Jff-the Craziest Parenting Advice You've Ever Gotten

hmmmmmmmm i think i gave myself the worst parenting advice.
At first I took the job to seriously and didnt enjoy it as much as i should have!

When Emmy was an infant and evil and screaming all of the time I had myself convinced If i taught her to associate yawning with sleeping she would make the connection like adults do and get sleepy...so as she screamed I would yawn in her face over and over=)

yea I was sleep deprived=)

lol, I agree with Jackie, I bit my daughter back, and no, she NEVER bit again!

Worst advice I got? Never let a baby cry it out. Gues what? Babies (who are old enough) can cry, and they'll live, I promise!

HaHa, my 'favorite' advice is the kind that requires you to go back in time, as if I'm in the movie back to the future.

For example, "I moved my 2 year old to a toddler bed and he won't stay in his room. Ideas on what to do?" Response: "If you had moved him when he was 1, you wouldn't have this problem." Umm, ok, so does anyone have a time machine I can borrow so I can implement this advice?

Well my all time favorite is the cat is going to suck the life out of the baby. :(

The dumbest thing was when Andy was two and he got angry we wouldn't let him go outside so he head butted the door knob as hard as he could. My ex mother in law said well aren't you going to punish him (read spanking). I asked her what can I legally do that will hurt him more than he just did to himself?

If they bite you - bite them back - it will teach them not to bite.
If they hit, hit them back - it will teach them not to hit.

Of course I didn't do it - it makes absolutely no sense (aside from any concerns that it might simply be morally wrong).

Blow cigarette smoke in a childs ear for an earache. Awesome advice mom, now get that cig outta my babys face!

When I was pregnant two different people told me not to raise my hands over my head or I would strangle my baby with the umbillical cord........REALLY?????!!!!!!

The craziest (well rudest) was that someone in my family said God would not watch over my daughter because she hasn't been baptized.

Dana K,
My daughter bit me when she was 2 and left a bad bruise, I bit her back and she never did it again.

Totally McMama, I got that too.

When my daughter was 6 days old (keep in mind this was my first baby and I was absolutely in love with her. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, she was so beautiful and tiny), my husband's grandmother told me I needed to put her down so that she wouldn't get spoiled. How do you spoil a child whose not even a week old yet! Come on!

This is the woman who also told me I nearly killed by baby because I chose to have a midwife attend my daughter's birth, rather than a doctor. *Sigh*.

On the other side of the spectrum, I just love ((rolls eyes)) the book "Continuum Concept". Okay lady, it's great that you studied a tribe for a few weeks and liked what you saw. I, for one, am not living in that tribe and we don't get to parent in a bubble. Nor am I willing to raise my children as though they are thesis projects. They are unique people, so am I. I don't think I'm going to traumatize my kid by taking a shower without them duck taped to my tummy. Why don't you tell me how terrible I am AFTER you move off your houseboat and raise children of your own. No, your cats don't count. Seriously.

The worst and craziest advice I ever got was: When your child is being bad or doing something you don't approve of to turn your back on him and leave him or ignore him completely. Ummm, really? Can't believe some people think that it is 'good parenting' to ignore your child or to try to teach manners and rules by basically telling and teaching your child that I will abandon you if I don't like what you are doing? *Sadly, I have heard this 'advice' been given on this site more than once as well...

Yeah right! No thank you!

This lovely piece of advice also came from the same woman who told me that when her kids (3&4y/o) don't want to go to bed she gives them benedryl and then locks them in their room and just ignores the screams of 'let me out of here' and kicking on the door!

WOW! Just WOW!

OMG JustM I fell out of my chair laughing at yours!

The only thing that comes to mind for me, is when my son was first born. I had decided to breastfeed but my milk took its time coming in. My boy cried... alot... My mother in law got PO'ed and said "Why can't you be normal and just feed him with a bottle!"

when my son was about 2 years old he didn't like to just sit and watch a movie or tv. he would watch maybe 5 minutes and then get up and go play and come back 5 minutes later to watch another 5 minutes. a friend of my husband told me in should sit on my son and make him sit still and watch tv without getting up all the time.

really....like i wanted my son to sit and stare at the tv all day!!!!!

another mom told me that all her kids "pooped painted" and she had never heard of any kids not poop painting.....she said that was a normal thing for all kids to do...

NOT!!!!!!

When you adopt a child overseas, the U.S. requires a physical on the child be done by an approved doctor prior to issuing the visa and all the paperwork to bring your child home. It's a unique experience because all these adoptive U.S. parents go to the same doctor for the physicals. After surreal weeks away from home, you are in a room with lots of other Americans having the same experience. Everyone is just kind of happy to see everyone else. At any rate, through the adoption community, I'd already heard about the doctor being very strict. I took my 2 year old daughter in, and he told me to strip off her clothes including her diaper. She started crying. The doctor told me to sit down, and she cried louder and louder as he examined her. He told me, in his very thick accent, "You will need to be very firm with her. She is drama queen, next big Hollywood star. She was favorite in orphanage; I know this because she is not undersize or underdeveloped. She was favorite and knows how to manipulate...next big Hollywood star. See? There are no tears, just anger. This is what you need to do...watch." With that, he took her down from the exam table, took her to the sink and threw a handfull of water into her face. He took a towel and wiped it straight down her face. He then threw another handful of water in her face, wiped it and put her on the table. She stopped crying and just looked terrified. He said, "See? That is what you need to do?" I remember thinking, "He just water boarded my child! I think CPS would have some thoughts about me employing that technique." That was the craziest advice, but there were plenty of perspectives at the orphanage and just in the general public there.

They keep their children very warm (think layers and layers of clothing even when it's 70 degrees out), and they aways wear a jacket and hat. Besides that, you never let any skin show on the child other than the face, as they could get cold. Childproofing is non-existant there, but everyone and their brother would stop me on the street to lecture me if my daughter pulled her pant leg up a little bit where there was a smidgen of skin showing between the pant leg and sock or if her hat had slipped above her ears slightly or if she unzipped her jacket a little bit. One day I was carrying the stroller up yet another flight of mismatched stairs because of the lack of elevators, and a woman stopped to chew me out in her language as I was struggling with it. I looked at her and said, "are you kidding me? My daughter might fall down this ridiculous flight of stairs because there are no elevators here, and you want to complain that her ear is showing slightly. I'm not blind; I know her ear is showing! I happen to be busy trying to keep her from breaking her neck on the stairs. Priorities!" That was my last nerve. She didn't speak English, so she probably had no idea what I said...just that I looked like a crazy lady.

My MIL told me I needed to put my 3 week old nursing baby on a feeding schedule and not let him "use me"!! This was coming from a woman who never even nursed!

When I was extremely pregnant with my first child someone told when I was in labor to pee in my own bathwater... lol, I think it was to avoid a catheter or something. Hilarious.
My MIL told my husband not to lay down on top of the baby... good thing because thats exactly what we were planning on doing with our newborn... idiot.
Im sure she had some other pearls of wisdom I just cant think of any now.
People still say the old 'dont feed them fruit until they eat vegetables and meat and cereal first'. Ive explained to several people that children are not ready for meat and dairy until several months after they have been eating fruit and veg, and that fruits are healthy for them, they just keep repeating it.
That babies need 'walking shoes' or they wont learn how to walk.
Instead of spanking , whip them with wet washcloth because it hurts more and doesnt leave a bruise... I definitely did NOT try that out, timeouts work much better.
This has been funny to read, especially the cat thing.

That you can/will spoil a baby by holding/kissing/snuggling him/her too much. I think this is just crazy!!

Alcohol on the gums for teething. Haven't tried it - just don't see it working. Well maybe it would soothe them but I'd feel bad about giving them even a tiny bit.

Don't feed baby food out of jars (makes sense) and don't reuse the jars if you do feed them out of there (because of bacteria). Before having kids, I never heard/knew this.

This wasn't really advice but I think it's so comical how with both my kids would 'root' when someone was holding them, they would always be like "Oh guess he/she's hungry, Mom!" and for some reason it would annoy me like I don't know when my baby is hungry? I just fed him or her! LOL I know they weren't meaning to be mean...but EVERYONE who held my son or daughter would tell me that. I'd be like "They are rooting..it's normal!"

I don't remember how old the kids were, maybe toddlers, when someone told me that it 'just gets worse', meaning the activity and worry. I do remember getting pissed thinking how could it? But it does!

Well not worse as they get older, but different. You worry about a healthy pregnancy, a safe delivery, SIDS, illness, disease. Then they start walking and climbing. Pretty soon it riding bikes, swinging (have you seen some kids fall out out swings?), etc. Then it's the teen years. Social issues, academic issues, crazy teachers, DRIVING, staying out late, curfews, talks about sex and drugs. . .
Now one of mine is out of the house and trying to make it on his own. I still worry because his roommate doesn't pay 1/2 the time for rent and utilities. They had their water turned off twice. He's working at a job, (his choice) that has little opportunity for growth. A mommy's worry never ends.

As for the other stuff. . . It is just wild some of the stuff you hear. I think it was suggested I get rid of my BIG dog when we brought home #2 because a) I wouldn't have time and 2) he might do something to her or the 4 year old. That dog was the best dog and adored those kids!

Let's see. A complete stranger told me not to hold my toddler (2 years old) on my hip because it would cause hip trouble.

My mother told me I was "sick" to be nursing my second child after the age of one. Well, she's two now, mom, what do you think of that?!? I must be ready for the institution!

The umbilical cord thing really is very serious for some people...in certain cultures (many hispanic cultures, probably some others) it's a serious belief that if you raise your hands over your shoulders you risk strangulating your child. I just kept my arms down around my lady friends so as not to worry them, but at home...yup, I was putting the sheets away in the top of the closet. :)

I took my then three month old to church barefoot in August (yup, it was hot, yup, a three month old doesn't walk) and an elderly lady very loudly to her husband said, "I can't believe she doesn't have shoes on that baby!! What kind of mother doesn't put shoes on a baby?"

When our son was about three or so, we took him to the zoo. Not a big deal, a quieter day, no crowds where we were... in any case, we were being pretty playful and starting to head out-- I called to Kiddo and he gleefully ran the other way, toward my husband. (Keep in mind that there was NO problem happening...) An older woman looked at him and said "Looks like you need a harness for that one!"

Joe and I just looked at each other, bemused. As soon as we were far enough away, I cracked up. "Oh my god, did she mistake him for a horse?!"

Oh, and the warnings about co-sleeping and nursing and wearing our little guy-- the in-laws were very worried that we'd have spoiled brat because we were 'coddling' him. It was great to hear them tell us three years later how well behaved he was and what a pleasure he had been during their time with him.

I'm pretty good at ignoring and forgetting but the first things that comes to mind is putting baby cereal in a bottle. I'm looking forward to reading this thread!

I just have to add to this! My mom is stuck in the '70's. She had the old Dr. Spock baby book that she got when she had her first child, my sister, in 1970. She kept giving me all of the old advice from that book that is way out of date. She actually gave the book to my sister when she had her first in 1996! When the babies were newborns she insisted I feed them sugar water so they won't get dehydrated, she also insisted I put them to sleep on their tummies! If she ever saw my kids without a hat or socks on she would not let me hear the end of it. She even put socks on them underneath footed pajamas. She said kids regulate their body temps, my babies would get so hot around her! I can't even remember all of the other crazy stuff she insisted on, but she still does it even now that the kids are older. I don't try any of her suggestions - I just laugh and say - Okay, thanks!