Jr. High Girls - Need Advice

I do not have a child that has gone through it. I am however going through things I never thought I would with a child going into 2nd grade as one of her friends has a phone and the dares for friendship have already started. Here is what I tell my child be kind and friendly with others as long as they do the same to you. If they become insulting, less than friendly, or want you to do things you don't want to do or know you should not do, do not react just walk away. You should be polite with them but not give them the second chance to treat you poorly. If you react it only gives the other person what they wanted in the first place.

As for shaving, if it is needed then go ahead and teach her. At this age cleanliness is huge.

Makeup, has she asked for it? I will not be asking if her friends are wearing it, she is your child and you should be comfortable with when she starts. But when she is allowed call ahead to a makeup counter like clinique or estee lauder and ask to speak to a manager. Ask for the most conservative and best teacher to show her how to put on teen appropriate makeup. This is so it is not coming from you about how much and what color.

As for the phone, is she on her own much? Walking alone/spend time at movies or swimming pools on her own? Then a cell phone would give you peace of mind that she can always call you. They also have ones with GPS, so if needed later you could track where at least her phone is. There are not too many pay phones anymore and you never know when she will be with a kid who has one, but chooses the worst time to follow their parents rules about not letting friends use their phone.

As far as underwear, make sure they are clean, good condition and not granny panties, she doesn't need victorias secret. Also if she know she has on something sexy, well it kind of promotes the idea that you are okay with her being sexy. I'd wait until later when you would be okay with her having sex. I didn't say happy about it.

As for any other brand names, save these items for gifts only and make them rare pieces in her wardrobe. If a family member asks what they can get her for a gift ask for a gift card to the places that she is wanting close from. This way you are not just handing over a 95.00 sweatpant or condoing that her wardrobe needs to be top of the line.

Being made fun of is the least of the worries, keep her safe, warm, fed and if possible happy(I had problems typing the word happy in relation to a teen)
Hope this helps.
Good luck with the teen years.

Barbara

Hi Julie,
I used to tie the cellphone with getting the drivers license to allow for checking in with new driver. My oldest child persuaded me that with the Columbine tragedy that school children like having cellphones to be in touch during emergency situations and my kids trained me to text message with them ("not feeling well...going to the nurse..." or "extra curricular activity...need ride home").
I do buy a few new things every year for back to school but let my daughters think about what they want.
I believe a discussion on shaving the armpits etc is a good thing.
My daughters wear makeup and I don't. They have inherited Dad's skin problems so we have had extra trips to the doctor to discuss acne and I have been generous in supporting their needs to get new things for their faces.

Congratulations on having your daughter at Jr. High. I agree that it is a time with huge peer pressures.

C. L
Mom of 3, yoga teacher

Just think, do you want your daughter hanging out with kids whose emphasis in life to to degrade others without name brand clothes or matching panty sets? I know that age is all about your peers, school is second, (I used to teach 7th grade) but I think you might be more worried than she:-) Buy her a few "cool" shirts or outfits from Aeropastale and Abercrombie, no need to think about the underwear, totally unnecessary, eeeek anyways to the other girls checking her out, that's insane. And what junior high kids really needs any more makeup than lipgloss? Get her a fashionable purse to carry her lipgloss, notes, lunch money, and femining products if she needs them, and don't worry about the rest. Oh, and if she could use a shave, why not start with Nair? Body hair and odor is something kids are very in tune to. Cell phone, not necessary. She can always borrow her friends.

Yes, junior high kids can be so, so cruel, and they are torn between being kids and junior teens. Every kids will get picked on at sometime during this age, and I mean EVERY kid. Don't be so hard on yourself mom....she'll make new friends and join clubs and have a blast! Let me know if you have any other questions about this age...I'm a pro when it comes to junior high kids and my son is only one:-)

Hi Julie. I have a daughter that just graduated 8th grade. It was a very difficult year for her a girls can be so mean. My daughter is over weight and did not feel like she fit in so I did buy her the name brand things to make her feel better about herself. However I think it depends on the child. Some are very confident and they don;t canre what others think or say and some need to feel like they fit in.
Make-up, my daughter never really wears any,sometimes lip gloss and mascara but very rarely and has never been teased about that.
The bra and panty thing, I never heard that before as being a problem. I buy my daughter cute stuff but not expensive or matching just not ( old lady) as she would say.
The cell phone is always a problem as everyone has them. We bought our baughter one when she entered 7th grade as she was sometimes walking home from school and we were both working so she would call and talk to me on her way home. It was more for me then her as I knew she was safe . It just comes in handy as you can talk to your child whenever you need to and know that they are safe. The rule is they HAVE to ANSWER it at all time. It's only an additional $10.00 and month and well worth my peace of mind.
I also let me daughter shave her legs and armpits in 7th grade. I never thought it was a big deal. SHe did have a friend who could not and she was make fun of, they still hung with her but it was embarrising for her.
I hope I helped . Good Luck.

I have a girl entering the same grade. She's not interested in makeup yet. She doesn't need a cell phone for any reason at all. If your daughter walks home by herself or does a lot of things independently then I would get her a prepay one. If she uses up the time you provide for her phone up too quickly then I wouldn't add more time until the next set time. like $ 30 per month or something. We don't have money to keep up with brands and I don't approve of the "older" types of clothing that is in style these days. I think you are right in teaching her to be an individual. for make up my husband says slightly tinted lip gloss is ok. and maybe some powder for shine problems.

Hello- I' am responding to your letter with the advice of my own 14yr old, who just survived 3yrs Jr High. Yay! we made it. Brand name is no big deal, you can get cute clothing anywhere wether it be Walmart or JcPenney or the mall. Find what she likes and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Matching underwear is not a problem. Girls try to dress so fast anyway nobody cares. I would ask her if she is interested in shaving, my daughters friends were already shaving and she was ready too. Makeup never went any further than lip gloss and a light blush on special occations, most girls don't wear it untill 8th grade unless they were just trying too hard to be a cool kid or something. If you tell her no she might do it anyway, but if you tell her how beautiful she is already she will realize she doesn't need more than lip gloss. The cell phone thing was a decision we changed our minds on, we too did not think she needed one till HS, but We don't have bus service at our school, so if she was staying after for any reason or if she forgot something at home, she didn't have too go find a phone to call with. I would also get the wispered phone call that she was having a bad morning and just needed some loving words from mom. kids are mean and most of them are still trying to find where they fit in. Staying involved with my daughters school helped us(meetings, events, etc). If I had any problems I knew I could go to any of the staff and they always helped and reported back to me if necessary. The best advice we were given was to join a club...student council, drama, sports, etc. It helped meeting other kids that had the same interests. The principal also said to do her best and try to get into National Jr. Honor Society, the kids were smart enough to make there own moral decision. Have fun...stay involved...Meet her friends... don't worry to much about the little stuff.. talk to staff whenever you have problems or questions some of my daughters teachers even gave us their cell phone numbers for homework help or if I ever needed to talk about any problems. Good luck it sounds like you already have the right ideas.
p.s.- When the girls were 12-13 we had an Avon lady come to our home and teach a group of friends about proper skin care and how to apply makeup properly. They loved it and the moms love it too ( even the mom who hates Makeup )

I, too, have a Jr. High daughter, going into 8th grade. My daughter buys clothing, some brand names, but they must agree with our morals, regardless of name brand. As far as the bra/panty thing - I've never given that an ounce of thought. Girls can be mean and nastiness will exist regardless. Make-up follows house rules too - not a lot but a bit is no big deal. Regarding cell phone, my daughter got a cell phone before 7th grade because grandma moved in with us and my husband and I had a situation that took us away every Saturday morning from the home. Staying connected was important. My daughter called us once from 7th grade, whispering into the phone that.."the police were surrounding her school and why???" and realized it was the best money I have ever spent! (and we are in a nice school district.) Plus, she is in a lot of afterschool programs so it helps to stay connected. Re...shaving...it was time for her, too, and I taught her, properly how to do it. The thing I hate the most about Jr. High is the bus ride. Just keep an eye on that - kids can be nasty and she may be riding with older Jr. High Students. We had a few incidences this year (again...glad we had a phone!) Good luck!

Children are mean no matter which grade she goes in. I think you are teaching her great values. I personally don't think a named brand is important but even when I was in school there was certain named brand clothing that people thought they were completely awesome if they had it on.
I think shaving is ok. If you allow her to wear make up colored lip gloss, face powder, maybe eyeliner or mascara, but all light. I really do not think bras and panties have to match but it would be nice. Most girls are embarrased by there bodies anyway so they are rushing to hurry and get dressed and get out. I rally don't think you need to worry about it yet.

My daughter is going to the 7th grade. Last year when she entered the sixth grade it was a hard transition.
What your daugher will need is support; and to be allow to be herself. Take her with you when you shop for her clothes, it will allow her to determine her own style. I did not buy all name brand clothes, as I too have the means to do so, but I didn't because I didn't want labels to distract her or cause attention to her. I did buy her nice tennis/gym shoes for gym and jeans.
My daughter did have a cell phone, but I took it away and did not give it back (her grades dropped). She was teased about not having a cell phone; the kids taunted her saying she was poor. If I could do it again I would probably give it back to her.
As far as matching underwear my daugther never mentioned the girls saying anything about that. That sounds like more high school to me. I did let my daughter shave her her underarms, but not her legs.
Good luck.