JFF: Odd Conversations

This is not about kids but I've got to tell the story.In a house full of college-aged girls (living together to share expenses), a boy guest (one of the girls brother) roams around while the gals are chatting. In the bathroom lays a tub filled with water and floating tan-colored knee-highs (like pantyhose minus the top part). The boy runs out of the bathroom and asks loudly: "Are you guys washing used condoms!!?!" It was HYSTERICAL, we just could not stop laughing ;-)

It would have been the one boy to make that comment, LOL!!

My 6 year old asked me yesterday what 'those' were for, pointing at the assortment of pads and tampons I was storing under the bathroom since. I am VERY medical, and they always get the answer in medical terms. I'm not lying, I just wait until they get bored with my answer and walk away ;)

Well I got as far as mentioning the actual monthly bleeding part, and she goes 'wait, you're on the period thing right now?' I was like, 'well, yeah' and started explaining that it usually lasts a week, but she stopped and screamed for her sister, 'Emmy! Grab the phone and c'mere!!'... Then she turns back to me and says 'Okay'.

me: okay what?
Madi: Emmy's getting the phone, just stay calm.
me: Madison, what?! We're having a talk, you and I, we don't need the phone?
Madi: It's okay mom, you taught us how to call 911
me: WHAT?!
Madi: You're bleeding and if those bandaids [points to pads] don't make it stop, you need the ambulance guys
[Emmy brings phone]
me: OMG NOOOOOO [grabs phone]. Guys, you're missing what I'm saying...
Madi: Emmy, she's being stubborn like daddy when he broke his toe, let's go.

I. WAS. DUMBFOUNDED.

(Might I add, this was followed by a very serious convo on 911!!)

I posted this conversation to one of Rachel D.'s questions the other day, but it went something like this:
DH and DS were bouncing around on the bed after church...
DH: I'll be right back buddy. I have to go potty.
DS: Can I come?
DH: No
DS: Why not, you come with me?
DH: Because you are just learning how to go potty and I have to help you.
DS: Do you want me to help you wipe?
DH: Um, no thanks Buddy. I'll be right back.

I nearly lost it in the other room b/c he had my husband's exact intonation when asking "Do you want me to help you wipe?"

LOL :) that's hilarious!
I have had to do the pee collection more than once ~ not fun!!!

My youngest: "what's that smell?"
Me: "what smell"
him: "on my fingers"
me: as I smell them "ewwww ~ where have your fingers been??"
him: "in my butt"

OMG!!!! Lesson learned ~ ask where his fingers have been BEFORE smelling them!!

I was watchin one of the old Batman movies the other day with my 8yr old. The one where Uma Thurman plays Poison Ivy.
My son: Mom see that girl thats Poison Ivy
Me: yep I see her, is she bad?
My son: yes! She has powers that make all the boys want to kiss her plus she is kinda beautiful but,her lips are poison and when they kiss her they die ...and mom I am pretty sure it is a metaphor for how some girls are in real life!
It was so funny.

LOL! Your story made me giggle! The other night I was getting my son (3 years) and daughter (2 years) out of the bathtub. My daughter looked at me and said she accidently peed on the carpet. My son said, "If she keeps that up we will have to get rid of her!"
I laughed, but have no clue where he came up with that logic. We do not have a pet, so the kids have never seen an animal get scolded for having an accident. It was just funny!
A.

2 days ago when DD walked in on me in the bathroom and said M. why is there a pad in your underwear....A little while later at the dinner table she proceeds to announce to DS's and DH all about M. has a pad on her underwear...Ummm. ok 'nough said. I nearly died. So I started laughing and told DH I'll let you tell her about it and he got this look of horror on his face...LOL

Haha, I've gotta think of some, but in the mean time, how old is your daughter? So funny!

**ETA
Story 1: Ok, this was a conversation with my 23 yo brother who came to stay with us & help out with our older kids when I had a c-section a few months ago...

Me: My main concern is with Sammy, as I can't have him climbing on my tummy and I know he won't understand why.
Little Bro: Well why will your tummy be hurt?

Me: Because of my c-section.
Little Bro: Oh, they open the tummy during a c-section?!

Me: Uhhh, yeah, they have to open the tummy to get to the uterus.
Little Bro: Oh! I thought a c-section was when there's not enough room to come out, so they have to make the hole bigger.

Me: (Hilarious fit of laughter) No no no, Mike, that's an episiotomy!!! Oh boy, you have so much to learn!

(Mind you, this man is twenty-three, but in his defense, he is the baby of the family and we have always sheltered him ;-)

Story 2: My 4 yr old apparently thinks that the head usher at our church is God. I assume this is because the usher is the only figure that engages my son each week, and I had always told my son that church was God's house (and this usher always welcomes us in each week.)

Last summer while I was pregnant my son kept asking me if we could have a girl baby. I would tell him, "Well, maybe we'll ask God and see what He gives us." So, the next Sunday at church my son approaches the usher and very seriously asks him, "God, can we please have a GIRL baby?" Oh boy...that was fun!

Our son comes home from Great Granny's and says

Son: Dad, I saw a picture of M....and she ate me!
Dad: Do you mean you were in mommies tummy?
Son: Uh yea...she ate me can you believe it?
Dad: no son you were growing in M.'s tummy...
Son: well it looked like she ate me

My most favorite was when my daughter was about two..we had gone to the grocery store and my husband was going out to help with the groceries...and he farted on the way out...
Daughter runs up to him...tries to pull that back of his pants away from him (trying to see down the back of his pants)and says "Daddy did you go poopies?"...I rolled over laughing...

son whose 8: mom, how old are you?
me: how old do you think I am?
son: 21 (wow! I'm 44 lol!)
annoyed daughter whose 11: shes 44 you idiot
me: don't call your brother idiot
son: OMG! you are so old mom!!! what am I going to do when you die???!!!
daughter: shes not going to die now! she has like 10 years left!!!

Ah gee...thanks...

oooh my!!! thanks for the laugh!!!

yesterday - this is what happened at my house...

Bob is going through his e-mail and got notified that he was approved for a $950K grant!! I said WOW!! CONGRATS!! What are you going to do now? His reply?

I'm going to Disneyworld!!!

Ian: Mom, I cannot wait for Tyler's birthday.
Me: Oh yeah, when is it? And is Tyler a friend at school?
Ian: Yes, friend from school, and his birthday is August 4.
Me: When did Tyler tell you his bithday? (mind you school has been out a while and my son is still focusing on this Aug birthday of someone he hasn't seen in over a month).
Ian: When I was like 4 years old he told me.
Me: Wow, how do you remember that?!
Ian: Jeez, it is like impossible to forget, Mom.
Me: Oh yeah? Well, when is my birthday?
Ian: I dunno, like October something.

Um, it is May

Thanks son

Also, the other night we were looking at a picture of me as a child. I was almost 2 years old in the picture. My oldest points at the picture of me and says "look M., I can see Everette in you!" She was pointing at my belly, and claimed to be able to see my 8 month old in my belly 30 plus years ago.

Funny, funny!

I am a new M., but I've been mothering since I was a girl. One night when my baby was about 3 months old, he woke crying in the night. We co-sleep, and I was knocked out. He started crying, so I instinctively sat up and picked him up and just tried to comfort him. His crying turned to screaming, and I just kept hugging and swaying and shushing, trying to make him feel better. After about a minute or so of this--seemed like 20--my husband said in a very puzzled tone, "Why won't you feed him??" I said, "Oh, I didn't know this was my baby." I popped a nipple into his mouth, and all was well.

Discussing my 3-1/2-year-old's speech teacher, who berated her for the second time for not washing her hands....had tried to get to the bottom of it; turned out we were basically done with speech class at that point:

Nat: <crying>
Me: <exasperated> "....Well...sometimes people change...!"
Nat: <stops crying, wide-eyed> "What do they change INTO?"