Hi. I have a co-worker whom I've never paid any mind to in the past. This year we're in the same department together but we only talk for a few moments each day. I'm noticing that I'm looking forward to talking with him each day now. He's quite intellectual and, I've started to notice how handsome and well-groomed he carries himself. We connected on Facebook and exchanged numbers. We spoke via phone for the 1st time yesterday and the call was over an hour. It was quite informative. I truly enjoyed our dialogue and at times he made me laugh so much. I asked him if he wanted to play miniature golf w me over the weekend and he accepted. Today, he offered to go walking with me twice a week to help me be accountable for my health goals. I find myself thinking about him on and off throughout the day. I truly believe that he has no idea that I'm interested in getting to know more about him or that I've developed a level of curiosity. When will be the appropriate time to tell him? I ask this because I'm not sure if he's even remotely interested in me. Haven't dated in 5 years so I'm a little hesitant.
I appreciate all the advice given by you ladies. Flowers to you all :)
I just wanted to quickly add that I'm in no rush. I'm honestly just enjoying the moment. I'm 40 years young and have been single and celibate for years. Divorced since 2008.
A romantic relationship isn't even a goal of mine, but if a new love is somewhere in my future, I'm okay with that.
Additionally, although we see one another daily and converse briefly, doesn't mean that it has to remain that way. In fact, because my schedule is so flexible, I can choose to go the whole day without *bumping* into him. That part isn't that serious, but I truly understand how an *office romance* can become messy. I'd NEVER allow for that to happen :)
Thank you all, once again.
no. please don't say anything.
don't date where you work. it doesn't always work out the way we envision it to.
Stay in contact. Get to know each other. Don't rush it and don't say anything.
When you say "I truly believe that he has no idea that I'm interested in getting to know more about him". I don't follow that part.
Of course he's going to assume you're interested in getting to know more about him. You asked him out! You talked to him for an hour :)
I don't think you have to tell him anything.
The part I agree with though is what B said. If you don't end up liking him, or your company has issues with it, etc. then ... (worth considering).
ETA: Chacha - I had a morning chuckle over your response this morning!
Say nothing! There is nothing to say now. You talked on the phone for over an hour, and you think he doesn't know you're interested? He wants to walk with you - because, what? You've already discussed health goals with a co-worker? That's pretty intimate, personal talk for a co-worker.
Slow down.
Find out, first of all, if there's a company policy about fraternization. One or both of you can lose your job. Next, stop fantasizing long enough to figure out what you would do if you started a relationship and then it didn't work out. How can you function in the same department if you dislike him, he hurts you, he dumps you, any of those things.
I met my husband at work - we had known each other for a while although we worked in totally different departments, and started dating over a year later. Shortly after, he got a job elsewhere. We didn't want a conflict, and we didn't want our relationship to influence how people viewed us professionally.And, if we had broken up (or even had a terrible fight), we could work without seeing each other.
I get that it's exciting to feel this way about someone. Getting back into the dating world can be scary but also exhilarating. I don't think you should push anything or declare any feelings for him at all. If you want to take a 15 minute walk on your lunch hour and he (or anyone else) wants to go along, do it. If you're stepping out to pick up a sandwich to bring back to eat at your desk, you can offer to pick up something for him (and be smart - offer to pick up for the person at the next desk or cubicle too). But don't go overboard on the one-hour phone calls. That is likely to lead to giddy teenage stuff rather than sensible workplace conversations. Get to know him professionally, see if you value his opinions and business ethics, and slow way down.
He knows. You are Facebook friends, you talk every day, you talked on the phone for over an hour and have a date planned. Take it slow don't rush into anything, let things develop naturally.
You don't sh*t where you eat.
It means "do not have romantic relationships with any co-workers."
Just no - not ever.
I've seen people destroy their lives this way.
This is what happens when you think with your glands instead of your brains.
Because what happens at work after the break up?
You want to date him?
Then get a new job first so there is no conflict and so you can end it if you need to without jeopardizing how you earn money to put food on your table and support your family.
This sounds very sweet, except for this part: "Today, he offered to go walking with me twice a week to help me be accountable for my health goals." Ick - was he insinuating that he thinks you're fat?! Sounds a bit paternalistic on his part! You can handle your own health goals, thankyouverymuch.
As long as he is not your subordinate at work or something potentially awkward like that, go for it.
Wear a cute outfit to golf. While talking to him at golf, make sure that he is single and heterosexual. Then maybe suggest a post-golf drink or snack. Let your eyes meet his. If he plays his cards right maybe he'll get a hole in one - on some future date, I mean!!
I wouldn't say anything. Just keep up the conversation and see where it goes.
I don't like to advise people to mix work and pleasure. It can lead to sticky situations.
You talked on the phone, walked together, and played mini-golf over the weekend. Yes, he is interested in you! Otherwise he would have been too busy to do these things. Ask him to dinner and a movie and see what he says. Good luck. :)
Sounds like he is enjoying your company as well so why say anything? Maybe more will come out of it or maybe not. Personally, I like a man that knows he wants me and goes after me. I would flirt but not start a conversation about how much “I like you😍” Best of luck!
romances with co-workers are fraught with peril. that doesn't mean they don't happen, or that this one is doomed- but proceed with a lot of caution.
the main red flag i'm seeing is that you're pulling the wool over your own eyes pretty hard. you're FB friends. you've got each others' phone numbers. you yakked and yukked it up for over an hour on the phone, which is way way way beyond 'work friends'. you asked him out. he went out with you. he wants to walk with you frequently.
and yet you insist that he has no idea that you're sweet on him.
heh.
i think this ought to move at the pace it's currently moving or slower.
he is obviously interested in you. and if he's even somewhat awake, he's aware that you're interested in him.
this has a lot of potential to be an embarrassing and difficult situation at work if it goes south and turns awkward.
mosey along and see where it goes. but for goodness sake open your own eyes and don't be naive.
khairete
S.
Office romances are very sticky. If it doesn't work out you are stuck working with that person until one of you leaves. In the off chance that it does work out then that is ok. He probably senses that you like him since you all talk outside of work and you invited him to golf. Just be very careful. Good luck!
Sounds fun and you have chemistry. Most people meet their spouses at work.
He obviously likes you and wants to hang out. Go for it. Work place romances are fun and spices up your day.
I wouldn't tell him. Stuff like that makes men uncomfortable. Also, they take a longer time to figure things out. Just enjoy your times with him, and let the feelings grow. It takes a long time to really get to know someone, and what's the big hurry?
