Basically my boys broke something expensive of ours and I want them to have to replace it.
Do you have ideas for jobs little ones can do?
I'm not super mad at them for breaking it beacuse of how it happened, so I'm not really looking for punishment ideas per se, but it's more that their reaction to it breaking it made me realize that they just have no concept of money/work/buying things (I guess that's normal for their age?), so I want to have a consequence that will hopefully give them a lesson about how we have to work to earn things. Plus that when you break something, you have to be responsible and replace it. I was thinking of making a chart with so many boxes and then they have to fill each one with a sticker by doing a job (and then we can replace the thing). But of course any job a 3 year old does really sounds like more work for me. I need ideas. They can be one-time jobs (as opposed to daily chores.) Also, what kind of timeline do you give them? Should I just make them work all day one day and get it done... this could stretch out a long time. Or they can't do something they like doing until they've completed enough work?
I should probably add that they don't care about replacing it, my husband and I do.
Oh goodness, maybe I should take this question down.
Obviously I'm not going to slave drive my child all day. I said I'm not super mad so I don't think I'm overreacting. However, I do think it's appropriate to teach children that they can't just destroy things. It's not really about the money so much as the idea that things don't appear out of thin air.
And my kids have a couple simple chores already, which is why it's hard to come up with something else.
Good for you, teaching them some responsibility! Little kids can sort laundry, empty wastebaskets, put the silverware away from the dishwasher, dust with a feather duster, sweep, etc.
My kids do chores. They are 10, 6, 4, and 18 months.
I can't tell you, as all kids and parents are different, but here's what mine do on a regular basis:
All of them, except the baby fold their own laundry and put them away. They also make their beds.
The baby throws his own diaper in the trash....and sometimes helps with putting the dishes away. He watches the others and wants to help.
The 4 and 6 year old put away dishes, vacuum, clean the toilets and sinks in the bathrooms. They also empty all of the trash cans into the kitchen trash. Our 6 year old makes awesome protein drinks and makes a loaf of bread almost daily. He loves to cook.
The 10 year old will empty the kitchen trash and recycle bins into the outside cans and take them to the street to be collected. He vacuums, does laundry, dusts and helps with anything.
I work and homeschool the kids, so we all pitch in. My husband was raised by a woman who coddled him and when I married him, he did not know what clean was. I don't want 3 DILs hating me for doing the same!
After a day, your kids aren't going to connect anything they do to their previous "crime." It is too long ago. Have them do 2-3 small jobs (like 5 minutes each at maximum) and talk to them about what you would like them to learn from their mistake. Let them know that they are going to make even more mistakes as they grow up and you are teaching them to be responsible. Hugs, kisses and let it go.
Did they do it on purpose or was it an accident?
If they did it on purpose then yes, I could see wanting them to "pay" for what they did, more as a lesson of "we treat our belongings with respect."
If it was an accident I would just let it go.
I mean, my goodness, we all have accidents at one time or another, and it doesn't mean that we don't understand the value of a dollar.
Your kids will learn the value of money and hard work as you raise them, by teaching them to help around the house, and by not buying them everything they want, whenever they want it. It really is that simple!
Oops, your update looks like people have been hating on you a bit??? That happened to me recently when I only wanted to know how to deal with my roommate's very weird new boyfriend's presence... Responses ranged from me being annoying to jealous to who-knows-what...
Anyhow, to your question, which seems fair and normal, and answer which does not stem from a frustrated housewife:
I was artistic and painted walls by the time I was six. Can your older kid paint, and do you need a room redone? It's hard work, but also a good skill to have.
Of course there is gardening, in case you have one: Raking leaves and stuff like that. Also healthy and active and outdoors.
Have fun with your little workers!
I think you could break the task into three days, but make it FUN. At three and five, they can certainly begin to understand the concept of making reparations, but they are still babies, so it should be done in a fun and lighthearted way.
I don't think this is such a terrible idea at all, as long as it's not punitive. When I was in my mid twenties I had a 30 year old boyfriend who was living with a friend for free following his divorce. Well, he accidentally broke something special belonging to his friend, and not only did he not apologize for breaking the object, but he didn't offer to replace it. I think that episode was the beginning of the end for us, because I found his indifference to breaking the object so unattractive. So I think it's good for kids to learn that lesson early.
I've had my boys raking leaves and shoveling snow since they were about three. Obviously, they weren't able to do the job themselves, but they were expected to participate.
Make a 3 year old work all day to understand the value of money? They are simply too young. At 3, my son could 'help' cook - mix, pour with assistance, he could cooperate in putting away toys (accompanied by the clean up song) - he could not prioritize what to clean up first and had zero sense of organization. I cannot possibly see him 'working' on a task for an entire day and abstractly understanding that this corresponds to some other sort of value. At 5, DS could help set the table, clean up his toys a bit better, vacuum the kitchen with the 'shark' and help more with cooking. We did NOT look at any of these things as WORK. Why would I want him to have a negative association with these tasks?
I would consider that perhaps we as adults put too much value into things based upon their dollar value and in fact over react.
Hi KW,
I feel bad reading your SWH. I think what you're doing is commendable. It's good to teach children early on that our actions have consequences and to respect other people's belongings. There was recently a question asked on here about someone breaking something and I was shocked at the number of people who didn't feel it was necessary to offer to pay for something they broke.
But, I digress...at 3 years old, my son was able to do the following either with me or on his own:
I put the laundry basket in front of the washer (and put the soap in) and he filled the washer with the clothes, closed the door and pushed the start button, then took his hamper back to his room;
he can take his plates, silverware, etc. from the table at take to the kitchen (I suggest your little ones clear everyone's plates, etc. for the next week to receive a star for each day);
your 5 year old can help put the silverware away into the drawers;
I assume you already have them cleaning up their own toys when asked. Perhaps each day, they clean up and put away their toys without being asked, they get a star;
Do either of them dress themselves? My son dressed himself at 3. Perhaps give a star for everytime they get themselves dressed and ready for the day - extra star for taking the initiative to brush their teeth (even if it means coming to you with the toothbrush and paste);
Do they have a small trash can in their room? If so, ask them to empty it into the big kitchen trash can every week as part of their 'I live here and should contribute to the family' type chore and they can get a star for each time it gets done;
Do you have plants that need watering? Give a star for each time they offer to help you water and they follow-through (you'll probably have to fill the watering can and give them a lesson first);
Do you have animals? Give a star for helping to fill the food and water bowls;
Back to the laundry - star for taking clothes out of washer and put in dryer (if you have a front load washer and dryer) and when dryer beeps, taking the clothes out, put into hamper and taking to wherever you fold them. After folding, they can get a star for putting their clothes away. This would be a good time to teach them how to fold clothes too. My 4 year old surprised me the other day by showing me how he can fold a shirt;
Do you have glass in the house you need to clean - windows, mirror, coffee table, etc.? My son loves to spray the glass cleaner for me. He sprays, you wipe down. This is obviously something you need to be there for, but it's helping nonetheless.
Dusting of large areas - give your children a dust cloth chamois and let them go to town on the areas where you've removed the small items that can be broken.
Bathroom - let your child help clean the toilet with the toilet brush. you pour in the cleaner and let him scrub a bit. Then wash hands;)
Outside, could they help pick up leaves and stuff them in the bag after the raking or pruning has been completed?
I hope these ideas help and again, good job teaching your children about respect and consequences and the value of work.
Best,
S.
give them simple jobs. they can wash silverware and plastic cups. they can dust. pick up their rooms and make their beds. assign a price to these tasks (ie washing dishes earns them each one dollar to the broken item). maybe do it for a week. giving them 2 tasks a day to complete together.
my 5 year old loves to clean- washing dishes, cleaning her room, dusting anything and i mean just about anything you let her help you with she will.
Jennifer you sound like you are doing great with your kids!! And KW, the jobs I had my kids do when they were small: I had them fold the laundry, and sweep the floors. Your 3 year old can run a broom in the kitchen and your 5 year old can run the vacuum. They might not do it perfect for you but who cares they are going through the motions. And trash, and helping with the dishes. Also, washing the windows by the front door or the front door if it is glass and back doors. Maybe even sweeping the garage. Good luck!!
