Keeping to Tegether

Hi J.,

Being a mom, being a woman sometimes means putting a smile on our face even though is hurts like h*ll. I found out my husband had been having an affair for 2 years and was going to father a child out of it. I was crushed. I had a 1 yr old and a 6 yr old in the house with us. I never let them see me cry. They had no idea what was going on in our lives, we kept it as calm and normal in their presence as possible. We worked out our problems and now have a 3 year old visiting us 2-3 times a week. We all love him very much. This little boy is a brother to both of my children, that is all they know. They see me loving him and being alright with the situation, so in turn, they are alright with it. We are role models for our kids and I hope that from my situation they learn that forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. Living with hatred only hurts ourselves. It is truly enlightening to forgive someone for their wrong doings. You must completely forgive your ex for his lack of commitment and be grateful that the new baby will not be left out as your children were. You cannot change the past, you can control how you react to the new baby. Find the real joy in the situation. The real joy is that your children are going to have a brother. My children love their brother soooo much and I honestly cannot imagine our lives without him. Everything happens in life for a reason, just put your faith in something greater than yourself and watch the love that grows within your children for their new brother. Kids have an amazing way of teaching us about the world and how to be better people. Don't be afraid to cry though. You are entitled to your feelings. Get it out and start fresh. Time will change the pain you feel and everything will be great.
Good luck and good for you for wanting to put a smile on your face....that is the first step.

~A.

J., I went through the same thing 2 years ago ( and my daughter is 6, i had a couple of "mixed feelings" about my ex's little one to be: for one thing it was a boy ( the first grandson born to that family's last name), NOT that i regret my girls, and two becasue he took a brand new interest in this one 9 and not OUR two). With our first child he did go to our first appointment, and sometime towards the end, but with our 2nd child, well let's just say that if my first daughter was a little older SHE would have been my coach in the delivery room, she went with me to ALL the appointment's, and got her 1st picture of her baby sister when i went for the sonogram. When I found out about their new half brother, I was hurt. I guess it was because I still loved him ( i mean he is the father of my children so something had to be there), and I wanted to know what was different with her. I cried some nights, but I also knew that the new arrival was very exciting for my daughter's, so I kept a smile on my face for them, which the only secert to do that is BE A MOM. A MOM has a hidden talent to put a smile on their face for their children at any time, for anything, and don't even realize they can do it, but you can. If you wanna yell, spit and sputter, call a girlfriend up, type to me anytime you want to, scream into your pillow at night AFTER your baby has gone to sleep. You might not really like your ex now, but be happy that mybe he has grown up. In the end it's the kids that matter, weather their your's, you friends, or the lady down the road. If you show interest in the baby with your daughter, it will show her how to be a good mom for when she grow's up and has kids of her own.Good luck, and I mean it when I said if ya wanna sputter write me anytime!!!!!!!!!

i would say the best thing to do is cry....cry it ALL out whatever it is...but alone...it also helps to have a journal or some way of letting it out literally...then just say you have to be somewhat happy for your exs new girl at least she isnt gonna have to suffer the way you have...sometimes in life we have to be someones practice & learning intsrument, even though it sucks...thats what you were for your ex now he knows what he has to do...now after you cry it ALL out you put on a smile & it will get better with time...

J.,

It is perfectly normal to have mixed feelings and emotions about this. If you feel like crying, cry. This is probably bringing up some hurtful emotions of the past (he not being there for you and your daughter. etc.) Hang in there and let your emotions run it's course. You seem to be a really good mom who wants to be excited for her daughter. That in itself say's allot.
It will all work out.
Smile : )

J.,
Just smile.
Smile and understand.
Smile and be happy that your ex has finally 'grown up', to quote you. This new him is definately a good thing because it means he will also be a good parent, a parent with genuine interest, to your daughter.
Also smile and know he appreciates you: that's why he called you when going to the hospital. He could have called somebody else.
I can only imagine how that feels but try to be happy for him. That way you won't find it hard to smile.
Take care,

You can't do anything about the past.

You CAN now rejoice in the fact that your once-jerky ex-husband now seems to be on the path of maturity. That only spells good things for you and your daughter in the future.