Help Me Get Our Kid Out of the House!

It sounds like you are really trying. I would suggest a therapist that specializes in teen social anxiety. He may not know why he doesn't want to socialize. He just knows it makes him uncomfortable.

Does he have pokemon go? I know usually a video game would not be a great suggestion, but this game gets my kids excited to get outside and run around town!

Well what does he WANT to do? Is he actually happy just kicking back reading, watching TV, listening to music, playing video games, etc? I mean if he's got his tutoring and housework done (and his daily walk with his parents to Starbucks for a cup of water-ha!) then why don't you just leave him alone for a while and quit trying to micromanage every minute of his day, especially during the summer.
I really don't think you get teenagers at all. I mean when I was a teen I had a part time job but I also spent hours every day just listening to music, talking on the phone, playing with makeup, drawing, watching TV, etc.
HE NEEDS SPACE.
He doesn't need to be "doing something" all the time.
ETA: and for the record I have a high school senior with ADHD/anxiety, a 20 year old college student with a mild learning disability and a 23 year old recent college graduate who just accepted an entry level IT job near DC.

Complaining about being bored in my house meets with " wow, what are YOU going to do about that!"

I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I think summers are for taking a break from regular routines and recharging. He completed tutoring and chores. If he's respectful and kind and not getting into trouble, lighten up. Some kids do not prefer to be social all the time. My daughter is a complete social butterfly. My son is not. He enjoys his friends but enjoys his solitude as well. Daughter went on a huge mission trip and camp, son just camp. I respect him as an individual and recognize he's capable to decide what he's going to do in his spare time. He's 12. He doesn't like sports, prefers gaming, is interested in inventing and bought a 73 challenger to rebuild because he shares his dad's mechanical talent and can't wait to rebuild so he'll have a car by 16. More than likely he won't go to college (not interested). His dad didn't either. He's an inventor and we own two businesses one of which is putting his invention in colleges across the US.

Your son may follow a different path. It doesn't mean it's the wrong path. Maybe he doesn't have a clue what his interests are. Maybe it's gaming. There's nothing wrong with that. Computer gaming is a decent industry. Instead of bemoaning it, see if there's a mentor or class he can take to light his passion.

Soon enough our kids enter adulthood with the responsibilities that accompany it. They are adults the rest of their life. A wise man once told me, "Please enjoy this time of your life. I know you want kids and they're great, however, once you're a mother, you're a mother for life." I want my kids to be kids while they can.

Just my thoughts. 😊

Psychologists and therapists who specialize in teens with disabilities, anxieties, social anxiety, etc, often have ideas for helping kids socialize. They have groups and resources. You might contact such a therapist.

Also, you might consider volunteering. He's probably too young to volunteer alone, but many animal shelters will accept a parent and younger teen together, to walk dogs, clean cages, and do other chores. There may be other places that need volunteers as well. Once you get started, he might find some friends or a place that he fits in.

Could he do any volunteer acts in your neighborhood, like mow an elderly person's lawn, or walk a dog?

Or purchase an online program that teaches something interesting about computers. There are programs that teach kids to mod and learn coding and video game design and graphics and all sorts of things.

I get it. My daughter has been sick for 12 years and largely confined to home, and went to high school online. She has almost no friends in real life (a couple, but none anywhere near where we live). She connects with gamers online (safely) and that often is her only contact with the outside world. It's very frustrating. There were several volunteering things that we could have done together (at hospitals, animal shelters, etc) as long as I was willing to accompany her, which I was, but she was too fatigued and sick to commit to a schedule. Sounds like your son is physically healthy, so maybe you can find a social volunteering activity to do together.

Around here, a 14 yr old can work.

I go to a very nice local grocer and they hire younger teens and disabled teens/adults for bagging groceries and getting them to the car. Their policy is no carts in the parking lot.

Cinemark Movies hires younger teens.

Teens with drive and initiative in my neighborhood beg for odd jobs to earn money. I can always find something for them to do!!!

My daughter, now 21, was babysitting a few families regularly by 14 and earning up to $100 each Friday and Saturday. She STILL watches the children for 2 of these families!!

I also have the attitude that the summer is to recharge and I never put a lot of pressure on her to do anything. She was the driving factor of her entertainment and keeping busy. Granted, she was also in cheerleading from age 13-18 so that took up a great deal of her time in training with the group and privately.

Hi BP,

My response to the bored complaint is two fold.....first, I say, "I get bored too...I know how you feel," second I say any ideas of what you might like to do?" This gives him the empathy he needs from me and then it puts the ball back into his court.

Mine is 14 too..will be 15 in a matter of weeks, this is the time when they start to define themselves. Ask him to tell you what he's curious about and then try to provide an environment where he can possibly explore it. Maybe that means dropping him off at the library for a period of time. Maybe that means finding a club (like chess or dungeons and dragons) or group that has shared interests.

My DS goes to a private school so all of his social interactions have to be arranged. This requires a little more logistical effort on our part but that's the same for his buddys and their families as well. Long gone are the days where our moms just booted us out of the house in the summer to play with the neighborhood kids and told us to be back by dinner time.

Sorry for the ramble. Back to the point....I'm sure he's bored...bottom line? nobody dies from boredom. Try to use this as an opportunity to explore something new and engaging that may open an unexpected door for him.

wishing you all well, S.

You had a similar post earlier that had great suggestions. Did you try any of them?

Bottom line: stop waiting for him to think it's a good idea to turn off the electronics or go outside. He's not bored enough, in my view, because he's not making any changes. He refuses your suggestions, but meantime he has you jumping through hoops coming up with great ideas, and he's getting some entertainment in watching you do all the work. Sometimes kids get overwhelmed with too many choices. Sort of like giving a 4 year old a choice between 2 outfits vs. the entire closet. Teens can be the same.

He might not have local buddies but he knows how to use a telephone, right? Learning disability or no, he's capable of making a phone call or sending an email. If he lacks social skills, what about inviting 2-3 friends (or even just 1) to a movie - they can sit in silence and watch the movie, then go for pizza afterwards and talk about the movie. Parents can alternate the carpooling. Is there a town pool or a local lake? I'm sure there are a bunch of 14 year olds who don't have jobs who would like to go get cooled off.

He's perfectly capable of doing some odd jobs in the neighborhood -walking dogs, watering plants, mowing lawns, putting out trash and collecting mail for people on vacation. In fact, he can earn money for his movies or other treats. If you're paying him for every family chore, stop. A lot of that he needs to do just to be a cooperative family member.

I think you are waiting for him to find something appealing among your suggestions. He needs to find your resolve and your backbone to be so unpleasant that he finds the alternatives to be way more attractive. If you don't get tough with him now, how will you handle him at 15, 16, 17, 18? He's not going to find his own backbone, determination or sense of responsibility if he's expecting you to provide his entertainment. Unless he is severely autistic with terribly compromised communication and social skills, I think you are doing too much. Just make some rules about what's NOT allowed (vegetating in front of a computer or a TV) and make him responsible for his own fun or something to occupy his time or at least contribute to others.

ETA I read in your post answering a question about a teen that your son goes to the cat shelter with you, out with his Dad. He's tutored 2 hours/day, has music lessons, chores. I'm thinking that I misunderstood your question.

I wonder, simply put, that your question is how to respond to the I'm bored question. Several moms responded to the question that way. I want to add that your son is responsible for his own entertainment. Yes, make some suggestions a couple of times. Sounds like you've done that. Now give him space to figure it out on his own.

Perhaps he hasn't learned how to figure this out on his own? You have his time pretty well scheduled. It's great that he is cooperative. Many teens would rebel. To me, it sounds like you've done well teaching him responsibility and giving him a good start academically. You've varied his experiences to include music.

I suggest that he's now a teen/preteen and it's now time to help him learn to make decisions about his free time, to let go of always taking care of his free time. As parents,.we have to gradually give teens the responsibilty for their own decisions. First, they want more independence. Fortunately, your son isn't rebelling. It's important to give them as much responsibility as they are ready to manage. I suggest learning how to entertain themselves is a good way to start.
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Please go back to one of your previous posts and read my suggestions of how to get him involved outside the house.

Basicly instead of asking him, tell him you are going to help him. He can choose the activity. He cannot say know. I suggested that you might start by going with him to bowel for example. Teach him how to bowel. Take him to swim lessons or any class the seems to fit his interests.

If he's embarrassed to be seen with you then he has the choice to go with someone else but he still has to go.
Limit his screen time. Perhaps he'll be bored enough to try something else.

Do you and his dad spend time with friends or have hobbies, take classes, go to the library, movies? Kids learn from watching us.

More suggestions in my previous post.

Does he have a friend? You haven't mentioned that.

I have a very introverted child. He is not one to call up kids. He has a best bud. It took some time getting him used to inviting him over due to some anxiety.

If that's the problem - that he has a hard time reaching out - a lot of kids go through that. I think you'll get different responses if that's the actual issue.

Keep in mind - it's ok to be bored. I read an article the other day that said it sparks creativity - same as it did when we were young.

ETA: Is there a big house project your child could do other than just chores? My teen your son's age just scraped our shed and is now going to paint it. This is hard on my husband who micromanages stuff and is hesitant to let a kid do it, but it will be a good skill to have (my husband painted houses in college as a job) and we are going to reward him $ for it.

My son can do when bored. It's not that he has to do it - it's there for him an hour or two here or there. I'm not saying "go paint shed".

Don't ask him.
Decide on what ever you want to do, tell him to get ready (how ever he needs to dress for the day) - and just do it.
Tell him it's not about entertaining HIM.
YOU need to get out of the house and he gets to keep you company!
Mix it up.
Try a lot of different things.
Check out AAA for things to do in your area or anything that could be a neat day trip.
Over the years we've been to a merry go round museum (even my Mom rode the merry go round and she was 78 at the time), a kazoo factory, chili cook offs, 2nd hand book stores, zoos, aquariums, historical forts, renaissance fairs, butterfly exhibits, botanical gardens, drive through safari parks, flown pocket kites at a park or the beach, been to strawberry festivals, peach festivals, pirate festivals - you name it and we've tried it - and some we go back to over and over again.
It doesn't matter if you go in search of "The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota" (great Weird Al song!) - you set a quest and go out and DO IT! And take lots of pictures!
Besides - it'll give him GREAT MATERIAL for the traditional 'what I did over summer vacation' paper when he gets back to school in the fall!

I can understand why he is bored. Enroll him in another camp.

If he is not interested in your suggestions have him come up with something himself. If he doesn't come up with something, then he will have to take your suggestions, even if he is not interested in them. Even if his buddies aren't in you neighbourhood could he not get a ride to visit them, or take the bus, or invite them over to your neighbourhood? Is there a neighbourhood place where the kids go that he could meet some of the local kids? Could he volunteer at a local day camp or a pet shelter? Could he go the Y? Is there a river nearby where he could go fishing? Could you give him a grocery list and send him to the store for you? How about Geocaching? Maybe set a fitness goal for him, like he needs to walk or bike ride x number of miles per day?

pokemon go? zoo? museum? bikeride? walk? carnival or town festival or fair? you could always do like my mom did and kick him out of the house from xx time to xx time. i always brought a book to read, my brother went to the neighbor boys house and borrowed a handheld video game for those times when we weren't allowed in the house. we had to entertain ourselvs outside.

We live in AZ. It's on average here 110 but has hit 118 a LOT this summer. So we mostly stay inside.

We will swim with friends in the morning, usually 9-11 and even then it's hot outside and the pool water is like bath water. Not really refreshing at all but something "physical" we can do without it killing us.

My son is almost 14 and he has basically been playing video games and watching YouTube all summer and really I don't care. When school starts he's busy again so I don't feel bad that we are stuck inside for a few months.

My daughter is almost 17 and we have done some other things this summer....mostly cooking and sewing. I bought a basic sewing machine and we have been doing some crafts. We also have been painting and I will have "crafty friends" at my house and some friends come over and we all do a craft of our choice. My son has done these days as well and has cooked some things of his choice.

My kids have some learning disabilities too but I try not to stress about summer vacations and keeping them "busy". Kuddos to the "super moms" who have a fabulous agenda for their little darlings to keep learning and busy and never touch a remote or cookie because they are so healthy and happy learning all summer. lol There has to be a happy medium somewhere. Don't stress so much. Good luck.

My response to complaints about being bored is this: sure, I can find you something to do. And the "something" will be a household project or chore I haven't gotten to.

Bottom line - I don't have a lot of patience for that particular complaint. My kids have a room full of toys and books, plus a neighborhood that is safe to go for a bike ride or a walk. They need to learn to entertain themselves.