Keeping 2 1/2 in Bed at Bedtime

Whatever happened to punishments for bad behavior? Make it clear to her that this is bad behavior, and if she does it, she will have a punishment - I find threatening to take away their favorite lovey - putting it up on a shelf where they can see it but not get it, and understanding that it has been taken away because they did something wrong, and now they must earn it back - is really a terrific way to teach them right from wrong. At 2 1/2, she is beyond the age of understanding when she is not behaving right.

I don't have an answer...this could have been me writing this. My granddaughter will be turning three in January and we have tried her in a bed and the same thing as yours...If you get any really great replies, please share them. I know people who have put a latch on the door so the child could not get out, but to me this is unsafe and kind of cruel.
Hopefully someone out there will have an answer. Thanks.

I would say that for safety reasons, it would be a good idea to put a babygate across her door. It might not keep her in her bed, but it will at least keep her in her room.

We've had the same trouble with our now 4 year-old. I think most of the time she's just coming out to make sure she's not missing anything fun! We've tried a few things that worked for a while, but then we had to move on to the next thing.

We gave her a little reading light near her bed - there are lots of them out there, or maybe her nightlight is bright enough. She's able to read books in her bed for as long as she likes, as long as the main lights are out. Usually she falls asleep after 1 or 2.

We started a sticker chart - if she stayed in her bed after tuck-ins, she got a sticker in the morning.

We tried taking away a stuffed animal - not her special lovies, but one of a gaggle that she keeps at the foot of her bed - if she gets up out of bed. For whatever reason, that still does the trick.

Another thing we did is instate a strict "2 tuck-in" policy. She knows that after mom and dad each kiss her goodnight, if she gets out of bed she has to tuck herself back in...this has cut down on the number of trips she makes out to the family room.

Whatever you all decide to do, the important thing is to be consistent and stick to it. My daughter still gets up, but usually she just comes in to see what we're doing without her, and then goes back in by herself. Good luck!

Oh L., I hear your daughters pain!!! my son was out of his crib at 17 months old~~~ where as my daughter at the time was almost 3 and still happily content sleeping in her crib -- go figure?? She needs to baby proof her room and put a gate at the door. tell her to remove anything that can be climbed up on, and remove all the "stuff" that she could entertain herself with. I am not a huge believer in the music in the background, always put my kids to bed awake and until reciently lights out -- now they like a nightlight. My son fell asleep on the floor in front of his gate for months~!!! We simply would pick him up asleep and put him in his bed and that was the end of it. She will get used to the routine and soon she will stay in her bed, have confidence. good luck!! L. C.

Get an extra tall gate for her room do not stack one get on top of another that is very dangerous. Your daughter should start a reward chart with her or if she is really set on not sleeping in her bed your daughter should take the crib back out and invest in a crib tent.

Hi L.,
Put a child-safety doorknob cover on the inside of her bedroom door, and shut the door when you leave. She may get out of bed, but she won't be able to leave the room, and eventually (although there might be some crying and kicking at the door), she will realize that she's in her room for the night and may just go to bed. We did this for both our boys and have never had a problem. Good luck!

Maybe giving her 6 more months in the crib would be worthwhile? I have the Crib Tent II and it is the best investment we made ~ sounds cruel but it does the job :) We zipped in my daughter and left, knowing that she was safe and would go to sleep without any other options. Right before she turned 3 we discussed the big girl bed, had it up in the room, and eventually made the change over on her 3rd birthday. We were able to use the crib (still set up) as a deterrent to getting out of bed ~ as in "Only big girls get to sleep in the bed because they know it's for sleeping ~ if you get out, you have to go back to sleeping in the crib." One night we had to follow through and after an hour she begged for her bed back :)

Also, the baby gate is an excellent option as well. Even though my daughter is 3.5 now and loves her big girl bed, I know that she can't leave the room without my knowing (and even though there's a monitor, kids can be remarkably quiet when being stealthy :) because of the gate.

I would ask your daughter to consider the tent for another six months. I know it seems like a short amount of time for a) the cost ($60) and b) maturity, but she needs to consider this: how much money is sleep, piece of mind, and her old life worth (I'll bet more than sixty bucks!) and six months is a lifetime in maturity for kids. Why, six months ago my 14 month old couldn't walk, talk, or feed himself :) Tell her to consider it, it's worth the sleep if nothing else. And honestly, I resisted it too and could kick myself for not jumping at it from the start.

Good luck,
L.

AT this point, this is a pure discipline issue. She should not be able to get out of her room and into her brother's room. Not sure what you mean about creams - is she getting into the bathroom cosmetics or into her mom's personal stuff, or the diaper cream, or what? Everything should be out of reach, and the door should be locked from the outside, if nothing else works. She's getting plenty of attention - even if it's negative attention - by doing what she's doing. She needs a specific routine that is followed exactly every night, with no caving in by parents - granted, that is so hard to do. You can't force her to sleep but you can confine her to her room and have repercussions/consequences for getting out of bed and getting into stuff. They must take away privileges, or clear her room of temptations, etc. You'd be surprised how effective it can be to take the stuff she gets into, put it into a box, and store it in the attic, only to be brought out when she follows the rules. Be sure you aren't just storing things on high shelves - she could decide to climb the bookshelf and pull it over on herself. Either that or the bookshelf should be anchored to the wall - something the child safety experts recommend anyway.

I would let her keep comfort objects like a blankie or special stuffed animal, a binkie if she still uses one at night. We also let my son keep books. But everything else went into storage and only came out when he earned it. Yes I know it is a hassle to put things away every night but this current routine is also a huge hassle. And no one is getting any rest, which isn't good for them.

She's doing this because she is getting a reaction. If they can force themselves to just matter-of-factly explain, on her level, that these things will go away if she doesn't stay in bed, and then follow through (because she probably won't stay in bed!), then it will work in a couple of weeks minimum.

Certainly anything she can use to calm down and block out stimuli is a good idea - like a CD player, a darkened room, a white noise machine - but only if they help rather than become something she messes with.

They can also implement a sticker chart or some other incentive program - although getting her stuff back may be a big incentive. They have to make it simple: it's night time and time for rest. You are not allowed to play after bedtime. We have a routine of (for example) bathtime, book reading, 1 lullaby, and light's out. Follow that routine every night. They probably had one but she either grew out of it or her physical abilities developed enough to allow her to climb out of the crib. They just have to put in a new routine and stick to it. It will probably be awful for the first few nights - lots of crying and fussing - BUT they will be doing her a favor by teaching her to sleep, and they will certainly be doing themselves and the little brother a favor by having calm time and no unnecessary clean up of creams or whatever. Kind of like doing the right thing by putting her in a carseat whether she likes it or not, by not letting her run in the street whether she likes it or not, and so on. It just can't be negotiable. They can't make her sleep, but they CAN prevent her from doing anything else that's fun.

Good luck - it's not easy. If they can take the frustration and the constant going-in-her-room out of the picture, it will ease up. They just need to pick a strategy, agree on it, and stick to it.

I would make her room as neutral as possible (no toys and nothing she can climb on or play with), then I would put a gate in front of her door. If she climbs over that I would put a latch on the outside of her door so that she can't get out of her room. I think she will get the message soon enough that bedtime is bedtime. I wish you luck.

H. Z. (SAHM 5, 4 and 18 month old boys)

We have Sleeping Rules for my 2-1/2 year old. They are simple. At bedtime, you close your eyes, take deep breaths, stay in your bed, and go to sleep. We review these rules before and after lights out. Then, if you come out of your room more than once, adult picks you up and replaces you to your bed without talking to you. This can happen up to 600 times per night if necessary. (It has only ever happened about 4 times.) It's pretty effective. Also you can post the rules, even for a non-reader, and point to each as you say it, because it helps to have that visual aide. She is old enough to understand and to take responsibility for her own behavior, and she needs to know her limits.

L.-

Have they tried putting a gate in her doorway so she can't get out of her room? hey have extra tall gates so that she can't climb over. I have evn heard of people with this problem putting two gates stacked on top of each other in the doorway because their chilkd climbed over the one gate. I know how frustrating this is, my 5 year old will keep getting out of bed and coming downstairs sometimes until 10pm at night. Good luck to them!