My daughter is in 5th grade and recently turned 11 years old. I know that lots of changes are on our horizon (period, make-up, etc.). If you have a daughter, how old was she when she started (or wanted to start) shaving her legs, wearing make-up, was allowed to walk home from school by herself, etc. I know the responsibility and maturity of the child are determining factors, but I was just curious what the 'averages' might be.
Edit: my daughter has not yet expressed an interest in shaving her legs or wearing make-up, although I suspect she might start asking about shaving as the summer approaches. We have always had open lines of communication and we are prepared for whenever her periods begin (although, thinking about it now perhaps we should put something in her backpack just in case it starts at school).
The walking home from school by herself scares me to death, but not because we live in a shady or questionable area (we don't). She is an only child and both my husband and myself work outside of the home. Currently, she attends an after-school care program at the school. BUT, when she is in 6th grade in the fall this is middle-school in our area (6th grade was still elementary when I was a kid, LOL). Middle school offers no after school care, and 6th graders are not allowed to participate in things like athletics that might keep them involved at the school after regular school hours. In our area, the school bus routes only service those who live 2 miles or more from the school. We live about 1.3 miles from the middle school. There are several kids close in age in our neighborhood (none on our street though), but unfortunately our neighborhood isn't very friendly and quite honestly we rarely see any kid except mine outside playing. We have tried and tried to become friendly with parents of her friends at school and our neighbors but have been unsuccessful. We have hosted several outdoor 'meet your neighbor' block parties (all of which have been poorly attended), we say hello to people walking their dogs, we smile and wave as we pass on the street, our daughter has invited friends from school over but they are never allowed, Maybe we are unlikeable people, or maybe it is a culture thing (we are the minority in our neighborhood and at her school). Ultimately, my kiddo would most likely be walking/riding her bike home from school all by herself, and that just scares me!
Absolutely no way ever will the kids walk home. Not going to happen. Until they drive they won't be coming home walking down the street then entering a supposedly empty house.
Find a friend they can go home. Someone YOU know personally and have done things with so you can know how well they supervise their kids. Do they let them go to their room and have unsupervised and unlimited computer time? That's scary.
I don't have a daughter, but I started shaving my legs when I was in grade five (they were hairy), I started wearing make-up in grade 7 (12 years old) and walked to school by myself stating in kindergarten. My sons started walking to school themselves in grade 2.
My daughter was 13 when she started her period.
She was/is very hairy (got that from her dad). We encouraged her to wait to shave as she had dark hair. She waited until about 13 to shave.
Ear piercing was 13.
Make up was 13.
At 11 she should be able to walk by herself unless you live in a questionable area.
My daughter will be 29 this year.
Well, a lot is personal parental opinion. My DH was horrified that his ex taught their then 10 yr old to shave, but frankly the girl has dark hair and wanted to not be hairy at the pool. She also got a bra around that time. I told him I got my first bras by the time I was 11, nevermind that there was nothing to fill them. Makeup varies. My DD will be discouraged from eye make up til she's a teen but fun nail polish and lipgloss is OK much younger. Walking home will be dependent on where she walks, and if she's mature. Kids here "age out" of aftercare by 12 so we had to be sure SD could handle it. Her brother was fine at 11.
My daughter is 11 and she started to shave last summer, when she turned 11. Once she was uncomfortable with her legs, it was fine. I didn't push it, but I also didn't make it a bad thing.
She wears makeup for competitive dance, so she isn't super interested otherwise. But when we are going out to a nice dinner or play or something she will want to put some on, it's fine because she knows less is more.
We live about 6 houses from the bus stop, but no one else walks our direction, so someone meets her daily. Maybe next year we'll ease up some, but I worry about random people being around our neighborhood and seeing her walk alone every day at the same time - it has NOTHING to do with her maturity level.
11/12 is the age my kids started to be home alone for a little while. At 12, my daughter was babysitting for other kids.
I think it was around 11 she started shaving (her choice). She was self-conscious so I supported her by showing her how to do it right and buying her the razors. She started wearing light makeup around the same age and really it started with concealer for blemishes. She still doesn't wear heavy makeup at 17.
We live in a small town and they walked the 1 1/2 blocks to daycare starting at 1st grade from school and then eventually from our house to the bus stop.
Daily make up for us was age 13, 7th grade.
Shaving is a matter of hygiene. I can't remember when she started (probably 6th grade?) but when I noticed that someone was using my razor, I bought her her own, showed her how to use shave gel and a razor, and that was that. I wouldn't put an age on that - when she has dark leg hair, armpit hair, overgrown brows, upper lip hair, etc. it's time for her to be able to groom appropriately. She's been having her brows waxed since 7th grade because she has a serious uni-brow without it.
Walking home from school is so variable. My kids have walked home from school since 3rd grade, but we live less than half a mile from school and I can see the edge of the school property from my front door.
Wow. When I was 13 my mom let me take a train to the city to go shopping.
The summer before going into 7th, I was allowed to ride my bike 4 miles to a friends house, crossing busy streets.
I am hoping my kids can take themselves to the park at 7 and 9. I'm sure someone will try to arrest me, but I'm hopeful they can have some freedom. When I was 7 I had a few blocks I could run wild on.
I shaved in 6th, after being teased.
She was ten when she started to shave, twelve when she started wearing makeup. Walking home from school was never an option because we didn't live close to the school.
My 13 year old started shaving when she was in 5th grade. She is very hairy. She mostly just shaved her underpits regularly since she realized what a pain it is to shave your legs. She started wearing a little light make up towards the end of 6th grade and wears more now in 7th grade. She just started her period a month ago.
My 17 year old does not wear make up. She started shaving in 6th or 7th grade. She started her period the summer between 7th and 8th grade.
Neither child walked home from elementary or middle school because we live too far. My oldest did walk home from high school sometimes but I most picked her up on my way home from work... spoiled rotten child :-) She currently is spending her Junior year studying at home due to a serious illness.
I think the walking home from school decision is more dependent on your area, the traffic and safety than her maturity. I have boys and I'm rather protective, if I had a girl I would be even more so. I have a 13 year old and really don't like him to walk home from school. He has to cross a very busy street (there are signals) and has to go past the high school, some of those kids drive like idiots!
M
I don't have a daughter, but I was 13, for all of the above.
My GD was `11 when she started shaving her legs. She will be 13 in about 5 weeks (OMG!!!) and is just now starting to wear light eye shadow and mascara. She has been walking home from school since she was in 5th grade. Although none of her friends live close, there are many children walking home in our general direction and she has never had any problems. Your daughter will find someone to walk at least part way with when she starts walking. It's good exercise.
Hi L.,
My daughter didn't start shaving her legs until this year. She's 12 and in 7th grade. She just got her period this fall, and has started wearing make up on weekends. She is not allowed to wear it to school, as she attends a Catholic school.
I would not be comfortable with a 6th grader walking home from the bus by herself every day and staying home alone for several hours each day. You might consider hiring an after school nanny who will pick your daughter up from school and stay with her until you get home. There are a few families at our school who have hired college girls to be their after school nannies. They help with homework, drive the kids to sports practices or activities, start dinner, and do light housework like unload/load the dishwasher, pack lunches for the next day etc..It's the perfect job for college girls who take classes in the morning, but need to work in the afternoon.
I'm at the same point as you (we have a 5th grader who just turned 11). I bought her makeup (good quality stuff from Ulta-gloss, eye liners, blush, shadow, and mascara). She knows that it is to practice with at home, and we've been talking about and observing examples of how less is more.
I am very clear to her that these rights of passage will happen when it is right for her/our family and not because all of her "friends" do it. Her hair is light colored and I've told her once she starts shaving it will likely grow back black. Last summer I started allowing her to go around the block (if she tells
me) alone. Recently I let her stay at home alone for 10-20 minutes occasionally while I pick up younger sibs from school. I may let her walk home alone when the weather breaks. We live 3-4 blocks from her school.
I started my period on my 12th bday and shaving right after. I suspect many things will change for her/us next school year. Light makeup, and shaving seem fine for middle school. She has multiple friends that are in middle school now and do those things-but a lot of her 5th grade friends do it too.
ETA:I have already let her know next year she will either be walking to and from school or walking there from her sibs elementary school (and meeting us there after school). The middle school is about a block and a half from our house. And they start and release earlier than elementary. I'm looking forward to her walking with friends and not bickering (or bossing) in the car with sibs!
Shaving -12, makeup - 13, walking home from school - probably 13ish.
The walking home thing IS scary, it was for me and I had to gradually adjust to it. It's hard to go from having total control to know knowing where they are every minute. I remember watching out the window at my 12 year old walking 5 houses away to make sure she got there, which annoyed her to no end. Probably a little overprotective.
At the end of my 6th grade year, we were taking a fieldtrip and the boy I had a crush on noticed that I had some hair in my armpits. He was so surprised, he blurted out "YOU HAVE HAIR IN YOUR ARMPITS!". He wasn't trying to be mean, I think he was just shocked that I had hair before he did. Well, it was mortifying for me and I was super embarrassed. I didn't even know I had hair there. It made me feel really self conscious as a lot of kids were not going through puberty yet. Due to this happening to me, I am a big advocate for letting kids shave when they feel they need to and even encouraging them to shave when their hair is getting dark or they have armpit hair. My self esteem would have been better had that incident never happened. I know it seems like a small deal, but to a 6th grader, things like that are big deals.
I just read a funny but informative book called Between Baby Dolls and Boyfriends that is all about raising tween girls and talks about everything you mention! Maybe check that out... or I think there are other books on tweens as well, I just think the ones I've seen are more about bullying.
Except I don't remember the walking home part. I don't think I would feel comfortable with that. If she had a group she could walk home with, no problem. If nothing else, here's what makes me nervous, and this just occurred to me in my neighborhood with the kiddos who walk. A lot of people in this neighborhood are getting their roofs redone. So I see a girl walking home into her house, and there are roofers all over. Not saying they would do anything, but if they saw her, they realize there is a girl living there and likely no parents home. Just creepy.
I'm afraid I don't have helpful suggestions in that regard, I don't know your neighborhood and you describe it as pretty unhelpful. If you were able to find some kind of carpool or walking group, that would help. If she has to walk, I'm sure in reality she will be fine, just make sure to look up best practices for safety (without freaking her out!).
Good luck!
My daughter is 13, in 8th grade.
She started her period this past summer (a few weeks after her birthday).
We bought some makeup after going to a professional makeup counter and letting them show her how to apply it properly. She wore it for a bit, but then stopped with pretty much all of it. She still doesn't wear any (at least not that I can tell) to school. LOTS of girls do. Mine isn't interested in that right now.
We live a long way from the school, so she has no option but to ride the bus unless I pick her up. She's on the bus for over an hour to get home. However, she has several friends who live within that same 2 mile radius you mention, and they walk home after school. I presume they walk together, unless one of them has an activity. Some are only children, at least one has an older sibling. So in 6th grade, there was an older sib to walk home with them if they weren't walking together with friends. Now, in 8th grade, THEY are the older kids. LOL
My daughter has walked home with them on a few occasions. To "go home with" one of them, or to work on homework until I picked her up later on or something. The moms always know that this is supposed to happen, and if the kids don't get home, there would be a phone call. My daughter also now has a cell phone, so she can call me if something changes with her plans or there is a problem.
Perhaps, with your daughter walking home, if she doesn't already have one by then, a cell phone might be an option for her for next year. My daughter texts me when she is dismissed from school that they are out and headed to so & so's house. And then again when they have arrived safely (on the days when she goes over to a friend's house and doesn't come directly home on the bus).
6th grade is middle school here, as well. And always was when I was growing up, too.
There may be more changes with OTHER kids than with your daughter. Don't be shocked by that. If your daughter isn't showing interest in makeup at this point, there's as good a chance as not that she still won't be much interested next year. From what I have observed, the kids that push that envelope, are the same kids who were pushing it in elementary school with their fashions in clothes/hair. If your daughter is still very much a "kid" then don't stress and worry too much. Support her in what SHE is COMFORTABLE with. And that may be mostly to maintain the status quo...
If she is the type to always try to "keep up with" the trendy kids, then look out. Makeup and pushing the limit clothes may not be far in the future.
--
Oh... and as far as shaving goes...
My daughter asked me about it this past summer. I told her that if it were ME, I would wait as long as I could to begin, b/c once you do it, you have to keep it up. And as it grows back in it is scratchy/stubbly, not the nice soft hairs she has now. She has blonde hair, so it isn't anywhere near as noticeable as for girls with dark hair. If your daughter has dark hair, prepare for this to be an issue sooner. If her hair is light, then she may not notice/think about it or care right away.
I told my daughter that when she WAS ready to start shaving, to let me know and I'd show her how, b/c you can cut yourself quite easily. I also bought her some lotion-type hair remover (like Nair or something, I don't even remember what kind, now), and suggested she maybe try that first, so that if she doesn't want to bother with the upkeep, that it will grow back in soft and not prickly.
She already shaves under her arms, but that is much less time/labor intensive than shaving legs.
I'd be scared about that walking home thing too.
I didn't have daughters but distinctly remember my niece doing that makeup, shaving lets thing when she hit junior high.
