Do you like vacationing, or taking 'mini' 2 or 3 day trips? Or do you dread it, like any other chore? What about your husband? What about your kids?
Another question got me to thinking about what a whiner my husband is whenever I bring up even a short day trip. He HATES long car rides (long being more than 20 minutes, LOL!!) I grew up taking long car rides. 6 hours? No problem.
Last summer we did NOTHING. Literally nothing. We would take short 2-4 hour trips on the river, that's it. Last time we went camping I was pregnant with my son, who is now 18 months. I keep mentioning camping or hiking or zoo trips or Jamestown trips to my guy, and he keeps giving me every excuse in the book why he doesn't want to do these things... the main excuse being 'the baby'.
SO WHAT?! It's not like HE would have to do any of the packing or planning (or really, any of the chasing/feeding/caring for the baby, he usually cuts loose with our older girls anyway). I don't see what the big deal is here. When I was a single mom, I took my girls camping by myself when they were both still in diapers. It was hard, but giving them that experience was worth every aggravation!
I told him last night... look, we're doing 'x and x and x' this summer, whether you're coming or not. He was a little hurt I think, but I'm tired of the excuses. I want my kids to SEE and EXPERIENCE things... they hear me talking about stuff all the time; I want them to have these things.
Was that wrong? I hate that I hurt his feelings, but I'm NOT spending another entire summer inside the house! I work from home. I totally understand when he works 6 hours a day in the heat, you want to chill out in the AC on the couch. But like this past weekend we had a 4 day weekend... and spent MAYBE a total of 6 hours at the river. (This is why I'm so white! I need sunshine!)
It is a HUGE chore for me to plan and pack for these things... but after it's all said and done, it's more fun than anything else. He's just a homebody and doesn't want to go anywhere. Are you like him, or like me? What about your husband?
I'm literally about to plan a trip, tell my hubs to 'get in the car, we're going for ice cream', and drive him 2 hours away to this place I really, really want to take the kids hiking ;)
Candice, I was being sarcastic... and he HATES ice cream, LOL! ;)
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A.S.
answers from
Dallas
on
I usually like vacations. I love road trips and seeing new places. I can plan a fun 3-5 day trip on very little money and can make the best of it. Since I had kids though I have to admit I would rather stay at home. By the end of the "vacation" I need another "vacation" just to relax. After running around with 2 kids for 3 days, getting them in and out of carseats, dealing with other baggage that I need for them I am usually tired, cranky, and generally just to not want to be around people any more. Until they are older I think we will stem the ideas of vacations and just do stuff around town.
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M.M.
answers from
Tampa
on
Both my husband and I would LOVE to do things as a family... but between never having much time off at the same time (or when I finally do - I'm so huge and exhausted traveling doesn't seem an option at the moment) and not having any extra money to put up for even the basic thing like the extra gas needed for a trip - we are forced to be at home.
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E.B.
answers from
Seattle
on
Love road trips with no plan.
I loathe actually vacations though. I hate structure. And vacations have way too much of that.
I loved when my dad lived in California. He was on Hermosa Beach. And driving distance from Venice Beach...Which is my favorite place on earth.
If I could be in my ultimate dream life, I wouldnt need vacations:) I want to have land in Nor Cali. Farm land with the tall tall grass:) I would never think of leaving that place:)
We are having our first go at camping soon! I am stoked! Anything that gets me away from the house where we can just hangout and enjoy each other....is good for me...I need no planes, trains or automobiles:) Just my kids hubby and a few good friends:)
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T.H.
answers from
Kansas City
on
Oh I'm way more like you!! I don't love 6 hour car trips so much, I'm more of a 2-4 hour or fly it kind of girl, but I can handle it! ;) My husband is a lot like me, which is really nice. I can see why you'd be frustrated and I don't think it's wrong to tell him here's what I'd like to plan, come or not come. Hopefully he'll get the hint and come along, but men don't generally take hints very well so in case you haven't already I'd tell him straight up that you really want him to come, and the kids would love it, but you are happy to go by yourself.
I'm a SAHM so taking a vacation with the kids is really just like doing what I do every day in a much more prime locale, so I'm all about it! Of course there's the planning, packing and laundry which sucks, but the end result is always worth it! Have fun!
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J.W.
answers from
St. Louis
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Both Troy and I hate the drive. We spend way too much time in the car during the week. The thing is there is only so much time on this earth so sitting like hermits isn't good either. So we put on our big boy/girl underwear and suck it up and go. :p We end up going on a lot of weekend trips during the summer, the winter not so much.
I can understand your husband not wanting to go it is the actual not going I am having trouble with.
I do like your ice cream plan. :p
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B..
answers from
Dallas
on
I think I would love vacationing, if we had ever been on one. I don't think I would spend so much time being frustrated, if my family were able to ever get away for any time. Try to look at it from a different perspective. Try to make your husband see, that he should be grateful for being in the position to get away, and spend this time with his family. There are hundreds of thousands of people, who don't even know what a vacation is!!
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S.H.
answers from
Spokane
on
My hubby loves to go camping/fishing and plans at least one long trip (5+ days) and many short ones throughout the summer. He picks the dates b/c of his work schedule and gets the motorhome and boat ready and I get all the food purchased and packed and everyone's clothes packed. We've been doing this for years and we both know our responsibilities and who is doing what to get ready to go and it works quite well. Our kids are 16, 7 and 3 and we take them camping every summer and have since day one.
As far as big vacations go we only do those every few years b/c of vacation time and money. Those are considerably more stressful for us and hubby would pick camping over any other kind of vacation any day so I do plan the vacations (with his input).
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M.D.
answers from
Washington DC
on
BOTH! I love both. The weeks are good because they are very relaxing and rejuvinating. I love the mini get-a-ways too! But as far as the day trips, my husband normally stays home. I get a lot more leave than he does, but I'll take my trips with the kids (recently the National Zoo and Luray Caverns) and if he doesn't come, he doesn't come. I think it gets to him, but oh well. I want my kids to SEE and EXPERIENCE things as well. If he doesn't want to come, his loss.
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S.J.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I LOVE vacations and road trips. I could spend 10 hours in the car, so long as my destination is worth it!
Husband hates vacations. He dreads taking the kids anyplace (why, I don't know - our kids are well-behaved and want mom most of the time!)
DH and I are currently *fighting* about the fact that he doesn't want to take a vacation and I do.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOURS!
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K.L.
answers from
Cleveland
on
I love vacations! Our kids have always been very well traveled. My brother and SIL and their family live five hours away and we make a weekend trip out there about every other month. If kids get used to being in the car at a young age, they'll do better when they get older.
He really considers a half hour car ride a long time? My commute to work is longer than that! lol He needs to hitch up his big boy pants and have some fun.
Plan your trip and go. He'll come along. If not, then at least you get out of the house and DO something fun with the kids!
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B.C.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
I would ask him WHY he doesn't like trips of more than 20 minutes. My wife and I just finished a trip to her mom for the 4th. We left after work on Friday, drove 8+ hours and left Monday around 5 pm and drove for 8+ hours home.
To me, if he will watch an entire TV program or go to a movie and sit through the entire move, then the problem is psychological. Ask why to find the answer. Once you have the answer you can work for a solution.
Good luck to you and yours.
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T.F.
answers from
Dallas
on
We enjoy getting away. It is a chore to get all the airfare, hotels, rental cars lined up but once it is done, we are pretty good.
I've vacationed alone and loved it as well.
We refuse any car drive over 2 hrs. We all hate road trips and we fly most everywhere we go. The beauty of iving in the Dallas area is that we have 2 great airports and we can be on either US coast within 2-3 hours of travel time.
I just booked Marco Island in FL this morning for a late July, back to school trip!
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M.M.
answers from
Detroit
on
LOVE vacation as does my hubby. Sometimes it takes a bit to get him talked into committing, but we are soooooooooo HAPPY when we go away. We get to give our kids 100% attention and just be so relaxed. Going next month and cannot wait!!
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C.M.
answers from
Washington DC
on
I LOVE going on vacations and weekend getaways. My husband doesn't mind it either. We don't get to go away very much though. We were supposed to go away last weekend, but we were all sick so we had to cancel.
I think you should just sit down and tell you husband how much it means to you. I don't think that tricking him and making him think it's a quick trip for ice cream is very nice. It will just make him even more upset about it.
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M.J.
answers from
Sacramento
on
My husband hates the thought of vacations. He's a workaholic (owns his own business) and it kills him to take a break. He does zero work planning vacations or packing (other than his things), so that's not an issue. Once he's on vacation, by day two, he's good; day one, he's a crab. By the end, he's glad he went.
I just go ahead and make plans. We talk about what we want to do but then I make sure it actually happens. If I waited for my husband to give the "ok," we'd never go anywhere. I've learned to plan vacations WAY out, so he has tons of warning and that seems to help.
To me, I enjoy vacations once there, but it's really exhausting doing all the hard work of the trip. It's worth it, though.
I would talk to your husband about whether he has any ideas for where he'd want to vacation. If not, you decide and just book it at a time you know he can go. Make it happen.
Good luck!
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H.G.
answers from
Dallas
on
I love it! Just the idea of going somewhere else, sleeping somewhere different. Its fun to pack a bag and go (long as its not camping, I hate sleeping outside!) My mil just moved about 2 hrs away so when we go visit we will pack a bag to stay. My husband is opposite of yours! He was a over the road driver so nothing is long to him. I have to remind him our 4 yr old can't sit that long!
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D.P.
answers from
Pittsburgh
on
Well, my son is 8 now, so it's SO much easier to travel. But when he was really little, my husband was a bit of a wuss about trips. But we did it!
I think for a while (when they're really small) the IDEA of a vacation is better than the reality...or the 'idea' needs to change a bit...but what's the alternative? Go no where? Do nothing? See nothing? Nope. Not acceptable to me! I feel like you do. I want my child to go, do, see and experience!
If he doesn't want to go, YOU go and take the kids.
I do hate long car trips, though so PA-DE is about 6-7 hours and I can roll with that for the beach week.
Oh--my husband works in 95+ degree heat 8-12 hours per day and he never uses the heat excuse--he says a sunny beach is 'baby food' compared to his job!
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S.H.
answers from
St. Louis
on
go for it! Why make him miserable...since he obviously has no desire to travel?
go & enjoy! I've spent the last 30 years traveling with my mom &/or my sis. We love our trips, we love traveling, & since my DH hates traveling - as far as I'm concerned, it's his loss! This is not mean....this is real life. We are two different people & we embrace our differences. Neither of us loses & we both win....with these trips with my mom/sis!
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K.I.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
Luckily, both myself and the Man LOVE vacationing!
The packing and stuff is a pain...sometimes the loooong car rides kinda suck but we make the best of it! *I grew up in SoCal and had family in NoCal so I am used to long car rides (Ca is a VERY long state :) and the Man grew up with VERY adventurous parents so he is accustomed to them too!!
I can't wait to go camping this year...the kids absolutely LOVE it more than we do...and I am a lucky girl, all I have to do is pack the clothes and make the meal list, my husband loads and un-loads the ice chests and the car and sets up all the tents, he is AMAZING! Thank You Boy Scouts! Thank You US ARMY! My husband is never more sexy than when we are camping!!! :)
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K.S.
answers from
Denver
on
I'm actually more like your husband. I don't like taking trips. I just don't. I worry about everything, I worry about if the house is ok while we're gone, I don't like car rides or plane rides. It all just makes me very anxious.
There's nothing wrong with being a home-body. However, I do realize that my family needs to see things and experience things, and that they do like to travel. This is where compromise comes in. My hubby knows that he can't spring a trip on me, I need notice. This way I can plan enough to reduce anxiety a bit. I know that I need to agree to go! We take probably 2 trips a year, and maybe a weekend getaway to the mountains. They stress me out, but I suck it up and make sure we all have fun. I don't want to be a wet blanket on the trip- that's not what I want my family to remember.
So- I'm hoping this gives you a little perspective into the mind of a home-body. You can't make someone like traveling. But he does need to compromise. Perhaps sitting down with him and saying that you understand he doesn't like to vacation, and talk to him about why (not talking him out of it, just understanding him). And then negotiate how many trips per year you all might take, with him understanding that this is part of compromise and that it's important for the kids. Then ask what might make it easier for him to be better with going (more notice, better structured, saving money...). This way you are both meeting in the middle. You might not get to jump in the car on a whim, but you'll still be able to have some new experiences, and a happy hubby and family! Good luck.
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K.L.
answers from
Redding
on
There are different types of vacations. Some times I want to travel and see the country from the car window and take side roads, and get out at the vista points and look over the rock wall and see the mountains, then get back in the car and go a few more miles. I dont even have to have a special ending place, just GET OUT AND GO!
Then sometimes I have a destination in mind and hate the hours on the road, dont want to have a lay over, dont want to spend all that time driving, I JUST WANT TO BE THERE!
It all depends on which vacation it is. We rarely go on vacations. We have taken a few in the 37 years, but for the most part its been weekends and thats it. he takes more trips than I do just to go golf. Id say about 10 times a year he has a 3 or 4 day trip with his buddies for golf and I stay home. He also works out of town a lot so he isnt real anxious to pack another suitcase and stay in another hotel. Ive gone on a couple business trips with him and I loved staying in the hotel while he was at all day meetings. I dont drive in strange places so I am in the room most of the day and love it. I take my sewing machine and projects to work on. I have the tv, phone, fridge, microwave, and a comfy bed. I even like the cleaning staff who come in every day! yes I know its odd, but thats me. Those were a few of my favorite and best vacations ever.
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L.P.
answers from
Pittsburgh
on
We all love trips, day trips, long weekends, or longer (but we usually can't afford to stay real long or go too far.) But my husband loves to go, and I love to pack! Weird, I know! And of course my son loves to go! So we're all on the same page.
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F.H.
answers from
Phoenix
on
My husband and I have been together for 4 years and I don't think we have had a full weeks "vacation". The 2 "big" trips we went on were paid for by his company because he qualified for them and they were both only 4 days long. Which is nice because its free but I would love a "real" vacation like 2 week or so in Hawaii. We didn't even take a honeymoon. Mostly because we are a blended family its hard to get people to take our kids for more than a weekend. And money too is a factor since both of us are commission only biz owners. So we would "love" to take a vacation but it never seems to work out. We do go on weekend trips tho. We both LOVE long car drives and will go to Sedona for a weekend or Flagstaff (both a few hours away) or even Cali which is about 6 hours. A big part of being married is being able to compromise. It really isn't realistic to think its ok that you just never go on vacation or leave town. Its not realistic to think that you will take a long weekend every month either. You just need to sit down with him and tell him you need to do something. Those times together are what the kids remember. Its important for "family time". I hope you guys can work it out! Good luck!