Just Need to Talk.... - Lansing,MI

Updated on November 02, 2011
S.M. asks from Lansing, MI
17 answers

I sorta just needed to talk to some other moms out there. I feel like I am in a funk. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like everything is just blah. My husband says I need to find something to do Monday nights. The thing is I don't even know what I like to do anymore. do any of you ever feel like you have lost you "identity". I really do love my family and my life, things are good there, but I am so busy with my kids, church, work, family, husband that I don't evne feel like my own person! I know I need to change something, I just don't know what. I don't really care for my job, and lately I have been stretched thin helping my sister and dealing with her mess. Oh well, I just want to know I am not alone an dyou other moms deal with this....Thanks

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you so much everyone! It is so nice to know that I am not crazy or alone. You gave me some great support and awesome ideas! I am going to attend a group at churhc on thursday nights, and my kids will be in their groups which is awesome, then on Monday night I am thinking about yoga, or some sort of exercise thing to help me clear my mind for the week!

Featured Answers

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

Haven't read the other answers so this may be a repeat. Fill in this blank

I have always wanted to be better at _________

Then find a class that will help you achieve that.

Or I've always wanted to be a ________

Maybe take classes for that.

For me I've always wanted to be an author. When I became a stay at home mom, I decided to go for it. I've written one book and and working on my second. The first book went no where, but I recently attended at writers conference and I have an agent interested in my second book. :) Good things happen when you are doing something you love.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think almost every mother feels like this at some point(s).

Go DO something. Yoga class, quiet break with book & coffee, movies...something YOU want to do.

Sounds like you need a week in the Bahamas....but sometimes....an uninterrupted Yoga class can FEEL like a week in the Bahamas!

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Chicago on

You are not alone...Your responsibilities as a wife and mother are never ending. 24/7. I do encourage you to take a deep breath and find some quiet time where you can be alone and pray and meditate. After that brainstorm about things you liked to do and things you'd want to do in the futre. I work fulltime and have three youngsters. Yes, I have my girls night out but like you feel funky.....I finally put my finger on what I want to do for myself. Get back on the treadmill and start up piano lessons again. It was so relaxing and I was so calm after I practiced. I know that's what works for me but something like this for you might be the option. {HUGS}

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Wow, I swear you must be my twin but 1/2 way across the country!

I too am in a job that is less than enjoyable and suddenly have a loss for what I want to do. My husband and MIL keep saying "Go back to school" my response has always been, 'For what?' I feel as though I have no passion for much outside of my family. They are my 'happy place'. You are definitely not alone. I attempt to lean on my faith to bring me out of the funk and sometimes I am successful, sometimes not so much. I just keep beleiveing that great things are coming and when they do, I will be overwhlemed by the abunadnce. I love being a wife and a mom but the rest is just blah....I refuse to believe that God blesses me with life everyday for me to feel this rotten all the time....then I just keep praying and thanking God for the Improvement I KNOW is coming. (You mentinoed Church so I felt it was ok to speak on this.) "Chin up young person". :o)

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.H.

answers from Reno on

Ha! I am so there! I feel lost. I don't feel like myself. My husband keeps trying to get me out of the house. I got a seasonal job-I haven't started yet but I am so excited to be around adults! Try taking a class if you can. My husband and I are going to start these gourmet cooking classes for date nights and I have also signed up for Jui Jitsu!

2 moms found this helpful

J.U.

answers from Washington DC on

I tried to think about what I enjoyed when I was younger...I loved to write and I was always interested in taking up photography. Try to think before your mind became a file cablinet ;)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Bloomington on

Yep. Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt....a couple of times.

I think we try to organize our lives into a routine and then when we get there, it only feels good for a tiny bit and then gets boring. Or at least that's what happens to me. I NEED lots of problems to solve to feel like I'm part of something and that I'm needed.

For your first Monday, schedule a haircut/do or a mani/pedi. Something just for you. It will give you something to look forward to and feel great when you get it done. The next Monday, schedule a dinner or movie out with a friend. The next Monday, schedule a shopping night out for Christmas gifts BY YOURSELF or with a friend. Once you get into the idea of doing something FOR YOU every Monday, it will be easy to keep it up.

I enjoy scrapbooking and found the local stores offer crop nights every week. That was my out for a long time. Now, we live closer to family and friends, so I do more traveling to see them - even by myself.

You've done the first part-identified that you are in a funk and need out. Now go do the next part and schedule something FUN to look forward to. :) Sending lots of hugs!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.J.

answers from Dallas on

Oh, you are definately not alone in this one:) What helped me pull out of this (for the most part, it still comes back occassionally) is learning the art of saying 'no' and recognizing that inactivity does not mean lazy.
I had my days and nights booked between work, friends (mine and my kids), kids' activities, gym, school, church, volunteering. I kept piling more on to 'help' feel more satisfied when really, all I needed was quite time on the couch in silence. Try taking some time to do nothing but what is absolutely necessary and hopefully it will help you (like it helped me) to gain perspective on the joys and passions you really have.
Hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.M.

answers from Dallas on

If my husband told me that I had to go out somewhere on a Monday night I don't think I would know what to do with myself either. I run run run like crazy. I swore I would never be one of those moms but here I am. Saturdays rigth now is the only day that there is not something in stone that I have to do. But between my two boys and my husband there usually is. My kids are my world.

1 mom found this helpful

A.R.

answers from Houston on

I got to this point and on a whim I popped into a knitting store. On the spot I signed up for classes. It was nice to get away for two hours once a week and just chit chat with the other ladies while trying to learn to knit. Maybe you should consider something random to try. I hate to knit but I make some really nice dishrags. Even now when I have some free time and don't know what else to do, I'll start, finish or work on a dishrag. At the very least know you aren't alone. Good luck and happy thoughts.

1 mom found this helpful

✤.J.

answers from Dover on

You are definitely NOT alone in this. We all feel this way at one point or another. When my kids, who are only 17 months apart with the youngest being born when DH & I were only 24 years old ourselves, were still very small I was a lot like that where I knew I needed SOMEthing, but really couldn't put my finger on just what it could be. Eventually, once everyone was out of diapers, off of bottles, sleeping through the night, & able to feed themselves life calmed down a little bit for a few years. Then all of a sudden we were crazy busy again with extra activities like sports, dance, band, etc. There's no end in sight for this stage, but at least everyone is fairly self-sufficient.

I've found that I'm a way better wife & mother if I take some time for myself as often as possible while still meeting everyone else's needs. NEEDS is the key word, not wants. Your family, friends & co-workers WANT to bleed you dry & they will if you let them. Fulfill their needs & ensure you have enough time & energy to still be able to take care of yourself. If, after that, you choose to fulfill some of their extraneous WANTS, then that's up to you.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I have felt exactly the same as you! You are not alone. You must make time for yourself and some girlfriends asap! Do something for YOU without your kids or hubby with you. I feel this is so important for moms as we are always giving to everyone else and not ourselves. I have put off a haircut for 5 months, yes 5 months, and I looked in the mirror yesterday and said to myself that is it!!!! I'm not buying anymore toys, clothes, unnecessary items for my family until I get a damn haircut! When you don't feel good about yourself, it puts you in a funk. I am at that point now. It's time for me. I am also going to call my bestie and request that we do something just the two of us, without our kids. We usually plan our time together around our kids and getting them together to play. It's time to do something "fun" for us that doesn't involve a park. ha ha.

Keep your chin up! Things will get better! :)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.M.

answers from Chicago on

I totally get it. I go through this off and on. I feel like I'm just a maid/chauffer/cook and nobody would really miss me if I disappeared. My husband is also always telling me I need a hobby or something. But it's not that easy. I don't know what I like to do. I've always been a people pleaser, and now that I'm married w three kids, my whole world is about them and what they want and need. I'm pretty shy and introverted so even if I could figure out what I want to do, it would be hard for me to "jump in". My only identity any more is "mom".
I wish I had some words of wisdom to get you through this, but I don't. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Keep your head up : )

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Ha ha yes I have felt that way. I surprised myself because I've always been happy, positive and independent but I felt like I had lost part of myself.

So I have to remind myself if I take a little time out for myself, I will be a better, happier mother & wife. Like they say on the airplanes, secure your oxygen mask first before that of your child's. That is so you can be okay & alive to help your child.

So I am just now finally trying to take some time out for myself: going for a brisk walk on my own 3-4 times a week, just got a haircut (it's cheap) and it had been 6 months, starting my Christmas shopping while hubby watches baby (I'm never gone long), recently went out to dinner w/a friend (that's so rare).

I say do whatever it is you like to do but cannot do w/kid in tow:
exercise
shopping
going to the library to read a book in silence :)
go to a movie
have lunch w/a friend
go to the park just to sit in silence outside for half an hour
discover a new store
go to the mall just to window shop w/o having to ride the carousel or go
to the indoor play yards :) :)
call a friend for a 15 min uninterupted talk
take a class
look in your parks & rec mag for a new hobby to pick up or class to take
Do it. You'll be better for it.
Oh & 2 other things:
try to find something each day to be thankful for (I shoot for 3 things &
end up w/a lot more
AND
find something to make you laugh each day. Whether it's a funny friend
or the comedy channel. Laughter really is the best medicine!
Hang in there honey. Life is a roller coaster for sure w/it's ups and downs!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Your not alone And your lucky your husband is the kind who sees that you need to have a break. Go to the library on monday nights and pick out a good book. see if you can maybe find a bookclub to join.

G.T.

answers from Redding on

Happens to all of us.
I almost quit my job a couple of mos ago. Came SOOOO close.
Life has its ebbs and tides, hills and valleys.
Trudge on.
You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.C.

answers from Dallas on

You are not alone. Been there done that. I know it may be hard, but try to find some time for yourself.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions