I have been friends with this girl for about 7yrs now. We are pretty close but I have found myself getting kind of distance from her. I love her to death but it seems to be really hard to be around her. she is very harsh to people. She has to always be right and if she doesn't like what she hears she speaks her mind. Which that is great but when I try to talk to her about problems in my marriage instead of helping me fix it she will get to be honest controlling. she fights with her husband a lot and it gets so annoying. I am beginning to think that is where my problems come in my relationship bec I take her advice. it just boils down to the fact I am not sure I want to be friends with her anymore. She tries to hard to fit in with people and that includes acting stupid or like ur better then everybody else. My husband can't stand either one (her husband n her). What should I do? I still want her to be a part in my life but I want to back out slowly so that she is not a BIG part of my life. How do I go about this without hurting or causing problems? Thanks!!!!
I def. would not Tell her you don't want to see her. This would hurt her
deeply, even the STrongest of people would not receive it well.
Just find yourself "being busy a lot" ....hopefully, she will just slowly move
on :-)
I would suggest distancing yourself from her, but not totally cutting off the friendship altogether. By distancing I mean both physcially and emotionally. Stop telling her about you relationship with hubby, make your conversations more generic, don't call her and when she calls you cut the conversation short or wait awhile before you return her calls. You may find that after not seeing her for a period of time, you may want to get together for a cup of coffee. You may also find that she might change after spending some time away from you. The other possibility is that you may just naturally go your separate ways.
Been there! This is such a sticky situation. I guess the best way to do it is just to slowly stop. Don't answer the phone every time she calls, let it go to voice mail and then take a day or so to call her back. Don't meet up with her every time she wants to do get together. Distance yourself slowly. Just because she is a negative person doesn't mean you have to be. You don't have to be mean to her, just back off and she will probably start to take the hint after a bit. Good luck!
That' s perfectly ok...seven years ago you both had different lives etc. You grew apart, justblet it go. Because you care about her. I would put this to closure, invite her for coffee and just tell her the truth. Life is too short to have frienships with people who don't have the best interest for you or your family. It's just a bad energy...
In terms of your challenges with your husband, it might be a good idea to keep your dirty laundry to yourself and deal it with your greatest friend in the world -your husband. You are a team, you love each other and you look for the best interests of each other. You will work it out...be a loyal friend to your husband.
back out slowly. i had a friend like that and i had to cut her off. then 5 or so months later we started talking again and i just talk to her on occasion and thats it. putting distance between the two of you is a good thing.
Like you said, back out slowly.
Ok it is very scary how much what you wrote sounds like me and my old best friend. Things were the exact same way...even down to the way you say she treats her husband. The only difference my husband liked her husband just not her...mostly cause he hated the way she talked to her husband. Always yelling at him and being mean to him even in front of everyone else..it was sad. Anyway. I know what you are going through I loved her a lot too, but i too found myself taking her advice or seeing her side of things and it ended up causing more problems in my marriage. I wouldn't just distance myself a little, I thought that would work for me too. It didn't, mostly because of the type of person she was. She noticed right away and wanted to know what was going on. It didn't make things better. I tried talking it out with her and explaining how much I loved her, but that things needed to be a little different. She like always spoke her mind and was having none of that. She said she was not going to be anything in my life if I didn't want her there all the time. I had to choose.....my husband and my families togetherness was ultimatly more important...even though I loved and cared for her very much. As much as I cared for her I have to admit that life is a lot calmer without her in it. I know it sounds mean, but I don't mean it to be. We had just grown apart and were living different lives. It's nothing you need to feel bad about you two are just different people now and on a little different paths than you were years ago. I don't know what to tell you for your situation so I thought I would just tell you how mine turned out. If you feel she is hurting your marriage though it is definatly time to re-evaluate your friendship...Good luck
Stop venting to her about your marriage... she is no expert and all it does is rile you up, so take some responsibility in giving her the fuel to act that way. She can't fully understand how you feel and she won't understand the dynamics of how and when you and your husband make-up and resolve your issues.
You can be distant friends if you wish, just keep it superficial and leave the private things out. Friendships built on gossip and problem solving and venting aren't ever any good anyways.
