lives (when appropriate, of course, just as you do). As they grew older, they learned to entertain themselves and if they were bored, I'd give them a chore to do. By 4 and 8, my sons knew to never admit to boredom because it usually resulted in room or closet cleaning. Now, at 13 and 17, I NEVER hear "Mom, I'm bored!" I hear them brainstorming ways to entertain themselves.

Bliss, dear mama...it's sheer bliss!

Hang in there!

Do they have a toy kitchen and play food and dishes? Seems like my grand daughter and every other kid who comes to my house gets so into pretending to cook that they leave me alone for a long time. Even the boys who come to play love it. You might try it.

How about a nice Disney movie late in the afternoon with some warm milk and cookies? Set up the living room with some soft sleeping bags or pillows and a blankie and close the curtains. They will at least be entertained for a 1.5 hours, but maybe even fall asleep. Our library has a huge selection of kid movies for free, so they can see a new one every day (although my kids want to see the same movie a few times). You can call it "quiet time" and let them know that mommie will be close but has to get some work done. If they come and bug you, make them put clothes from the basket into the washer, or move them from washer to dryer, or help swiffer a wood floor, etc. My kids watched tv every evening at that age when I had to make dinner and they are now 11 and 14 and while they do love their Wii and also have a DS each, they are not serial killers or cellar dwellers! And I have certainly been a cranky mom at times and yelled at them for one thing or another, and they still love me.
Oh, the other thing we did: I put all the toys in marked bins by type (Barbies, blocks, plastic little cats and dogs, M Little ponies, stampers and stencils, etc.) and they could each choose a bin. But the stuff that was already out had to go back to the basement in its bin. That way the toys were "new" each time. We still have all that stuff in bins, and they still play with those kid toys, although a lot less often.

You're right in the heart of the really difficult attention zone. My 2 oldest are 3 and 5, and it's MUCH better now than it was a year ago. My step sister, mother of 6, assured me the same thing when I was going through what you are. When your oldest two are 4 and 2 it's VERY DIFFICULT. So don't feel bad, this is normal, and so are your feelings.

At the time mine were 4 an 2, I was working PT from home, and my husband ALWAYS travels, and I was pregnant/had newborn #3, so there were times I NEEDED to work, undisturbed, and REST, undisturbed.

Your 4 year old can be "trained" (I say trained, because it does take discipline at that age) to play independently for windows of time, and it is good for them, so don't feel bad. Your 2 year old, not so much, so you'll want to enforce "independent time" for the oldest during 2 year old's nap time.

You need to get the 4 year old all set for 'alone time'. Big lunch before hand, lots of attention that morning, etc. Clear a space with only ONE activity in it. A toy room full of toys will only overwhelm, and they'll come nagging. Let the 4 year old know that for x amount of time (20 minutes tops) they need to play with that activity. If you need a longer window, put in a (gasp) movie. Explain that if they come to to ask you for stuff, you will not allow it. When they come to pester you after 5 minutes, give one calm warning to stay with what they're doing. Enforce with discipline a couple of times. After 20 minutes of playing independently, go, engage for a few minutes, play a couple of minutes, offer a snack or drink, and then assign another 20 minutes and enforce. Over time if you are clear and firm and give lots of attention (as you are) the rest of the day, they will get used to the routine of leaving you alone for a while after lunch.

I used to get 2-3 hours/day to do my work this way when my oldest was 4 and youngest was 2. Now at 5, she directs the youngest (now 2) to leave me alone when I'm in my studio, and my 3 year old has always known how to entertain himself, since the system was in place since he was 2. They all occupy themselves during my work time for a couple of hours. My younger two are learning to leave my oldest alone during her piano time, because they understand people sometimes need to be left alone to work.

It takes some discipline, calmly delivered, but they do become happier and more independent too when they don't constantly need you, and they see you are busy, and they get praise and treats (trip to park before dinner etc) for playing well on their own. I would get work done this way in the afternoon, and THEN set them up for dinner (in front of the TV-sue me-my husband is gone 8 months out of the year) and I would whirl around doing housework while they ate.

Then we would have lots of books etc before bed. So basically, I entertained them all morning and for errands, gym, etc, just like you, then I got stuff done in the afternoon, then some sort of late afternoon thing together, then I left them alone for dinner, and gave them more attention before bed. When my husband is home, we all eat together, because he's pitching in on housework.

Don't yell at them to go away, just condition them and enforce, and they'll get it. Hang in there, honest, next year when your oldest is 5, it will be much better if you train them now.

Sounds just like my house, just add a 3 month old to the mix too.

My go-to for keeping them occupied while I cook, etc is to let them paint or glue picture at the kitchen table, and then watch a Disney video while I finish up. Doesn't work ALL the time, but often enough for it to give me some sanity and not burn the food.

During the 2 yr old's nap I oftentimes have my 4 yr old go thru the parenting magazines (or illustrated medical journals--some ishy stuff in there!) and cut out pictures to use for the later gluing projects.

I laughed pretty heartily at the notion of your Dungeons and Dragons shut-ins :-)

Hahaha I imagine if my mom had owned a computer in 1999 she would've asked the same question for me.
When I was 4 my little sister was born, and my mom took me to Game Stop just a couple days after she got out of the hospital. She bought me the original Playstation, and told me I could get one game, and choose a controller just for myself, and a memory card. 12 years later and I am learning the basics of character and environment design for gaming, and plan on trying to work with Sony, Sucker Punch, or one of my other favorite game designers. When I was that age I spent most of the time outside on a trampoline, or inside on my Playstation.

Fun Fact: I chose the game Spyro The Dragon, and the controller and memory card I got were blue :)

I like the other T.'s advice, granted at that age it would have NEVER occupied me for more than a few minutes.

My kids are about the same ages (girl 2.5 and boy 5) and I have the same problem a lot of afternoons. On a good day I start a game, craft or activity with them and then go cook dinner once they are started. Blocks, toy trains or pretend food and dishes are popular choices. Other times they can do a craft at the table--coloring, play doh, stickers, etc. If I'm exhausted they get children's tv or a video for an hour (1 hour of tv isn't the end of the world to me). Backyardigans is a favorite in our house. Almost all the shows on PBS for kids and on Nick Jr. are appropriate for preschoolers.

Also, your Dungeons and Dragons stereotype is way off. If your kid/teenager is in the basement playing D&D then they probably have a group of friends already because you can't play alone. And a certain amount of creativity and social skills are needed to play. Even if your child or teenager doesn't fit the popular ideal and seems like a late bloomer or a bit of a misfit that doesn't mean they won't turn out to be an interesting and well adjusted adult. I know a lot of people who played role playing games as teenagers (some still do if they have time). In general they tend to be intelligent, open minded, well educated and interesting people. I can think on one that teaches costume design and at least one who has written and published his own role playing games. Many work in computer or engineering fields or are published authors. So I would MUCH rather my 14 year old be in my basement playing D&D than in someone else's basement drinking (and who knows what else) at an unsupervised party.

I'm with ya most days. My problem is that I'm a morning person, so dinner time is my most challenging time of the day - all the more with whining kids who need an event director! OK, end of rant ;)

One suggestion I have is to try to do your chores in the morning. My little ones are much more able to entertain themselves at that time of day than when they're running on fumes. If you can switch gym to the late afternoon (ideally just before the work crowd gets there), you can let someone else entertain them at the same time that you're upping those endorphins for the challenges at home... just a thought...