Keeping Kindergartener Busy

Start at arranging some play dates with kinder friends this means you'll have to plan in advance in order to get on the schedule with other parents. She doesn't have a sib or neighbors to play with so she nerds a mix of parent play and independent play. I was an only child (she basically is due to the big gap) but it was in. A time when the kids ran around the neighborhood and went to each others houses without play dates. We've swung too far from that.

If you know you need to feed the baby at 11 wear her out on her bike starting at 9 am.

My kids don't really play with toys but give them an art or craft stuff and they are set.

Also give her jobs to do to "help" you. Shell love feel g like a big girl and the interaction

geez, A., are you still asking this?
since the moment alyssa has been born you have been relentlessly 'keeping her busy' and micromanaging every single second of her life, and now it's a PITA because she's 'fearful of new things' (which she's never been encouraged to explore eagerly) and there's another baby around so she's suddenly not the center of the universe?
she won't entertain herself because you systematically prevent her from learning to do so.
i'm sorry to be so harsh, but you post these questions and get the same answers but they never seem to sink in.
you over-manage her when she should be figuring things out to herself, and get exasperated with how much she needs to be managed when she needs some parental guidance.
i'm dying to take alyssa for the summer and let her free-range.
khairete
S.

You continue to post all these questions about Alyssa and how you need to have structure. I am really beginning to feel bad for Alyssa. She should not be treated like this.

A., kids NEED to play, they do not NEED 24/7 structure.

YOU have created this issue by demanding that she be structured, YOU play with her and YOU have to remember that YOU are not her playmate/friend YOU are her PARENT. Of course you should take time to spend with her, play with her but you also have to teach her.

Good grief, you need to let this child breathe, make friends, play and be a normal little girl. You are creating all of these fears, can't you see that?

How about allowing her to help you in the kitchen when you prepare meals, help you when you are doing small chores that she is old enough to help with, take her grocery shopping with you and have her pick out and weigh fruit, let her have friends, etc.

Just let her be a little girl. I feel so bad for her... She sleeps from 8pm-6am and does not have to ride the bus until 8:30am. YOU created this issue. There is NO reason for her to go to bed so early and get up so early.... I feel like you just don't want her around at night and then you punish her by making her get up at 6 when she could easily sleep another hour - hour and a half. It does not take a young child 2 hours to get ready for school.

Now you are griping because you can't control the weekend schedule because you are "stuck" with her when she is out of school. It won't be long and she will be off to college... this is the time to enjoy her, not put her on the back burner or control her every move.

She needs to let go, play and enjoy her life. Stop it with the controlling.

I am with your husband. Send her out to play. Tell her to use her imagination!!!

Why don't you try readjusting your expectations? We have kids in order to spend time with them. Soon enough they will be so busy they will not have time for us. I have a single so I know it is not the same. However, when DS was 8 months old, we pretty much did all the things we did when we were childless and just took him along. Your infant can sleep in a sling or a stroller and really shouldn't limit what you can do. My son did zero organized classes/sports until he was almost 8. There is plenty out there to do that is either cheap or free.

What we do with my son on the weekends - we go to the museum (we have family membership to the museum and zoo so it doesn't matter if we just go for an hour to get out of the house), the zoo, the park. We go outside and play catch, kick a soccer ball, work in the garden, rake the leaves, go for a nature walk. We cook or bake together (that was better when he was in pre-K and K, less interested now). We color together, or draw or paint. We read together, build with lego (yes this is mind numbing), play with Playmobil and stuffed animals. If there is snow, we sled in the backyard.

We generally try to get out of the house for much of the day on one weekend day and spend the second day more hanging around. However there certainly are weekends where we are out both days and a few (mostly bad weather) when we are home most of the weekend.

Age 4-5 was the first time that DS was really happy to do things on his own. And pretty much he preferred to do things in the same room as one of us even when he was doing his own project. He was probably 6 before he wanted to play outside by himself.

They will have their whole lives to entertain themselves. They will only be little for a few years more. Might as well enjoy it. I am not sure why so many responses seem to say you shouldn't play with your kids.

We didn't have ANY kids in our neighborhood when my children were school age, so I always made sure they had plenty of playdates with their friends from school (who were, after all, their actual friends.) Yes, setting up playdates was kind of a pain but that's what you do when you have no children nearby.
Also, sometimes I let them stay at after school care to play with their friends there as well.
ETA: I hope you take Suz T's answer to heart. You really DO keep asking the same question without really listening to all the great advice you've gotten before. If she "won't" entertain herself for a while then that's her problem, not yours. You need to learn how to say, "oh you're bored? That's too bad, if you like you can help me clean the bathroom because that's what I am doing now, I don't have time to play."

You are her mom, not her friend. Of course you should still do things with her, but your job in life is not to entertain her. You have other responsibilities and another child to care for as well. She can absolutely have alone time during the day. She can do an arts and craft project, play outside, read a book, watch a TV show, play with toys, etc....none of these require you.

Invite a friend over to play, go to a park or library, go for a walk, etc. We have been broke in the past and are tight right now, fun doesn't have to mean spending a lot of money. But you also don't have to do things to keep her entertained a lot.

Hopefully your husband can take some leave over the holidays and help out too.

My daughter is the same age as your daughter. She often (but not always) needs help with finding things to do. She really enjoys it if I set up some craft for her to do. We will make playdoh (she invented her own recipe the other day - no it was not really made correctly but she sure did have a blast doing it). I got a huge roll of paper left over at the local newspaper and I will roll it out and she likes to paint huge pictures, or I will do an outline of her body and she colors it in. She loves any art project really...she spent a long time doing a child's paint by numbers kit recently. She enjoys sewing on those plastic sewing boards using thin yarn and a plastic child's needle. She enjoys if I make a fort for her with blankets and sheets in the living room and usually gets caught up in a long pretend game with her stuffed animals inside of it. Sometimes we have a huge cardboard box and I help her to make a house. She paints it and decorates it and it keeps her quite occupied. The other thing she loves doing involves me going along too... we just go for walks in the neighborhood and she rides her bike. Or we go for a walk in the woods and she explores by a little stream, throws rocks, and pretends she lives out there. Another thing she just really enjoys is helping me cook and clean! I will give her a small broom and tell her to sweep the front stoop. Or I'll have her wash windows...or whatever. She LOVES it. She enjoys stirring and measuring out ingredients in the kitchen. She will even help me sort laundry. As for structure. Just get up when she does...have her help you with breakfast and maybe some chores. I'd go on an outing in the morning (with a snack around 10). After lunch I'd have her play inside or in the yard...or she can help you around the house. Sometimes I will sit with my daughter and help her start up a pretend game with her dolls/stuffed animals. When I see that she is really getting into it, I suddenly am busy and I have to jump up to do something. But she keeps right on pretending away. At dinner time have her help you with fixing dinner or set the table or empty the dishwasher...stuff like that. My daughter will feed our cat and dog at dinnertime each day while I'm getting dinner started. Then she helps set the table.

work on the art of getting her going on a project/independent play then step away. My daughter is a little better with this, but I set expectations. i.e. I am going to work on this for 20 minutes and then we will play a game together. Sometimes, I just have to get something out like coloring stuff or suggest she go work on an art project. Be specific in the project and help her get things together before you expect her to do it on her own.

Playing in the yard is ok for a little while, but alone would be pretty boring. Invite her school friends over to keep her company.

There are lots of places that you can take her that are not too expensive and are suitable to bring the baby. Plan outings around baby's nap times, or have baby nap on the go, in a stroller or carrier. Go to local parks or playgrounds. Drop by McDonalds Play Place for a snack and a play. A child's YMCA membership is very inexpensive and provides unlimited activity (ours has pool, play structure, bouncy castle, gym and plenty of drop in programs including sports and crafts). Libraries offer lots of free programming for kids. Bowling or mini-golf are inexpensive outings and you can often find coupons for those too. Purchase a membership for a zoo, nature center or museum she enjoys and go often. Church is free and has plenty of children's activities. Find a playgroup in your area. Go to craft stores when they are offering free crafts, bookstores when they are offering free story time, hardware stores when they offer free kids projects. The key is to plan ahead of time and look for community resources. The baby will benefit from getting out of the house too. When my kids were that age there weren't enough hours in the day to do all the activities that were available to us!

If you don't want her to wake up so early then don't put her to bed so early! If she goes to bed at 8:00pm and gets up at 6:00am that is 10 hours of sleep. Try putting her to bed at 9:00pm if you want her to sleep until 7:00am.

Sounds like my youngest. We used to buy legos to keep him busy and entertained by himself. He could work on one for at least an hour or usually until it was done. He also liked mosaic tile craft kits. Other than that he was ready to be entertained! I tried to structure our days to give him plenty of outside play time. I encouraged quiet time for limited spans. I tried to give him a craft or something to work on and let him do it himself to build his independence. He's 9 now and still needs lots of attention, but nothing like the younger years. He also got excited about sporty things like cup-stacking and pogo jumping, and skateboarding. He seems to do well on his own for a while if he's trying to accomplish a goal.

In your case, I'd try to bake with her, take lots of walks, read together, play video games together, and in between activities with her I'd work on encouraging her to play by herself for limited amounts of time and work your way up from there. She'll get it, but it takes training for some kids.

A., you're not her playmate. You're her mom. It's not your job to keep her busy it's your job to be her mom and do the things you need to do.

If it's to the point where you have to sit and basically hold her in your lap/keep her sitting next to you because she's bothering stuff and won't go play on her own....well, I can't think of anything more frustrating.

She's old enough to go play by herself. Send her to her room to play and tell her if she comes out of her room she gets to go to time out. I can't imagine having this problem. Our kids were put in a play area when they were small and I went about my business doing stuff in the house. I never sat in their playing with them. They played and when they wanted me I would go pick them up for a few minutes then they'd go back to playing on their own.

Just remember it's time to make all the toys go to the bedrooms. IF your girl and your baby share a room then your baby is at risk for choking. Small toys like Barbie shoes can get stuck in an airway. Small parts on toys that might accidentally break off, such as a hot wheels car tire, can choke a younger child.

The older child needs to keep their toys completely separate. The infant, up to age 3, needs to not go in that room at all.

Age 6 is really too young for most classes. Very few kids have the attention span or the desire to do something every week. A lot of parents are spending precious dollars on programs, and then here on Mamapedia we see all the questions about what to do when kids don't want to go or who cry when they are there. I think there are a few kids who dearly love these programs, but many more who just aren't ready. We tend to over schedule our kids and it's a huge debate in the child psychology and early childhood education fields.

When they come home from kindergarten, they don't want more structure in a heavy-handed way. But narrowing it down to 2 choices can help young kids, especially those who are fearful or who have trouble making decisions. It may help to organize her toys into sections or specific bins in this corner of the family room or that corner of her room. If you are limiting her screen time (TV or computer), that's a good thing - you can give her a specific time if you know you will be doing things with the baby from 6 to 6:30 every day (or whatever), or you can limit her to 1 DVD a day, whatever is appropriate.
Otherwise, you might have some outdoor time every day (weather permitting) - put the baby in a stroller with a big blanket and let her watch you two outside, or go out during the baby's nap while Dad is sleeping but available if the baby wakes up. If she doesn't like soccer, it may be the organized team thing but maybe she'd like to kick a ball around. Or you can play catch (try the mitts with velcro and a special ball), ride bikes, throw a frisbee (sometimes hard for young kids), go on a nature walk, build an ant farm, collect pine cones for peanut butter & bird seed feeders, make a snow man, and much more. Get some driveway chalk and make a hopscotch game or draw "roads" and "crosswalks" and traffic signs she can then navigate with a bike or roller skates or a doll in a stroller. It reinforces traffic safety and even spelling, while being fun and creative.

The baby's nap time can be your daughter's special time with you. If you are indoors and the baby is napping, then that can be quiet time for your and your older: reading books, doing puzzles, doing art, etc. She can, and must learn to, do things on her own without you. I'm guessing that, in her classroom, the teacher has stations for different things, and the kids are not supervised one-on-one all the time. So you can try to duplicate that at home - there are areas for doing certain things, and you can even direct her to one area or her choice of two, but once there, she plays on her own.

Do you have toys that require thought and creativity? I'm thinking about Legos/Duplos, trains with tracks that can be assembled and reassembled in different patterns, a dress-up corner (with old clothes of yours or things you find at yard sales or resale/thrift shops), puzzles or hopscotch squares to be assembled/designed, and marble game towers with tubes and slides to be combined and recombined. (You'll have to watch the marbles with a baby, but it's a great toy.)

You can also talk to her or have her playing on the floor while you are giving the baby a bath or feeding her (unless you are all eating together). She can help you read to the baby - which bolsters her reading skills by giving her simple books, and entertains the baby.

I know you have things you need to get done too - but sometimes you can make it a mother-daughter activity by letting her help set the table, sort socks, fold and put away underwear, etc. She will build skills and confidence, and get the reward of your praise and attention.

Art supplies may need to be in a special place so she isn't using them on the family room carpet, but a small organizer set (with a few drawers) in a corner of the kitchen would give her a supply of markers and crayons, paper and scissors, to use at the kitchen table. You can also have some activity books in there with mazes, simple word searches, etc. Things with glue and craft pieces can require some Mom supervision, but she doesn't need you to do it all with her every second. Go to the library and ask the children's librarian for some recommendations on books you can take out with some seasonal crafts or things a child can do on her own by looking at the step-by-step photos. Tell the librarian you are trying to encourage independent and creative play too.

Maybe every other weekend or even one day during the week, you can organize a play date. Start with having a friend come to your house (at a time when Dad is not sleeping), and later you can progress to her going to another child's house. You don't want to be running around constantly, I get that. But every other week should be more than manageable. Then you can include one outing per weekend, to the park or the grocery store or a children's museum.

I think if you have a very vague structure of "outside time" and "day trip/playground time" and "art time" and "play by yourself time", you can have enough flexibility for her and also time for the baby and getting laundry done and dinner cooked. If you need to relax your standards and not always vacuum or make beds, that's a gift you can give yourself and that's okay too.