Kids and Activity - Husband Disagreement

Could you compromise and maybe do both? Get one night for just the two of you. You don't even have to go anywhere. Have the kids stay the night with someone and have a romantic dinner for two at home or something like that. Or get a hotel room if you want to be away. Then go off and do something with the kiddos. Doing it that way may even recharge the two of you and you will then really be able to enjoy the kids when you take them somewhere. Good luck and have fun!

I would ask him why he is more focused on the kids vs you. They've had two family vacations already and it's only been four months. Whereas you and he haven't been anywhere in a year alone. Why is he reluctant to work on your marriage? Too many trips, IMO, means that it loses it's shine and starts to be routine. Friend of SD's dad works for an airline so they often take quick trips to Bermuda or somewhere. The kids no longer appreciate it, to be honest. It's just "here we go away again..."

One the weekends, we do simple things many times. We go for walks. We go to the park. We visit the library. We cook or bake together. We go for bike rides. We might visit a local museum or cultural interest place.

They can have fun with a giant cardboard box. They don't need it bought or packaged.

There is the zoo, museums, pumpkin farms are now done.. navy peir.

A day are the park ( weather permitting).. soon there will be snow for sledding.

There is plenty to do with the kids with out "getting away"

FYi.. kids need , food, clothing, housing.and love.. they do not need to get away. Yes it is nice.

We also go camping. Yes summer is easier to do things but there are many nature preserves with this beautiful fall weather, scenery.. there is plenty to do right here ( or close to Chicago).

My husband and I have the best vacations, we go to FL in the spring to my moms where she watches the kids and gives us time to have on our own, and she gets to play catch up with our kids (well last year it was my son, daughter born in june). We do stuff with him, but we also have a chance to have a lunch or a dinner with out him/them. and that is nice.

Sounds to me like there is more the the story with him. Why doesn't he want to get away with just the two of you? Find some of the articles on how important a healthy marriage is to the kids and forward them to him -- because if it really is that he is kid-focused and wants to do best by him, then you need to remind him that the best thing you can give your kids is a healthy marriage.

As for fun things we do on the weekends -- go to grandma's, the zoo, hiking, ATV rides, sailing (when it was summer), children's museum, stay home and play video games as a family, do art projects together, have a sword fight.
And you are right, a 6, 4, and 2 yo do not need to "get away" to have fun.

Good luck to you! And kudos for making your marriage a priority.

When I was a kid and Mother's and Fathers Days rolled around, I'd ask my parents "When is it kids day?" Answer: "Every day is kids day."

If you've already done a few family vacations, then I would say that yes, a parents get-away is in order. Tell your husband it's time to feed your relationship -- one-on-one! (pun intended :)

I agree with you, I think you and hubby need to get away without the kids. My husband and I have our kids full time, they have every other weekend with the other parents. That being said, the weekends we have them, we cram all kinds of "fun" activities for them. Mostly because at BOTH other parents houses, they do NOTHING all weekend, so we try to make up for it. On our No Kid Weekends (NKW's we like to call it!), we do things as a couple, movies, eating out, seeing friends, organizing the house, etc. Often we will stay overnight somewhere too, just for fun, and it IS fun!!! So you guys need that. I definately would talk to hubby and try to make him understand how important it is for the TWO of you to be a couple as well as parents. I hope it works out. Good luck!

Have your cake and eat it, too!

YOUR leaving, means your kids will have an adventure of their own (with grandparents, or whomever they're spending the weekend with).

I agree that you do need some time away alone. Have you sat down with him -- away from home, and where there are no kids to interrupt, and at a time when he is not stressed from work or nearly out the door to somewhere else -- and told him, this is important for our marriage and without us having a strong marriage, we cannot both be strong for our kids? Put it in those terms and see how it works.

If there is a larger issue, consider whether you and he need marriage counseling. If he seems to be using the children as an excuse not to spend time with you, rather than wanting to be with the children because he adores them, then that's an issue. You and he need better communication, which you seem to recognize, but he may not. It's time to get going now, even with the help of a counselor, because frankly you sound as if you're....well, somewhat resenting your own kids a bit, because he prefers time with them. Even if that's not exactly true, that's what's coming across.

One other thing: Take a deep breath and look at all the Mamapedia posts from women whose husbands do nothing with the kids, or have to be begged into doing anything with the kids, or who are utterly clueless and uncreative about finding things to do with the kids. While your husband clearly should give you more attention, think about those posts, and how that is a much worse situation than having a husband who is interested in his own children enough that he spends actual time with them. I am not trying to diminish your feelings of rejection-- they're real, they're yours, and he needs to know what you said to us here -- but just asking for a reality check: So many dads may be loving but clueless and detached, when you have one who is at least erring in the other direction -- involved and caring.

One last thought -- it's very, very typical that before marriage the men do the wooing and planning, but afterward, the women do the wooing and planning in the relationship. It's not great, it's not really right, but it is typical. So you may have to set up all the babysitting and plan that just-you-two getaway yourself to pull him away from the kids long enough that he realizes he does indeed like that time with you.