Jealousy Causeing Issues in in Home Daycare

D.,
The comment below was mean. But I do have to say that not everyone is created with the gift of rearing multiple ages and stages of children that are not related to us. I have been doing it for almost 25 years. And yet.. everyday is a new day full of ups and downs. My grandson is 19 months old and he's jealous of some of the other kids near his age. We only have one that's here most days and one that's here some nights. He has no issue with the older or younger children. You need to be patient, consistent, and creative. Sometimes it's a matter of distraction, sometimes you need to sit them down and have a talk and get them to open up about what's going on, and sometimes you need time out. The stage will pass in time :)

To one degree or another we go through this anytime a child leaves care for school or maybe they move or the parent leaves. Then we replace the child and the children here are both missing their friend that's gone and not yet ready to accept the new friend right off. It takes a little time to sort things out.

HI D.,

You don't mention how recent the new child coming in is or how long the negative behaviors have been going on, but it doesn't sound like it's been terribly long. (It probably seems like forever when a little one is screaming all day...)

Also, I don't know the age range of the kids you watch or how many are in care. It sounds like the new 2 year old has just shaken everyone up, especially because you say that " every one of the daycare children's behavior has changed." I'd sit down with the older ones and explain the situation to them in a way that they understand... " Amanda has just come to live with us, and she needs you to be big helpers and good friends and show her how we do things during daycare time." Then try to enlist the other kids in "teaching" Amanda where things are, etc..."

With the little ones, there's not a ton you can do except love love love them. Some kids go through a regression when a new kid comes onboard and just have to ride it out until they feel secure again and know what to expect.

Do you have a daily schedule that you follow? Sometimes creating that helps to maintain normalcy even if there are changes in enrollment.

You might also consider hiring an assistant to get through this rough patch. Don't forget that as stressful as this feels to you, it is at least equally as stressful for the kids. It's a tough time of transition that might be greatly helped by another set of hands!

Good luck!

Children re-act in good and bad behaviors in order to get our attention. And which ever works the best is what they get. As with most new parents you are excited about your new child and since this is obviously an adopted child it has probably been a long and painful process and now you are excited and want to shower this new child with love and affection(totally understandable) But if you are still wanting to care for other children you need to learn how to balance the attention. These other children want your attention and they are use to getting it. You may not even realize yourself that you are in their eyes neglecting them. Try engaging the other children in activities with your new child make sure everyone feels a part of welcoming this child into your family and while these other children are in your home try to treat your new child as you would a new child in your daycare.

Congrats on your new adoption!

As a mom who uses an in-home provider, I can say that I have seen a child cause himself to be in time out most of the day, most every day. I was picking up one day and a kid aged 10 was in time out next to my kid. The provider said that they could get up. Within minutes of getting up the 10y did the same thing that had gotten him the time out he'd just finished, so BACK he went!

Some kids just have authority issues, and some kids just have bad days while they test their independence against the rules.

During daycare hours, your 2y should be treated the same as the other kids. No special treatment or exemptions just because its their house. As for when a child shreaks at ear splitting levels, my provider has them sit in time out, then quietly whispers to them that that isn't acceptible. When you talk that high or loud I can't understand you because my ears hurt. As for the breaking of rules, she uses the stoplight method for rewards and timeouts.

I do agree that it might be helpful to hire someone for a bit until all of the kids become more accepting of the new situation.