Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

So What Happened?

Thank you Mamas for all your support! So after a LONG week and weekend this morning I pick up the ringing phone and it was him! We talked for about 45 minutes or so. It was a little awkward at first. Neither of us were sure what to say to each other. But I told him about my daugther and myself and my Mom and siblings and he told me he was married and has four children and etc. He started to explain the situation back then and why they made the decision they did back then (it was quite cute actually the way he stumbled through it) and I told him that it didn't matter. And he said he was afraid to call because he thought I would be mad at him and my bio Mom for giving me up. I told him that wasn't the case at all. I'm greatful to them for choosing the path they chose for me. If they didn't I wouldn't have the people in my life that I do now (namely my daughter) and I wouldn't be the person I am now (and I'm kinda proud of who I am). Plus I think that it was courageous what they did. I don't think I would have enough courage to make that decision. He said he appreciated that I had a mature view like that and I told him that I've had 29 years to come to terms with being adopted and to figure out how I felt about it. And I never felt like they "gave me up" or abandoned me. I always felt and was always told that they knew they couldn't give me the life they wanted for me so they chose people who they felt could.
He said he thought about me over the years and wondered where I was and if I was okay (which was cool to hear). He also said his wife and children all know about me (which was a surprise- alot of stories I've heard the birth parents don't share that information with people who come into their lives after the birth. In fact my bio Mom's kids didn't know about me until the day before I met them). It made me feel good to know that he thought about me enough to tell his family. He did say his wife is a little apprehensive about this situation (which I don't blame her- would you?) and I told him I hope she feels a little bit better about it when she sees I don't want to intrude on their life or family. I'm not looking for a parent (I have those) or a family (I have that already too) or money (I'm broke but so are lots of people) or to hurt their family in any way. I just want to know where I came from and maybe to know the people that I look like. I am the opposite of my parents and siblings and I've always wanted to look at someone and say "Wow I really do have his chin or nose or eyes etc".
He wants to take things slow and I agree. It's alot to process and think about. It's a big shock to give up this baby and then 30 years later someone shows up and is like "Hi I'm half your gene pool". And even though it's been ten years of searching it's a shock to me too. A big chapter in my life is over. A part of who I am is gone- for a long time I was the girl who was looking for her biological parents. It's a new unknown for me and a whole new set of questions- now it's what if I get to know him and he hates me or I hate him or his family hates me? Etc. It sounds weird but I'm glad the search is over but I still feel like I need time to process the fact that that part of my life is over. And I have to process what I learned about this man that is 50% of the reason I exist. But I'm very happy that I know who he is and that he knows who I am. I feel more complete now (I know cheesy).
Anyway, we are going to take the next few days and then talk again this weekend or the beginning of next week. I already have a list of questions for him. All stuff I've wanted to ask forever but that just flew right out of my brain when I was talking to him. But he's going to call me or I can call him whenever he said.
There is so much more I could say about this and my journey but it's late and I'm sure you all are tired of my rambling. I will say that if anyone is facing a journey like mine or is thinking about I'd be more then happy to talk about it and be a support. I know how hard it is to make the decision to search and how hard the search can be. I also have ideas on how to search. It can be a long hard journey but to me it was worth it. (Ok seriously I'm stopping now because I'm starting to sound like an after school special. LOL)
Oh yeah- his Mom was happy to hear from me. She was just surprised. She said I sounded like a polite nice young lady. Don't hear that too often! LOL