Five Year Old and TV

Make it clear that tantrums will result in no tv for HER. When YOU want to watch, she will have to go play BY HERSELF in another room. It's too bad that she doesn't like being alone, but being alone sometimes is necessary for everyone. She needs to learn to entertain herself.

I instituted screen tickets with my only 5 yr old this summer and it is working out beautifully. I printed out 4 little tickets on green card stock paper, each worth 30 minutes. I give them to her each morning and whenever she wants to use technology ( TV, kindle, computer) she has to give me a ticket.
It helps me and her manage her screen time throughout the day. And when the 30 mins is up, I tell her the ticket is up and if she wants to use more, she has to take a break and play something else before she can use another ticket. She's able to control her ticket use because I give no exceptions...when the ticket is up, it's up. There are days where she hasn't used up all her tickets (if we have plans/events) so we just start over the next day with another round of 4 tickets for the day. When school starts, we already have a 'no screen time before school' policy which she already knows from last year (before we had tickets).

Here's the deal with tv: my deal, anyway.

When tv becomes a problem, it goes away, period. When we have fussing over turning off the tv, then we might decide that there's no tv for the rest of the day. Or if we were done for the day, then there's no tv tomorrow.

Simple.

As for what YOU are going to do: sorry, but this is one of those big girl panties moments: when my son is not allowed to watch tv, WE don't watch tv. Again, very simple. I'm an adult. I can live without tv for a day or so. I only have the tv on in the evenings after he's started his evening bedtime time. Occasionally I'll put something on for both of us to watch while I fold clothes or just for fun, but only if he's got tv time coming.

What I hear from your post is that you are feeling challenged with keeping your daughter busy. TV shouldn't be a replacement for engaging activity. Find out what you can offer her during down times. Can you sit at the table and nurse while she plays with playdough? Set a board game or puzzle on a table and let it stay there for a few days, work/play for five or ten minutes at a time when you can, together?

If it were my kid, I'd be getting together a bag full of fabric and paper scraps, found objects, tape, glue sticks, markers-- let her make paper dolls or create fun 'creations'. Let her bring out a doll and 'make clothes' with tape, buttons, a stapler... I'd say the more open-ended the offering, the more engaged she will be.

Get out a card table, cardboard boxes, blankets and pillows- instant fort.

In our house, I don't have a hard and fast rule about how much tv/media time our son gets. Some days we are so busy --- no time for tv! Other days, like when we are packing for a trip or if I have a lot of cooking to do, he'll get a bit more. From my best guess, two hours a day is our far-out maximum, just because we have so many other good things to do. (That two hours a day, again, might happen once a week or once every few weeks.) Our boy is seven and reading; each morning he receives a list from me of things he needs to get done before he gets any media or tv time. But attitude is the key determinant: if he gets huffy or refuses to turn off the tv, or if he nags me, he gets one warning and then that's it.

Oh, and when your daughter is fresh, send her to her room until she can find her 'friendly words'. Unless the problem is related to the tv, that can become an overused currency. Find out what she's unhappy about and help her express it more constructively. I often find myself asking children "what would you like to happen instead?" or "when this happens next time, what would you like he/she to do?" I mention this because while taking the tv away might shut her up for a moment, you aren't addressing what the underlying problem is.

Also, consider having your husband take the baby for an hour or so and do something fun with your Big Girl. Remember, I know you are all exhausted with a new baby in the house, and Alyssa needs attention. You say she's alone a lot. Take her to the park whenever you can. Get out. Personally, I really love the adventures my son and I have alone. Playmates are fun, but generally can be more work at times. Being outside, walking around on a forested or park path, going to the market and letting him pick out some fruit... little fun moments. I did childcare with some kids Alyssa's age when my son was four months old and I know how challenging it can be, believe me! It's a challenge to coordinate 'get kids from preschool/get them set up with an activity/get quiet to nurse baby to sleep/okay,now a snack for the kids/ clean up, oh, now baby is up... I get it. Prior planning helped a lot when it came to having things organized enough to grab them up (I did that in the evenings when husband was home, only took a few minutes).

Sorry this is so long, just felt that you needed more than how much tv time my son has....

ETA: I should add that, when the school year starts, we have tv ONLY when all our other stuff is done and never, ever before school. That's my only hard and firm rule on that one.

I don't really have an issue with screen time, but I do take issue if that is ALL my kids are doing. Often times, tv or screen time is merely a boredom buster. They ask when they have nothing else going on. I try to have plenty for them to do. And these things do NOT have to cost a lot of money and can be done with an infant in tow.

We also have some ground rules to get screen time. Well, most screen time. They get to wake up to about 30 minutes of cartoons, it helps us ease into the day. :) Before they can watch more, chores need to be done. Our five year old has been doing chores since age three, there are plenty of things little ones can do.

Homework must be done. At our school, even kindergartners get some homework. So this one will apply to both of my children this year.

You must have spent at least 30 reading or doing something academic. (During this summer, this gets bumped up to an hour). This may be reading (or being read to or looking at books for my five year old). It could be a science project. Working on numbers. Practice writing. Anything academic that does not involve a screen and in addition to homework (other than reading requirements, we let that count, if that makes sense).

And you must have done something creative for at least 30 minutes (again, bumped up to an hour in the summer). This could be coloring, an art project, building with blocks, building with legos, playing dolls. Anything that uses the creative side of your brain.

You have to do something active for at least 30 min (again and hour in the summer). Sometimes our kids will ask to walk to and from school to get the "activity time" in early. They ride bikes, scooter, play with the next door neighbors. On rainy days, they may get a reprieve. Sports practice also counts. Swimming. Anything that gets their heart rate up counts.

After these criteria have been met, they can spend as much time on a screen as they want. We have discovered a few things since implementing these rules (thank you facebook for the idea). First, our kids don't ask for a screen. They know what they have to do to earn it. Secondly, they get caught up in their activities. Once they start doing something creative, they lose track of time. We have also noticed our children (who are 8 and 5) play together a bit more than before. Thirdly, it takes some of the stress out of the day. Our kids really aren't bored. And finally, during school time, after getting all of this done, there really isn't a lot of time for the tv. Maybe a bit after bath time.

consequences should not punish YOU. if she hates being alone, there's your coinage. no tv is a great thing if that's how you want it, but if you enjoy it being on, then you get to decide that because you're the mom. if alyssa gets nasty about it, you banish her from fun things but most of all from your presence. why not just send her to her room until her attitude improves?
khairete
S.

The children I take care of have a rule of 1 hour of screen time per day. Screen time is just as it sounds anything with a screen so that includes tv, video games, computer, iPad, hand held games etc. They are allowed to pick what configuration but only one hour total. It does not happen until homework and chores are done and half hour of reading is done. Also put the parental lock on the tv so that only g rates things are available to her. As far as filling up her time play some board games but also send her to play in her room or in the living room. Kids need to learn to entertain themselves without the tv / electronics she might fight it but stand firm she will be fine.

I never really had hard and fast rules about how much tv the kids could watch, but I always did try to minimize the amount of time they have to watch tv. If we are at home and they have no chores or homework to do they are free to have screen time. The key for me is that we aren't sitting at home with nothing to do very often. When the kids were little and didn't have anyone to play with I took them to the playground so they could play with the kids there. I could sit and nurse the baby and read a book while my son played. I bought memberships for the YMCA, museum and the zoo and took them often. We did all the free rec programs, library programs and moms groups.

Also, I do not count my tv watching time as the kids tv watching time. If I am watching the news and they happen to watch as well, then great, they are learning something.

I never incorporated a strict TV rule. To me, it is all about balance. I think cutting her TV time to zero on Mon-Thursday is a bit much, but that is only my personal opinion... take it for what it is worth.

It is important for the children to be active and play with friends but it is also important for them to read and learn to unwind. Sometimes, the TV is a way for them to unwind.

We usually have the TV or some sort of music on most of the time.

Shortage of $$ is no excuse to plop in front of the TV. There are many FREE activities in communities such as free library story times, free story times at local book stores, free trips to the local park and playing at games at home.

You said she will start Kinder soon. Things will change for her at this time as well... she will not only get educational training but will learn structure and "how to be a good Kinder student". She will make friends in Kinder and you will more than likely have more options for play dates.

Use this 2 weeks to talk up and prepare for Kinder. Get her excited about school... read lots of books. Get a practice workbook to "play school" and she gets practice for what happens at school. I am talking about the workbook as a game, not something structured as homework before school starts. I would also start getting her to bed when you need her in bed and getting up at the times she needs to get up for school so she'll have the routine started. If she takes her lunch to school, practice making lunches, etc. Use this time to read, play games, do crafts, and more.

I see nothing wrong with TV limits, especially if a child prefers to sit in front of the TV or in front of a computer screen instead of having physical and social activity. The TV should not be the only sense of stimulation.

Good luck.

I would make a plan and stick to it. If she throws a fit over turning the TV off (I'd give her a 5 minute warning), then the TV stays off for the rest of the day. My DD learned that whining and yelling about the TV tells me she's too into TV and needs to watch less. As far as you watching TV, DH will tell DD that this is a grown up show, go play. He usually watches one of his shows while cooking dinner or after she is in bed.

You can also consider just going to the park where she can run around without the TV and see other kids, in addition to your library time. Or let her go outside to play in the sprinkler, etc.

In my house my daughter is allowed 1 hour of "screen time" a day. This includes all iPad and TV time. There are definitely exceptions, like if she goes to a movie with DH or if she is sick and stuck on the couch.

She has a craft cabinet with supplies like glue, paper, markers, stickers, ribbons, fabrics, playdough etc., and is welcome to go into the craft cabinet and start a project anytime as long as she cleans up (as best as a 5 year old can).
We also get out to the playground or a children's museum or the pool at least once a day.

There were definitely moments when my DS was an infant when she watched more TV than I wanted because I was still figuring out exactly how to keep her entertained and take care of him. Now I'm at a point where they play together often and she entertains herself often as well.

The only thing about your post that sounds like a red flag are the tantrums. 5 years old is too old to tantrum and she needs to know there are serious consequences to throwing a fit. I would sit down and tell her that there will be no more fits over TV watching. If she throws another fit over the TV the TV will be off for one week (no exceptions). Everyone will survive without the TV for a week, and it may force your DD to become more self-reliant for entertainment.

I was always pretty lenient about screen time. As long as my kids got some exercise/outside stimulation every day, had chores and schoolwork done, I just didn't care (and frankly didn't want to micromanage it.) I've got two in college and one in high school now and things seemed to have worked out just fine.
BUT...
if she's getting nasty about it, throwing tantrums, etc. absolutely turn it off and send her to her room. I did not have any patience for whining, complaining or tantrums when I already said the answer is NO. Let her know she can come out when she's ready to drop the attitude and behave like a big girl. Don't cajole, bribe, argue or negotiate with her, just be firm and most importantly CONSISTENT so she knows you mean it. When she comes out of her room give her a big smile and let her know you are happy to see her feeling better. Give HER the ownership of her own behavior and choices, you will be less of a nag and she will gain much needed independence and self/impulse control skills.

No more than 2 hours of screen time (tv, computer, videogames, tablet, phone, etc combined) per day - computer used for homework purposes doesn't count towards the recreational 2 hours..
The chores and homework must be done before fun time starts.
A total tv ban Mon through Thurs isn't practical especially since it punishes the whole household.
She can't do homework alone in her room (you have to be with her - probably through 4th grade or so) so Hubby can watch TV while she gets her work done.
When the baby naps (or if you can get a relative to baby sit), try for some alone time with your 5 yr old - I'm sure she misses you and there's nothing like an attention stealing new baby to make the older siblings feel like chopped liver.

I also have a child who hates to be alone. He's only quiet when he has his iPad or legos. The rest of the time he wants to play with us or a friend. So, I get it. Don't feel so bad about screen time, but I would suggest that you start out kindergarten with her expecting to come home, have a snack, do some light helping around the house and homework...THEN screen time. If you establish that routine now, it will be so much easier when she is older and she has an hour or more of homework a night.

My kids are older so they are free to watch providing homework and other responsibilities are completed. They may veg out for a few hours on Saturday but not even turn it on for days after that. Most week nights they are too busy, we may have a ball game on but that's about it. When they were small I didn't really have to limit it, they never were really that into it.

Our living room TV was in an armoire, out of site, out of mind. They had neighborhood friends and lots to do both in the house and out. If it did result in a fit or issue I'd just say "sorry, lost your viewing privileges for today, when you cry and beg you do not get what you want". Days would go by without them even asking about it but if I needed a break it was great to plunk them down.

Don't make it so complicated. Use it when YOU want some time off and don't worry about counting every minute. Ball games don't count as viewing, she likely wouldn't pay attention but if she is teach her about the game. I personally wouldn't watch news in front of a five year old anyway, it's way too creepy.

Most children's TV programming is like junk food. You wouldn't eat it all the time nor should you have a constant stream of it into your home. The world is full of many wonders and opportunities to learn, play and grow. Very few of them come from a television screen. If you raise kids to want more than that they will rise to the occasion. My girls love their gel time and at their age what they watch is their choice but very rarely do I think it's too much. Keeping the TV off when they were young didn't make them want it more, it made them want to experience life more.

When my son was that age, he had one evening per week of screen time. That was it. He was (and is) an only child too, but though I think we had a little more structured time (preschool, summer camp, etc.) than it sounds like your daughter has. Overall, the benefits of being off-line and away from electronics have been amazing.

Now that my son is 8 and is aware of all the screen time his friends get, it's been more of a challenge. We've had to cancel his Friday screen time because he snuck in a video game, unauthorized. So, not a panacea, I'm learning. But I still say less is more. When my son gets a little extra screen time (his dad is less strict than I am), his behavior (which is usually quite good) takes a nosedive.

My kid is nearly 4. About once or twice a week, he asks if he can watch a show. We put on his choice of some things from Netflix. I think my parents might keep Nickolodeon or PBS kids on at their house when he is there. He watches for about 10 minutes, then his attention wanders and he gets to playing & pretending.

We know people who have no restrictions,
allow limited screen time (1 hour a day),
none on school nights,
one program afterschool with a drink & a healthy snack (to decompress),
only after homework,
only after the kids are prepped for bed.
only on saturday afternoons,
only after the chores are done

etc etc. It seems to work for them.

Best,
F. B.

Hi, I realize I'm late to answer this, and I'm sure other moms gave better advice. (We do a lot of screen time here, and if I posted a question on this site, at least 10 moms would tell me how horrible I am.)

I think you should hold off on rules about screen time during school year until you see how kindergarten goes. My son finished kindergarten last year and he got on the bus at 8:05 and got off the bus at 4. That's a LOOOONG day for a little kid and he was pretty tired. I had him in several sports during the winter because during that 8 hour day he only got 1 recess, and it was such a harsh winter here in the north east, he needed more activities. When he was home, I thought TV was just fine.

As for not wanting to be alone... kids are all wired differently. My older son (kindergarten last year) also hates to be alone. He is on or off... running around like a mad man, or needing time to chill. My younger son is happy to be alone and can spend more time doing imagination play.

Chores: We don't expect much of our 6 and 4 year old but they each get 2 chores a day (randomly chosen from grab bag). Feed cats, load dishwasher, set table, sweep under table. My 6 yr old can set the table without help, the others they both need assistance. (4 yr old doesn't do much when loading the dishwasher; it's a token effort.)
And for the upcoming school year we're instituting a rule that everyone has to take their lunchbox out of backpack and bring it to the sink.
My 4 yr old likes to help me load the washing machine too.

The research is clear about TV watching,especially at the age of five: TV adversely affects the developing brain. There are numerous studies, but just one from the University of Iowa found - "We know that the brain adapts and changes based on the environmental stimuli to which it is exposed repeatedly. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to believe that environmental stimuli can increase the risk for a medical condition like ADHD in the same way that environmental stimuli, like cigarettes, can increase the risk for cancer." You spend time staring at a TV screen and it changes the way your brain is wired.
The first part of my answer was from my Reading Specialist brain. This part is from the Mommy brain: rewarding your daughter with TV for "good behavior" sends the clear message that TV is a desirable activity.

What I learned about getting a child Alyssa's age to play alone is that you first have to fill up their "attention tank." I found that if I spent 45 minutes or so playing with the child, then I was able to walk away and the child would play alone for at least that same amount of time, if not longer. You just need to get her started by playing with her, not just handing her the toy.

My daughter is similar in that she throws some major tantrums. What I've also learnt is NOT to give in. Not even an inch. Stand firm and let her know that a No is a No.

Also, have you thought of helping your child foster more imaginary play? This could help with the TV and not wanting to be along situation. *Disclaimer* I have a line of teepee play tents that I had created specifically to help my child get away from the screens, and my kids can play by themselves or together in those tents for hours.

Given your budget, perhaps you can explore using sheets/pillows to play forts/build a pretend castle that she can play in?

Our TV is always on. The kids have strict guidelines about what they can watch or not watch.

The more you take something away the more they want it. Seriously.

The more they have the less they want. So the TV is always available.

How many hours per week do the kids sit down and actually watch a TV show....him? Maybe 3. Her? She's 10 and likes her Tween shows so it's a bit more...perhaps 8?

There have been times when the TV is on and they are playing toys or running in and out or playing on the computer or plain old ignoring it. They something comes on, like Phineus and Ferb and everything stops, then a commercial comes on and they're up running around playing again then the second half comes on and they sit and watch. Then it goes off and something else comes on but they're outside swinging or riding their bikes.

I have friends who limit their kids TV time. What happens when they actually get TV time? They sit like zombies in front of the screen and have slack jaws and nearly drool.

Take something away or limit it and that simply makes it more desirable.