I'm new here, came over from Cafe mom...any way - a question I just answered reminded me of an incident that we ran into a couple of weeks ago at a restaurant.
My family and I were walking towards our favorite restaurant when a mom dragged her daughter out of the restaurant screaming at her. Not just talking loudlly, but screaming at her. The daughter begged her mom to "listen to her" -the mother replied "I'm not going to listen to you" and then dragged her outside the patio near a trashcan and told her to "sit there - like the trash you are."
I stopped in my tracks and said to my husband "did I just hear that right?" He said yes.
The mother stomps off to go back in the restaurant. I walked over to the daughter and said "are you okay?" she was crying. My husband got the restaurant manager. The dad came out - got his daughter - I told her "I'm sorry. I don't think you're trash." The dad was stupified...three other people came up to the dad and told him what they saw. One person said they were tempted to call the police. Dad asked not to - let them resolve it.
He went inside, paid the bill and left with his family - his wife was still fuming.
What would you have done?
Nervy girl got it right.
I just wanted to add that it's much easier to judge than it is to have perspective, and I try to keep this in mind when out in the world.
I wonder what happened to the girl once they got home????
A couple of times while out, I have seen some Moms being very angry at their kid and being derogatory/scolding/yelling at their kid.
I did step in. But I did it in a way, that deflated the Mom. I made comments to her that was "sympathetic".... and "understanding" while at the same time, telling her in a kinder way, her kid is not the worse in the world and we all have bad days. That even "good" kids can be hard. I even got a Mom to laugh.... about it, once. And then she hugged her child.
One time, it was a Dad, that I spoke to. His son was being very disobedient in a store and he and the Grandma were yelling at him etc. and yanking his arm. They were not listening to him. (but I could tell the boy was TIRED). I made eye contact with the Dad. I smiled. I told him... "Your son is tired yeah? I can tell. How old is your son?" he said "6." I looked over at my son and told him "My son is 6 too. Boys. They have bad days or good days and are so active... but they are good kids. Adults have bad days too. But we all need hugs and to know that someone understands us, even if we are icky." I told him, my son is like that too sometimes.... but he is good at school. At home, is where all his feelings comes out, so I am there for him. And I said "Is your son that way too?" And the Dad looked amazed.... he told me "YEAH, my boy is good at school, but not easy at home!" I told him "Kids can be perfect all day. They are good at school. That's good. Its hard work. At home, they need you... and they need a shoulder and to even cry or they get grumpy. But they don't know how to ask you for help. Just like us grown ups and you know women, we have PMS etc. But kids are not 'mature' like us. Main thing they try their best....and you both are on the same team." And the Dad was SO... glad. We talked for like 10 minutes. Total strangers, but the Dad heard what he needed to hear. He was a first time parent. He smiled. He then looked at his boy, and had a softer glance at his boy. He told me he was glad, someone told him that. He just thought his boy was a "punk" already and couldn't change and that all the other kids were better than his son and he was always angry, at his son. He thanked me.
It deflated, the whole incident. Of a parent, yelling/scolding their kid out in public. A parent being at their wits end.
If you confront the Mom over her behavior she could do a few things
1) go off on you verbally and/or physically
2) suddenly be ashamed and apologize all around (yeah right - not likely)
3) give you lip service then beat up her kid when she gets home
You don't know if the Mom has mental issues or is off her medication.
Heck she might be trying to conceive and is not dealing well with the fertility drug(s) she's on.
(I was alright when I was taking them but my husband was warned to get all guns out of the house just in case I didn't - really, no kidding).
You don't know if the kid has issues, whines incessantly and got on her parents last nerve (not an excuse for the Mom to act that way but sometimes parents get overwhelmed and crack - it amounts to temporary insanity).
Getting the manager to handle it is the best way to handle it.
I would have approached the child just as you did AND I would have called the police. I wouldn't care if dad wanted me to not call or not.
Who knows what this mom is doing to this child behind closed doors if she is so bold to do what she did in public?
Honestly I think you did the right thing. There is no way in hell I couldn't go up to a child and comfort them in that situation.
I have no idea. Sitting here behind a computer screen it is impossible to know, until it happens to me.
However, reading what YOU did, I hope that I would remember this, and do exactly what you did. Exactly.
Kudos to you. I hope the family gets some help. Whatever kind it is they need.
Welcome to here. You can find me over there (CM) in answers a lot.
As to your question, I would have done what you and your husband did. Technically, that woman abandoned her child there at the restaurant. Good for the two of you for doing the right thing in this situation.
I think you did great. The mother is a piece of trash, pure and simple.
I will tell you that many months back, a mom was upset about the names a woman called her daughter, and she took up for the child. I COULDN'T BELIEVE the women here who told her that she should have stayed out of it. There were even women who said that they called kids names and it wasn't so bad. I have blocked out who they were, I SO MUCH didn't want to know this about these people.
I hope that man took his wife to task BIG TIME. If MY husband called my kids trash, I would have thrown him out of the house. This man should take the kids and leave the house for a few days to teach her a lesson. Those children come FIRST. His wife's feelings in the matter come second. I would even consider calling social services to ask them to interview my spouse BECAUSE it's so important that the lesson hit home.
