JFF: Accidently Correcting 'Bad' Behavior

HA HA! Once my husband (who is almost never home, travels constantly and does no know our routine) came home from the grocery store SHOCKED that my son (3) had started crying when leaving the store. Our kids are awesome, love the store, and never melt down unless they are extremely tired or hungry. It took work and discipline, but it's now the status quo: Cheery grocery shoppers, all the time, every week. I asked him to describe the sequence of events when leaving. He said, "Well, when he asked for a lollipop, I said no." I said "YOU SAID NO??!!!! The kids ALWAYS get to go ask nicely for a lollipop at customer service when they've been good shopping!!!! What did the other two (5 and 2) do??!" He shamefully admitted they looked a little blue leaving the store.......

Ooooooh the heartbreak I felt for the kids' lost lollipops.....And he said my son was quietly crying, not tantrumming, which made me even sadder picturing his woeful little disappointed face......The hubs went up, apologized and said they'd get one next time. I think the apology meant more than the lollipop. And no. No one is scarred:) Kids are a bit more resilient than that or the human race never would have survived the Dark Ages....

Don't worry about this and look at it as a blessing. Your son needs to learn that not getting something is not atn invitation to have a meltdown. If he has meltdowns, he shouldn't get what he wants anyway.

It was a teachable moment. If you give him the "excuse" that the miscommunication caused the meltdown, you are shooting yourself in the foot.

When my son had pottying down pat, I "forgot " to give him his m&m. He asked for it, and I told him he didn't need it anymore. But, I asked him if he'd like to share some with me after dinner later on, and he liked that. After our candy "fest" together, he never asked for more after pottying.

Dawn

Many times - we just have to take a moment and listen to them sometimes...but when it happens for me where I misjudge my child, I apologize to them...they are people too!

Life happens. None of us are perfect. We've all had our moments of DOH!!! You haven't scarred him - he's fine!!!

Next time you are disciplining him and he's protesting - tell him - let me finish then you can talk and say your side. Then let him have his say.

I didn't use food as a reward for pottying....

Of course.
Usually when they protest too much in a different "tone" than normal, it gives me pause and assuming that there is time to say "woah.. hold on... tell me your version of what happened" I will. Sometimes there is something to be learned. It happens. But there have been occasions where I went on ahead because I was worn out and my patience was gone, and cut them off without letting them have their "turn" in telling me what happened. Nobody is perfect. My parents weren't, and I turned out pretty ok, I think. ;)

Last year my son was 4 and he was starting to understand and get really excited about Christmas.. Putting the lights up and decorating the tree. Getting to do all the fun activites that come along with this time of year.
So while we were decorating the tree last year my son asked what the things were called that attached the ornaments to the tree.. I told him a hook. He decided he wanted to call them "hookers" instead. No big deal, he knows what they really are.

Yesterday his Papa took him for a little while so my husband and I could get all the Christmas deco down and start getting the outsidew lights up.
While he was with Papa and Nonie they were putting up their Christmas tree. My son asked my dad if he used "hookers" like we do at our house.
Before he could explain himself they told him that was a word he shouldn't use and not to say it again.

When he got back to the house with my mom and dad my son told me that he had got in trouble for asking if they use "hookers" and he didn't understand why since we use them at our house for Christmas. I had to explain to my parents what he had meant. :)

PS, I also used to M&M reward when my son was potty training in the begining, we switched to fish that I cut out of wrapping tissue when he got better at it. I plan on doing the same for my daughter.

Yes, I've had those moments. I feel for your son. It's scarey for little kids and startling when grown ups misunderstand something and very frustrating. They don't expect adults to miscommunicate and make errors, but it happens. Still it's a good lesson to teach that talking about what happened is more effective and acceptable than tantrumming about it, even if it's very frustrating, and the younger kids are, for them to control those emotions.